Here to Stay

by Adriana Herrera

  “I’m so glad to see you!”

  I wasn’t certain who they were talking to, but I made sure I was smiling wide enough to show all my teeth. Mitzy wore her hair in a platinum bob and was in a vintage, bright red skater skirt and a short-sleeved silk blouse in a hounds tooth pattern with shades of red and pink. It would not have worked on everyone, but she looked like she’d just come back from lunch with Jackie O.

  “Oh, hi...” I froze for a little bit because what was I supposed to call them? Miss and Miss Sturm? The Sturms?

  I sure as hell was not going to be all fresh and call them Mitzy and Muffy like we were homies. Thankfully José stepped in before I called them M&M.

  “Miss Mitzy.” Double air kiss, hug. “Miss Muffy.” Rinse and repeat. “Fancy seeing you ladies here. Out today in vintage Dior and Hermes.” He was practically crowing and they were eating it up. “I approve.”

  José turned to me and grabbed my hand. “You know Julia Ortiz, the dynamo taking the foundation to the next level.”

  Wow, I thought I could code-switch, but José had just transformed into a Soul Cycle mom named Barbara before my eyes. I was in awe.

  “Yes, of course. How are you, dear?” It was my turn for air kisses and hugs.

  “We’re so pleased to see the Sturm’s team taking care of our guests. When Rocco told us he was coming to the game with friends, we had to stop by.” They waved Dani over.

  Dani also got some love. It was kind of wild that these ladies were the literal owners of the massive company we worked for and they were this down-to-earth. I mean, down-to-earth if one forgot that they were wearing head-to-toe couture and diamond-encrusted Cartier everything.

  “You remember Tariq. He’s also on the Davidson’s team.” Rocco gestured to the rest of the GEC crew. “And this is Salome. She’s an assistant professor at North Texas University.” He smiled warmly at the group, but when he got to me, it was like ice. He literally looked right through me.

  Oh, this is how it was. We were cool until the bosses showed up. Good to know.

  I felt dumb and little and was working hard at trying to become invisible when José spoke up again. “Julia managed to find all the New Yorkers in the entire company.”

  “She did.” That was Rocco, who was still not looking at me.

  “Muffy, we should’ve come with them instead.” Mitzy kept talking, seemingly unaware of how stiff Rocco was. Nobody seemed to be aware of it except for me. His tell was in those baby blues. When you spoke to him, he made sure to give you his focus, but when he wasn’t comfortable he held back his gaze. His eyes everywhere but where they were supposed to be. Because they’d sell him out. They’d announce to the world exactly how he felt.

  “We’re guests at Mark Cuban’s box today,” Mitzy explained while I kept my eyes on Rocco Quinn. “There’s nothing but old men drinking too much and talking about their money.” She shuddered and we all laughed. “I like it much better here.”

  There was some pleasant banter for a few more minutes, before the twins regretfully said they needed to return to their own party. Before slipping out, Muffy came over to me. She smiled and looked over at Rocco, who was talking to her sister. “I’m so pleased that you’ve gotten some rapport with the consultant. It can’t hurt us.”

  I was startled at her words and wondered if they’d noticed anything going on with me and Rocco. I looked over at where he was, his face devoid of all emotion, shoulders stiff. This was exactly why I needed to leave this alone and keep my distance. I’d almost kissed him. The twins could’ve walked in on us. I could be impulsive. Exhibit A: Moving to Dallas for Matt. But I was not a fool.

  This was foolish. Things were complicated enough without me looking for ways to hurt myself, the programs, and possibly Rocco. I could not, under any circumstances, forget that. I must’ve been looking particularly distressed because Rocco excused himself from chatting with Dani and Tariq to come over to me.

  “Is everything okay?” He looked worried and, even in my panicked state, a warmth spread through me when I saw him looking out for me.

  Me and my fool-ass head.

  “I’m good.”

  “Are you sure?” He seemed like he was one more noncommittal answer on my part from checking my temperature.

  Smile, Julia.

