“It all worked out for the best. I wasn’t supposed to end up free either. You take the bad with the good.”
Thomas smiled. “Do you remember the time Mama caught you eating blueberries from Monroe’s blueberry bushes?”
“Yeah, she took a switch to my backside for it.”
“And then you went right back the next day and did it again.”
Kale chuckled. “Yeah. What made you think of that?”
“You don’t remember what you said to me when I asked you why you did it after you got switched again?”
Kale searched his recollection. The only thing he could remember was the pain of the switching and the taste of those blueberries. “No. What’d I say?”
“You shrugged and said it was worth it, that you take the bad with the good. You figured Mama was going to switch you for something, you might as well get something good out of it.”
Kale laughed. “That sounds like me.”
“Whatever got you to stop stealing those blueberries?”
“I’d rather not say.” That particular incident was vivid in his memory.
“Come on, Kale. I’ll tell you one of my secrets.”
Kale considered it. It would be worth it to know something more about his brother. “All right. I started hiding them away to eat them all at once. I figured it’d be harder for Mama to catch me if I was careful one time rather than count on her not noticing every day, and I would get the same number of blueberries either way. One day, I ate my whole stash. My stomach got upset, and I crapped purple. Scared me witless. I ran to Mama and told her everything. I thought I was dying. She looked at me real solemn and said the master had found out about it and poisoned them to punish me. She told me the only way to get better was to take castor oil. That stuff was awful. I swore up and down that I would never steal from the master again. I couldn’t so much as look at a blueberry for ages after that.”
Thomas guffawed. “You really thought the master had poisoned you?”
“You would have too. When I figured it out, I was so mad at her, until I saw what Monroe really did to thieves.”
“Yeah, castor oil didn’t seem so bad after that.”
“No, it did not. Now what secret do you have to share with me? It’d better be good.”
Back and forth they reminisced. It surprised Kale the things Thomas remembered that he didn’t and the things he could picture so clearly in his mind but Thomas had no recollection of. The easy banter was what Kale had envisioned when he’d dreamt of finding his brother.
Thomas was recounting the time he had fallen in the pond trying to catch a fish when Kale caught a flash of color in the corner of his eye. He whipped his head to the side, startling Thomas into silence. A red flare.
“Jason.” Kale took off at a gallop. When he reached the yard, John and Billy were running toward him. Kale leapt off the horse and threw the reins to Billy. “What’s happened?”
John matched him pace for pace as he hurried to the house. “It’s Robert. He passed a few minutes ago.”
Kale barged in the house and took the stairs two and three at a time. When he burst into Robert’s room, he found Jason sitting by the bed holding his father’s hand, tears streaming down his cheeks and looking like the faintest touch would shatter him.
Jason made no indication that he heard Kale enter. Only knowing that Jason needed him, Kale knelt beside him, hesitant to touch. Jason appeared to be in shock. “Jason?”
“He’s dead, Kale.” Jason’s face crumbled, and he fell forward out of his chair, his hand slipping from Robert’s. Kale caught him and pulled him to his chest, wrapping his arms around him as tight as he could.
“It’s all right. Everything’s going to be all right.”
“No, it’s not. I’m never going to see him again.”
“You’re right. I’m sorry.” Jason hadn’t been able to fix it when Kale had discovered his mother’s death, and Kale couldn’t fix this for Jason. “I’m so sorry, Jason.”
Tears soaked Kale’s shirt. He had never felt so helpless in his life. All he could do was hold Jason as he cried, so that was what he did. He lost all sense of time.
When Jason’s sobs quieted to simple tears, John whispered in Kale’s ear, “The undertaker’s here.”
Kale nodded. The last thing Jason needed was to see his father’s body taken away. Kale stood, lifting Jason. Immediately, Jason’s weight sagged against him. Kale put an arm under his knees and one behind his back, hoisting him up. He wasn’t an easy load to carry, but Kale could manage the short distance to their room.
Outside Robert’s door, Thomas waited uncertainly. “Is there anything I can do?”
