It's All Coming Back To Me

by Michelle Marra

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  I pull my rental up to the Sheraton in Tallahassee a day before everyone is supposed to arrive. My gift to my family was a week in a posh hotel to not only enjoy the graduation festivities but to also enjoy the historic town of Tallahassee. However, apparently this quaint little town doesn’t have anything over a three-star hotel, and even with this hotel, I had to pull strings…many, many strings, to reserve a block of rooms.

  I’m strategic in my planning because I have one king suite between four king regular adjoining rooms. I figure my brothers will want their rooms to join so they can party, which I assured the hotel that I’ll be responsible for any damages. The king suite is for my parents, and the other adjoining rooms were for Sam and me.

  I’m absolutely thrilled she is coming. I guess I don’t really have to ask because I know how much she adores my brothers and she’s been to all of their other functions. Pretty much a better sister to them than I’ve been. But I’m about to remedy that. My penthouse suite is on the market, my belongings are being packed to be shipped, and my ticket to Florida was a one way, with a one way to Portland. I’ll tell them all the good news when I pick them up from the airport.

  After I check in and inspect all the rooms, I contact the party planner and have them begin decorating my brother’s rooms. In Sam’s room, I’ll have roses, champagne and me waiting to surprise her.

  I haven’t spoken to Sam for eight months to the day. I wanted to call her these past two weeks, but I wasn’t sure what to say. I told my mother what I was doing with the rooms…well not everything. I just wanted to make sure we would all be in the same hotel, and I wanted to make sure Sam’s room was right next to mine. Because I have every intention of telling her everything. I will tell her how miserable I’ve been and that I’m ready, really ready to give her another chance…to give us another chance. I’m ready to put my trust back in love.

  I want to go home, back to the town I love. I want to join Sam on whatever venture she was on. I want to chuck this image of who Dr. Laurel is right now and just be me, Laurel Matthews. Recapture the dreams I once had for private practice and help people without them being exploited for my own career. I want to write a book and to tell the world I was wrong. Love isn’t a lie…it isn’t just a state of mind. It is something that can’t be fully explained because love is so all-consuming. I’ve tried to hate it, tried to run from it, reject it, disprove it, and disbelieve it.

  But now, here I am. Beaming! I’m standing in the middle of Sam’s room pacing back and forth like a crazy person. The smile on my face is so wide it’s actually starting to give me facial cramps. But I don’t care. I’m in love. I can finally let myself feel it…surrender myself to say it.

  “I’m in love with Samantha Jane Harrison,” I yell out as I flop down on her bed and wish she was here kissing me, touching me…making me scream.

  I bounce up again and spin around like a school girl. I don’t remember the last time I felt like this, that I had this much excitement building in me with so much anticipation. Oh, and yes, I’m off the cane, off the crutches, the walker, and out of the chair. Have been for about a week now. My therapist said that one day I would just walk again like it was second nature, and I did like I had no memory of being handicapped. I walked out of my apartment, into the elevator and out of the building. It didn’t dawn on me until I stepped out of the cab that I didn’t have my cane. That day was amazing, but fails in comparison to this one…this day is stupendous. Because even though Sam doesn’t arrive until tomorrow, this is the day I’m pledging myself to love again. And I can’t wait to tell Sam.

  I rented a Jeep Sahara, similar to the one Sam had when I was home almost a year ago. I wonder if she still has it. I guess it is a silly gesture, but I want to feel close to her even if it is to drive a Jeep like her’s. However, I opted for the automatic. Not ready to try and drive a stick when I’m just off the cane.

  I’m on my way to the airport to pick up my parents. Tonight after the ceremony, we are all going back to the hotel since I have the outdoor bar reserved for a huge party. Open bar, DJ, dancing, food…the works. This is my graduation present for my brothers. Well, that and two weeks in my condo in LA. I figure before they have to knuckle down and get a job, they can take two weeks for some fun in the sun.