  “So good, thanks!” I ducked out from under him and went to the bar. I needed to dial it back and I needed to keep my game face on. For both our sakes.

  Chapter Ten

  Julia

  “That bitch needs to go down.”

  I sighed as I walked around my apartment trying to do some cleaning while I chatted with Alba. My best friend’s approach to most things was “cut-a-bitch,” which despite being appealing in Vicki’s case was not exactly optimal. She’d approached me once again offering to talk to clients if I needed “testimonials” for Davidson’s. I wasn’t going to parade around the people we served like some kind of human show-and-tell. And I certainly wasn’t looking for more opportunities to have one-on-ones with Rocco.

  For once, I’d heeded my own advice and avoided the man at every turn since the game. Three days in and it was still hard to avoid him on the group chat, but I had to keep my shit together, especially when there were plenty of professional crises going on in my life already. I did not need to throw a workplace affair into the mix.

  I slumped on my beautiful blue velvet sectional—the one thing I’d splurged on for the move, since I thought I’d be paying only half of it. I refused to dwell on the monthly payment and enjoyed how amazing my couch was. Because Matt may be an asshole, but I’d always have this velvet dream. Even if Vicki’s trifling ass was harshing my buzz.

  “Did you hear me, Julia del Mar?”

  “Alba, I’m not going to be the one to bring Vicki down. Yes, she’s got incredibly terrible boundary issues.” I held up a finger in the air like she could see me. “But firing her would mean having to do a hell of a lot of work I can’t take on, when I’m trying to A, run this program with minimal drama, and B, not rock the boat or bring attention to issues with staff while this IPO shit is going on.” I sighed again, feeling exhausted.

  “I get it. But, damn, it blows me away the way people act sometimes.”

  We both knew exactly why Vicki did the shit she did, but I was way too tired to get into a conversation about privilege when I didn’t even have a glass of wine in hand. Still I had to laugh because Alba’s saltiness was evergreen. If there was some bullshit happening, my best friend was not one to go down quietly.

  I debated whether to tell her the other thing that had been keeping me up lately.

  “So you know how the consultant invited us to the game.”

  “You mean Rocco Fucking Quinn, who you’ve refused to give me any information on. Yes, I know about him.”

  “There’s not much to say.”

  LIE.

  “He’s nice and all, but I’m determined to keep my focus on my job.”

  MORE LIES.

  “Riiiiight. I’m gonna let you continue to spew lie after lie, because I want to hear the rest of this mess with Vicki, then we’ll get back to Rocco with the good back piece.”

  I snorted at that. “You think you’re hilarious.”

  “You’re laughing.”

  “Anywaaaaay, when we were at the game and the twins, like the two that own all of Sturm’s, showed up and were fawning all over him, he was sort of a jerk to me, like totally iced me out there in the suite.” I was not going to go into details about what we’d been doing right before the chill effect. “Then one of them told me she was glad we were ‘hitting it off’ in a way that made me very jumpy. I don’t know if she said something to him too and that’s why he got all weird.” I let out a long breath, closing my eyes. “Fuck, this is too much drama. If I had two ounces of sense, I’d keep my distance.”

  “Hold up. Did she a
sk you to get with him?”

  “Girl, I’m not even sure, but after almost getting caught kissing him not ten minutes earlier, the comment hit me mad wrong.”

  Alba’s screech in my ear made me jump up like a foot in the air. “First, I knew you liked him! And getting a little skanky at the baseball game.” This was said accompanied with snapping fingers. “Legend.” I had to smother a cackle. Encouraging Alba was never a good idea. “Second, although it’s always good to keep an eye out for your employer possibly pimping you out, uh, that’s a reach. They may just be happy he’s getting along with the people from the store. And maybe he got nervous. I mean he is the consultant. It makes sense for him to not want to appear like he’s trying to get with you.”

  It was true that they hadn’t said anything nefarious and it wasn’t like they’d talked to me about it before or after.

  “I was such a jerk to him after, I got all paranoid... I wanted to kiss him real bad too, Albita.”

