Accidental Dad

by Lois Richer

  “No, but you don’t understand.” Poor Kelly looked confused and lost.

  Sam’s heart ached for her. Part of him wanted to gather her in his arms and comfort her. He knew the loss of Jake and Marina had hit Kelly as hard as it had him, maybe harder, because she hadn’t seen her twin in so long. But the other part of Sam wanted to demand Kelly stop holding her grudge or whatever it was that had kept her away all these years and act like part of the family. Because she was.

  He hadn’t expected Kelly’s refusal but perhaps he should have. Marina had told him how hard Kelly had worked to move up in the industry. He’d known Marina occasionally sent Kelly newsy emails about her life, their parents and her growing family. He’d admired his sister-in-law for trying to include Kelly as part of the family, for trying to build a bridge. But other than sending a Christmas package every year, Kelly had stayed away and maintained only sporadic contact.

  At this moment, though, Sam didn’t care that Kelly had left home the night of Jake and Marina’s wedding, nor did it matter to him what had kept her away all this time. All he knew was that he desperately needed her help to keep his family together.

  “Don’t you see?” Sam asked. “Both our parents are living at the ranch because they can’t manage on their own. My dad had another heart attack, your dad has Alzheimer’s, the kids need stability and someone has to run the ranch to support everyone. I daren’t let any one of those balls drop, or we’ll be in trouble.”

  “I know it hasn’t been easy, Sam. You’ve done a great job.” Kelly smiled sadly. “Thank you for caring for my parents and the kids.”

  “I managed,” he said, irritated that she didn’t yet seem to get it. “But we have to do more than that if the twins are to stay. The ranch is the kids’ future, the legacy Jake wanted to leave them. I can’t let my brother down. I won’t let the ranch or the twins go without a fight.” He stared into her eyes and laid out his case. “It’s up to you and me to keep the family together, Kelly. That’s what Jake and Marina wanted. That’s why they named us guardians.”

  Kelly remained silent for a long time, studying him with her teary brown eyes, confused and heartrendingly sad. Finally, she murmured, “Sam?”

  “Yes?” He knew she was going to ask something important because of the way she stared at him, ready to assess his response. He knew this answer mattered a lot to her from the way she bit her bottom lip and how her hands fiddled with her cup. “What is it, Kelly?”

  “Was Marina happy?” Her voice cracked, a world of sorrow, guilt and heartache underneath the words.

  At least that question was easily answered. He nodded. “Marina and Jake were very happy,” he assured her.

  “I’m glad,” she whispered. Then her control shattered, and she wept her heart out.

  And that was when Sam did what his head told him not to. He got up from his chair, walked to hers and gently eased Kelly into his arms. Ignoring the sudden rush of his heartbeat, he drew her close and brushed a hand against her hair, offering the only thing he had to give—comfort. He couldn’t pray, couldn’t ask God to make it better. God had let his brother die, just like Naomi.

  All Jake could do was hope his support would help lovely Kelly Krause surmount her grief enough to help him rebuild their family.

  * * *

  For the first time in years Kelly relaxed her rigid control on her life and let Sam support her as she cried for the sister she hadn’t seen in years. Why had she let her mother keep her away so long? Why had she let her embarrassment over a crush on Jake that was almost ten years old and her mother’s cruel words and harsh judgments drive a wedge between her and her twin?

  As Sam held her, Kelly felt an old stirring rise inside. The strength in his embrace comforted her. His compassion as he led her away from the eatery and to an upholstered bench also rekindled a long-suppressed yearning inside to belong to someone, to be cherished. But that was silly. Sam was just a friend, a brother-in-law who was trying to help her cope. She couldn’t let herself imagine there was more than kindness in his actions.

  He eased her onto the bench and sat down beside her. His arm across her shoulders felt right, like a kind of bond that drew them together. Finally, she managed to smile at him.

  “Sorry,” Kelly apologized. “It hits me that she’s gone and I won’t ever see her again, and that’s when the tears start.”

  “I know.” He handed her a fresh tissue and waited while she dried her eyes.

