Loretta laughed. ‘You’re right, Frances. She’s probably having a fit and telling everyone, “The Devil is in those Reillys and they’ll burn in Hell.”’
‘Do you think we’ll burn in Hell?’
‘No,’ Loretta said. ‘But I hope she does!’
Soon we arrived in Belfast town centre, where the traffic was busier and there were a lot more people around. We walked past rows and rows of shop windows, marvelling at all the beautiful things we saw. I wondered if I’d ever be able to have nice stuff, like normal people. We passed a café. The gorgeous smell of sizzling bacon wafted out through the entrance.
‘The slop we get never smells like that,’ Bridget said.
It was nice to see shops and smell good cooking, even if we didn’t have any money, but we didn’t hang about in the town too long. Soon it would be getting even busier and there would probably be quite a few policemen about. A few minutes later we found ourselves walking along the River Lagan, where it was much quieter, and we began to relax a bit. After all, Loretta said, we’d come quite a long way from the convent, even if we didn’t really know where we were going.
‘Let’s stop here for a while,’ she suggested. ‘It’s the safest place for the moment.’
We found a place to sit, no longer feeling so vulnerable. It was the best feeling in the world, I thought, to sit looking at the water, without a care in the world. I jumped up. ‘We’ve done it! We’re free!’ I shouted at the others.
‘Yes, we have!’ Bridged shouted back. ‘We’ll head out of Belfast after it gets dark. Then we’ll cross the border. They can’t touch us once we’re over.’
It was so exciting. Soon we were laughing and joking about. I collected a load of stones and threw them in the water. Then the others were up and searching for anything they could find that would make a splash, competing to throw further and higher. In went stones, sticks, beer bottles and even an old shoe that Bridget found. It was a lot of fun.
Loretta started singing ‘Santa Lucia’ and we all joined in. It was one of the songs we’d had to sing at the annual concert when the ministry came to visit. We sang in harmony, and one song led to another, and then another. But our voices trailed off when we saw a man with a small dog walking slowly along towards us.
‘No, don’t stop!’ the man said, quickening his step. ‘That was just lovely.’
So we started up again, singing to a rapt audience of one man and his small dog. The man closed his eyes as he listened, as if swept away by the music. He was middle-aged, with distinguished grey hair and smart clothes, and I imagined that he probably had lots of money and a really nice family. He thanked us when we reached the end of our repertoire. Once again he told us that we sang beautifully. He reached into his pocket and we heard the sound of jingling coins. Taking out a handful, he sorted through them and picked out a big silver one.
‘Here’s a half-crown. Get some sweets for yourselves,’ he said, handing the money to Bridget, who was closest to him.
Bridget had no problem taking the money because we didn’t have a penny between us. We thanked the man and gave him grateful looks.
‘What should we get with it? Sweets, chips or something else?’ Loretta said.
The rest of us thought for a minute.
‘We could go to a shop and see what we can afford,’ Bridget suggested.
It seemed like a good idea and soon we were inside a shop, surrounded by a dazzling array of sweets, biscuits and cakes. The man behind the counter kept a very close eye on us. He obviously thought that we were going to steal something.
‘Can I help yous?’ he said.
‘We’re just deciding what to buy, we’ll be ready in a minute,’ Bridget replied politely.
‘Are yous girls from the convent?’
We shook our heads. ‘No.’
I could feel myself blushing again. I wasn’t comfortable about lying and was sure that God would punish me for it. Loretta tried to bluff it out by telling him that we were doing a play and were still in costume, but he didn’t seem at all convinced. She asked him for a selection of sweets and handed over the half-crown. He poured sweets out of big jars onto a set of scales and then tipped them into small paper bags. It seemed to take ages, and we started to get nervous. We just wanted to leave the shop and get back to the river, where we felt safe. Eventually, he passed the sweets over to Loretta.
‘So what school are yous at, then?’ he said.
‘Sorry, we’re in a hurry and haven’t got time to chat,’ Loretta said.
