Reawakened Secrets

by Denae, Mari

  Me too, I thought to myself, looking guiltily toward my best friend. Even then, I had known this was a thought I should not share with Alice. No matter how good a friend she was, and despite the fact that we told each other everything, something about how Jackson Montgomery made me feel was private. Without warning, Alice’s eyes fluttered open. My stomach lurched viciously, but I was frozen in place.

  “Claire?” she asked in a soft murmur. Her voice propelled me into action. Stumbling over my feet, I rushed to her side. There was nothing I could do to stop the tears this time. The closest thing I would ever have to a sister was really with me again. I held her close, savoring her warmth and familiar scent.

  “I’ve missed you, Alice. I’m so relieved to finally have you back.” I pulled away to study her face again. “How are you feeling? How long have you been awake? When did they bring you to the States?” I babbled without giving her time to answer.

  She laughed and it was almost as if no time had passed from the days when we were inseparable, more than mere best friends. For the first time in over ten years, I remembered what it felt like to be young and lighthearted. But so much had changed. Another spasm of guilt invaded my joy. I looked down at our joined hands, unable to maintain eye contact. Alice could always read me. I was afraid she would take one good look and know.

  “I opened my eyes for the first time two months ago, but I just arrived at this hospital yesterday.” While she began to detail her recovery in a weak, raspy voice, I labored to concentrate on what she was saying. It was all “Jackson did this . . .” and “Jackson did that . . . blah, blah, blah.” I groaned inwardly. Although I was sure he deserved every bit of praise for taking care of her as he always had, I was going to spew my guts all over my best friend if I had to hear how wonderful he was for much longer. Mercifully, she changed the direction of the conversation.

  “Now, I want to hear about you,” she said. “Tell me everything I’ve missed. Don’t leave anything out.”

  Hoping she had not recognized my mood, I answered. “I hate to disappoint you, Alice, but my life has been very boring without you. Umm . . .” I paused for a moment, straining to edit out the things I should not share. My mother’s voice echoed in my head. “Lying by omission is still lying in the eyes of God, young lady.” Oh well. I’ve lied, fornicated, and coveted. Hell, I practically killed my best friend with my selfishness. By all Catholic standards, it was pretty clear I was going to Hell anyway.

  Still, I had to be smart. The last thing I needed was for Alice to become curious about details. Drowning out my mother’s voice and trying to keep inappropriate emotions locked away in the void they’d inhabited for the last decade, I continued.

  “Well, I finished college early, just like high school. Then, after four years of med school, I started my surgical residency here, at this hospital. Now, I work side by side with one of the best in the field and will be able to take my board exams by the end of the year.”

  “You were always the smartest person around. God knows, I wouldn’t have graduated high school without you,” Alice stated matter-of-factly. “What type of surgeon are you going to be?”

  “A umm, neurosurgeon.”

  Her eyes filled with tears, and I looked down as embarrassment colored my cheeks. Of course she would understand.

  “Oh, Claire, were you thinking you could save me one day?”

  “Maybe.”

  “I knew you would do it,” Alice said. “You’ve always known exactly what you wanted. Now you’re a doctor.” She looked up at me, her eyes filled with pride. “No, you’re a surgeon, at the very hospital you dreamed about. Lucky for us, you didn’t move away. Otherwise, I’d hate to think how long it would have taken Jackson to find you.”

  I jerked back from the bed, twisting my hands together in my lap. “Find me? Wh- what do you mean?” I stammered.

  “Well, Jackson mentioned you in passing during our talk with the chief of staff. He recognized your name immediately. I think he’s really impressed with you.”

  Unbelievable! I couldn’t afford to be this stupid. I had been so engrossed with thoughts of Alice I hadn’t stopped to consider how Jackson got my phone number. I shuddered at the thought of his hiring someone to find out where I was, and God only knew what else. Yes, it was lucky he didn’t have to go that far—very lucky indeed.

  “Hey, are you okay?” Alice asked. “You know we would have done anything to find you, no matter what.”

  “Yeah, I know. I’m fine.”

