[Measure of Devotion 01.0 - 03.0] Box Set

by Caethes Faron

  “Were they there the entire time?”

  “Yes, you dolt. They love you.” Jason couldn’t resist the bewildered look on Kale’s face and kissed him. “I’m so proud of you. Thank you for being mine.”

  This was Jason’s life. Here in this gallery—in the man in front of him—was everything important to him. Nothing else mattered; not whatever was happening in Arine, and certainly not the letter buried in his desk.

  Chapter Four

  “We must demand abolishment. It’s time we force Arine out of barbarism and into modern times.” Harry slammed his fist on the glass top of the wrought iron table, rattling the empty wine bottles in the middle.

  “It’s not practical.” Jason’s voice was steady. Kale’s lover was one of the more sober people around the table. The six of them sat outside the Lady Lion, a cafe they frequented often for its late hours. The opening had ended three hours before, and Kale’s friends had brought him here for a private celebration. Thankfully, the conversation had turned from Kale to politics.

  “No, no. If we’re going to have this discussion, we’re going to have it properly. Margaret!” Daniel bellowed for the waitress. “Bring us all some coffee, nice and strong. And clear these bottles and glasses away.”

  Margaret reached for Kale’s whiskey. “No, thank you. I’ll keep mine.” As always, Kale didn’t get drunk. While his friends were trying to sober up for a debate, Kale wanted the soothing comfort of his drink. He would likely need it.

  “This is the time to act. With our trade treaty up for renewal this year, we finally have some leverage with Arine. I say we don’t let the government ratify the treaty as long as slavery is legal in Arine.” Jessica was the daughter of a Member of Parliament. Not only did Kale’s friends have the desire for change, they were actually in a position to affect it. Sometimes, Kale felt out of place among such principled people. He was active in politics and wanted change, but he was a simple man who liked to draw and spend lazy afternoons with his lover.

  “You two could really help the movement. You’d be the perfect spokespeople for it.” Lisa took a sip of her newly arrived coffee.

  “Hmph, because I’m so good at public speaking?” Kale had barely been able to handle the interviews at the gallery. He couldn’t inspire people with words. Jason could, though. If he wanted to.

  “Words aren’t how you communicate best. Your exhibit tonight did more for bringing awareness to the problems of the poor in Calea than a dozen lectures ever could. If you could do a similar show with pictures from your memories as a slave, it would go a long way.” Kale envied the fire in Lisa’s eye.

  “Kale draws what he wants, Lisa. His memories aren’t your personal political playground.” Jason’s voice held a dangerous edge. Kale placed a hand on his arm. At Kale’s touch, Jason met his eyes. Kale could see exactly which memories Jason was thinking of: the ones still imprinted on the flesh of Kale’s back.

  “Perhaps you don’t want the law to change. You make quite a profit off of slaves in your steel mills.” Daniel’s eyes were cool, all trace of the warm wine gone.

  “Watch yourself.” Kale didn’t mind a debate, but accusations were another matter.

  “It doesn’t matter to my business either way. I do enough domestic business that, if a trade treaty didn’t pass because of a requirement to ban slavery, we wouldn’t go under. And if slavery was abolished, we’d be able to absorb the costs of hiring free workers just fine.”

  “Then why don’t you do it? Why use slaves? It’s wrong.” The pleading in Jessica’s voice removed any sting of accusation. Hope shone in her face as she leaned forward.

  “You don’t think I’ve struggled with that? But Kale and I have talked it over. The truth of the matter is, if I didn’t hire those slaves, they’d be working in much worse conditions.”

  “Hire?” Jessica sat back in her chair.

  “Yes. I hire a labor firm that provides the slaves.”

  “Oh, isn’t that great? So not only do you get cheap labor, these firms get to pocket the money that should go to the laborers.” Daniel’s sneer was beginning to wear on Kale’s nerves.

  “You don’t know what you’re talking about. Jason’s right. The way he runs his mill is heaven compared to what else those slaves would be doing.”

