A Firm Hand: 2 (Bound to You)

by Blake, Fallon

  “I didn’t do anything,” Ivy said in hushed tones. “He came here because he thought it was you.”

  “What?”

  “Connor must not have been paying attention when I phoned him to pick up your shift. I’m sorry. I should have been clearer with him. I wasn’t thinking straight. He told Brian you were the one in the accident.”

  Gen shook her head, struggling to keep the emotion at bay. The need to go to him, feel the safety of his arms around her, overwhelmed everything else. But she couldn’t do it. She’d never be able to keep it together. And if he rejected her? She’d be devastated. It was better to keep her distance no matter how much it killed her.

  “Gen,” he said softly.

  His use of her nickname almost undid her. He never called her that. Tears stung her eyes. Frantically, she wiped them away before they could spill free.

  Cautiously he approached. He stopped in front of her and crouched down. “Let me be here for you.”

  She forced herself to look at him. He hadn’t shaved in days and dark circles shadowed his eyes. His expression was open and full of pain. She’d never seen him reveal so much and it made her heart hurt. She raised a shaky hand, reaching toward him.

  No, she thought, making a fist to keep from touching him. She couldn’t do this. He’d hurt her and he’d only do it again.

  “Brian, please,” she begged.

  His mouth tightened at her rejection, but he didn’t press the matter. He merely nodded as if he understood. “How is she? What are her injuries?”

  Good, she could handle medical questions. “She suffered a broken wrist and several lacerations, but the major issue is the subdural hematoma. They’re working to relieve the pressure right now. The intern said he’d let me know as soon as the operation is over, but it could be hours before we hear anything.”

  “Have you eaten?” he asked, concerned.

  Gen shook her head.

  “I’m going to go down and get some coffee and food for you. Is there anything else you need? Is there someone you need to call, anything I can handle on my end?” He was all business now.

  She ignored the twinge of pain she felt at his sudden change in demeanor. She’d shut him down. She had no right to be upset about it. She also didn’t want to think about who she needed to call. They had no family so there was no one to inform, but she hadn’t contacted the insurance company yet. There was also the possibility her mom would need a lawyer.

  God, this was all her fault.

  Brian flicked a worried glance in Ivy’s direction. “It’s okay. We’ll deal with it as it comes. Are you going to be okay for a few minutes?”

  “I’ve done fine without you for two months now. I think I can handle a few minutes,” Gen snapped.

  Brian stood with a sigh and turned to Ivy. “Stay with her.”

  Gen watched him walk away with a mixture of relief and despair. As soon as he was out of earshot, she laid into her so-called best friend. “You could have at least warned me. Sent me a text, something.”

  “I’m sorry. I really am, but I thought you needed all the support you could get. Besides, it’s not as if I could have stopped him. You know how he is. He insisted on being here for you. You should have seen his face. He was devastated when he thought you were the one in the crash. I actually thought he was going to cry when I told him it was your mum. I’ve never seen him like this. I think he loves you.”

  Gen huffed. “So all it takes is a horrific car accident for him to realize he gives a shit about me. Too little, too late.”

  “You want me to tell him to piss off?”

  “No,” she said, suddenly exhausted.

  Ivy rubbed her back. “It’s okay, love. You’re going to get through this.”

  It certainly didn’t feel that way at the moment.

  Brian returned fifteen minutes later with provisions. She barely tasted the bland turkey sandwich he forced on her. She wasn’t hungry, but she was too tired to argue. He earned a quick glare as he wrapped her hand around a hot cup of coffee.

  “It’ll help,” he insisted.

  “I’m not a baby so stop treating me like one,” she hissed. She immediately regretted biting his head off. He was just trying to be nice, but the way he and Ivy kept exchanging worried looks was really starting to piss her off. As if she were going to fall apart at any moment.

  She sighed. “I’m sorry.”

  “It’s okay.” The compassion in his eyes was too much. She had to look away.