“Ask John what he needs help with. We’ll be in our room.”
Thomas followed Kale to their room and opened the door for him. “I’m so sorry.”
“Thank you, Thomas. He’ll be all right. He just needs some time.” Kale took Jason to the bed and set him down, not letting him go as he climbed in next to him. The door clicked shut behind them.
Kale didn’t know what to say. He simply held Jason and let him cry until he fell asleep.
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Jason’s breath came in shudders, the same as a baby’s after a crying fit. He would only sleep for a few minutes at a time and then wake up, eyes wide with fear, as if a nightmare chased him, and then burst into tears that turned into violent sobs until his body succumbed to sleep again.
Kale reached behind him and tugged on the bell pull. Less than a minute later, a slave knocked and entered. Kale put a finger to his lips to indicate silence and waved the slave over. When he was close enough to hear a whisper, Kale said, “Get me John, please.”
The slave left. Kale didn’t know what John would be able to do, but he knew he needed help. Too many hours had passed without any improvement. Jason’s face looked as distressed in sleep as it did awake. The usual childlike countenance of his slumbering form was gone. Before him was a man who appeared as if Death was chasing him into Hell. Kale worried Jason wouldn’t recover.
“You wanted me?” John entered the room.
“Yes. I don’t know what to do. He doesn’t stay asleep any length of time, and when he is asleep, he’s like this.” Kale gestured to Jason’s twitching body.
“The nurse left a couple of doses of sedative in case we needed it. Said it would knock someone out for several hours. Let me go get it.”
“Thank you.”
“It has to be dissolved in a drink. Do you want me to put in a cup of tea?”
“That’ll be fine.” Kale nodded. He hated to sedate Jason, but he needed to break the cycle.
When John returned with the tea, Jason was still sleeping. Kale hoped, as he did every time, that it would last. “I brought you a cup of tea as well.”
“Thanks.” Kale made no move for the tea.
“Don’t forget that you need to take care of yourself as well.”
“I can’t do anything until he’s sleeping more peacefully. When he wakes, he’s in a terror. I can’t leave him until he’s really resting.”
“Do you want me to stay and help you get him to drink it?”
Jason wouldn’t want anyone to see him in his current state, but Kale could use the help. He didn’t know how easily Jason would drink what was offered him. “Thanks. I don’t know how he’ll react.”
“No need to tell him there’s a sedative in it.” John pulled the desk chair near the bed and sat.
Kale nodded. Jason’s health outweighed honesty.
A few minutes passed before Jason’s grip tightened on Kale’s shirt. Kale braced himself.
Jason’s eyes flew open, pupils dilated, irises darting from left to right too fast for him to be able to see anything. “Kale?”
“I’m here. Shh.” He ran his hand through Jason’s hair.
Just as before, Jason’s face twisted, and his body convulsed with sobs.
“Jason, please calm down.”
There was no response.
“Jason, I have some tea here for you. Will you drink it for me? Please?”
Still nothing.
John leaned forward and placed a hand on Jason’s arm. Jason whipped his head around, startled by the unexpected touch. “Jason, it’s John. Kale and I need you to drink this tea. It’ll help you feel better.” John held the teacup to Jason’s lips.
“Kale?” Jason looked wildly at his companion.
“Yes, Jason. Drink it. Please.”
Jason nodded, his eyes still wide with fear. Kale doubted whether any sedative could calm him. Slowly he drank, never loosening his grip on Kale, letting John control the cup.
“You need to drink it all, Jason.” John encouraged him when he paused.
Jason sputtered on the last bit and then fell on Kale. The sobbing resumed, but it was less volatile. A few minutes later, he slept.
John rose from his seat and moved to leave. “John, can you check on Thomas for me?”
“No need to. Some of the cows are separated from the herd. He rode out with some of the boys to go search. Is there anything else I can get you?”
