by Lisa Hobman
He scrunched his brow. ‘So what’s wrong? You were so happy and now you look like you’re on the verge of tears.’
‘It’s just that in a couple of hours I’m going to have to leave to take the car back to Inverness and then I’m going to have to get on a plane and go to London. Which means I won’t be with you. I’ll be over six hundred miles away. And we’ve only just reconnected. We have so much to learn about each other and I have no idea how we’ll do that if we’re at opposite ends of the country.’
‘I know. It’ll be hard for me too.’ He reached up and stroked her cheek with the pad of his thumb. ‘I don’t know how I’ll cope not seeing you, not holding you. And especially not waking up beside you. But we’ll get through this. I’m in this for the long haul. I don’t care how fast it’s happened. I think when you know it’s right you just know. And this… us… it’s so right.’
She flung her arms round his neck and kissed him with all the passion she felt in the hope that he would still feel her on his lips when she left.
*
After a long, languorous shower together they dried and dressed. Zara borrowed a coat that swamped her and they took Bess to play on the beach. Every time the dog brought the ball back she dropped it at Zara’s feet.
‘I think she’s more your dog than mine now,’ Lachy huffed, feigning hurt. His comment was sweet but saddened her again as the time to leave loomed.
Later she checked in with Shelley and Marco to let them know she would be heading back in time for the later flight, and that she had called and changed her ticket but that they should go ahead and get their flight as planned. It was lovely that they had been so sure she would win the award that they had booked extra time off work, but she felt bad that she wasn’t there with them.
‘Just make the most of your last hour or so with Lachy, babe. We’re absolutely fine. We’ve already had cocktails so it’s just as well you’re not flying with us.’ Shelley laughed.
Finally the time Zara had been dreading arrived. Lachy walked her to the little silver car and pulled her into his arms. ‘I’ll call you tonight, okay?’
She nodded, unable to speak.
He tilted her chin and kissed her. ‘Don’t worry, Zara, we’ll get to know each other. We’ll talk as often as we can and I’ll visit you in London. I’m not sure what Bess will make of the city but if she gets to see you, I’m sure she’ll love it. She adores you as much as I do.’ He pulled her to him again and stroked her hair. ‘Just promise me you won’t give up on us.’
She gazed up at him through tear-fogged eyes. ‘I promise. Do you?’
‘I promise with all my heart. Now go on or you’ll miss your flight. Drive carefully and let me know when you’re about to get on the plane.’
‘I will. See you soon, Lachy.’
‘As soon as I can possibly make it. Wild horses couldn’t stop me.’
She turned to walk away and Bess yelped. She turned back and crouched and the dog came running to her and jumped up to lick her face.
‘I’ll be back soon, girl, don’t worry. I promise.’ She hurriedly walked to the car and climbed in before she could make any other decision. But her heart ached to be leaving Lachy and Bess again. She needed to come back soon.
Very soon.
*
He’d never been a particularly emotional man. There had been exceptions, of course: his mother’s funeral, his father’s funeral, walking away from Zara’s hotel room when she had rejected him, and that precise moment he had to watch Zara leave again. He’d only just got her back and now she had to go. There were words on the tip of his tongue but he dared not say them. I love you, Zara. Don’t go, Zara. Move here with me, Zara. But of course they would have to stay unsaid. The last thing he wanted to do was scare her away. Especially not now she held his heart firmly in her grasp.
42
Being back in London was frustrating. Zara spoke on the phone with Lachy every single day, sometimes more than once. And they even connected via video call, which was marginally better. But nothing could compare with being in the same room as him, touching him, making love to him, kissing him. The homesickness she had felt before was now compounded and she knew that it was Lachy she was homesick for.
She was distracted at work and instead of being excited about her future trips abroad, she dreaded them for the extra miles they would put between her and the man she so desperately wanted to be with. The publishing contract had been signed and her first book was now with editors, which was all extremely exciting. And in every minute of spare time she had that didn’t involve talking to Lachy she was working on book two.
