You Loved Me At My Ugliest

by Evie Harper

  The sound of someone walking toward the living room causes us all to halt our laughter and grow silent.

  It’s a maid. She walks straight to me and hands me a piece of paper. “There’s a package for you at the post office, miss.” Her voice is quiet, but her kind smile is comforting.

  I thank her and wait until she leaves the room to read the piece of paper. All the men hover over me, trying to look at what’s written on the paper in my hands.

  I glance down and skim it, but find it’s only a normal post office notice to pick up a package. It states to pick it up tomorrow from nine a.m. to five p.m.

  I look to Joey with a wide grin on my face, excitement filling me from head to toe. I glance to everyone else now staring at me, while I bounce on my feet.

  “It’s probably Nick and Dom. They may have found the information we just thought we lost,” I say enthusiastically.

  Joey wraps his arm around my waist and kisses my head. “Let’s hope so,” he says softly into my hair. He sounds relieved, but I can tell he’s still holding on to some of his fear from earlier. I understand. Things are again changing quickly and we’re hastily left to catch up and come up with another plan.

  Please, Nick and Dom, come through for us.

  Alexander hoots loudly and claps his hands together, sounding as excited as I am. Matthew grins and William stays detached and unmoved by the news.

  “Let’s not get our hopes up too soon. If today has taught us anything, it’s that Father has been one step ahead of us the whole time. I need to get back to the hotel so you guys come up with a plan for tomorrow and let me know the details when I return.” William pulls us all back down to earth and then leaves as swiftly as he came.