“No, thanks. You’ve been plenty of help. Now we just have to see if it worked.” Kale focused all of his attention on Jason. The muscles of his face were relaxing. The shuddering subsided. Ten minutes later, a soft snore escaped Jason’s mouth. Kale had never been so grateful to hear the nasally sound. He reached behind him and grabbed the cup of tea John had left for him. Its tepid sweetness tasted better than Kale would have thought possible.
Thirty minutes later, Kale was confident Jason would sleep for at least a couple of hours. He slid out of bed and grabbed the teacups to take with him down to the kitchen. It was still early evening, but the air in the house was dark and still, as if it was far later. Or maybe it was just Kale.
“How’s the master doing?” Darlene took the teacups from Kale and steered him into a chair.
“I don’t know. He’s sleeping now, but I don’t know how long it will last. I’ve never seen him like this.”
“It’ll pass. Just give it time.”
“I hope so, Darlene.”
“Let me fix you something to eat. I can have it taken to your room.”
“I’d rather eat down here, if you don’t mind. I need a break.”
“Of course you do. It’ll take just a few minutes.”
Kale nodded and stood. It took more effort than it should have. He’d hardly been on his feet all day. There was no reason for the difficulty. “I need to make a phone call. When I’m done, I’ll come back. I don’t want to bother with the dining room tonight.”
Kale needed Martin. He didn’t know how Jason would feel about him coming, but Kale didn’t care. They needed all the help they could get.
“Martin?”
“Kale, what’s wrong?”
“Robert passed today.”
“Oh, dear saints. How is Jason handling it?”
“Not well.”
“How are you?”
“Drowning. All my time is spent taking care of Jason. I’m sure there’s plenty that I should be doing, but I can’t even think clearly enough to know what needs done.”
“You’re doing exactly what you need to. Don’t worry about anything. I will be on the next train, and I’ll take care of everything. You just focus on taking care of Jason and yourself.”
“Thanks, Martin. I knew he’d take it hard—you know how Jason is—but this is beyond anything I’d anticipated.”
“You can never tell how people will react to this sort of thing. I’d love to chat, but I’ve got to go if I’m going to get the train tonight. I’ll get a cabbie from the station to bring me. It’ll probably be early morning when I get there.”
Kale was halfway up the stairs before his growling stomach reminded him he had a date with Darlene. It almost wasn’t worth the effort to turn around. When he reached the kitchen, the smell of fresh cornbread permeated the air, and he was glad he had decided to come back. When he sat at the plain kitchen table, Darlene served him a bowl of thick beef stew, a plate of cornbread with slabs of butter, and a tall glass of milk. It was the perfect meal that Kale hadn’t even known he wanted.
“Thanks, Darlene. This smells wonderful.”
“It tastes even better. You’re not leaving this kitchen until it’s all gone. I know how Master Jason gets. He hasn’t changed that much since he was a boy. When he’s distraught, he’ll tire out those who care about him. You’ve got to tread a careful line between helping him and wearing yourself out.”
“I can handle it.”
“Not looking like the living dead, you can’t.”
Kale answered by shoving a heaping spoonful of stew into his mouth. It was thick and warm and filled his insides with a comfort only food could provide. It wasn’t a struggle to finish every bite.
“You want more?”
“No, thanks.”
Darlene cleared away his bowl and plate. Kale needed to get back upstairs to check on Jason, but he had no idea what he should do when he got there. “He survived his mama dying. He’ll survive this.” Darlene patted his shoulder and sat next to him.
“How did he get through it last time?”
“Well, it’s tricky. When you’re young, your mama’s your whole world, but at the same time, you’re so full of life that eventually the urge to live just overwhelms everything else. Young’uns snap back. On the other hand, I’d wager he’s feeling his pa’s death deeper than he felt his ma’s. He knows what it means this time, but he’s a man. He’ll deal with it.”
Kale wasn’t so sure. No one felt things as deeply as Jason. His heart didn’t know the meaning of half-hearted. Jason’s grief could permanently change him. His grief when he’d lost Kale almost had. The only thing that had saved him was Kale’s return. There was no such hope in this situation.