Things were increasingly serious between Toby and Marco and they had been talking about the possibility of moving in together, which meant that all too soon Zara would be alone again. Something she didn’t relish the thought of, in spite of the fact she was ecstatically happy for her best friend.
An invite had arrived from Patrick and Sophie for their wedding, along with a side note that said she could bring a plus one. However, she was unsure how that would work with her plus one being the ex of the bride’s sister. Wow, life was complicated.
Two months into her long-distance relationship with Lachy and she missed him more with each passing day, but at least Christmas was around the corner. Saturday afternoon and she was in her room on her laptop chatting to him by video call whilst Marco was out flat-hunting with Toby and their call was coming to an end.
‘I’ll see you next weekend for Christmas, okay?’ he said with a huge smile on his face, even though she knew he missed her like crazy.
‘I can’t wait,’ she told him.
‘Look, Zara… I need to say something.’
Her heart leapt and she twisted her fingers in her lap, worried about his next words. ‘Okay…’
‘I love you. And I want you to move in with me.’
She gasped and he immediately covered his mouth with his hand. ‘Shit, shit, I’m sorry. I take it back. Well, the bit about you moving in, not the bit about loving you, because if I’m honest I’ve been in love with you since day one. But… anyway… I love you. Let’s leave it at that.’
She laughed at his rambling. ‘I love you too. But…’
He held his hand up to halt her. ‘Nope, don’t say anything else. It was a ridiculous suggestion and I took it back anyway.’
She nodded. ‘Okay. I’ll see you next weekend. I love you, Lachy,’ she repeated.
‘I love you, my beautiful Zara.’
She ended the call and slumped back onto her bed with a huge grin on her face. ‘He loves me!’ she yelled into the empty room. ‘He bloody loves me! Eeeeeeeeek!’
*
The Monday morning commute was chilly and the only thing that was nice about walking to the office from the station was seeing the Christmas lights. The twinkle of tinsel caught her eye and she had to stop and admire the extravagant window displays. She especially loved the bookshop windows; more so now her own book was out there and featured in those particular displays. It had only been out a week but the sales figures were incredible, so she’d been told. Her book launch was set for the week after Christmas in Inverness and she couldn’t wait. Not only was she going to get to spend time with Lachy, but she was going home with him to spend a week there after the launch for Hogmanay. She was secretly hoping that she might get snowed in and have to stay longer – how romantic that would be. She couldn’t wait to see Bess and the tree that Lachy had bought especially for her visit.
Noah poked his head round her office door. ‘Zara, have you got a minute?’
‘Sure, come on in.’
He walked in and closed the door behind him. ‘We need to talk.’
‘Oh? Is everything okay?’
He sat on the chair opposite her. ‘Erm… yes, kind of. Well… the thing is… Here’s the thing… I don’t want you to be the luxury travel writer any more.’
Zara opened her mouth to speak but no words would come. She sat in open-mouthed silence fo
r way too long until eventually she said, ‘Are you firing me, Noah?’ Panic set in. ‘What did I do wrong? I don’t get it. I thought I was doing well for the magazine.’
His eyes widened. ‘Oh, God, no, I’m not firing you. Not at all.’
Her eyes widened and she pushed herself up from the desk. ‘Oh, God, you don’t want me to be the outdoors and adventures travel writer instead, do you? Because I know you loved what I did with the NC500 article, but it’s really not my thing, Noah, and I—’
‘Shit, I should have worded this better; I probably should have started with something more positive. Let me start over.’ He stood and left the room. Zara sat back down at her desk, face scrunched in utter confusion.
Noah walked in again. ‘Zara, have you got a minute?’
She gave him a look that she hoped expressed her incredulity. ‘You know I have.’
‘Right. Right.’ He sat down in the chair opposite her again. ‘Right.’
‘You said that already.’
‘I did. Okay. Look, it’s like this… I want you to be my deputy editor.’
She gasped. ‘Seriously?’