  Harry leaned his elbows on the table, finally joining the conversation after finishing his coffee. “But it’s not right.”

  “No, it’s not. Every man deserves to be free. I won’t argue with you on that point, but we’re not discussing a perfect world.” It was nice to hear Jason speak pragmatically. He’d once been as idealistic as their friends. Kale wondered if his jaded cynicism was affecting Jason. “Arinians see owning slaves as their birthright as conquerors. They won’t give it up easily. Their society isn’t ready to. Even if they did ban slavery, what would happen to all the slaves? They wouldn’t be able to get work. The stigma would be too strong. They’re not trained for the workforce. Their lives would be better only in that they would die free.”

  “Better to die free than live a slave!” Daniel pontificated.

  Kale grunted. None of these children had a fucking clue what they were talking about. Daniel shot a look his way, but Lisa spoke before he could.

  “What do you think, Kale? You must have a strong perspective on this. It’s really your opinion we should be asking for.”

  Kale pursed his lips, considering whether he should answer or brush off the question. Lisa was a gentle girl with a good heart. She didn’t want to hear his truth—she only thought she did.

  “Yes, Kale. Tell us what you think. What was it like living as a slave to your lover?” Sharp looks from Harry and Lisa met Daniel’s obnoxious tone.

  Kale toyed with his glass and then met Daniel’s eyes. “What do I think? I think you don’t know what it’s like to live a life where you spend eighteen hours a day on your feet, where you’d give anything just for a moment to sit, but you don’t dare take a chance because you know the pain of getting caught far outweighs the pain of working. Sitting here drinking coffee and wine, you can’t possibly understand what it means to thirst, to want a drop of water so badly the thought crosses your mind to drink your own piss, except you realize you haven’t pissed all day because there’s no moisture left in your body. It’s for the best anyway, because you don’t get bathroom breaks. You don’t know what it’s like to forget what anything tastes like except for stale, moldy bread, to finally taste butter on your lips and think that you must have been transported to the heavens because nothing could possibly taste so good. You’ve never collapsed at the end of the day and been thankful for the bed bugs biting your skin because at least that means you’ve got a straw mattress under you instead of the hard floor. None of you has a damn idea what you’re talking about.” Kale tried to distance himself from these conversations as much as he could, but with every word, he knew his mother and brother suffered through the same, maybe worse, maybe a little better.

  Kale didn’t bother voicing the real horrors. There was no way to make his friends understand what it meant to realize as a boy that a slave was not a man, that by virtue of his birth, he was less than, different, substandard. The truth was, not all slaves had it physically bad. Kale certainly hadn’t while he’d belonged to Jason. The other slaves Kale had known in Perdana could even be said to have lived a life of moderate comfort. Compared to the lower classes of Arine, upper-class slaves had a better physical existence. The true torture took place in the realm of the mind. Physical pain faded and healed, but not the mental. There was no way to convey it accurately to people who had never lived through it, who had never once doubted that they were people. Simpler for all involved to restrict it to the bodily harm of being a slave.

  Jason met Kale’s eyes. He was the one man who could comprehend the depths of the mental agony. “Kale’s right.” Jason turned to the group. “You don’t understand, and until you at least try to, you won’t get anywhere. You need to approach this from the right angle.
” Jason didn’t seem to be upset by Kale’s diatribe.

  “And let this opportunity pass us by?” Jessica shook her head, clearly not willing to take a passive role.

  “No, certainly not. I’m saying the exact opposite: don’t waste it. There’s a real chance here for change, but it needs to be change that people who haven’t been afforded the same privileges as you can accept. It’s a privilege to not have to live in a slave society. Don’t take it for granted. Reforms are more peaceful and long-lasting than violent revolutions.”

  “Jason’s right.” Harry nodded. “We need to push for reforms that will help the lives of the slaves. Prepare the road for abolition.”

  “Yes, like regulations and controls on the trade.” Lisa pushed her coffee mug out of the way so she could lean further onto the table.

  “The greedy Arinians,” Daniel said, “won’t like anything that cuts into their profits.”

