Here to Stay

by Adriana Herrera

  “Hey, are you guys still up?” My heart was galloping out of my chest as I frantically tried to adjust my clothes.

  She was in the living room within seconds, definitely not long enough for me to get myself together or for Rocco’s hard-on to sort itself out. I stood in front of him doing my best to look like I hadn’t just been finger fucked within an inch of my life, with a half-feral cat as a witness.

  Oh, God, we both reeked of sex.

  Paula stopped short when she got a good look at us and retreated. “Okaaayyy... I’m just going to grab some seltzer and go back to the bomb-ass guest suite.”

  She wiggled a finger in my direction, her face scrunched, like she could smell us. “Um, your clothes are a little messy.” She looked up at Rocco, whose face could not look much better than mine, opened her mouth, closed it, shook her head, and walked away.

  We both stood frozen as she got a can of seltzer out of Rocco’s fridge. He put his hands on my hips, in that same possessive way he’d been touching me before, but it was like I’d had a bucket of cold water dumped on my head.

  I couldn’t believe I’d done that. And with my sister just down the hall.

  Who was I even fooling? That’s why I was here. Because I’d wanted to be alone with him. Because I knew this would happen. I could use Paula as an excuse, but I could’ve said no. I’d come here for something, and I’d gotten it. Now I had to live with the consequences.

  When we heard Paula’s door close, he pressed up against me, his cock against my back. And I was right back in it with him, wanting things that I could not have.

  “We almost got caught.” He sounded a little frazzled, but underneath that was that growliness that had me begging just minutes earlier. That smile against my neck made me shiver.

  I almost melted into him again. It was hard to think when he pressed small kisses on my neck. I wanted him again, this time in a bed, with him driving into me. I knew it would be amazing, his big body moving with mine. I knew now, just from this taste of him. Once I’d fully had him, there was no going back.

  I couldn’t.

  I’d lost years with Matt, because I always found an excuse to focus on him and get derailed from my own goals. I could not do that again.

  I took Rocco’s hands off my hips and turned to look at him. As soon as he saw me, the sexy little grin on his lips disappeared and his eyes went blank. I fucking hated myself in that moment, but Rocco had his responsibilities and I had mine.

  “I need to go bed.” I made a circular motion between us and then gestured toward his raging erection. “I’m sorry.”

  I stepped back and away and headed to the room right across from his. Without turning, I whispered, “Good night.”

  I thought I heard a response, but I let myself into my room without looking back.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Julia

  “Dude, what the fuck is your deal? I had to leave a stack of blueberry pancakes because you made us run out of that place like your ass was on fire.”

  “Paula! Language!” That was my dad, who was sitting on the couch watching the news as my sister and I blew into my apartment before 7:00 a.m. I’d stormed out of Rocco’s place after barely saying three words to him. It was so fucking rude, but I had no idea how to act around him after last night. And there was no way I could eat the pancakes that he’d made with the same hands that made me come so hard I almost blacked out.

  “Sorry, Papi,” Paula said not at all contritely as we both walked over to give him a quick hug.

  “You’re back early.”

  I knew I was all out of sorts and my father had a hell of a radar for when anyone in his family was upset.

  I nodded and redirected the conversation. “Where are Mami and Abue? They still here?”

  “Yes.” I almost laughed at the agony in his voice. “Your mom and abuela are getting ready for the shopping.” His tone indicated he wanted no part of today’s plans. I nodded and moved to go get myself some coffee, since I’d barely had two sips of the perfectly prepared macchiato Rocco made for me this morning. Paula came in right behind me and just stared at me with her arms crossed on her chest.

  “Julia, I’m serious. You were rude as fuck to him this morning.” She looked at the front door as if an imaginary Rocco was standing there waiting for an explanation for my shitty behavior. I closed my eyes and saw his crestfallen face when I’d turned down the food he’d offered us. I felt nauseous thinking of how I’d acted. “What gives, Lita? I thought things were going well between you two, at least from what I—”

  I sawed my hand through the air and snapped a bit more forcefully than I wanted at her. “Paula, stop.”

  I turned around and before I answered her, I took three deep breaths, trying not to take out my annoyance at myself on her. I pinched the bridge of my nose and closed my eyes. My day would not get better by picking a fight with my sister.

  “I wanted to get back here. I promised Mami and Abue I’d go with them to the good outlet mall in Grand Prairie and we have to get there early. It’s going to be a madhouse over there today.”

  This was exactly why I didn’t want to start something with Rocco. I was lying and feeling like shit. If we got together, it would only be more lying and more shittiness. I needed to remember that. “Please, Pau, just chill, all right? I’m strung a little tight right now.”

  I don’t know if it was the quiver in my voice or my general desperation, but something about how I looked made my sister’s eyes widen, as if finally realizing I was a more than a little frazzled. Right at that moment, my dad, who until now had kept his attention on the TV, sauntered to where we stood in tense silence.

  “Did something happen this morning?”

