“I’m not rethinking my career. I came out here to think about my life and my future, and I wanted to do that without any distractions.”
Her brow wrinkled with concern and she pouted. “Your life and your future are our life and our future. I can help. Aren’t you happy to see me?”
A perfect example of why he needed to get away. She suffocated him, and he felt cornered by her desire for marriage.
Now he felt like a pile of horse dung. Holly had a way of manipulating him with guilt. He knew she did it, yet he allowed it to happen. “Of course I am,” he lied. “I’ve been thinking about you.” Though not in the way she thought.
“Good,” she said with a sigh. “For a minute, I thought you didn’t want to see me.” She laughed as if the very idea was ridiculous.
Now would be the time to broach the topic of their relationship, but he chickened out. She’d come all this way to see him, and he didn’t have the guts to tell her that he’d met someone. And what about his brother’s advice? Was he throwing away his future?
“I’ve been worried about you, Pooky Wooky.” She walked over and circled her arms around his neck, while at the same time Ryan tried not to wince at the pet name. When his friends had found out about it, they’d ragged him mercilessly for months.
His mind shifted gears to Shawna. Sexy, curvy Shawna. It had been hard as hell to leave her this morning, but the promise to meet up again sustained him. He couldn’t wait to climb into bed with her one more time and run his tongue along the curve of her hip, suck those dark brown nipples—which he’d come to think of as his own—into his mouth to savor and enjoy while she gasped with pleasure.
“Ooh, you do miss me, don’t you?” Holly reached down and covered his hard-on.
He laughed uneasily and pulled his pelvis away from her. “Whoa, let’s slow down for a minute. I don’t have any condoms, so we can’t do anything.” A boldfaced lie because he’d bought a new pack. He hadn’t used them all, but he’d put in a good effort to get rid of as many as he could with Shawna. “Are you hungry? I was about to go eat.”
Holly’s mouth puckered into another pout. She rubbed his chest. “I’d rather stay here with you, but I can’t let my man starve. Let’s go put food in your tummy. Then I’ll be your dessert.” She rose up on her toes and gave him a quick peck on the mouth.
Ryan swallowed down his discomfort and followed her out the door. He didn’t know what to do yet, but he knew he had to think of something fast.
****
Shawna sat in the lobby of the hotel waiting for Ryan. Maybe she’d misunderstood the arrangement. Were they supposed to meet here and walk to brunch together, or was she supposed to meet him at his brother’s apartment?
She tried calling him, but his phone rang several times before going to voice mail. She sent him a text and then went into the hotel restaurant to get something to eat. The menu items looked delicious, but she didn’t have much of an appetite.
While a string quartet played soft music in the background, she sat in the lavishly decorated dining room, worried that she’d misread Ryan. They’d been getting along so well. Surely it hadn’t all been pretense on his part.
She’d hoped they could stay in touch, that their romance wouldn’t be reduced to a two-night tryst that didn’t have a future. True, he lived in Oklahoma and she in South Carolina, but they could continue to see each other if they wanted to make it work.
She’d wait a little while longer. Maybe she’d simply misunderstood, or something had come up. He’d respond to one of her messages eventually.
****
Ryan thought he’d never get away from Holly. He left her at the elevator and hurried out of the apartment building.
While Holly had discussed menu options with the waitress at the restaurant, he’d managed to send a quick text to Shawna and tell her he’d see her soon.
Now on his way, he didn’t know what he’d say. The summer sun beat down on him, and he wasn’t sure if that’s what caused a sweat to break out on his forehead, or the predicament he’d gotten himself into.
He couldn’t spend the night with Shawna with Holly in town. He couldn’t spend the night with Holly when he’d asked Shawna to postpone her trip home so they could have more time together. He had to choose, and the person he didn’t choose would be hurt. But which one?
He knew which one. The only real option meant telling Shawna the truth and hoping that she’d forgive him. Then he’d have to face Holly and the fallout from her disappointment that their relationship was over. He didn’t want to hurt her, but he couldn’t think of any way to spare her feelings.
Outside the building, he called Shawna.
“Ryan? What’s going on? Did I get our plans mixed up?”
“No, you didn’t. I’m sorry, love. I had a . . . situation I needed to take care of. Where are you right now?”
“I’m—” She stopped, and that’s when he saw her.
They looked at each other from a short distance. Today she wore jeans, a white V-necked T-shirt that molded over her ample breasts, a wide belt, heels, and chunky jewelry. She always looked so put together.
“I came to see you,” she said softly. She sounded unsure.
Ryan lowered the phone and started toward her, determined to allay her fears and soothe away any doubts she had about what she’d come to mean to him.
“Yoohoo, Ryan, there you are.”
He stopped moving and held his breath.
That was Holly’s voice behind him, and it resonated like a record scratch in the musical interlude of this perfect moment.
Chapter Ten
Shawna looked past him, curiosity etched in her features. Ryan couldn’t even turn around. He kept hoping he’d collapsed after hitting his head in the shower back at his brother’s apartment.
Wake up. Wake up!