‘Seriously. Now, the reasons behind this are purely selfish, so hear me out before you accept or decline. Oh, bugger, please don’t decline.’
She grinned. ‘I’m listening.’
Noah nodded. ‘Good. Now, I’m very much aware that your book is taking off. It’s flying off the shelves, by all accounts. I’ve bought copies for everyone I know.’
Still confused, Zara giggled nervously. ‘Thank you, I think?’
‘And I know that you’re crazy about that farmer, Lachy. And that he lives a gazillion miles away and there’s a good chance, at some point in the not so distant future, you’ll be leaving to move up there.’
‘I never said I was—’
‘Zara, I’m not daft. Long distance doesn’t work. Ever. So one of you will have to make sacrifices. And obviously he can’t bring his farm or croft or whatever it is down here to London. So… I want you to be my deputy so that I can keep you. And that you can work remotely for me from the Highlands whenever the time is right. If that’s next week, so be it. If it’s in two years, so be it. But the fact is you’re the best writer I have. And I don’t want to lose you. So instead of disappearing off for weeks at a time to far-flung places you can simply fly down to London once every couple of months for meetings and everything else can be done via the Internet. Video conference and such. What do you think?’
Her eyes remained wide and she was stunned into silence yet again.
He stood to leave. ‘I’ll leave it with you. Just think about it and let me know. But it’s got to the point where I need a deputy. And I can’t think of anyone better.’
‘Th-thank you, Noah. I’ll give it some serious thought.’ But leaving London? Was that something she could do? She’d dreamed about it but only when she’d known it would never happen. Her family was here. Shelley and Marco were here. Almost her entire life was here.
*
Marco was staying at Toby’s in the house he shared with some friends so that Zara and Lachy could have some quality time together over Christmas. She had told Marco about Noah’s suggestion and about her doubts. He’d said she was the only one who could make such a big decision. Typical – when she didn’t want his opinion he gave it freely.
She had bought a real Christmas tree and had decorated it in readiness, trying to make everything feel right, but knowing she had a difficult conversation ahead of her when Lachy arrived and she wasn’t sure how he was going to take things.
The platform was freezing as she stood waiting for his train to pull in. He had travelled overnight with Bess and, from what she could gather from the texts he’d sent, the dog had been an absolute star. She had enjoyed the attention she’d received from the staff on board and had almost eaten her body weight in sneaky snacks.
When the train pulled into the station, she waited impatiently for them to disembark and when they did, she ran along to meet them. Bess barked and jumped around excitedly as Lachy pulled Zara into his arms and kissed her unabashedly as people walked by wheeling cases.
‘This feels good,’ he told her as he held her. ‘I’ve missed you so much.’
‘I’ve missed you too.’
‘Come on, take me to your place so you can show me how much you’ve missed me, and by that I mean you can cook for me, woman.’ He wiggled his eyebrows like some comedy character and she whacked his chest playfully.
‘You’ll have take-out pizza and be grateful. I have other plans for you, Mr Grant.’
His nostrils flared and his eyes darkened. ‘That sounds better than food.’
Back at the apartment, Lachy dropped his bag on the living-room floor and took in his surroundings. ‘This is a great wee place. Very modern.’
‘I love it. It took a lot of work to get it like this, but I think it’s paid off.’
‘Aw, your tree’s beautiful. Mine looks a bit haphazard. I think Bess could’ve done a better job of decorating it.’
‘I bought a real one especially for you coming.’
He gasped in feigned horror. ‘Don’t tell me you usually have a fake one?’
She cringed. ‘Afraid so. Getting that thing up here took two of us. It was like something off You’ve Been Framed.’
Bess ran around, her nose to the ground and tail wagging as she investigated every room. She was especially fascinated by the packages under the tree but eventually she lay down on the rug and dozed off.
Lachy laughed as he watched her. ‘The staff on the train have worn her out. I’ll have to take her for a walk later, with you not having a garden. But in the meantime, come here, you.’ He tugged Zara’s hand and pulled her into his arms.’