We rushed outside and she passed the sweets around.
‘I didn’t trust him. He was too nosy,’ she said. ‘Let’s get back to the riverbank. He’s probably phoning the police right now.’
We scurried along, sucking on our sweets. We were nearly at the river when we spotted a policeman. He’d already seen us and was running straight towards us.
‘Run!’ I shouted. No one needed telling again. Picking up our long, heavy skirts, we sprinted away as fast as we could. But the policeman was catching up fast. I was out in front of the others, even though I was the smallest, and my heart felt like it was going to burst right out of my chest.
I heard Bridget shout, ‘No! Get off me!’ and I glanced back. The policeman had grabbed her arm, and she was struggling to shake him off. By now we were running through Belfast town centre. People stopped and stared as we flew past, out of breath and panicking, our skirts billowing out behind us.
I can’t go back, I was thinking. I just can’t. Suddenly, from out of nowhere, a policeman grabbed me. My heart stopped.
‘I can’t go back there!’ I screamed at him. ‘You don’t know what they’re like!’
He said nothing, just walked me to a car and told me to get in. Bridget was already inside. I burst into floods of tears.
‘Don’t give them the satisfaction of crying, Frances,’ she said.
The policeman started the engine. ‘Let’s get you two girls back where you belong,’ he said in a sarcastic tone.
I wanted to jump out of the car. The thought of going back to the convent was unbearable. ‘I wish I was dead,’ I said, hoping, with all my heart, that Loretta had got away, that maybe she’d find our mammy and come back for Sinéad and me.
The Reverend Mother was standing by the main door. She gave us a furious look as we arrived.
‘Thank you for returning them, Officer,’ she said.
‘The others will be back soon enough, too,’ the policeman said. ‘They’re being chased all over the town at the minute. I’ll be off now, in case I’m needed to bring back any more.’
The Reverend Mother saw him to the door before turning to face us again, her cheeks red and her eyes swivelling madly. She looked like she was going to go berserk at any moment. ‘You will stand there until the rest of the girls have returned. It will give you time to reflect on what you have done and to consider what would be a suitable punishment.’
I thought I was going to be sick with fear. Glancing over at Bridget, who was pale and visibly shaking, I realised that I probably looked just like she did. After what seemed like ages, the policeman returned with the others. I lost all hope when I heard Loretta’s voice among them. They were sent in to stand with us while the Reverend Mother talked to the policeman.
We didn’t need telling how much worse things would be if we were caught trying to talk to each other, but no one had forgotten the sweets. The Reverend Mother’s back was turned, so Loretta managed to pass them around without being noticed and we shoved them furtively into our mouths. But sweets were only a temporary comfort, and we gave each other worried looks as we quietly sucked the luxurious flavour out of them.
The Reverend Mother went off somewhere with the policeman, and Loretta shared out the rest of the sweets.
‘Well, at least they won’t be able to deprive us of them now,’ I whispered.
‘We’re probably not going to get anything else to eat today,’ she said.
‘I expect that will be t
he least of our worries by the time they’re finished with us,’ Bridget added.
‘The next time we get out, we stay out,’ Loretta vowed.
‘That’s if we survive that long,’ I said, shivering with fear.
CHAPTER 16
The Premonition
For three weeks I tried to be everywhere Margaret was. I followed her around at recreation times and kept reminding her not to go up any ladders, even if a nun told her to. At first Margaret was flattered that I should be so concerned for her safety, but now it was beginning to annoy her that wherever she went, I went.
It all started in chapel one day, at Mass. While we were chanting prayers, I had a really clear vision of Margaret falling off a high ladder. It felt like a flashback, except that I had a strong sense that it was a flashforward, and Margaret appeared to be quite badly hurt. But three weeks later nothing had happened, and she was getting so fed up with having me around that she insisted I stop following her.
