Accidental Dad

by Lois Richer

  “I know.” Kelly smiled sadly, sharing his pain.

  “You haven’t got much time left here,” Sam pointed out when the silence stretched too long. “Just over a week?” He didn’t need to ask. He knew exactly when she was leaving. And he was trying to hang on, to keep from begging her to stay. “Jacob Samuel will miss you.”

  Kelly made a noise he couldn’t decipher. But he knew it was pain. He glanced around the room, thought how happy this house had been, how it was now a shell of sadness.

  “I’m going to be working in the south paddock this afternoon,” he told her. “The fences there have been neglected and need a lot of work. I won’t be back till late.”

  “Okay. I might go for a ride with Jacob Samuel,” she said quietly, her voice too soft, too aching. “I want to take a good look around that meadow where we were with the girls.”

  Before I go.

  The words hung unspoken between them, as did her words of love. He’d never acknowledged them, Sam realized. And he couldn’t now. Kelly might think he was asking her to stay. She might think he needed her help with Jacob Samuel, that he couldn’t manage alone.

  And all of that was true. But he wasn’t going to keep her here, deny her the life she loved.

  “Be careful,” he said. “Take a cell phone.”

  “Will it work in that valley?” she asked.

  “You might have to climb a hill in certain places,” Sam admitted. He had to get out of there before he said or did something he would regret. “Kiss him good-night for me, will you?” he asked. It was getting harder and harder to watch Jake’s son grow and change, knowing he couldn’t keep him here, couldn’t look after himself and run the ranch.

  Why didn’t— No! There was no point in going there.

  “Bye.”

  Kelly said nothing, simply watched him go with those sad brown eyes. He could almost hear her say, “Trust God, Sam. He has a plan.”

  Yeah? Well, Sam didn’t think much of a plan that let two young girls be miserable.

  He clamped on his Stetson, forced away thoughts of the beautiful brunette in the kitchen and started loading his truck with fence supplies.

  How would he stand the emptiness when Kelly, his friend, his confidante, the only woman who dared to call him out on his faith—how would he manage when she left his life, too?

  How was it his whole world had fallen apart in six short months?

  * * *

  With the baby snuggled in his carrier in front of her, Kelly set off on the short ride to the meadow. All around her, the hills burst with green, alive, growing, changing. Full of promise. The exact opposite of how she felt on hearing news of the twins’ sad state.

  In the meadow she dismounted, lifted the baby down and set him on the quilt she’d brought along. She’d come here to try and make sense of her world, to sort things out, and yet nothing made sense.

  Kelly loved Sam. She’d never been more sure of anything in her life. This love was like a glow inside her that wouldn’t go away, even though she tried to pretend to herself that it wasn’t there. She had only to look at him, and her dreams began. If only he loved her.

  But it wasn’t only Sam who had her confused. Since she’d been reunited with her mom and seen new signs of her father’s decline, she’d been praying constantly for a way to reconcile her reluctance to return to the ship with her longing to stay and savor every moment she could wring before disease stole her father completely. Arabella would need her then, her support, her comfort, her help.

  “And what of you, my darling boy?” she asked, watching Jacob Samuel crawl across the quilt. He’d be walking soon. How could she miss his first steps, his first words? How could she go back to her life, knowing this precious child would be raised somewhere other than his home?

  And who would keep track of the twins, send them weekly updates about the princess on her ship? Would the Edwardses remind them of Marina and Jake, the parents who’d adored them? Would they cry because their aunt never visited? Would Emma ever speak again?

  “Is it truly Your will for me to go back?” she prayed aloud, feeling close to God here in this beautiful land He’d created. “I want to stay more than anything, but how can I? I have no job, no way to support myself. Jacob Samuel won’t need a caregiver forever. Then what? Please help me, God.”

  “Infinitely beyond our highest prayers, desire, thoughts or hopes,” her mother had recited.