  The guys sit and start discussing ideas for tomorrow, but I can’t rest. I’ve come to the realization that this place, these men, are my life now, and as scary as the course I’m taking may be, I feel as if I could run for miles and never lose my breath. I have a new family now. A sense of belonging and purpose races through my soul to the point I’m almost in tears. This is my life now. Good or bad, I'm going to see this through. Maybe this is exactly where I’ve always meant to be.

  ~~~

  I wake to a warm kiss on my lips. Keeping my eyes closed, I smile and wrap my arms around Joey’s neck. I pull him down on me harder, and the kiss intensifies. He slides his big, smooth hands up and under my silk top. He cups my breasts roughly, pinching both my nipples. Heat explodes down below, my clit pulses with the need to be rubbed and sucked. My walls beg to be invaded, to be filled and stretched, dominated until I can’t think or speak, only feel.

  Releasing my mouth, Joey growls, “Fuck, Lexi. You make it fucking hard to leave this bed, baby.”

  I savor his words and let the joy of the moment soak into my bones.

  He removes his hands from under my top and I groan, but it’s more like a whine.

  “Sorry,” Joey says against my lips. “But we need to get up. We're supposed to be at the post office at ten, and since it’s already just past nine, we need to get moving.”

  My eyes fly open and all the lust I thought was going to consume me fades away.

  Today is a big day. Hopefully. Oh, God, I hope so.

  “I’m going to shower, dress in my room, and then head down and grab our breakfast. I’ll bring it back up here, okay? We’ll eat alone and go over the details for today.”

  I can only nod since I’m lost for words. A naked Joey is bent at the waist, leaning his arms on the bed either side of me, as if caging me in. My eyes rake over his body, but they always come back to my favorite, well, second favorite place, his tanned, hard chest. Joey gives me one last kiss before he stands and walks into the bathroom. I rub my thighs together as I watch his toned, perfectly rounded ass cheeks move as he moves away from me. Okay, his abs are my third favorite thing about him.

  I jump out of bed, throw on my robe and gather my underwear and a white maxi dress for the day. This dress is my most beloved item of clothing. It’s a long, white maxi dress with red roses across the bottom and a slit on the left side up to my thigh. It’s light and flows easily, perfect for the hot days here. I lay my clothes on the bed and brush my hair, placing it up into a bun while waiting for my turn in the shower.

  The door opens and Joey steps out, steam billowing from the bathroom, with water dripping down his chest and a white towel sitting loosely on his hips. He runs his hand through his wet hair, forcing his brown hair backwards. Mentally, I check to make sure my mouth is closed and no drool is escaping.

  In my daze, it takes me a moment to realize his chest is a bare inch from mine. I glance up and our eyes lock, Joey’s eyes intense and heated. “You ever look at another man like that and I promise he’s a dead man.” Each possessive word sears it’s mark into my soul.

  I sway a little. If I weren’t a strong, twenty-first century, independent woman, I would swoon and fall on my ass right now.

  His lips tip up into a mischievous smile. He knows exactly what he’s doing to me. “Feel free to fall next time. I will always catch you.” Joey's hot breath hits my neck and goose bumps jump up all over my body. He strides confidently to the door and exits the room, leaving me alone, practically panting for him. Jesus, he knows me too well. I need to start being more mysterious.

  After a quick shower, I dress and then pause, hearing angry voices. I walk to my door and open it just a crack to see if I can see or hear who’s arguing. Most likely Alexander and Michael going at it again.

  I see no one in the hallway or just below the stairs, so I take a cautious step out.

  Abruptly, I jump and grab my chest when a loud pop echoes throughout the house, followed by crackling, as if from lightning during a storm. It happens again and again.

  And then I hear it. My body freezes and my blood chills. Fear grips my heart. An anguished moan I’ve heard before, but only as a child when Joey was in pain.

  I don’t think. I just run. My dress whips around my body as I sprint through the hall and down the stairs. My bare feet hit the cold marble as I dart toward the sounds of agony, with tears threatening to spill. I beg my tears not to surrender. I plead with my pounding heart to give me hope. Don’t give up so easily. The moans cease and my mind rebels. It wants me to stop, not to go any further, not to break what fragile reality I hold in my grasp.

  The moans lead me to the living room. My eyes automatically get caught on the blue ocean through the glass windows, and then the red blood streaked across the white lounge steals my gaze.

  My eyes dart around the room, my heart begging me not to look in the first place.

  My breath whooshes out of me as I see Joey, alive, bent at the waist on his knees, his shoulders shaking. He’s alive.

  My eyes immediately swing to Michael standing to the right, gun in hand, staring at me with a sneer and also a smug smile. Two of his guards stand vigil at his back, staring down at Joey with expressions of remorse.

  My chest tightens, and I swallow harshly.

  My heart lightens even more when I see Matthew, Alexander and William standing to the left. Alive. Intact. However, something isn’t right. Their bodies are tense, braced as if ready to jump into the middle of a fight.

  If they’re alive, who’s the body on the floor?

  I jump over the two steps in the living room and move hurriedly to Joey’s side and to the body he’s mourning over.

  The closer I get, the more my soul shatters. All the air gets sucked right out of my lungs. My world becomes dizzy and the edges of my eyes begin to blur. The world around me loses all its color and fades into grey.

  I sink to my knees, collapsing on the hard marble floor. Harsh heaves from my chest become erratic, threatening my vision and consciousness.

  I reach forward, but can’t bring myself to touch the body of a man who held me tight at night, who made me feel safe, loved.

  A cry explodes from my mouth. Tears cloud my blurred vision, and I’m stuck in a nightmare, unable to breathe.

>   Nick.

  Chapter Thirteen

  How Many People Need To Die

  Alexa

  This can’t be real.

  As I’m about to touch what I pray will disappear before my eyes, and that I will wake from this nightmare, arms wrap around my body and pull me backwards against a hard chest.

  “Lexi, baby. I’m so sorry.” Joey’s panicked and devastated words slay my heart as he rocks my body. No! It’s not real.

  A scream bursts from my lips and I claw his hands off me and crawl toward the body, toward the dead man. It isn’t him. It can’t be.

  I finally reach the man who looks exactly like Nick. But this isn’t him. Nick doesn’t have blood splattered across his face and chest. Nick doesn’t have half the right side of his head missing.

  The scene is gory, but even so, the man looks peaceful, as if he is in a deep sleep.

  This is all a dream. I’ll wake up soon. When I touch him, I’m going to wake up gasping and sweating from the fear my mind now holds.

  My hands slowly reaches out and I’m ready for the gasping and sweating, but they never come. Instead, I’m left with a firm arm in my hands. I squeeze and feel the flesh between my fingers. Reality hits me hard.

  Tears flow without restraint, and desperate sobs escape my mouth. “No, please, this can’t be. This can’t be happening, no, please, God, no!” I scream and cry.

  I grab a hold of Nick’s shirt and twist it in my hands as I lower my head to his chest. I shut my eyes tightly, struggling with the overwhelming emotions I’m drowning in. I continue to sob, heaving painfully, the agony tearing me apart from the inside out.

  Warm hands wrap around me and try to pull me away from Nick.

  I buck and scream. “No! Leave me!”