I was relieved in a way, because I was beginning to tire of it myself. When I’d first had the vision, I was sure it must be some kind of a warning and that it was up to me to make sure that I prevented a disaster. But now that nothing had happened for so long, I couldn’t understand why I’d seen it and decided I’d just have to let it go. Margaret was fine, so I could forget about the ladder and get on with other things. Some girls were beginning to think that I’d become obsessed with the whole thing, and I could sort of understand why, when I thought about it. It was all rather creepy, and anyway, it would be great to spend my recreations with Chrissie again instead of following Margaret around.
Chrissie was glad to have me back. She’d been beginning to think that it might be months before I finally realised that nothing was going to happen, as I could be very stubborn. It was good to talk about other things instead, especially our lives when we left the convent – of big houses, open spaces, horses and friends. By the end of the day I’d put Margaret out of my mind.
The next few days passed without incident. Then one evening, when we were getting ready for bed, Mary came running into the dormitory shouting that an ambulance was on its way for Margaret. Apparently, Sister Francis had asked her to climb a ladder and retrieve some balls that were stuck on top of a high cupboard, and she’d fallen down.
I was amazed. ‘Is she badly hurt?’
‘I think so. But Sister Francis won’t let anyone near her till the ambulance gets here.’
‘Oh my God.’ I sat down on my bed, feeling stunned.
Chrissie came over to see if I was OK. ‘It’s not your fault, Frances. You tried to warn her, and she thought you were going a bit mad. Maybe next time people will listen!’ My friend was trying to reassure me, but it wasn’t working.
‘I hope she’s going to be all right. I feel like it is my fault. I saw it all happen so clearly – and just think, Chrissie, I was right about it. If I have another vision, and I hope that I don’t, I will just have to trust it to be true. But I don’t know why I would have seen Margaret falling off a ladder a full month before it happened. It seems weird. Now I’m going to seem like even more of a freak to the others.’
‘Well, you’re not a freak to me. I think it’s great that you saw it and tried to stop it. I wish I could do that. Anyway, don’t worry what people think; you’re better than a lot of people in here.’
Chrissie sounded like she meant every word, and I began to feel a little better. Bernadette rushed in to tell us that the ambulance had arrived for Margaret. Some of the girls ran over to the window to see if they could see anything, but Chrissie and I stayed where we were.
Sister Thomas arrived, shouting, ‘Get away from those windows and kneel down for prayers!’
‘Is Margaret going to be OK, Sister?’ asked Rita.
‘It looks like she’s broken her nose,’ she said briskly. ‘We should know for sure when she gets back from the hospital. I’m sure she’s in good hands.’
After we’d washed and lined up for inspection, she scanned the dormitory. ‘Now, are you ready for prayers?’
She made the sign of the cross, and we said our prayers quickly. Then she turned out the lights and left in a hurry.
‘Frances, have you had any visions about me?’ whispered Kathleen.
‘No, I haven’t, Kathleen,’ I said, hoping that would be an end to it because I was still feeling disturbed by what had happened. But that was just the beginning of it.
‘What about me?’ asked another girl. ‘Have you had any visions about me?’
‘No, just the one about Margaret. I’d never had one before and didn’t even know if it would come true, but now it has.’
‘Well, if you ever get any about me, let me know because I will definitely believe you after this,’ said Mary. Followed by a chorus of ‘Yes, me too!’ from the other girls.
‘I really hope I don’t get any more, but if I do, I will tell whoever it is,’ I said.
There were more questions, and more after that. Still, at least none of them were calling me a freak any more. In fact, most of them seemed genuinely interested in my vision, which turned out to be one of the many premonitions I’ve experienced in my life. So before we finally went to sleep I tried, once more, to describe exactly what I’d seen and how it had felt.
CHAPTER 17
Back From the Farm
I’d just arrived back at the convent from a holiday at the Murphys’ farm. I’d been there several times now, but this time Sinéad had been allowed to go with me. We shared some good times. Sinéad got to sample Siobhan’s wonderful cooking and to play with me and the boys around the farm. She’d had a fantastic time and looked upset to be back.