  “You know my highest prayer is to do Your will, God,” Kelly said. “But I also want to finally be a daughter to be counted on, a friend to those who’ve supported me, a help for Sheena, a parent for the twins, though that’s impossible now.” She squeezed her eyes closed for a moment then leaned back, the baby by her side, and gazed at the blue sky above. “I want to be the one to bring stability to Jacob Samuel’s life, to be a substitute mom for him.”

  And then she spoke the rest of it.

  “I want to be near Sam, even if he doesn’t love me. I want him to see Your love in a new way. I want to watch it happen. Please?”

  Heartfelt prayers spent, Kelly played with her sister’s beloved son, holding his hands so he could toddle over the grassy field, laughing as he picked a flower and tried to eat it, showing him the many birds that darted here and there.

  Able to do far more than we would ever dare to ask or even dream of.

  Kelly stood up, her face heavenward, and said in a clear firm tone, “I’m daring to ask, God. I’m daring to ask You to lead me on a new road. I’m not going back to the ship. I’m staying where my heart is, where my family is. I’m daring to dream that You will give me the desires of my heart. I’m trusting that You will reach Sam and show him Your love.”

  The release of those words brought a solid peace to her heart. She’d learn, with God’s help, how to live without Sam’s love. But she wasn’t going to stop loving him.

  “Infinitely beyond our highest prayers,” she recited as she folded and stored the quilt in a saddlebag. “Infinitely beyond my desires or thoughts, Jacob Samuel.” She kissed his silky cheek then fixed him in the carrier on her chest. “Infinitely beyond my hopes,” she said as she swung herself up on her horse.

  To show her faith, she began singing the doxology. But the mare took only a few steps before she stopped and refused to move. Kelly dismounted, tugged on the reins and saw the horse was lame.

  With a sigh of disgust she pulled out her phone, only to realize she’d forgotten to charge it. The phone was dead.

  “Not very bright of me, was it, little one.” She took down the quilt and spread it once more on the grass. “I don’t want to hurt the horse. We’ll have to wait here for Uncle Sam.”

  She had no doubt he’d come for them. Sam cared for those he loved and though he might not love her, he dearly loved this sweet child in her arms. He would move heaven and earth to get to them, no matter how late it was.

  And it was growing late. The sun had dropped beneath the mountaintops. The evening was cooler. Kelly had already put Jacob Samuel’s jacket on and tied his little hood. She’d fed him his snack earlier. Now she had only one bottle left. She checked her watch and knew he’d soon be screaming for food. Once it was gone...

  She did everything she could think of to placate the baby, and when he began demanding his food, she fed him only half the bottle. Though he wanted more, she tucked away the rest. Who knew how long they’d be here before Sam came?

  Dear Sam. Kelly pulled the quilt around her and let herself pretend it was Sam’s arms that held them, Sam who protected them.

  “Please God, help Sam see Your love in a new way,” she whispered. “He needs Your peace so badly.”

  With Jacob Samuel nestled against her, she watched the stars emerge one by one, amazed by their brilliance and beauty.

  Hurry, Sam. We need you. I love you.

 
Chapter Fourteen

  Sam frowned when he drove into the yard and saw Kelly’s mother sitting in her car.

  “Arabella,” he said when she jumped out and hurried toward him. “What’s wrong?”

  “I don’t know, but I can’t reach Kelly,” she said, her face as white as her shirt. “I’ve been phoning her since six. It’s ten now. Where is she? Where’s Jacob Samuel?”

  I might go for a ride with Jacob Samuel. I want to take a good look around that meadow where we were with the girls.

  “Where’s my daughter, Sam?”

  “She was going for a horseback ride.” He swept past her, hurried inside the house. Everything looked as it had earlier. “She took a cell phone,” he said, noticing its absence.

  “I’ve been calling it. There’s no answer. Something is wrong, Sam.”

  He stared at the worried mother, waiting for her diatribe to begin and knowing he deserved it. He should have gone with Kelly. He eased past her and out the door to ask Oscar to saddle two horses.

  “Kelly and the baby are missing,” he explained. Oscar, face grave, hurried to saddle up.

  “You know where she is?” Arabella asked.