Holly came to stand beside him and snaked her arm around his. “Who’s this?”
The curiosity in Shawna’s eyes turned to confusion and then segued into hurt. She blinked rapidly and took a deep breath in an obvious attempt to compose herself.
Holly tugged on his arm. “Pooky, you’re being rude.”
“I . . . ah . . . Holly, this is Shawna. Shawna, this is Holly.” Here was his opportunity to come clean, and he couldn’t. Not like this.
“Nice to meet you, Shawna. I’m Ryan’s girlfriend.”
“Girlfriend?” Shawna repeated.
“Yes. We’ve known each other all our lives, and we’re practically engaged. I came to surprise him because I’ve missed him the past couple of weeks.” She squeezed his arm, seemingly unaware of the damage she’d caused by her announcement.
Later, when he’d had time to think, he’d recognize what had happened. Holly had immediately seen the threat Shawna presented. She’d known and effectively claimed her rightful place in his life.
Right now, he couldn’t see it because of his shell-shocked state. Right now, he didn’t know if he was coming or going, and he could only think of finding a way to fix this. But how?
Holly continued. “Then I get here, and he tells me how much he’s missed me and been thinking about me. I couldn’t ask for a better guy.” She looked up at Ryan, her gaze filled with adoration.
Shawna studied Ryan. Color smeared his cheeks and he couldn’t even look her in the eye.
“Look at him. He’s blushing,” Holly said. “I’ve embarrassed him.”
That wasn’t embarrassment. That was guilt.
He and Holly looked good together, like an advertisement for a dating website. The pretty blonde held onto him as if she feared one of the city’s strong winds would swoop down and lift him away.
All Shawna’s ideas about seeing where this could go effectively extinguished. “You didn’t mention you have a girlfriend.”
“How do the two of you know each other?” Holly asked.
“I work at Saks Fifth Avenue, and he approached me and asked if I could help him find a gift for someone. I guess for you.”
If she exposed his dishonesty to Holly, everyone back home would know what a jerk he was. That he’d come to Chicago and had a fling—cheating on the woman he’d practically been destined to marry.
He’d thought about giving up a future with her, a woman whom he knew well, their families knew each other, and all for what? For a woman he’d known only a couple of days.
But she made him feel more alive and excited about the prospect of being with someone than he’d ever felt. Forever with Shawna didn’t cause the same sense of dread as forever with Holly.
“Well, he didn’t give me a gift,” Holly said, “so I guess he didn’t get anything.”
“Or he did get something, but he’s keeping it a secret from you.”
A tightening in the back of Ryan’s throat kept him from speaking. He avoided Shawna’s eyes, staring out at the bustling street filled with cars and pedestrians. Everyone on their way somewhere. He’d been on his way somewhere, too. To see Shawna and spend time with her.
Now he couldn’t even look at her because of the guilt he felt and the hurt he’d caused. What could he say? He’d denied being involved with someone. He’d misled her.
“I’m glad I met you, Holly. Ryan, I’m glad we ran into each other and I had the opportunity to meet your girlfriend.”
He stared down at the concrete. She sounded so cool, her voice so controlled, as if they really were mere acquaintances and hadn’t been lovers. As if she hadn’t become as essential to him as breathing. Meanwhile, for the past few minutes he’d been unable to speak, words deadlocked in his throat.
“Have a nice life.”
The words sounded so final, he found the courage to look at her. She only offered a brief moment of eye contact. He saw the hurt and anger before she walked away, poised, hips swaying in her tight jeans.
“She seems nice,” Holly said. “I thought that we could . . .”
Her voice droned on, but he didn’t hear anything else she said. Shawna had walked away and he hadn’t done anything to stop her. He had a flash of memory—of being buried inside of her hot, wet body. Of her head tipped back, silky dark hair spilled across the pillows as his tongue licked the sweat from her damp skin. Memories of her thighs clenched around his hips, and how he’d come so hard he almost blacked out.
He knew without a doubt his life would never be the same.
****
Ryan finally escaped after he told Holly he’d ordered a pizza for them to eat and had to go pick it up. More lies. He didn’t know what to do in such a messy situation, but he knew he had to see Shawna.
In the brightly lit lobby of The Haven Hotel, he approached the front desk. He couldn’t get upstairs without having a key card. He hadn’t phoned Shawna because he suspected she wouldn’t answer. He wouldn’t blame her, but he hoped she’d give him a chance to explain.
He asked the person at the front desk to ring her room.
Seconds later, the woman frowned at the screen in front of her. “I’m sorry, sir, but Miss Ferguson has already checked out.”
Alarm bubbled up inside of him. “That can’t be right. She doesn’t leave until tomorrow.”
“No, Miss Ferguson—”
“Check again!”
The woman tensed and stared at him as if he’d pulled a gun on her. A guest checking in a few feet away looked over at him. A man who carried himself with the authority of a manager talked to another guest off to the side. He broke away from the conversation and came over.
“Is everything okay here? Can I help you?”