  “Actually, I can help with that. We’ve done studies on the issue and have found that humane treatment of slaves yields better quality work and results in a net profit. I can have my business associate, Martin, send over the findings for you to study.” Jason was actually an authority on this issue. Couple that with his close friendship with the prime minister, and he could do more than merely help the cause.

  Lisa clapped her hands. “That would be perfect, Jason. We need to show Arine that it’s in everybody’s best interest to enact real change.”

  On and on, they went around the table, trying to find the optimal balance of reform and idealism. All around, Kale saw bright eyes despite the late hour. Fierce passion filled the air. These people, who had never even seen a real slave, who had never witnessed the horrors of dehumanization, were spending their free time working to make the world better. Meanwhile, Kale had left his own family behind and was too much of a coward to even talk to Jason about it. So great was his fear of being owned that he couldn’t even give voice to thoughts that might threaten to disrupt his happiness.

  Whiskey slid down his throat, leaving a pleasant burn in its wake. He ached for his family, and he ached for the fire of his friends to light his soul. If it burned brightly enough, it just might banish the dark shadows that paralyzed him.

  Chapter Five

  The absence of Kale’s warmth in the bed forced Jason’s eyes open. It wasn’t uncommon for Kale to wake before him, but he was usually next to him in bed, reading or sketching, when Jason woke.

  After a stretch that made his muscles feel like rubber, Jason sat up against the headboard. His internal clock said it was time to be up, but they hadn’t gotten home until after two o’clock in the morning, and Jason’s body and mind protested. It took a moment for his blurry eyes to focus on a scowling Kale sitting on the sofa fully dressed. Another moment, and Jason saw the letter clasped in his hand. The sight banished the fog of drowsiness, and Jason sighed. This was not how he wanted to start the morning.

  “Do you have anything to say for yourself?” Kale’s cool, green eyes penetrated Jason’s, and Jason had to look away. It wasn’t fair, Kale ambushing him like this so early in the day. They were on decidedly unequal footing.

  “No. Should I? It’s a private letter. Do you have anything to say for yourself, going through my things?”

  “Don’t give me that, Jason.” The downside to Kale finally using his name was that Jason occasionally had to hear it in the tense tone that made Jason feel like an errant child being scolded by his parents. “When were you planning on telling me about this?”

  Jason swung his legs over the edge of the bed and braced himself to rise. He needed coffee and a splash of cold water on his face. “Never. It’s not relevant.” Jason stood and wrapped his robe around himself.

  “Your father is dying, and you weren’t even going to tell me?” The hurt in Kale’s voice arrested Jason. Kale’s anger he could rebuff until he was more prepared for this conversation. Hurt, however, required his immediate attention.

  Jason sat on the sofa next to Kale and wasn’t too surprised when Kale moved away. “Look, I didn’t want to bother you with it. It’s inconsequential. We’ve never been close. You know that better than most. I didn’t want you thinking that my decision to stay away had something to do with you, because it doesn’t.”

  “You’re not even planning on going?”

  “What, you thought I would go without telling you?”

  “I thought you might under the cover of business.”

  “And leave you? After I had to work so hard to get you? Not likely.” Jason reached out to caress Kale’s face, but Kale sat back, out of reach, appearing to skim the letter. “I don’t understand why this bothers you. I don’t bore you with the details of every letter that crosses my desk.”

  “We don’t keep secrets.”

  “Like you don’t keep secrets about what wakes you up screaming in the middle of the night?” Jason’s voice came dangerously close to a yell.

  Kale looked as if he’d been slapped. His mouth formed a firm line, but his voice was whisper soft. “You withheld it to lie to me. That’s why I’m upset.”

  Jason settled into the cushions with his arm across the back of the sofa. “All right, that’s partly true. I don’t want to go, and I didn’t want you feeling bad about it. I know you think my falling out with him was your fault, but it wasn’t. We argued about a whole litany of things for years before we argued about you.”

  “He’s your father, Jason.” At least this time his name was said more gently. “Regardless of the cause, you need to go to him and mend this rift.”

