Inside the Palisade

by Maguire, K. C.

  “Do you remember the story about the woman who went outside, and what happened to her?” Ma Temple asks.

  Gamma leans over to deposit her mug on the coffee table, placing her elbows on her knees to focus on her mother, effectively blocking me out. Something passes between the two of them. I can tell by Ma Temple’s expression and the sudden hard set of Gamma’s shoulders.

  “Maybe you should share that story with Omega,” Ma Temple says. Gamma turns hesitantly to face me, her skin pale. I have a bad feeling about this. If the story upsets Gamma so much, do I really want to hear it? A breeze blows a tree branch against the window, startling me. I reach for the table and accidentally bump my hot chocolate, causing it to drip over the mug and down one of the table legs. The sludge begins to soak into the white carpet.

  Embarrassed, I glance at Ma Temple.

  “Don’t worry about it.” Ma Temple stands. “I’ll take care of it. Gamma, why don’t you tell Omega what I told you?”

  Gamma doesn’t seem so angry anymore. If anything, she looks sad. Ma Temple goes to the kitchen so the two of us are alone now.

  Gamma inches a little closer. “Can I see your eyes again?”

  I turn to face her. She exhales loudly as she presses her fingertips on the tops of my cheekbones directly below my lower lids.

  “How have you hidden them?”

  “Contact lenses. Little pieces of plastic I use to cover them.”

  Gamma’s lips form into a round “o”. Then she asks, “Are they painful?”

  “No, only if my eyes get dry. I’m used to it now.” I pull further away. “What did your mother want you to tell me?”

  She blinks and straightens. “Honestly, all my life I thought it was just a story Mom told me, to scare me out of ever thinking about trying to get outside the palisade. Remember how adventurous I was back then?”

  The memories of her plans to do death-defying stunts flood back. I don’t know why I ever thought I could be an explorer. She’s the one with the adventurous streak.

  “I don’t know why I never figured it out before,” she says. “I mean, that the story was true.”

  My hands begin to shake and I rest them against my knees.

  “My mother used to tell me about a woman who had been Called to motherhood,” Gamma says. “It was a while back. She was planning to have the Procedure but she couldn’t go through with it. She was worried about the society inside the walls. Worried about the kind of world her child would grow up in. She didn’t think we could sustain ourselves forever, and she wanted to go outside. To see if there was anything out there. People to trade with, to help us grow.”

  “Sounds like my mother,” I start to say. The words die on my lips.

  Gamma collects my hands between hers, pulling me forward. “This woman – she snuck outside the palisade. Only once. That’s all it took.”

  It feels like a heavy weight has descended on my chest.

  “She was attacked?” I say.

  “She went missing for several days. Her partner was wild with fear. The Protectors were planning a search party, but it ended up not being necessary.”

  “Why not?” My voice sounds tinny in my ears.

  “This woman, she had left her communicator behind. It looked as if she didn’t want to be followed. But no one realized she had taken an emergency beacon with her. A few days after she disappeared, the signal was activated. From outside the palisade. The Protectors found her near the boundary, badly injured and unconscious with no memory of activating the signal. The Med-Techs assumed her memory had been affected by the trauma. Later, she was able to recall some of the things the deman did to her. Her physical injuries were healing, but the Med-Techs discovered something else.” Gamma sinks back into the sofa, releasing my hands.

  I barely hear Ma Temple enter the room. She walks over to us and pats my knee before wiping the spilled chocolate from the glass table and leaning over with a rag to mop up the stain on the carpet. When she’s done, she perches on the arm of the sofa.

  I speak more to myself than to anyone else. “So, that’s why my eyes are like this?”

  Ma Temple nods. “When a woman has the Procedure the Med-Techs can control for genetic abnormalities, but when a deman—”

  “A deman did that to my mother. She never had the Procedure. Why didn’t she tell me?”

  “She was trying to protect you,” Ma Temple says.

  “How do you know all this?”

  “Where do you think she gets the contact lenses?”