‘I can’t believe you’re here,’ she sighed.
He ran his nose down hers and placed a gentle, loving kiss on her lips. ‘Well, I am and I want to make the most of you while I have you.’ He leaned and kissed her again, deeply and languorously this time. ‘Now are you going to take me to bed?’ he whispered into her ear.
She smiled and took his hand and pulled him into her room, closing the door behind them.
43
Later as they ate pizza and drank wine by the twinkling lights of the Christmas tree Zara was deep in thought. She needed to speak to Lachy about the future and she anticipated it might be a difficult conversation.
‘Earth to Zara.’ He laughed as he ducked his head to make eye contact.
Shaking her head, she said, ‘Oh, gosh, sorry, I drifted off for a moment.’
He frowned and a look of concern changed his expression. ‘Where did you drift off to?’
She sighed deeply. ‘Look, we need to talk.’
He straightened up and wiped his hands on a paper napkin. ‘Oh, I see. Nothing good ever comes from a conversation that starts off like that.’
‘It’s not what you think. Well, I don’t think it is.’
‘Come on, out with it. I’m a big lad. Lay it on me.’
‘Noah wants me to be his deputy editor.’
He squinted. ‘And that’s a bad thing because…?’
‘He basically hinted that he thinks I’m going to disappear off to the Highlands and live with you. And he doesn’t want to lose me. But I’ve never said that I’d do that. I think he feels I’m maybe not in the right mindset to do the travel job any more because I’m too distracted by your absence.’
He swallowed hard. ‘I see. So what are you saying?’
‘I love my job. I love writing, but he’s right. I am distracted by your absence. And therefore I’m not giving 100 per cent to my job. And you know me; I hate to give anything less than 100 per cent.’
Lachy lowered his gaze and his shoulders slumped. ‘I see.’
‘And long distance doesn’t work. Ever. So Noah says.’
He lifted his chin and whispered, ‘And what do you say?’
With a pounding heart she shrugged. ‘I think I agree.’
He nodded silently and swallowed hard. ‘Right… right. So… what you’re trying to tell me is… even though we love each other… this… this weekend is our last?’ The defeat in his voice almost broke her.
She frowned. ‘That depends on you, Lachy.’
He closed his eyes and shook his head. ‘I can’t relocate to London, Zara. I’m so sorry. I would if I could but the croft, my land, I can’t go back to being a big-city lawyer again. I just… I can’t.’ He opened his eyes again and fixed his watery gaze on her. ‘I’d do anything to make this work. I just… I can’t move to London. I’m so sorry.’
She closed her eyes and took a deep, calming breath as she searched for the courage she needed. ‘No, I know that. So there’s only one solution.’
Lachy sniffed and swiped at his eyes and his words came out in a rush. ‘I want to say we can move past this. I want to beg you not to give up on us, Zara. But the last thing I want is for you to be unhappy. I couldn’t do that to you.’
This wasn’t exactly going how she’d planned.
She reached over and took his hands in hers. ‘Lachy, stop, I need to ask you a question. And I need you to think about this because it’s huge, okay?’ He nodded silently, his lip trembling.
‘Please can I move into the croft at Scourie with you?’
He inhaled sharply and the colour rapidly drained from his face. ‘What?’
Oh, shit. That’s not the reaction I wanted. ‘I… I said please can I—?’
‘No, no, I heard you… but you were breaking up with me.’
She shook her head vehemently. ‘No! I wasn’t! I was trying to pluck up the courage but… I didn’t want to ask. The last time you mentioned it you immediately took it back, so I was worried you didn’t want me to. So I was trying to get you to ask me by dropping hints. But instead you thought I was breaking up with you! None of this has gone—’
He grabbed her and pulled her into his lap and stopped her words with his mouth. When he pulled away, he smiled. ‘I can’t believe you just did that. Why didn’t you just come right out with it? You’re a strong, independent woman, aren’t you?’