  Paula looked at me and then opened her mouth, like she was going to say something. A feeling of dread ran through me, and I wasn’t even sure why. My parents—well, my father at least—never interfered with my life. If I asked him to stay out of it, he would. The same could not be said for my mother.

  I opened my mouth and talked into the silence, hoping to just end this conversation. “Everything was fine, Papi. I just wanted to be here early for the shopping.” I felt so fucked up right now that I was actually looking forward to the hellscape that would be outlet shopping on Black Friday. If anything, it would for sure be a distraction.

  My father was still looking at me funny, and my sister’s scoffing at my answer certainly didn’t help matters.

  “Did you guys sleep all right?” There was a lot more than him wanting to make sure I got my beauty rest in that question, but I was not going there. I gave a terse nod in response and took a big gulp of coffee.

  Paula, on the other hand, had a lot more to say. “I slept awesome. Rocco was a great host and the guest bedroom I was in had its own bathroom and a TV, with cable!” I had to hide a smile by drinking some more coffee. She was so extra. My dad chuckled and wrapped an arm around her shoulder.

  “You were living your best life, over there.” Both Paula and I laughed at that. Our dad spent most of his days with New York City-bred undergraduates; his knowledge of the most popular slang was as hilarious as it was uncanny.

  Paula nodded and gave me a pointed look. “I totally was. Rocco promised we’d watch the Goblet of Fire tonight.”

  How did he know to bribe my sister with her biggest weakness?

  More importantly, I could not go back to Rocco’s. I would do something stupider. I shook my head before I thought better of it and almost stomped my foot.

  “We’re not sleeping there tonight.”

  Paula, who could go into the drama field if her dream of going to vet school didn’t work out, wailed in response. “What, why?”

  My dad was looking at me with canny eyes, obviously interested in my answer, and I wanted this whole fucking conversation to be over.

  “Because I said so, all right
?”

  “I didn’t see you complaining about the place last—”

  My panic must have shown on my face, because whatever she saw shut her up.

  “Fine. Suit yourself,” she huffed, walking out of the kitchen like I was crushing her every dream.

  I was tired, figuratively and literally. Tired of wanting Rocco, tired of telling myself giving in to it was stupid. Tired of feeling guilty about not wanting to move back home, tired of not wanting to lose my job. Tired of my coworker being a Problematic Penny, just tired.

  But mostly, I was confused and low-key horny, because I knew that if I went back to that apartment tonight, I’d end up in Rocco’s bed, and just the thought of that felt like a panacea to all that ailed me.

  “Hey.” My dad’s worried voice snapped me out of my troubled thoughts. “What’s going on in there?” he asked, gently tapping my temple.

  “Did Rocco say something to upset you?” I almost laughed at the question, because Rocco had been nothing but amazing to me yesterday and this morning even when I was being a total jerk to him.

  “No, he was great. I just want to be with you guys. You’re only here for a couple more days. So what if we’re a bit tight?”

  My dad let me get away with my lame answer and gave me a peck on my forehead. “All right. We’re happy to be tight as sardines in here with you, if that’s what this is really about.”

  He moved to grab the mug he’d been using from the counter and filled it with coffee. He took a sip and looked at me with knowing eyes. “But, if this is about you not trusting your judgement or thinking that you don’t know what’s right for you, because of what happened with Matt...”

  “Dad.” I only called him that when something was off. He, of course, took note and held up his hand.

  “We don’t have to get into it. I just need you to hear me when I tell you this: you have better judgement than most people my age. You’re strong and your decision to come out here to support your partner was what I would’ve done. Your partner got an opportunity for a better job in Dallas, you held it down for him, got yourself a job, and made the move. It went badly because Matt acted badly. You did everything right.”

  “I should’ve known he was stepping out on me.” The words came out calm. Saying it now, it all felt like it happened long ago, so distant from the rage and anger I’d felt after it happened. I realized that the sting of Matt’s cheating hurt more because I hadn’t been smart enough to see it than the fact that it ended our relationship.

  “No, baby, you were doing what you were supposed to. Why would you assume the person that was supposed to love you failed you?”

  I was about to say something else but the space was suddenly filled with my grandmother’s voice. “Lita, are you ready to take your mami and me shopping?”

  I smiled at how excited she sounded. Those two were die-hard shopaholics and Black Friday was practically a national holiday for them.

  My father gave another squeeze, his eyes showing me that he’d meant every word he’d said. I wanted so badly to believe him, but I wasn’t sure about anything. Other than the intensity with which I wanted Rocco.

  “Yes, Abue. I’m ready,” I called just as my phone buzzed in my pocket. When I pulled it out, a legit hot-and-cold flash shook me. It was a message from Rocco to the Exiles chat group.

  Before I opened it, I looked at my mom and grandma, who were ready to go, their bags perched on their shoulders, full hair and makeup on fleek. They were dressed in matching track suits, like a pair of pink and yellow highlighters in head-to-toe neon. I looked down and saw they were sporting matching Nikes to finish off the look. Their endurance shopping footwear. I almost took a photo to send to Rocco, knowing he’d find them adorable and hilarious in the same way I did.

  Because I never fucking learned.