  “What?” Jason leaned forward. “Why? That man has never approved of me. He disowned me.”

  “And took you back when you married Renee.”

  “Yes, I’m sure he’s thrilled that my wife lives in Arine while I’m here playing house with my slave. You know that’s how he sees us. I’m dead to that man, and pretty soon, he’ll be dead to me.” Jason’s resolve wavered on the last words. It was the first time he had spoken them out loud.

  “Jason, you can’t fool me. You may like to pretend that he’s nothing to you, but I know better. You’ve always wanted his approval. If he is really nothing to you, why do you care what he thinks?”

  “Going to him won’t change what he thinks of me, so why go? So I can get more of the same from him? One last jab at me from his deathbed?” Jason didn’t even realize that’s what bothered him until the words came out. There was no taking them back. Kale would know they were true.

  “If you don’t go, you’ll always wonder. It could turn out better than you think. You could make peace with him. And if he chooses to be an ass, at least you’ll know. You won’t have to wonder and torture yourself with guilt, which we both know you excel at.”

  “I’m willing to take the chance.”

  A glimmer of distress passed over Kale’s face, a brief widening of the eyes as the muscles of his cheeks tensed. At one time, Jason had believed Kale was the picture of equanimity. That was before he’d trained his eyes to search for the signs. Kale wasn’t a calm pool; he was the ocean that only appeared tranquil from a distance. “Why do you have to be so stubborn?”

  “Why do you want me to go so badly?” Jason narrowed his eyes, alert to any change in Kale’s demeanor in case the other man wouldn’t be forthcoming. “We don’t keep secrets from each other, remember? Why do you want me to go?”

  “Because you have a chance at peace with your father.”

  “And why does that matter to you? Because you never met your father?”

  “What? Don’t make this about me. I’ve told you before that I’ve never had a father, so there’s never been one for me to miss.”

  Jason had missed the mark, but there was something there. Kale had been more defensive than normal. “Yes, but you do have a mother and a brother. Is this about them?”

  “No, it’s about you and your father.” Kale’s voice was steady, but his breathing had increased, his chest rising and falling in shallow waves. Jason had seen
it before.

  “Kale, what are your nightmares about?” Jason scooted closer to him on the sofa but didn’t touch, worried at this point that it might provoke a negative reaction.

  Kale’s face was stricken. His skin blanched, turmoil swirling in his eyes. For a moment, Jason wanted to take the question back and hold Kale in his arms, anything to make that look go away. “Nothing.”

  Jason grasped Kale’s head between his hands, forcing eye contact while he pressed his body against Kale’s, letting his weight settle against him without pinning him. “What is this really about, Kale?”

  Tears pooled in Kale’s beautiful, pale green eyes, magnifying the amber flakes in his irises. Kale rarely cried. Jason could only think of a few instances in the years they had been together. He had let this go on too long. He should have pushed for the truth about the night terrors long ago.

  “They’re still there, Jason. They’re my family, and I left them there so I could live this perfect life with you. I don’t know if they’re even alive. You have a chance for closure. It’s important. I know because I live every day without it.” The tears broke free from his lashes and spilled down his cheeks. “Please take it.”

  “Oh, Kale.” Jason pulled Kale into a hug. “Why didn’t you tell me about this sooner?”

  “I didn’t want to burden you or make you think anything was wrong or that I was ungrateful. I’m so happy here with you, Jason. I really am. But that just makes it harder, knowing how happy I am. What right do I have?”

  “Every right. It’s not your fault they’re slaves.”

  “Maybe not.” Kale leaned back on the sofa. “But I should have tried. I shouldn’t have run away without even a backward glance. They’re my family. I need to go back and try to find them. After last night—seeing how everyone cares so much for the slaves in Arine they’ve never met, and here I am with family still enslaved not doing half as much as they are—I decided it’s time to act. I was rummaging through your things because I was looking for your appointment book. I wanted to see if there was a time that might be good for a visit to Arine.”