  “Now we’re getting somewhere. I’m switching to Hangouts cuz I want to look you in the eye when you tell me what happened.”

  “No.”

  “Switch to your iPad, Julia del Mar!”

  “Oh, for fuck’s sake, fine!” Even though she was a pain in my ass all the time, seeing my best friend’s face did something to calm all the fretting I’d been doing. This thing with Rocco and the mess at my job were getting to me.

  Her smiling face and those piercing brown eyes stared at me from behind stylish rose-gold glasses. Her eyes were a little smudged with eyeliner and she had her thick long mane in a bun on top of her head.

  “You kissed Rocco Fucking Quinn?”

  I once again thanked the gods for my non-blushing brown skin. “I said ‘almost.’ The word ‘almost’ was used. And that’s it. Nothing else happened.”

  I squirmed on my couch as she gave me the look that said “you can’t fool me” and I really could not.

  “Fine, so he ended up picking me up, since José ‘couldn’t.’” I made air quotes with one hand, I was still salty at José for that. “We were the first ones to get to the suite and things got a little heated. I’d love to say something particularly sexy occurred, but basically I sniffed him, panted some, and then fell off a stool.”

  She laughed, but only a second, before giving me a sympathetic look.

  “He’s so soft, Alba.” I shook my head, feeling stupid. “He’s easygoing, and thinks all the way off-the-wall shit my family does is hilarious.” I smiled, remembering how wistful he was after my parents called me while I was in his car. “You know how Matt always needed to ‘mentally prepare’ for my family.”

  This elicited teeth sucking and a middle finger I assumed was being proffered to Matt, wherever he was.

  “I mean I would never feel embarrassed about my family. You know that. And I didn’t really let him get away with being an asshole to them, but now that I think about it, now that I’m here, I realize that I was a less me version of myself when I was with him. Like Julia but with the DR/PR thing on the lowest setting.”

  Alba’s face was thunderous. “Every time we talk about that fuck face I wish you would’ve let me twist his balls in college that time he got drunk and threw my phone in a pool. Comemierda.”

  “Your hate for him truly knows no bounds.” I blew her a kiss because I knew Alba would hide a body for me and I’d do the same for her. “Honestly though, one of the best things about being here is that I don’t have to be anything other than what comes naturally to me. It’s like now that I’m not around my mom or dad, and Matt’s not being an asshole, I can just be me for the sake of me. And this me wants to do the most when it comes to repping my culture.” I shrugged, not even sure of what I was trying to say. “I don’t know, I feel free and I like it. I like that Rocco really digs this version of me, because I like her a lot too. It took leaving home to find her, but this Julia’s here to stay.”

  “Babe, I’ve always loved all the versions of you, and I am so glad the one you’re becoming in Dallas fits you. As for Rocco, let it take its course and see what happens.”

  “Alba, Rocco doesn’t even live here. He’s going back to New York as soon as the project is done.” I put a hand up, as if to stop myself from even considering Rocco and I could go anywhere. “And please don’t forget that the last time I let my life plans get hijacked by a man, I got dragged out here.” I slumped, looking away from the screen.

  “Don’t do that, Juli.” I smiled at her use of my nickname. “Matt was a fuckboi from day one, yes, but you can’t feel bad about that. You loved him and you tried hard to make that relationship work. You believed in what you had with him. Hon, don’t hate yourself for believing in someone you loved.”

  I closed my eyes and nodded. “I just feel like I’m exactly the same person I was in high school, same hang-ups, same drama. Hell, until a couple of months ago, I even had the same boyfriend.”

  Alba shook her head again. “Yes, you are the same person, and that person’s always been amazing. You and Matt had a lot of ups and downs, time apart, time together, and you fought for that relationship. It didn’t work out, but that doesn’t mean you can’t trust yourself or that you’re stuck.”

  I wanted to believe her, but this whole situation had me wanting to mope and feel sorry for my clueless self. “I guess, but that doesn’t take away from the fact that I should not be trying to date Rocco.”