  I shook my head at their eagerness, and smiled as I opened my phone to look at the message. “I’ll be ready to go in a second, guys.” When I tapped on the app and saw a selfie of Rocco with his hair muzzled and wearing the gray Columbia sweatshirt he’d had on this morning, holding a very harried-looking Pulga in one hand, my heart did a summersault.

  Rocco: Hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving. Julia and her family were gracious enough to have me over. I’m still recovering from the feast. Also wanted to introduce you guys my new roommate. Her name is Pulga (Julia’s fault). She’s only tried to scratch my eyes out twice this morning, so we’re making progress.

  José: OMG! She’s so cute. Where did you get her?

  Rocco: I found her under the car at the gym. Julia helped me get her to the vet. She saved my ass and helped me name Pulga.

  My heart squeezed in my chest and I could hear his low, raspy voice saying those things. His earnest eyes telling me how grateful he was for my help. Salome was the next to respond, but I was already swimming in regret for how I’d left his place.

  Salome: That’s really sweet, Rocco.

  The others commented too, and then I saw a notification pop up for a message from José just to me.

  José: I’m gonna need all the details as soon as my plane touches down in our fair city. Juhurd?

  He put an emoji of a face shouting, and I had to laugh.

  Julia: Fine. Chismoso.

  I ruthlessly closed out of the app without responding to Rocco after answering José, and glanced up to find two pairs of curious, if somewhat impatient, brown eyes staring at me. I remembered my fretting was getting between two Dominican women and a day of Black Friday sales. It was only a matter of time before their patience evaporated.

  “Sorry,” I said, putting my phone in my pocket, and gestured to the door. We passed my dad on the way out, who was focused on whatever was happening on the TV screen and didn’t see my sister, who was probably hiding in a bedroom somewhere to avoid going with us.

  We all waved goodbye to my dad and left the apartment. I took a deep breath and vowed to focus on my family for the duration of the weekend.

  “Vamonos, mujeres. Black Friday deals wait for no woman.”

  They both gave me a funny look, and before I got into another round of “What’s wrong?” questions, I got my ass moving.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Rocco

  So I made the woman of my dreams come in my living room after the hottest make-out session of my life, then she ran out of my house like it was on fire, and I hadn’t heard from her since.

  It would not be easy to walk that one off.

  I sighed, closing the Exiles chat group, where everyone was still texting about their post-Thanksgiving activities, and tried to get my bearings. I was currently hiding in a corner of the Sturm twins’ impressive backyard, which at the moment was lit by what seemed like thousands of little lights.

  I made a move to get another beer from the fully stocked bar, complete with five selections of local beer on tap. But, of course, all I could think was how I wished I was at Julia’s having Presidente with her dad. As I walked to the tent where the food and drink were, I tried to think of something, anything, else. But my mind went right back to Julia.

  She had not responded to any of the many messages the group has posted, not even the ones from José and Salome asking her about her family’s surprise visit. I was trying hard not to make her unusual radio silence on our chat about what happened between us. But every other message that went unanswered was another confirmation that I had pushed too far. That my own stupid fantasies were only that, my own shit, and Julia was not fulfilling some unspoken wish by hooking up with me.

  I needed to stop this shit. I needed to leave her alone, because what was my end game here anyway? There was no future for us. There wasn’t even a present. Not if we both wanted to keep our jobs.

  “I hope all that thinking is going to how you’re going to make our IPO the most successful one your firm has done to date.”

  I manag
ed to suppress a groan as I turned around. It seemed like Phil had finally arrived. At least dealing with him would be a certain way to stop thinking about Julia.

  I extended my hand to him and tried my best not to sneer.

  “How are you doing, Phil? Did you have a good Thanksgiving?”

  He was standing next to a very pretty brunette who seemed weirdly familiar as he answered.

  “We did. Listen, I need to meet with you first thing on Monday.”

  This guy had no fucking manners. Could he at least introduce us before he started giving me orders?

  Before I could do it myself, the young woman clicked her tongue and extended her hand to me. “Phil, you didn’t even ask him how his holiday was.” Her tone was disapproving and she rolled her eyes at me, almost saying, “Can you believe this guy?”

  “I’m Caroline. My dad is an old friend of the twins.”

  “Rocco. Nice to meet you, Caroline.”

  She dipped her head and then looked up at me appreciatively. I knew her from somewhere, but before I could ask from where, Phil barged in on the conversation again.

  “The twins are feeling pretty solid about their position with the board and I think they want to put the decision on the agenda for right after Christmas.”

  Was this guy really shit talking these women in their own house?

  “The company regulation calls for all new decisions on budgeting to be made before the new year, and the more time they have the more they will be able to do to convince the board that funding these programs again is a good move. We need to vote before they get more people on their side.” He shook his head, as if the twins were asking the board to set money on fire.

  I took a moment to answer because if I said what I was thinking to this asshole I could kiss that promotion goodbye.

  He took my silence as an invitation to continue and moved closer to me. Caroline took that as a cue to find something else to do, waving at me as she moved on to talk with a couple a few feet from us.