  Gamma bolts forward, her voice rising in pitch. “You mean you’ve helped Ma Wye all this time? Helped her lie to Omega? And to me?”

  “Honey, calm down.”

  Gamma stalks to the window, scaring away the hummingbird that has been hovering there. I can see clouds gathering in the distance. I wonder if the dry spell is going to break. Probably not. The rainclouds always appear on the horizon, but they never seem to get any closer. It’s like they’re taunting us.

  Ma Temple raises her voice. “It started long before either of you were born. We didn’t mean to hurt you. Either of you. I was on duty at the Clinic when they brought Ma Wye in from the outside. I examined her then, and worked on her later when we began to suspect that she might have become an Expectant.”

  Gamma is suddenly behind me. Her honeysuckle scent envelopes me. She reaches for my hand and our fingers interlace. Her skin is warm and soft. And reassuring. We’re friends again.

  “Maybe it was all meant to be,” Ma Temple says. “After all, motherhood was her Calling.”

  Gamma’s story is rattling around in my head when another thought strikes me. “How many people know about this?”

  “Not many. There were only a few of us on duty that night and the Elders swore us to secrecy. Your mother managed to keep everything quiet even after she decided…” Ma Temple doesn’t finish the sentence. She doesn’t need to. I know what she was going to say.

  “My mother was going to kill me,” I say. I’m the one who shouldn’t be here. I’m the monster. My lower lip quivers. “Why didn’t she go through with it?”

  Gamma’s grip tightens around my hand.

  “She came to talk to me before she decided. She asked me if anything was wrong with the baby, with you. She wanted to know if there was any chance you could be one of them.”

  “A deman,” I whisper. Ma Temple regards me through lowered lashes. “She was going to kill me if I was a boy.”

  “But you weren’t.” Gamma interjects.

  “Omega. Look at me.” Ma Temple’s voice is firm as she touches my knee and leans forward. She smells of hot chocolate. “Whatever else your mother may have done, she did it out of love. How you got here doesn’t matter. She loves you. Think about it. She never had another daughter, did she? She spent her life caring for you.”

  “Despite what I am?”

  “Because of what you are.”

  “So Mom finds out that I’m a girl, normal except for my eyes,” I say.

  “We had no way of knowing about that,” Ma Temple says. “We can engineer the eye color in the embryo but not after the fetus is already growing. We didn’t know until your eye color settled. Or rather colors. You were about forty weeks old. Your mother came to see me and we worked out the plan with the lenses. I’ve been helping her ever since.”

  “And the Elders know?” I ask.

  “One does. We needed authorization to proceed with the birth. She permitted it out of sympathy to your mother and because she felt it was fated.”

  Omicron. It must be. That’s why she wasn’t surprised when she saw my eyes.

  “Ma Temple?” I ask. “What happened to my mother’s partner? Do you know?”

  Gamma, who has remained by my side, reaches for what’s left of my hot chocolate and presses the mug into my hand. I raise it to my lips but don’t drink, waiting for Ma Temple’s answer.

  “She left your mother. Before you were born. When she couldn’t talk her out of going through with it
. I don’t think they ever spoke again.”

  “What happened to her?”

  “She devoted her life to protecting others from the threat of men. She never wanted anyone else to suffer your mother’s fate. She loved her so much, you see. She joined the Protectorate and did quite well. She’s a commander now.”

  It can’t be.

  A commander who hates my mother, accuses her of loving monsters, who can’t bear to look at me. My voice cracks on my final question. I know what the answer will be, but I have to ask. “Do you remember her name?”

  “I believe it was Theta.”

  My vision goes dark. This can’t be happening. That woman, that commander was my mother’s partner? It’s my fault. I turned her into that wild animal that hurts the people she’s supposed to protect, and my mother is out there with no idea. What if Theta goes looking for her?

  “Omega?” Gamma is staring at me. “What is it?”

  “Nothing,” I stammer, depositing my mug on the table with a clink as I rise to my feet. “It’s just a lot to take in.”