  “Okay, now it’s your turn. Are you happy, Claire?” Her low, uneven voice grew jagged as she questioned me further. “Do you have a boyfriend? Are you married?”

  “No! I—there’s nothing to tell, really. Your accident put things in perspective for me. You’d be shocked at how dull and responsible I’ve become,” I said with a wry chuckle. “I’ve been so busy with school, and my . . . career. There hasn’t been time for anything else. My only friend was out of the country, so I guess you could say this hospital has been my boyfriend and my best friend, in a sense.”

  I sighed at the truthful sting of my words. My life was now fulfilled in ways I couldn’t share with her, but in other, equally important ways, it was empty. My new life plan had certainly diverged from the childish fantasies we pictured ten years ago.

  I reached for her grasping hand. “What about Jackson?” she asked flatly.

  “I . . . well, what about him?”

  “When I woke up and realized how much time had passed, I guess I expected to find . . .” She stopped, and her face became taut with strain, like she was thinking hard about her next words. “You spent as much time with him as I did. We were the three musketeers, friends for life, remember? I always knew you’d both fall apart without me, but I at least expected you to do it together.” She looked at me with clear, probing eyes.

  I hunted for the best answer to this question. It had to be strange to realize Jackson and I were no longer friends, but telling her the truth was absolutely impossible.

  Hastily, I cleared my throat. “Please, I was just your nanny’s loud-mouthed daughter. I’m sure he only tolerated me for you. Do you remember how much he ignored me our senior year?”

  She didn’t seem sold on my bullshit, moving her head from side to side in denial. Her mouth opened to ask another question, but she closed it again without making a sound. Lines of strain crinkled around her mouth.

  Finally, she said, “My memory isn’t a hundred percent yet. Some things are still a little foggy, but other things, well, I feel like I’ve never seen them so clearly.”

  Again, I studied her face, this time with the watchful eyes of a friend. My paranoia had to be getting the best of me, or maybe it was just my guilt. Something about what she’d said made me worry that Alice knew more than either Jackson or I thought. Laughing nervously at my own misplaced suspicion, I looked into familiar blue eyes that seemed to peer right through me and see everything I was desperate to hide. Trying to steady myself, I clutched the bed rail.

  “How are you handling all of this, Alice? It must be weird to wake up after all this time.”

  She sighed and closed her eyes for a moment before answering. “Yes, it is. Every time I look into a mirror or see Jackson’s face, I get a jolt. Without that, I wouldn’t believe it was real.”

  “Ten years is a long time. It’s going to take a while to get used to it. Is there anything I can do?”

  “No. Considering everything, I can’t complain. I’m awake, right?” Her face lit with a brilliant smile. “Like Jackson said, we’re getting a second chance.” Her smile wavered slightly, and her gaze darted to mine. “There is one thing bothering me, I guess, but it’s not a big deal.”

  “What is it, Alice? Maybe I can help.”

  “Well, I can’t stand the stupid doctor they’ve stuck me with.”

  “What? What doctor?” Happy to have something to do, I placed my purse on the table and reached for her chart. It wouldn’t give me much information, but at
least I would be able to see which doctor had been signing off on her medication. “I can’t believe they would assign an intern to your case. I know the perfect guy for . . .” My words trailed off when I saw the signature next to the latest notations. “Wait, you mean Adam, Doctor Adam Shaw?”

  “What, you know that moron? He calls me Sleeping Beauty, for crying out loud?”

  Adam was a bit of an acquired taste, but I had more or less been beaten into submission. I tried not to give in to the laugh rumbling inside my chest.

  “Well, technically, you were asleep for a long time, and you are beautiful, Alice.”

  “So you do know that pompous ass.”

  “Yes, I do. Actually, Adam’s the doctor I was going to suggest. He’s the best neurosurgeon in the States.” I couldn’t hold in my laughter any longer when I saw Alice roll her eyes. Something so unladylike was not normal for her. “Look, he’s really good, I promise. More than that, he’s the closest thing I’ve had to a friend in ten years. Give him a chance.”

  “He’s a friend, huh? You and Doctor Shaw aren’t more than friends, are you?” She gave me a sly look.