“Thanks, Darlene.”
“Now you’d better go get yourself some sleep.”
“It’s still early.”
“I don’t care what the sun says. I say you need sleep.”
“Yes, ma’am.” Kale tried to smile but couldn’t quite manage it.
Jason was exactly as Kale had left him. The sight of the bed turned Kale’s muscles to mush. Darlene was right. He needed to sleep. Better to do it now while Jason was. Kale threw his clothes on the floor and climbed next to Jason. His bedfellow didn’t even stir. Whatever had been in his tea had done its job. Kale entwined his legs with Jason’s so he would be awakened as soon as Jason moved. Hopefully, Jason would be calm when he woke, but there was no guarantee. Once the sedative wore off, he could go right back to his hysterical sobbing. Medicine may have gotten him to sleep, but it couldn’t cure his grief.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
A dull throbbing was the only sensation that pierced the fog in Jason’s head. The fog obscured something, a different sensation he should be feeling. What had happened?
Kale was with him. He had been with him a lot. There were tears and a hollow feeling in his chest. His father. The nurse’s voice floated in the back of his mind. Robert was dead. Jason’s father was gone.
Jason’s limbs seemed heavy. He opened his eyes and saw the familiar expanse of Kale’s chest. Following the line of his body downward, he saw Kale’s legs wrapped around his own. That was part of the heaviness. He didn’t want to move. He didn’t want to think. All he wanted was to close his eyes and go back to sleep. The darkness of his unconscious mind was comforting, welcoming. The protective cocoon of Kale’s body didn’t allow for movement. Jason relished the restriction, the safety of it. There was nothing to worry about except the painful fullness of his bladder.
His arm moved first, breaking the comfortable stillness that had consumed him. He started to pull his legs from between Kale’s, expecting Kale to move and allow him to free himself. Instead, the legs only tightened on his own. He looked up to see Kale staring at him.
“How are you?”
“I didn’t mean to wake you.”
; “You didn’t have a choice. How are you?”
Jason paused, considering the question. With anyone else, he would have said fine, but this was Kale. He needed Kale, which meant he had to be honest. It would only cause problems if he wasn’t. “I feel better, but I’m also waiting for it to wear off.”
Kale pursed his lips. “And what happens when it wears off?”
“I don’t know. I’m scared I’m going to fall apart.”
Kale pulled Jason’s torso to him, holding Jason tight. “Don’t be scared. You can be sad, angry, devastated, anything but scared. Every emotion makes sense except that one. You know why?”
Jason shook his head. Fear was so wrapped up inside him that he didn’t know how to separate it from all the other emotions.
“Because if you fall apart, I’m going to be here. And you can bet I’m too selfish to let you stay that way. I’ll piece you back together. I’m not going to let anything happen to you. Do you believe me?”
There wasn’t a good answer. Jason wanted to lie, but if he did, Kale might not be able to help him, and Jason needed someone he could trust. “I don’t think you’re lying.”
“That’s not the same thing.”
“No, it’s not. I want to believe you. I just don’t know if I can be helped.”
“And every time you’ve ever thought that before, you were wrong, weren’t you?”
Jason thought back through all the times in his life he had almost lost himself. “Yes. You’ve always made me better before.”
“Damn right, and I’ll do it again because you’re worth it, Jason. You’re worth everything I have to give and more. So don’t be scared. The only reason to be scared is if you don’t trust me. Do you trust me?”
“You know I do.”
“Then everything’s going to be all right. You do whatever you need to. I’ll be here to clean it all up. I won’t let you hurt yourself.”
Jason noted the omission. “Don’t let me hurt you either.”
“I can handle it. Whatever you can dish out, I can take.”
“No. No deal. You don’t let me hurt you, if for no other reason than I could never forgive myself afterward.” Jason knew from experience that Kale would tolerate any abuse Jason hurled at him if he thought it would help. It was a part of Jason’s past he was unwilling to relive.
[Measure of Devotion 01.0 - 03.0] Box Set Page 72