  “If she’s still there. She was going to the meadow where we took the twins.” Sam assembled a bag while he spoke, trying to cover every eventuality. Food for the baby, a bottle of formula and some water. A couple of treat bags left over from the twins’ birthday in case Kelly was hungry. A first-aid kit.

  “You think she’s hurt? Or the baby is?” Arabella asked, fear in her voice. “Oh, Lord.”

  “Yes, pray for them, Arabella. Pray hard.” There was no choice but prayer now. Sam grabbed several flashlights. “Where’s Neil?”

  “Marsha’s with him. She’ll stay as long as she needs to. Sam?” Arabella grasped his arm, tears streaming down her cheeks. “You have to find them. I can’t lose Kelly or Jacob Samuel. It’s bad enough that the twins are gone. We can’t lose them, too.”

  She wept harder, though he tried to comfort her.

  “I need Kelly. I’ve missed her for so long. I want her to stay, to be with her dad and make up for what she’s missed. I need her to be with me when—when things get worse.” She brushed away her tears and peered at him. “You love her, Sam. I know you do. Please bring her back here where she belongs.”

  “I don’t love—”

  “Yes, you do. I’ve seen it in the way you are with her. You’re fooling yourself if you pretend you don’t love her. And she loves you.” Arabella managed a smile. “My daughter is no idiot. She fell for the most handsome man in town, but also the most wonderful. I’ll never be able to thank you for helping Marina. But Marina’s gone now.” She hiccupped a sob. “I don’t want to bury another daughter, Sam. Please find Kelly and bring her home. She belongs here, with you. You and that blessed baby.”

  He pulled her into his arms and held on tight. Trust Arabella to get to the heart of the matter, he thought as he marveled at what he’d been blind to for so long.

  “I do love her,” he whispered, feeling the glory of it fill his heart and soul. “I never thought I could, but she’s the reason I keep going, keep trying, even though the twins aren’t here anymore. It’s for Kelly,” he said in wonder.

  “Of course it is.” Arabella drew away and smiled. “Kelly fills our days with sunshine and hope. She’s our gift from God. Love is always a gift from God.” She patted his back. “I’m going to make some soup for when you bring her back.”

  His brain fogged by the idea that God had given him love for Kelly, stunning Sam. He’d been looking at God as if He owed it to Sam to do what Sam wanted. But God was his Maker, the Maker of the universe. As a parent, He knew what His children needed. Who was Sam, a mere man given the opportunity to live in the kingdom, to set himself as God’s judge? How foolish he’d been.

  “Forgive me?” he asked silently, swimming in a wash of shame. “I didn’t realize how stupid I was. You are God, the Lord of all. You don’t need me to say what’s right and what’s wrong.” Humbled, he bowed his head. “I accept Your decisions because I know You are love.”

  As relief fille dhim, he felt as if he could breathe again. How he wished Kelly was here so he could tell her.

  God has a plan, Sam. He wants to give us our heart’s desires.

  His heart wanted Kelly. He needed her to make sense of his world. Without Kelly— Fear gripped him in a wave so strong he swayed.

  What would happen if God took Kelly?

  For a moment sheer terror held Sam immobile. Then he weighed the grief of losing her with the dreadful emptiness of never telling her how much he loved her, and the decision was made.

  Sam was going to cherish every precious moment he could spend with Kelly, no matter how long it lasted. And he’d thank God for the opportunity to love her for as long as he was alive. Because when he came right down to it, without trust in God, his life was utterly bare.

  “Pray, Arabella,” he said and yanked open the door. “Pray hard.”

  “Always, Sam,” she promised with a smile. “God bless you.”

  “And you.” He hugged her tightly, kissed her brow then left.

  * * *

  By the light of the full moon, Kelly saw the last few ounces drain out of Jacob Samuel’s bottle. The little boy tugged hard then wailed when no more was forthcoming.

  “I’m sorry, baby,” she whispered, smoothing her fingers against his brow to check if he was warm enough now that a chilly wind had picked up. “That’s all there is. You’re such a sweet boy. Uncle Sam is coming. God’s showing him the way. Don’t give up.”