  “No way; he’s all yours, Sleeping Beauty.”

  “Very funny. If he’s so great, why don’t you want him?”

  I pretended to consider her question. “I don’t know. He is good-looking. The nurses find his wavy chestnut hair and serious hazel eyes irresistible. On top of that, he’s a brilliant surgeon. Think of the beautiful baby geniuses the two of you would make.”

  “Babies? I’m too young to have—babies.” Tears filled her eyes at the realization of what she just said.

  “Hey, twenty-eight is still young,” I said, rushing back to her side. “I’m sorry, Alice. I’m an idiot. I didn’t mean to upset you.” I rubbed her hand, wishing I would learn to think before opening my big mouth.

  “No, I’m sorry. Like I said, I forget sometimes.” She drew in a breath and looked away. The corner of her mouth trembled.

  I glanced at my watch, surprised to see how long I’d been with her. The doctor in me scanned her flushed face for more signs of fatigue. My heart sank at the realization that it was well past time to go and let her get some rest.

  “Okay, Ms. Sinclair,” I sighed. “I hate to leave, but I can see you’re getting tired. I don’t want to wear out my welcome on the first day. I’ll come see you after my rounds tomorrow, unless you’re expecting other company?”

  Alice smiled and shook her head. Reluctant, but resolved, I grabbed my purse and stood to leave. When she reached up, I lingered tensely over our hug.

  “I love you, friend. Don’t ever leave me again,” I said.

  “Love you too, brat.”

  A peace I hadn’t felt in ten years settled in my heart at the familiar endearment, and I gave her another quick hug. Stop stalling, coward. Somehow, I knew he would be out there waiting for me. As if we were nearing the dramatic climax in some corny horror movie, time seemed to move in slow motion; seconds became minutes. Every step toward the door pulled me deeper into the quicksand of consequences, disabling my ability to escape. Bracing myself for the shock of seeing him, I forced my shaky hand to reach for the door.

  JACKSON STOOD SEVERAL feet away, staring out the window next to the only stairwell and elevator on this floor. He was dressed in tailored slacks and a collared shirt, the perfect hue of blue to highlight his turquoise eyes. His hands were in his pockets, and he seemed to be lost in thought.

  I took advantage of his preoccupation and filled my senses with the sight of him. Jackson had grown into manhood remarkably well. His shirt did nothing to hide the broad, muscled shoulders beneath it. His angular jaw line no longer looked out of place and now sported a few days of stubble. And holy shit, Jackson Montgomery had sex hair, spiked in abandoned disarray. The kind you imagined grabbing while he whispered naughty things in your ear and backed them up by making your entire body shake. And it seemed, I wasn’t alone in my admiration. Two nurses at the other end of the hallway ogled him with obvious appreciation. He was oblivious to us all.

  Shaken by how fast I’d forgotten my reasons for loathing Jackson Montgomery, my steps faltered. Self-disgust hardened my feelings for him and gave me the courage to keep walking in his direction. Hoping for a quick retreat, I forced myself to move faster toward the elevator.

  Looking up, his eyes flashed to my face, and his mouth quirked in a familiar smile more aptly described as a smirk. This was an expression I remembered seeing many times. But was he ever this sexy before?

  Regardless of my resolve, my breath caught in my chest. “Hello, Jackson.” Embarrassed by the slight tremble in my voice, I paused in front of the elevators, keeping a respectable distance between us.

  “Hello, Claire,” he responded in a deeper voice that matched his new appearance. “Wow, you look . . .” He paused, and I could feel the heat of his stare on me. “You’re even more beautiful than I remember.”

  My gaze snapped up from the tiles on the floor. The earnestness in his tone and in his eyes took me by surprise. Hell, it nearly knocked me on my ass. He had to be kidding or lying. I didn’t have any trouble attracting men, but he knew I’d never considered myself beautiful. How could I when I’d been compared to Alice my whole life?

  Anyway, I had to look a mess. After all, I was in the middle of cleaning when he called. In my haste to get to Alice, I had thrown on the first pair of jeans and shirt I found hanging in my closet. My hair was pulled back into something resembling a ponytail. My face was bare of make-up. No one finds a frizzy ponytail and the scent of Mr. Clean appealing—especially not Jackson Montgomery. Yet, he looked genuinely impressed and happy to see me. This was unexpected.