  Alba didn’t look too happy with my conclusion, but she acquiesced. “No one said ‘date,’ but if being with the guy feels right, get you some.”

  I was about to backpedal and deny some more when my phone buzzed and I saw it was a call from Rocco. Butterflies all over, goose bumps. Shivers. Yeah, I totally had this handled.

  “Albita, uh, looks like Rocco’s calling me.”

  More finger snapping. “Oooh, friend. He wants something with you.”

  “Bye!”

  I picked up the call and my hands were shaking a little. “Hey.”

  “Julia.” Why did he have to say my name like that? I wasn’t the answer to any boy’s prayers. “I know you’ve been busy this week.”

  Not really, just avoiding you, because when I see you I want to jump you.

  “Yeah, it’s been intense. We’ve hired more therapists and ramped up the support groups for parents.”

  “That’s great, Julia.”

  He clearly had called to say something, but was having a hard time getting it out. Sweet Baby Jesus, please let this not be a call to tell me I made him feel weird with the almost kiss and light sniffing.

  “I was thinking of grilling at my place this weekend, and was wondering if you’d like to come.”

  Say no, Julia. Say no, no, no. No.

  “You have a grill?”

  That’s not no!

  He cleared his throat at my comment and my non-decline of his invitation seemed to rally his spirits, because the sex voice came on the phone in full force. “I do. It’s a condo but my place has a little patio with a hot tub and grill. I’ve never had anything nearly as nice. It seems like a shame to waste it.”

  RIP, no.

  “Oh. That sounds great. Thanks for thinking of me.” I needed reinforcements for this. “Did you invite the rest of the GEC?”

  More throat clearing and when he talked, I had to cross and uncross my legs. “I wanted to ask you first. I didn’t want to put you on the spot if I asked in the chat.”

  He didn’t have to say it was because the two of us were on a nonstop flight to fucking.

  “Umm.” I should’ve been really conflicted, really thinking hard on how this shit was bad news. Instead I was running through my bathing suit inventory and wondering if I could still get the black Prada bikini I’d seen on the floor last week.

  “I’m pretty flexible this weekend. José and I had talked about brunch, but if you’re inviting him too I’m sure
he’ll want to do that instead.”

  He let out a long exhale and I wondered again how much it meant for Rocco to have people he could make some burgers for on a Saturday afternoon.

  “Okay, I’ll ask them on the chat. I’ll see you soon, Julia. Sleep well.”

  There was no chance of that now, and because I needed a witness for my self-destruction in three acts, I texted Alba.

  Julia: He invited me over to his place Saturday. He’s grilling. We won’t be alone.

  I got four eggplant emojis and a peach.

  Julia: You’re supposed to be my best friend.

  Alba: I am, which is why I added the peach emoji to remind you to wear something that showcases your ass.

  I would’ve told her I was already on the case, but she already knew that when I made a decision to wreck my own life, I didn’t stop until I got that W.

  Chapter Eleven

  Rocco

  I had a house full of people.

  I took a moment from getting more chips in the kitchen to slow down and take in the scene. I was actually hosting friends at my place.

  “Hey, Rocco, you want to grab this charcuterie platter and bring it outside?” I turned around and saw Julia standing in my kitchen holding out a wooden board full of sliced meat and pickled things. I smiled at her, and for a second she smiled back, before schooling her face into the pleasant but distant expression she’d been using with me since the baseball game. Disappointment sat like lead in my stomach as I reached for the platter. I was trying to take her distance in stride. I mean it’s not like I didn’t get why she was doing it. I should be thankful she was being more mindful than I was.

  Still I missed her smiles like air. I wanted to get closer. Tell her how every little thing I learned about her made me want her more.

  She was wearing one of those long dresses that were tight at the top and flowy at the bottom. It was bright blue and it made her skin look golden. The neckline plunged just right, her breasts just beckoning for my hands. Her hair was up today, with her curls spilling on top of her head, her trademark hoops dangling from her ears.