  “Of course it is,” Ma Temple says as she stands beside me, concern blossoming across her face as she reaches for my elbow.

  “I’m sorry. I have to process all this.” I move to the door. I should get back to my quarters. Call Upsilon with that emergency signal. What if my mother comes back, and the Protectors are looking for her? What if Theta comes looking for me and finds me here? I’m putting the Temples in danger by being with them. Without my communicator there’s no record I came in here, but might they have tracked Gamma’s visit to my quarters?

  “Wait.” Gamma catches up to me. “Please, don’t rush away.”

  “No!” My voice is harsher than I intend. “Truly, thank you both. Thank you for telling me what I needed to know. Only I need some time. Please.”

  Ma Temple pulls her daughter back. “You need time to think it all through. I understand your mother is still away. You’re welcome to stay here. We can give you some privacy.”

  I want to stay here, to tell them everything that’s happened to me in the last few days, but I can’t. There’s no way I can drag my friends into this mess with Theta and that deman. It’s too dangerous. Struggling to keep my voice level, I say, “I appreciate it so much, Ma Temple. You’ll never understand how much, but I need to go.”

  Gamma breaks away from her mother and rushes over to hug me so tight it makes my bruises flare. I bite down on my lower lip. “Promise you’ll call if you need to talk?”

  “I promise.”

  “And if you don’t call, I’ll come looking for you.”

  I know she will, but I hope she doesn’t. Not until I can talk to Upsilon. I can’t guarantee Gamma will be safe with me. Not now.

  Chapter 10

  Unable to face the stairs, I chance the elevator. I jab my index finger over and over into the button for the ground floor. The grinding gears hurt my ears. The engineers should probably look at them as well. When the doors finally open at my landing, I shuffle out and head for my quarters. The door is still snibbed open, but the lights are off. Another power shortage? I press the panel but nothing happens. Maybe it’s a blown fuse. Pulling the door closed, I head for the kitchen, arms outstretched against the darkness, to locate the emergency candles. The lock clicks behind me. I head back for the door wondering how that happened.

  “Don’t bother. I deactivated the lights and rigged the door.” A disembodied voice rumbles from the living area. I whirl around barely able to make out the figure silhouetted against the sofa, bulky with squared shoulders.

  The deman.

  “It’s only us, Daughter Wye,” he says. His voice is deep and detached, hardly the way I remember it from the garden. He hasn’t moved a muscle. If he hadn’t spoken, I might have thought he was a mannequin placed there as a practical joke. The kind of thing Gamma might do as a prank. A flashlight blinds me. I try to avoid it, but the beam keeps moving, catching me full in the face.

  “How do you know my name?”

  “I almost had myself convinced I could trust you.” He trains the light at my feet. “Why don’t you have a seat, Daughter Wye? Right where you are. Back against the door please.”

  There’s no option but to comply. I kneel by the door. He grunts as I curl my knees into my chest and wrap my arms around them. My thin cotton robe seems so flimsy.

  Mustering what’s left of my courage, I ask, “What do you want?” As my vision begins to adjust, I make out the planes of his face, jaw set hard, lips pressed into a thin line. He hasn’t moved from the sofa. He raises the flashlight beam and shines it directly into my eyes.

  “Could you please turn that off?” I try to inject some force into my words, but I’m exhausted by everything that’s happened. If he’s going to hurt me, I almost hope he’ll do it quickly. I can’t take much more of this. Between the commander’s interrogation and the Temples’ revelations, I’m done. “This would be easier if I could see you.”

  “Why?” he asks. “So you can give the Protectors a better description of me? No, Daughter Wye, I think you’ve seen enough.”

  “Please stop calling me that. And turn off the light.”

  “You really don’t like being looked at, do you? I thought women were supposed to like being admired. That’s what the history books say.”

  “Not by someone like you.” Is there anyone who isn’t going to attack me today? And what would a deman know about our history books?

  “By a wild evil creature, you mean?” He doesn’t try to conceal his sneer.