  They sat in silence as the minutes ticked by. She closed her eyes, thinking back to the last conversation she’d had with her mom. They’d shared a few minutes of small talk. Then she’d asked if her mom had thought any more about getting help. Big mistake. Her mom had immediately gone on the defensive and Gen had gotten frustrated and hung up on her.

  She hadn’t told her mom she loved her. Why hadn’t she told her?

  Fighting tears again, she got up and began to pace. She’d never been very religious, and she wasn’t even sure she believed in God, especially after she’d witnessed her dad’s slow and painful death. She prayed anyway, and she prayed hard.

  When the doors to the surgery wing opened, she froze.

  A tall woman wearing a pantsuit and carrying a clipboard surveyed the room. “Which one of you is here for Emily Hawthorn?”

  Gen swallowed hard. “I am.”

  The woman’s face immediately softened. “I just have a few questions for you. It will only take a few minutes.”

  Her heart dropped to her stomach. She was here about the billing.

  Gen went over the paperwork, gave her the necessary information and signed a bunch of forms. Brian and Ivy went to approach her after the lady left, but Gen waved them off. Their hovering was only making things worse. She had to get out of there for a minute. Excusing herself to the restroom, she dashed around the corner. Once inside, she locked the door tightly behind her and let out a sob. She didn’t want to break down in front of them. They’d only crowd her with their stupid pity and hollow words.

  And didn’t that just make her feel like all kinds of shit?

  They were trying to be there for her and she was pushing them away. On shaky legs she made her way to the sink, turned on the faucet and splashed cool water on her face.

  “She’s going to be okay. She’s going to be okay,” she said to her reflection. She wasn’t sure she believed it. The frightened girl staring back at her didn’t look as if she believed it either.

  Taking a deep breath, she exited the bathroom and went back to the waiting area to sit down. She felt numb as she glanced at the clock again. Her mom had been in surgery for three hours now. How much longer was it going to take? She wasn’t sure she could sit here and do nothing. But what could she do? She hadn’t felt this helpless since her dad had died. If her mom didn‘t make it, she’d truly be alone. She had friends, but it wasn’t the same.

  She wanted her family.

  Ivy gave her a sad smile. “Mind if I try to get some rest?”

  “You don’t have to stay. If you’re tired you should go home. I can always call you for a ride later,” Gen replied.

  A frown creased Ivy’s brow. “I’m not leaving you so get that idea right out of your head.”

  “Then lie down and get some sleep. I’ll wake you up when I hear something.”

  Using her purse as a pillow, Ivy stretched across several chairs and curled up. “Wake me up if you need anything. I mean it, Gen. You should try to get some rest yourself.”

  As if that were possible. “Not going to happen, but thanks. Go to sleep. I’ll be fine.”

  Watching the exchange, Brian was quiet. He hadn’t moved from his spot across the aisle. In a strange way his presence comforted her. He’d given her plenty of space, keeping himself at a distance. Part of her didn’t want him to. Now that she was over the initial shock of seeing him, she was glad he was here. It would have been so easy to slip into his arms and allow him to shoulder some of her pain. But that wou
ld mean taking down her walls and letting him in again. No matter how much she wanted him, it was too risky.

  A little snore escaped from Ivy as they hit the five-hour mark. Brian was still there. Patient and attentive. He’d switched seats, taking the spot beside Gen, and slipped her hand into his. He hadn’t breathed a word. He’d merely offered his silent support and she’d let him. The simple gesture of taking her hand had eased her more than she cared to admit.

  The doors to the surgery wing opened again and she and Brian were instantly on their feet. He clasped her hand tightly, reminding her she wasn’t alone in this. The doctor and the intern she’d spoken with earlier approached cautiously.

  “Ms. Hawthorn,” the doctor began. “I’m Dr. Ellis. Your mother is out of surgery. However, she’s not in the clear just yet. There was a good deal of bleeding and some swelling. We have her in recovery at the moment. We’re going to do a thorough neurological workup so that we can get a better idea of the extent of her injuries. Until then we watch and wait.”