  “How do you handle it?” she asked, curious about his steely strength. Like her, he had lost a twin, a brother whom she knew he loved.

  “There’s so much to do. I focus on juggling things to keep everyone else going,” Sam told her, his voice bald with pain.

  “Sam the Fixerator.” Kelly smiled at the moniker, remembering the fondness in Marina’s voice when she’d first introduced him with that title. “Still trying to fix things, Sam?” A second later she wished she could retract the words. He couldn’t fix this. No one could.

  “It’s all I know to do.” Sam shrugged then checked his watch. “If you’re ready, we should get on the road.”

  When Kelly didn’t immediately respond, he touched her hand. A zap of awareness tingled up her arm at the contact. Why was it that Sam had this strange effect on her? She drew away then slowly rose and took her backpack from him.

  “I’m sure there are many things to do.” Her breath caught, but she pushed through the pain. “When are the funerals?”

  “We were waiting for you,” he said quietly. “We can start planning now that you’re home.”

  Home? Kelly had never been to Triple D Ranch, and yet she found the thought of staying where Marina had found such joy oddly attractive. She hadn’t had her own place in so long. Her parents were staying on the Triple D, too. Would Marina’s ranch house be the place where she and her mom could finally move beyond their bitter past? Could she really come home?

  Only, Kelly knew, if she could get rid of the guilt, guilt that, if her mother knew she felt, would use to condemn her, as she’d so often done in the past. Not that her mother would have to say a word. Inside Kelly’s head, a voice reminded, Your sister, your twin, is dead, and you never told her you loved her. You never said goodbye.

  “Time to leave, Kelly.” Sam’s quiet voice stirred her from her misery. His gaze scanned her from head to foot. “You need a warmer jacket. I’ll buy one from that store over there.”

  “I already have one.” Kelly unzipped her backpack and pulled out the quilted coat she’d often worn to ski in the Alps. He held it so she could slide her arms into it, and again feelings of being cared for, cherished, welled up. “I’ll be fine. Let’s go,” she said, anxious to escape his touch and her strange reactions to it.

  Sam studied her coat with a dubious glance but nodded, and they left the airport.

  They fought their way through the icy wind racing across the parkade to his truck.

  “I should have said it before. I’m so sorry about Jake.”

  “I know.” For a moment, steady, organized Sam looked utterly bereft.

  In that instant Kelly noticed the few silver hairs in his sideburns and the tiny fan of lines around his green eyes that hadn’t been there when she’d last seen him. Ten years ago Sam had been a very handsome man, and time hadn’t changed that. But grief had stolen what she’d privately labeled his “cowboy” smile, a lopsided twist of his lips she’d never seen copied. Still, Kelly thought she saw a hint of it now in his soft smile.

  “Inside the truck, Kelly,” he insisted. “Don’t think I can’t see that you’re freezing in that coat.”

  She climbed inside gratefully, huddling in her jacket while trying to hide just how chilled she felt. Sam slammed her door shut, hurried around to the other side and got in the driver’s seat. Though he’d started the truck remotely, it hadn’t yet warmed. The chill,
combined with her apprehension at the upcoming meeting with her mother, made Kelly frown.

  Sam studied her as if trying to read her mind. “Is something wrong?”

  “No.” She forced a smile. “I was wondering how long the ride will take.”

  “I forgot you’ve never been to the Triple D. Forty-five minutes or so. Mom will be feeding the kids lunch soon, and then Jacob Samuel will go down for his nap.” His voice dropped as he drove out of the city. “I hope she gets a chance to relax and enjoy a cup of coffee.”

  “She’s not well?” Kelly asked, barely remembering Jake’s parents as a cheerful couple at Marina’s wedding.

  “She’s worn out from caring for Dad and the twins and Jacob Samuel,” he said, a deep fondness lacing his words. “Mom tries to do everything.”

  “I guess that’s who you take after.” Kelly grinned at his dour look then frowned. “Surely my mom’s helping her?” She realized how silly that was the moment she said it. Her mother had never been particularly fond of children. “You said she and my dad are living at the ranch?”