“I need her to check the system one more time. That’s all,” Ryan explained. Did he look as desperate as he felt? The hand he used to gesture toward the woman behind the desk shook slightly. He spoke slowly to curtail the panic from taking over his central nervous system. It was imperative that he maintain control before they dragged him out of there kicking and screaming like a lunatic. “She said Shawna Ferguson has checked out, but that can’t be right. Sh-she’s supposed to leave tomorrow, not today.”
The manager nodded at the woman behind the counter, and she proceeded to review the system again. Her fingers tapped the keyboard. “It says here she checked out at six o’clock this evening.” She looked up at him with pity in her eyes. “I’m sorry, sir. She’s gone.”
Chapter Eleven
Present day, Atlanta
“You never answered my question,” Shawna said. “How is Holly nowadays?”
“I haven’t seen her in a long time. We broke up.”
“I’m sorry to hear that.” Sorry for Holly mostly because she’d seemed to love Ryan.
“Don’t be. It was for the best. She found the right man for her and got married. He’s a dentist and they have two kids.” The waitress came by to check on them, and when they told her they didn’t need anything, she moved on to another table in her station. “How about you? Are you seeing anyone seriously?”
“My sister wouldn’t have set us up if I had a boyfriend. Are you dating anyone seriously? Please answer honestly this time.”
A rueful smile twisted the corner of his lips. “No, I’m not because no one compares to you.”
“Stop it. Stop making everything about me.”
“Everything is about you.”
“I said stop it, Ryan, or I’ll leave.” She wouldn’t fall prey to his charms again. After what he’d done, she shouldn’t even be seated at a table with him.
Silence extended between them, and in want of something to do, Shawna sipped her water. Her gaze arced over the rest of the diners. Some engaged in animated conversations. Others—mainly the pairs of people eating together—appeared more intimate. She easily discerned which ones were lovers. It was obvious in the little acts of affection, such as the man stroking the woman’s hand on the table near them. Or the couple seated in the booth in the corner, sharing a dessert with the same fork.
By contrast, she and Ryan made it obvious they were not lovers. They sat across the table from each other and hadn’t touched since they’d been seated. If she could move farther away from him, she would.
So different from how they’d been together before the reality of Holly intruded. Memories flooded her mind—memories of flirtatious laughter, play-fighting, and making love beneath white sheets until every muscle felt drained of energy because she’d been thoroughly satisfied.
Dragging her thoughts from the past, Shawna drained her glass of water and signaled a passing waiter for a refill. She needed to cool down from the titillating thoughts. She also needed to do a better job of regulating which paths her mind chose to wander down so she could maintain the wall of animosity necessary to remain unaffected by Ryan.
“I wish you hadn’t left the hotel that evening,” he said.
Her gaze swung back to him. “You mean after I saw you and your girlfriend? There was no reason for me to stick around. I certainly wouldn’t allow you back into my bed, and I’m sure Holly wouldn’t have approved of us spending any time together.”
“Don’t be too sure.”
“What did you say?” Shawna asked sharply. She must have misheard.
“I told Holly about us once she and I went back to Oklahoma. She forgave me—said that she understood if I needed to get one last fling out of my system before we settled down.” He laughed, an empty, hollow sound. A pained expression came over his face. “I wish things had been different. That you had been the one to forgive me and she’d been the one to walk away.”
“Don’t say that.”
“It’s true. I never stopped thinking about you. I tried to find you in South Carolina. I still thought about you, and I thought if I could get a chance to talk to you and explain, you’d understand.”
She’d changed her number shortly after she left Chicago because her sister had decided to move
to Atlanta with her new husband and Shawna had followed, seeking new opportunities.
“Understand what? You made me the other woman.”
“That was never my intention.”
“What was your intention, because I don’t understand. Why approach me when you had a girlfriend?”
“I honestly don’t know. I didn’t think far enough ahead. I regret the way I handled things, but I couldn’t let you walk away without meeting you.” The rawness in his voice reached out to her, made her insides quiver. “Afterward, I decided to use whatever means necessary to hold onto you.”
“Even if it meant lying?”
“Yes.”
“That doesn’t make you a very trustworthy person.”
“I’m telling you the truth now.”
Shawna looked away from the intensity of his gaze. Playing with the napkin on the tabletop, she berated herself for the bit of joy that filled her with his words. I couldn’t let you walk away. Yet he had.
Head held high, she’d walked away with as much dignity as she could. Once out of view, she’d taken off running down the sidewalk, uncaring of the stares of strangers and the tears streaming down her cheeks. She’d only known she had to get back to the hotel and the privacy of her room so she could manage the unbearable pain of seeing him with another woman and the realization that what they’d shared had been a lie. She’d never felt pain like that before or since.
“You hurt me.”
“I know.”
“Were you ever going to tell me? Or was what we did some dirty little secret?”
“It wasn’t dirty,” he said forcefully. “I swear to you, I planned to tell you. When I saw you on Sunday, outside my brother’s apartment, I intended to tell you then, but I didn’t get the chance.”
“How do I know you’re telling me the truth now?”
The Blind Date Page 5