  “Watch and wait?” What did that even mean?

  Her knees suddenly felt weak and she leaned against Brian for support. He immediately responded by wrapping his arm around her and pulling her close to him. Tension radiated from him. She got the impression he wanted to take over for her, but he didn’t.

  “Yes. These things take time. The brain is the most delicate organ in the body. There are many different factors that can affect your mother’s ability to recover. We’re doing everything we can. We’ll keep you updated if there’s any change in her condition. If you have any questions, Dr. Grant will be more than happy to answer them for you.” With a polite nod, the doctor disappeared behind the doors.

  “When can I see her?” Gen asked.

  “She’ll be in recovery for a while. We’ll move her to ICU after the testing. You’ll be able to see her then,” Dr. Grant answered.

  She searched the intern’s handsome face, but he was a big fat blank. “Tell me the truth, what are her chances? Is there anything else I should know?”

  Concern flashed briefly through his eyes. “We won’t know anything until we run the tests. With the amount of bleeding and swelling she had, we had to remove a portion of the parietal bone. I won’t sugarcoat this. The possibility of a favorable outcome is poor.”

  Breath wouldn’t come. She struggled to suck in air. “Poor? What does that mean? Is she going to die?”

  “It’s a possibility.”

  “Oh no.”

  Brian’s grip tightened. “Shh, just breathe. I’ve got you,” he whispered against her hair.

  “There is one other thing,” Dr. Grant said, his face suddenly grim. “I’m sorry I have to tell you this, but you did say you wanted to know everything.”

  Like this could get any worse. “Tell me.”

  “Her blood alcohol results came in. She was at .104 percent.”

  Gen gasped. “Oh my god.”

  “I’m sorry.” The sincerity in the intern’s voice barely registered. “Is there anything else I can do for you?”

  Gen shook her head, unable to speak.

  “Let us know as soon as you have the results,” Brian said.

  Gen briefly heard the doors open and close, but she was too busy trying to process the fact that her mother had been drunk to care that the intern had left. Why hadn’t she been there to stop her? She’d known all along that something like this would happen. Instead of helping her mom, she’d all but dropped out of her life. What kind of daughter was she?

  Rubbing the sleep from her eyes, Ivy lifted her head. “What did he say? Is she going to be all right?”

  “She made it through surgery,” Brian replied. “But her prognosis is poor.”

  “So, what now?” Ivy asked, sitting up straight.

  “We wait.”

  Ivy shot Brian another concerned look. “How is she holding up?”

  “I’m right here. Would you two please stop acting like I’m going to break at any second? It’s not like I haven’t been through this hospital shit before.”

  Brian sighed as he sat, pulling her down next to him. “We’re just worried about you, that’s all.”

  “Well, stop worrying. I’m fine.” Her voice cracked. “I’m fine.”

  Brian wrapped an arm around her just as a sob broke loose. The tears poured down her face and her whole body shook from the force of the release. She couldn’t hold it back any longer. He held her while she cried and she let him.

  She must have fallen asleep because Brian was suddenly shaking her.

  “Gen,” he urged. “Wake up.”

  Disoriented, she picked her head up, squinting her eyes against the harsh lights. Where was she?Anxiety started to build the second she realized she was in the waiting room at the hospital. She noticed Ivy was missing. “Where’s Ivy?”

  “I sent her home a while ago. I told her we’d call her if there was any change.”

  “Oh, okay.”

  “The doctor is here,” Brian told her.

  Instantly alert, she stood, blinking several times to clear the remains of sleep from her brain. The moment she saw the somber expression on Dr. Ellis’ face her heart fell.

  “What is it?” she demanded.

  “Why don’t we sit,” the doctor suggested as he approached.

  Her pulse pounded as panic set in. “I don’t want to sit. I want you to tell me what’s going on.”

  “I’m sorry,” he began.

  “No, no, no.” A sob caught in her throat.