  “You said it, not me. Why don’t you prove you’re better than that? Why don’t you let me go? Or at least have the guts to turn on the lights. If you’re going to hurt me, get on with it. Or get out.”

  My arms shiver around my knees, but I hold firm. The deman plays the light over my features. Then, without warning, he turns it off, plunging the room into darkness.

  “Stay still,” he says.

  Determined to maintain some semblance of dignity, I try not to move. His measured breaths are still coming from across the room.

  When he speaks again, his voice is unsteady, halting. “We made a deal, and you broke it.”

  “What?” I pull my robe tight around my legs.

  “You sent them after me,” he says. “I didn’t think you’d do that. I let myself believe you’d keep your word.”

  “I didn’t send them.”

  “How did they know where to look for me?” His voice is still coming from the sofa. He hasn’t moved any closer.

  I drop my head to my knees and brace my hands around the back of my neck. “My communicator, genius. They probably scanned for it.” Then a sudden realization hits me. “The communicator. That’s how you found out my name, where I live.” He doesn’t respond. “But how did you bypass the encryption?”

  Demen are supposed to be brutes: more brawn than brain. How would he have learned to operate such a complex device? I risk a glance at him. Despite the darkness, I can make out his form, head bowed slightly forward.

  “Don’t get any ideas about using it to send a message. I dumped it. She probably has it by now.

  “Who?”

  “Your friend. That commander. Tall and dark. With the pissy attitude. She came looking for me, with some friends. I stayed hidden, but I heard them talking. When she couldn’t find me, she decided to have another chat with you.”

  “When?”

  “Not too long ago. Should be here soon.”

  What?

  I twist around and hurl myself at the door, ignoring the pain in my arm, desperate to open it. It won’t budge. He trains the light on me. What’s the matter with him? Even if he doesn’t care what she does to me, doesn’t he realize what will happen if she catches him? I round on him, trying to keep my voice under control. “We have to get out of here. What do you think will happen if she finds us both here?”

  “What do you think will happen?” He holds the flashlight vertically at his thigh. It illuminates his
face as an eerie mask, his features uneven and threatening in the shadows.

  “Please, think for a moment. Think about what you’re doing.” I don’t know who scares me more: the deman in my living room, or that commander.

  “If this is the only way I can find Delta, so be it. Either you agree to help me – really help me – or the Protectors can take us both.”

  “How can I help you? I’m in enough trouble as it is. Because of you.” I have to press my palms into the solid panel behind me to stop myself from lunging at him. “Because of you she took me. They locked me up and interrogated me.”

  “That’s why you spilled your guts to her?” He rises to his full height. I’d forgotten how big he is. I cower, but there’s nowhere for me to go.

  “I didn’t have a choice. They took me. She hurt me.” Tears of frustration blur my vision. We’re going to end up back in Commander Theta’s clutches and all because I can’t get through to this brainless deman. He takes a step toward me and my legs go weak.

  “I don’t believe you,” he says quietly. “She must have planted you outside the Clinic that night. Did they slash your arm to trick me, or did you do it to yourself?”

  This is like talking to a rock. Despite my nerves screaming at me to stay put, I inch forward. He doesn’t move, doesn’t stop me. I keep moving closer, ignoring the stiffness in my legs. When I’m only a foot away, he steps to the side as if bracing for an attack. I don’t give him the opportunity to react. I grab his hand, the one holding the flashlight, and guide the beam so it’s level with my stomach. With my other hand, I pry open my robe and lift the bottom of my pajama shirt just enough for him to see the edges of the bruise where the commander punched me. “This is what that commander did to me. Because of you.”

  The deman leans in for a closer look. I can feel his breath tickle my skin, smell the hint of oak and lavender. I force myself to stay still.

  He backs away, taking the light with him. “No. You’re working with them.”

  “I’m not.”

  I’m desperate for him to believe me because I’ve worked out who scares me more, and it isn’t him. I bend to retie the belt on my robe as the door rattles. He snaps off the light but not before I notice his panicked expression. There are voices outside and electronic beeps. Someone’s working the lock. It must be the commander.