After two weeks of Siobhan’s wonderful cooking neither of us was looking forward to the convent food. Fat, gristle and vegetable slop simply wasn’t enough to keep us going. Often we were so hungry that we ate handfuls of grass to fill ourselves up, like cows or sheep.
It had been a real holiday for our taste buds, but of course it ended the moment we got back and Sister Kevin searched us. She found some new socks and a few packets of sweets that we’d desperately been trying to conceal in our clothes.
‘I’ll be confiscating these. Now get yourselves to your dormitories at once.’
Sinéad looked as if she was just about to cry, and I could easily have joined her, but I wasn’t going to give Sister Kevin that satisfaction.
‘You’ll have a lot to tell your friends,’ I said, hoping to cheer her up.
She managed a weak smile, and I smiled back, proud of my brave little sister.
In the dormitory, the other girls were telling each other about their holidays. I listened with envy to the ones who’d gone home to their real families. Sitting quietly on my bed, I decided that this time I wouldn’t tell anyone about what Tom and Barry had done to me. There was no point. I just had to accept that they were allowed to do whatever they wanted to me and nobody would stop them.
Suddenly, I flashed back to the farm. The dormitory vanished, and I was in the barn with Barry. He’d lured me there by pretending to have something to show me. ‘A surprise,’ he’d said, breathing heavily as he led me behind some bales of hay. Something in me sensed what was about to happen, and I tried to get away, saying that I needed to find Sinéad, but Barry wouldn’t let me go. Keeping a tight hold of my arm, he told me that Sinéad was fine. He hemmed me in against the hay and started touching me under my dress. I began to cry, but he didn’t take any notice. I felt his dirty hand inside my knickers, his fat fingers rubbing me.
‘I have to go now!’ I shouted, my head exploding with panic. But I was no match for the large man who was now pushing his finger into me. Panting loudly with excitement, he seemed unaware of me, even though I was sobbing and telling him that he was hurting me. At one point he stopped, but only to undo the zip of his trousers and to try to force my hand inside them. I made a fist, knowing now exactly what he wanted, and shut my eyes so that I wouldn’t have to look at him.
He froze
at the sound of the boys playing with Sinéad nearby and quickly pulled away from me.
‘Clean your face!’ he snapped. ‘You can’t go out looking like that.’
Then, just as suddenly as it had vanished, the dormitory reappeared, and I became aware that the others were still telling their stories. Sister Thomas’s footsteps came into earshot. Everyone scattered. I jumped to my feet, patted down the creases on my counterpane and stood by my bed, terrified that she’d start on me as soon as she saw me. This time she wasn’t creeping about like she sometimes did, trying to catch us out. Instead, her footsteps came hard and fast, which meant that she was in a terrible mood. She entered the dormitory like someone possessed, her facial features distorted with rage. Her large rosary beads, which she wore around her waist with the huge crucifix hanging down at the side, were rattling as she stormed into the room, glaring maniacally.
‘Who brought the Devil back with them?’ she screamed, her face a picture of fury and disgust. She bent over and began to look under our beds.
‘Not me, Sister!’ I said.
The other girls joined in, one after the other. ‘Not me, Sister!’ they chorused, peering under their beds.
Hunched down so that she could see under each bed, she began running down the dormitory as if chasing something. ‘There he is!’ she shouted. We watched in terror as she ran back along the rows of beds and dived to the floor.
‘Open a window, I’ve got him, I’ve got Nick!’ she yelled, emerging from under one of the beds. Nick was the name she used for the Devil. She’d often told us that he was under our beds, knowing that it would scare us.
She appeared to be having a terrible struggle with someone or something that none of us could see. Moving to the window, she made a big show of throwing the Devil out. ‘Get out, Nick, get out!’ she shrieked.
We watched in silence. Even though we were used to this kind of behaviour from Sister Thomas, it was always hard to cope with it because we were never sure what she was going to do next. She began to walk along the rows of beds, inspecting each girl, staring into her eyes. When she got to me, her face twisted up with hatred, and I knew that I was going to get the blame for bringing the Devil back with me.
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