  I had to admit, it was a nice try, but he was years too late for the polite casual acquaintance act. My eyes narrowed, and I took my time eyeing him from head to toe, then pushed the one button I thought he’d still have. “Well, you look like a Montgomery.”

  He only shrugged and continued to smile down at me. “It’s really good to see you, Claire. You have no idea how much I’ve missed you and your unique sense of humor.”

  “Really? You’ve missed me? I guess that’s why it took you ten years to call. Let’s go for twenty and see what crazy thing missing me makes you do next.”

  I jabbed at the down button and was satisfied to see the smile fade from his face. He raked his hands through his hair before coming a few steps closer.

  “Look,” he said with a sigh, “I knew you’d be mad as hell and I deserve it. I messed up, but Alice is not the only one getting a second chance.”

  Messed up, seriously? “No Jackson, you fucked up. So save your second chance bullshit for Alice. You and I have nothing to say to each other.”

  “Maybe you don’t, but I do.”

  “It doesn’t matter. Nothing can change what happened.” I bit down hard on my bottom lip and tried to concentrate on that pain.

  “I need to tell you how sorry I am whether you want to hear it or not. I never wanted to hurt you. Not coming back was a mistake. At the time, I just felt so guilty about everything. Especially taking advantage of you the way I did.”

  My head lifted slowly at the unfamiliar sound of an actual apology coming from Jackson Montgomery.

  His face twisted with some emotion I couldn’t discern. “I thought you’d be better off with me gone. At least until I found a way to fix everything,” he said.

  Struggling to maintain my anger, I tried to take in what he said. What happened between us was exactly what I’d wanted. Even he had to know that. Although it would help to ease my guilt and embarrassment, I could hardly accuse him of taking advantage of me. Besides, I wondered, how could he think I would have been better off with him gone?

  “I was a jerk, as you used to love to remind me,” he persisted, trying to appeal to my sense of humor.

  “I’m sure, after all this time, I could think of a much more appropriate name for you.”

  He gave a humorless snort and leaned his hip again
st the window sill. “You never were one to hold back. Give it your best shot, Claire. I can take it.”

  “Go to hell, Jackson.”

  “I’ve been in hell for ten years,” he replied calmly. “Now I’m coming home—to stay.”

  Horrified, I stared into his unwavering eyes. My palm itched to smack the self-assured smirk off his face and pull every strand of just-fucked hair off his head.

  “You haven’t changed a bit. You’re still a jackass.”

  “Yeah,” he agreed with a chuckle. “Jackass is way more appropriate than jerk.” He reached out to stroke one finger across my cheek. “I understand why you think that, but I have changed. I’ve changed a lot.”

  Warmth spread from his finger-tip through every inch of my body. Furious at the undeniable attraction that sizzled between us, I jerked my face away. Then, I jabbed at the elevator button again. What was taking the damn thing so long, anyway? I crossed my arms over my chest and pressed my legs together, trying to douse the trembling heat his touch ignited so effortlessly. Where the hell is that elevator?

  He thought he could toss me a smile and I would just forget the last ten years. Well, good luck with that, jackass. He abandoned me when I needed him the most. He shut me out as though that one night cancelled out our entire friendship. I had so many dings and dents growing up that I was almost numb to the pain after a while. But when I lost Jackson, I didn’t just break, I shattered.

  Not sure what to do next, I had never been happier to see Adam walking down the hall in my direction. “I’m not interested in apologies or second chances, Jackson. It’s too late. The only thing you can do for me is disappear.” Unable to resist, I looked at him one last time. Then I moved toward the nurses’ station, where Adam had stopped to study patient charts. Instead of going away as I had hoped, Jackson trailed behind me. To make matters worse, I heard the elevator finally ding open. Damn!

  “Adam, can I talk to you for a minute?”

  “Dozer! Is this about our surgery tomorrow? I’m sure you’re more than prepared for it, as always.”