  “My parents are at my place. Yours are at Marina and Jake’s. They were visiting when—” He didn’t finish that. “Your mother is pretty much tied down with your dad. With his memory failing more frequently, he needs someone around all the time.” Sam paused and glanced at her then said in a quiet voice, “I should warn you—he may not recognize you.”

  “The disease has progressed that far?” Sam’s solemn nod made her catch her breath.

  “Thank you for coming to get me,” she said, finally grasping the extent of his responsibilities. “I’m sure it was a nuisance for you to drive all the way in to Calgary then back.”

  “I had to,” Sam said with a smile, and when Kelly arched a questioning eyebrow, he replied, “You’re part of the family. We need you with us.”

  So few words and yet they meant so much to her. Part of the family. Somewhere inside her, the words fanned long-buried embers of wanting to belong into a tiny flame. Could she finally belong?

  Until she had to leave.

  When Sam said, “Tell me what you were doing in Rome, Kelly,” she suddenly remembered his solemn words to her on the patio the night of the wedding.

  Someday, Kelly, I am going to see the birthplace of the Olympic Games. I will go to England and walk around Stonehenge. I’ll stand and gaze at the fjords of Norway. I’ll visit the hill in Turkey where the Apostle John is said to have taken Mary to live out her last days. I am going. It’s just a matter of when.

  She wondered if he’d ever managed to see any of them.

  “Were you scouting out new places for tours?” he asked.

  “Sort of. When I return from this leave, I’m to be transferred. I hope to Indonesia. I was going to go there next week...” She let the words die away when a grimness flickered across his face at her mention of the future.

  “What exactly does a port consultant do?” he asked.

  “What I do is become so familiar with our ship’s ports of call that when a guest asks me about one of them, I’m able to recommend ways for them to see as much of the place as possible in their limited time. Or I suggest places that are a bit off the beaten track or that feature a particular interest of theirs. Whatever I can do to make their trip more memorable, that’s what I am there for.”

  “Sounds like a calling,” he said, tossing her a smile.

  “That’s how I feel about it.” She shrugged. “Always have. When I started, I made it a point to intimately know each port where the ship docked, even though my first tour was to Alaska, and lots of the guests had been there before. I wanted to be able to direct any passenger who asked me for help. Mostly, they came back raving about the places I’d suggested they see. That got back to my superiors, and I received promotions. So I kept doing it.”

  “The night of the wedding—you talked a lot about traveling then,” he said.

  “I remember you did, too.” She’d often replayed their conversation from the summer night they’d sat under the stars while everyone else danced at Jake and Marina’s wedding. The strength of Sam’s long-cherished dream to see the world, his clear, focused determination, still stuck in her mind.

  As they rolled down the highway, Kelly blushed, remembering how natural it had seemed to share confidences on that perfect night. After Sam had revealed his soul-deep longing to travel, she’d blurted out her own painful story of meeting the man she was certain God meant for her, only to have him fall for someone else. Sam, being Sam, had comforted her, assuring her that God had someone special in mind for her. She’d felt so privileged to be in his confidence that night. Now she wondered if Sam had ever confided the depth of his desire to travel to anyone else.

  She’d garnered from Marina’s emails that Sam had postponed his plans to travel on at least four occasions “for the good of the family.” As far as Kelly knew, he’d never left the ranch. Probably never would, now that he was responsible for it. Her heart bumped with affection. Dependable, loyal Sam, who willingly gave up his dreams for the ones he loved.

  They drove in silence for a while. Kelly absorbed the beauty of the area where her sister had lived, immediately attracted to the gently sloping hills that grew to snow-capped mountains in the distance. Thick stands of evergreens dotted the snowy landscape. Here and there cattle stood in pastures near massive bales of hay. Then the truck crested a hill, and a quaint little town spread before them.

  “This is Buffalo Gap,” Sam told her as they drove through the community. “That’s the church where—” He paused, gulped. “Where Marina and Jake attended,” he finally managed.