  “We did everything we could, but the damage to her brain was too extensive. Testing showed no signs of brain activity. Her heart is still beating and we’re sustaining her breath by means of a ventilator, but she is unable to breathe on her own and has no response to stimuli. Again, I’m sorry.”

  “But she could still wake up, right?” Gen asked, willing him to give her the answer she needed.

  Dr. Ellis shook his head. “No. Her brain is no longer alive. Without the brain, the body cannot function.”

  This couldn’t be happening. She couldn’t lose her mom. “Are you sure?”

  “I’m afraid so. We can arrange for you to be with her when we withdraw life support.”

  The pressure in her chest was unbearable. Dizzy and unable to draw breath, she crumpled to the floor. Oh god, it hurt. “No,” she wailed. “This is wrong. She can’t be dead. I want my mom.”

  Brian’s heart broke as he watched Genevieve fall to her knees. Tears stung his eyes as he bent down and tried to comfort her. She struggled, pushing him off, and made a run for the bathroom. As difficult as it was, he let her go.

  Clearing his throat, he stood and faced Dr. Ellis. “Let us know when you’re ready. She’ll want to say goodbye.”

  “I’ll send Dr. Grant out.”

  “Thank you,” Brian responded sadly as he watched the doctor leave.

  With a deep sigh he walked to the bathroom and leaned against the door. The sounds he heard coming from within tore at him. He hurt for her. She was sobbing uncontrollably and he couldn’t blame her. She’d just learned that her mother was brain dead. He knew from personal experience that grief, when fresh, was crushing. He’d give anything to be able to take her pain away.

  He knocked softly. “Gen.”

  “Go away,” she choked out.

  “Please, let me in.”

  He waited several long minutes. Just when he was about to knock again he heard the door unlock. He eased the door open and peeked inside. He didn’t see her until he looked behind the door. She was seated on the floor in the corner with her knees tucked to her chest and her face buried in her hands. Her tiny form trembled with sobs.

  He closed the door, locked it and sank to the floor next to her. Knowing he had to tread carefully, he sat as close as he could without touching her. He didn’t want her to push him away again, but damn, it was hard. The need to hold her and kiss away her tears was strong, but he fought it. Instead he placed his hand palm up on the floor near her.r />
  It seemed an eternity before she reached out and slipped her hand into his. The contact, even as small as it was, sent relief washing through him. He wanted more. For the first time, he realized he would always want more of her, no matter the circumstance. He wanted not only her smiles and her laughter, but her pain and her sorrow. But more than that, he wanted to share himself with her. That was something he’d never been able to do, not even with Danielle.

  Genevieve leaned her head back against the wall and stared up at the ceiling. She drew in several deep breaths, her face smoothed into a blank mask. She was packing her emotions away. He recognized it because he was an expert at it. He hated that she’d had to learn that skill. It was one of the reasons he was so screwed up.

  “I can’t do it, Brian,” she whispered. “I can’t watch her die.”

  He was quiet for a few silent breaths before he made the decision to do something he’d never really done. Open up.

  “When I was twenty-four I lost someone very close to me,” he began, even though it felt as though someone had suddenly driven a knife into his throat. “Her name was Danielle. We were together for close to two years. One night she wanted me to go to a club with her. I hated clubs even then. Of course I didn’t want her to go either. We fought about it and she ended up going without me. I went to bed angry with her and when I woke up the next day, I was too stubborn to call and check on her. I wanted to punish her for defying me. I spent the morning thinking up ways I could do that. I got a phone call from her mother just after two in the afternoon. Danielle and her friend had been in a car accident on the way home from the club. She died before I could get there.”

  Gen’s sharp gasp echoed through the small room.

  “I should have called her. No, I should have gone with her. Maybe then…” He broke off, swallowing down his guilt. “The point is, I never got to say goodbye. I’ve regretted it every single day since then. You have to say goodbye, Gen. It will haunt you if you don’t.”

  She looked at him for a long time, her eyes searching his as if she were trying to work something out in her head. “Is that why you came tonight, because you thought it was me?”