  Waiting here like this, it was like waiting to learn God’s will. You needed patience and perspective. You needed faith.

  Sam’s coming. She told herself the same thing a thousand times, over and over, sometimes silently, sometimes aloud. She said it so often she almost missed the gentle plod of horse hooves on the stony path.

  “I’m over here, Sam,” she called as her soul lifted in praise. “We’re over here.”

  A moment later she felt herself folded into the embrace of the man she adored.

  “Oh,” she gasped. And then she couldn’t say anything as Sam kissed her, thoroughly, completely, adoringly, only stopping when Jacob Samuel protested very vocally. “He’s hungry, Sam. I didn’t bring enough food.”

  She blinked when Sam handed the baby and a full bottle to Oscar and asked him to feed the boy. Oscar smiled and happily set to work, humming a little tune as he did.

  “Thank you for coming, Sam. I—” He kissed her again. And again. “Um—”

  He pressed his fingers against her lips. “I love you, Kelly.”

  She blinked. Maybe she was dreaming.

  “I love you so much.” He kissed her eyelids, her nose and her lips once more and then grinned.

  “Um, Oscar—”

  “Knows exactly how I feel. He’s listened to me for the past half hour.” Sam chuckled. “I love you. Aren’t you going to say anything?”

  “It’s such a lovely dream,” she sighed, leaning against him and closing her eyes. “Don’t wake me up. I want to see how it ends.”

  “With you marrying me and living here on the Triple D. With us watching Jacob Samuel grow and change and love God.”

  “Wait a minute. You love God?” She blinked and opened her eyes, touched his face. “You love God, Sam?”

  “More than I ever knew. And I finally realize He loves me, too, though why He does, I can’t fathom. I’ve been an idiot.” He grinned and hugged her. “I’ll tell you the whole story in a minute, but first there’s someone who wants to talk to you.” He dialed his phone and held it out.

  “Hello? Mom? Oh, I’m so sorry I worried you. I’m fine. So’s he. The horse went lame, that’s all. I thought it might do some damage if I rode him,
so I waited for Sam.” She smiled at the stream of questions her mother kept asking. “I’ll tell you all of it later, okay? Thank you, Mom. See you soon.” Kelly hung up and handed back the phone. “Tell me,” she said.

  She listened, her heart singing praise as Sam told her of all he’d learned, of the grace he’d received and of his momentous decision to trust God with the future.

  “I’m glad,” she whispered, kissing his cheek and snuggling her face against his big, solid warmth. “I’m so glad, Sam.”

  “Yeah, me, too.” Sam paused a moment, obviously waiting for something from her. Kelly raised an eyebrow. “Well,” he grumbled, “how do you feel about me?”

  “I told you, Sam,” she whispered with a quick glance at Oscar, who appeared to be snoring as loud as Jacob Samuel, except she knew he was faking when she saw his eyelids lift for a quick glance around.

  “Could you tell me again?” he begged. “Please?”

  “I love you, Sam Denver. I love the way you care for those you love. I love your compassion and generosity. I love the way you keep giving, no matter what. I love you for caring for my sister and my parents and me. I love you.” She peeked through her lashes. “Satisfied?”

  “Not nearly. Maybe in sixty years.” He kissed her tenderly, sweetly, his love clearly evident. “Kelly, what do you think about getting married?” He touched her cheek, grazed his hand down her jawline. “Not to make a home for the twins. I think that’s finished. Not even to make a home for Jacob Samuel, though I hope we will.”

  “Then why?” she asked. But she knew. Her heart surged with joy as Sam explained.

  “Because I can’t imagine my world without you. You and I belong together, Kelly. Don’t you think?”

  “Yes, as a matter of fact, I do. That’s why I decided tonight that I wasn’t leaving Buffalo Gap. I’m going to strengthen my bond with my mother, share fun times with my dad, watch Jacob Samuel take his first steps and say his first words and all the other firsts. And I’m going to love you until you wish I’d sailed away on that boat.”