  Kelly wondered at his angry look.

  “About five thousand people live here. Not a big place, but it has most everything we need,” he continued after a moment’s pause. “Not far now to the Triple D.”

  They passed through Buffalo Gap, then at the top of another hill Sam turned left onto a gravel road and drove past several homes on either side. Then he turned right.

  “Here we are.” Sam drove under a big black metal arch with Triple D scripted above it. He grinned at her, obviously happy to be home, as a dimple appeared in one cheek. “We made good time.”

  Kelly checked her watch. The watch Marina had given her as a bridesmaid’s gift.

  Tears welled, and of course Sam wanted to know why. When she told him, he held out his own wrist and told her the watch he wore had been Jake’s gift to him.

  “They were quite a pair, our twins,” he mused quietly.

  “They were.” Kelly blinked hard, forcing away her tears to concentrate on the upcoming meeting with her parents and Marina’s kids.

  Sam pulled up in front of a big white house with lattice work around the eaves. Two lopsided snowmen dotted the front yard. Kelly knew this had been Marina’s home. There was a wide front porch that would be perfect for sitting on long summer evenings and bright green flower boxes hanging from the railings—empty now, but Kelly could visualize brilliant blooms tumbling from them. Memories of a young Marina tending her flower garden played through her mind like an old movie. Her throat clogged as she fought back emotion.

  “Relax, Kelly. No one’s going to yell at you,” Sam teased.

  “How well do you know my mother, Sam?” Kelly managed to toss him a wry smile before she slid out of the truck. Inside, her stomach danced with nervousness. Would her dad know her? Would her mother launch one of her verbal attacks in front of Sam’s parents—if they were there? Would the kids like her?

  Sam slid his hand into hers and murmured, “We’ll do this together.”

  Grateful for his support, Kelly clung to his hand as they walked the snowy path to the door and prayed for wisdom to get through the meeting with her mother.

  Despite Sam’s earlier welcome, Kelly doubted this could ever be her home. This was where Marina had belonged
. Kelly was just a stand-in, the person her sister and Jake had chosen to help Sam keep the family dream alive. Could she do that?

  Sam turned the knob, pushed open the door then stepped back, his green gaze holding hers with a tenderness that said he understood. Perhaps his “Welcome home, Kelly,” was what gave her the strength to let go of his hand and step inside.

  Chapter Two

  “Hi, Mom. Dad.” After hugging her parents, Kelly stood back, a tentative smile curving her full lips.

  Sam figured he was probably the only one who saw a question lingering in the depths of her brown gaze and knew she wondered if her father’s disease meant he wouldn’t recognize her.

  “Hey, Kelly.” Neil Krause grinned at his daughter then hugged her again. “Boy, I’m glad to see you, honey. We’ve missed you so much.”

  “It took this to bring you home?” Arabella Krause wasn’t as forgiving of her daughter’s long absence. Sam winced at the anger underlying her snippy words.

  “I’m sorry I didn’t get back earlier, Mom.” Kelly touched Arabella’s cheek in the merest graze of her fingertips. She leaned forward and pressed a kiss there then pulled back to glance at the child wiggling in her mother’s arms. “Who’s this fellow?”

  “That’s Jacob Samuel Denver. He doesn’t talk yet.” A little girl with bright blond pigtails and cornflower blue eyes stood in front of Kelly. “I’m Sadie and this is my sister, Emma,” she said, indicating her twin. “You’re our mommy’s sister, aren’t you? But our mommy’s not here anymore. She’s gone.” Big fat tears trickled down her cheeks.

  “She’s with God,” Emma said in the whisper-soft voice she’d used ever since Sam had told the twins of their parents’ deaths. She slipped her hand into Sadie’s. “You’re s’posed to be happy, Sadie. Mommy tol’ us that’s a happy place, ’member?”

  “I don’t want Mommy and Daddy to be gone,” Sadie snapped. “I want them here.”

  Sam stepped forward to console her, but Kelly beat him to it.