  ~~~

  Joseph

  My heart splinters, ripping itself apart, watching Lexi in so much pain.

  Using all my strength, I tear her away from Nick’s dead body and try my best to hold her jerking, sorrow-filled body in my arms.

  “What do you want me to do, baby? Just tell me what to do to make this pain go away,” I whisper as heavy heaves rack her chest.

  Each breath I take is torture. How did we get here? How did this happen?

  Lexi tilts her broken, anguished eyes to mine. Her lips quiver as she speaks. “Justice, for Nick and Sarah. Kill Michael,” she seethes, her voice loud and clear.

  Lexi doesn’t try to hide how much hate she holds for the man standing behind me.

  Michael’s cruel laughter fills the room. “You think he’d kill family over a woman?” His tone is one of disbelief, humor that she’d even think it possible. His voice conveys confidence that the O’Connor name means more than compassion and love.

  William, Matthew and Alexander step closer to me, knowing I would most definitely kill him for Alexa. I can sense their panic. They’re petrified I’m about to kill their only way to find out where their sister is.

  There’s no question about what I should do, but Lexi is hurting. Grief is speaking for her right now, but that doesn’t mean she isn’t right.

  I sigh heavily and relax my shoulders. I peer up at William and with a defeated growl, say, “Take the fucking gun off him.”

  My cousins visibly relax.

  William snatches the gun out of his father’s hand and spits, “One day, I’m going to enjoy every tortured scream I rip from your disgusting mouth. I can’t wait to end your abominable life.”

  “Why the fuck is everyone pissed off? This fucking asshole was snooping around Serrano, probably to get to us. And by their response,”—he points and snarls at Lexi and me—“they were helping him.”

  “Enough!” The deep, loud rumble in my chest has all the men’s eyes swinging to me.

  I release Lexi from my arms and make sure she’s sitting up safely against a couch. Immediately, she hugs her body and buries her face in her legs. I watch helplessly as her shoulders shake and her cries echo around the room.

  I reach around my back for my gun. When it’s firmly held in my right hand, I point it at Michael.

  “What the fuck are you doing?” Michael asks, his body stiffening and eyes bulging.

  “I’m doing what I should have done a long time ago.”

  I click the safety off.

  “Joseph, don’t do this. We’ll work something else out!” Alex yells.

  “Joseph, don’t!” William shouts.

  “Just fucking do it, kill him!” Matthew growls.

  Michael’s mouth is open and it’s moving, but no words are coming out. Disbelief that someone from the O’Connor name could take one of its own.

  “The pelvis, Joey.” I quickly glance down to Lexi. “The pelvis has a bundle of nerves, which will spread pain through his body like wildfire.” I’m frozen for a moment, stunned by her words. Lexi has never been cruel, but right now, she’s a stone-cold killer.

  “Joseph, you know what we’ll lose. You know we need to find our sister. You know it’s not in his fucking will, so don’t you dare fucking do this to us.”

  Michael looks to William, shocked by his announcement.

  I hear the desperation, the pleading in his voice, but I fail to care when I look down to Lexi who’s staring up at me with tears still falling. Nobody hurts Lexi and lives to see another day.

  Just as Michael braces to move, I pull the trigger and shoot him in the pelvic area. He yells out in pain as both his hands slap down where the bullet hits. I realign, pull the trigger again and shoot him higher this time in his stomach, knowing the acid in his stomach will kill him in a matter of hours.

  “No!” William and Alexander yell.

  Jorge and Carlos do nothing as Michael grabs his body and falls backward; his two guards only step away and let him drop hard to the ground.

  Michael lies on the floor, squirming and moaning in agony. Good.

  I stare at Jorge and Carlos, my finger twitching on the trigger. For Nick to be in this house, a man Michael could never have overpowered, I know those two would have had to forcefully bring Nick here.

  They glance up from Michael with relief on their features. Then they see me staring at them and begin to step back and grab for their weapons, fear evident on their faces.

  I snarl, my frenzied violent side demanding that I take more lives. I begin to draw my weapon on them when I glance down to Lexi, finding her back in her cocooned shell, her shoulders still shaking. She needs me. She needs a man, a good man by her side. Not a killer.

  It’s then I feel the pounding of my heart. The adrenalin coursing through my body begging me to continue, to keep taking lives, showing my strength through being the last one standing. Twist those around me to bow down to me through fear. Something my father would have done in a heartbeat. I’m not him, but I became him. I don’t want to be that anymore. I want to be more, better.

  I inhale heavily and turn to Jorge and Carlos who now have their weapons drawn on me.

  I spin the gun in my hand, surrendering, and bringing my other hand up slowly, doing the same.

  I can live with killing Michael, a man who deserves to be wiped from this earth. But the way they looked at Michael, it was relief, as if being granted freedom. I’ve been where these men are, stuck under the thumb of a cruel man who knows how to blackmail you into awful situations.

  Alexander and William come from the right, guns raised at the two guards. Telling them to calm down and to put away their guns. When they see I’m no longer a threat, they do just that and quickly leave the room.

  I stare down at Lexi who’s still crying, waves of grief thundering from her. It’s a bittersweet moment. I feel stronger than I ever have before.

  Self-loathing has always been my go to, something I could count on to excuse my horrible behavior. Feeling the adrenaline and power flow through me and being the person my father shaped me to be, power and gain through pain is what I’ve fed on all my life. Making the wrong choices, I always had my past and family to blame that on. I choose today to be a
better man.

  I stare down at Lexi, surprise surging through me. I thought I needed to rid our lives of any enemies when all that was required was for me to finally wake up. All she ever needed was for me to be there. To choose her over what my father had ingrained in me, which was to wipe out our enemies before they got to you. Violence has been such a big part of my life that the answer was always to beat them down or kill them.

  I understand why Jake didn't come, now. He understands the toll taking lives takes. He realized tangling his life with another dark place would only bring his family down with him. He chose them, to have the good times while they’re good and not chase after the bad as I have.

  Lexi helps me be a better man, but I can make myself a great one. I can never have a clean slate, but I can pave a new road with good intentions.

  I pick Alexa up in my arms and place her on the lounge. She curls into herself. Her crying has stopped, but she refuses to unclench her arms from around her legs, probably desperate to stay in a world of her own, never wanting to come back to reality. My heart twists painfully knowing how much she cared for him, at how much this it is going to hurt her to say goodbye.

  I turn to my cousins. Alexander and William are furious. Veins are popping in their necks. They seem ready to attack me.

  “Do you have any idea what you just did?” William growls.

  I look to him apologetically. Now the moment has passed, I am sorry for what was taken from them, but I can’t be sorry for what I did. They should have done this long before now and then Nick would still be alive.

  “How many people need to die for you to find one person? I understand the weight of that one person to you. But that man,”—I point to the lifeless body that used to be a good man—“also has a sister and friends back home. They lost someone today, and his only crime was helping us. Michael needed to be put down like the animal he was.” My voice is bordering on frenzied again.

  Understanding crosses William and Alexander’s expressions. Their bodies relax and guilt invades their features.

  “He’s still alive,” Matthew sneers, standing over Michael’s pale body. “There’s still time to torture the fucker.”