  It is also for my benefit because I don’t want them at home when I’m there. I haven’t secured a place of my own yet mostly because I’m hoping that I’ll be with Sam soon after I’m home.

  I can’t wait to see her, to kiss her…to touch her. Just thinking about it now is putting a knot between my legs. I know we won’t have much time for chit-chat before everything begins, so I’m hoping I can get some liquid courage in me. Because now that it is nearing the time I’ll be face to face with her, I’m starting to get really nervous about what I’m going to say.

  When I arrive at the airport, my parents are already standing outside the terminal with their luggage. I told them to call me when they got off the plane, this way I could be there to pick them up right away, so they didn’t have to wait in the heat. And it is ungodly hot. I put the Jeep in park and jump out to help them with their luggage. But as soon as I step out of the vehicle, my dad nearly squeezes every ounce of breath out of me. They are both in shock to see me walking, I guess since they haven’t seen me since I was in the chair, it is a shock. He just continues to tell me over and over again how proud he is of me. And I wonder if he had his head in the sand all this time. How did he not know all about what a mess my life had become since I left Camden? But then I remind myself that he is pretty much always preoccupied with his country club outside of work. I’m also amazed that my mother hasn’t told him about his little princess…how much of a whore I’ve become, as well as a drug addict and boozer. Maybe she was trying to spare him the gory details. For which I’m appreciative.

  My mother hugs me too, kisses me on both cheeks and tells me how much she loves me and is so happy to see me. Guess she misses me as much as I miss her.

  “It is so nice to see you walking again, sweetie,” My mother says as I place her bag in the back of the car.

  “Where is Sam?”

  “Oh,” she says.

  I can see she is nervous because she diverted her eyes to the ground.

  “Um, she had an appointment she couldn’t reschedule. She’ll be here before the graduation starts.”

  “Oh…okay.” Well, I’m a little disappointed not to see her right now…but I guess I can wait a couple more hours.

  “I’m driving,” my dad says as he jumps into the driver seat even though I tell him I know the way back and that no one else is supposed to drive the rental car. But he dismisses me and tells me to get in the back seat.

  As he is fighting the traffic and ignoring the GPS directions, he is also still singing my praises. Asking me if I’ve taken up running like I swore I would do once I got my legs back. I did have to tell him that I’m still working on walking faster than a snail's pace, then I’ll try to jog.

  My mother is unusually quiet. She is looking out the passenger-side window as if lost in thought. I’m wondering if her and my dad have been in some kind of argument that has caused her to be so distant and withdrawn. It’s making me feel a little uneasy because she is usually the chatterbox unless there is some bad news to be given.

  “So mom…I really took your advice to heart. I mean, I have a one-way ticket to Camden next Thursday. My condo is on the market.”

  “That’s great sweetie,” she says in a flat tone.

  My face twists up in confusion, “I thought you would be happier to know that I’m giving up the limelight.”

  “Oh, I am…I am.”

  “I promise I won’t shack up with you guys too long. Soon as I get back, I’ll get a realtor to find something for me.”

  “You should tell her.” My father says as he glances over at her.

  “Tell me what?” My stomach twists up in angst as my heart rate picks up speed.


  Just then we pull up to the hotel, and I see my goofy brothers. I thought they were meeting us at the ceremony. But apparently, they decided to show up early in their tropical looking shirts and cargo shorts. I hear my mother gasp. I suppose she is wondering if that’s what they planned to wear under their gowns. I wouldn’t blame them one bit. The graduation ceremony is outdoors, and it is hot as hell right now.

  “Just give the keys to the valet, dad,” I say as I step out of the car to greet my brothers.

  Seth spots me first and charges me. I’m thinking oh shit when he grabs hold of me and literally tosses me in the air. Then Brian grabs me from behind and starts spinning me around. My feet are kicking in the air as I’m screaming out in laughter.

  He sets me down after I yell out, “I’m gonna be sick.”

  Then they start chanting my name, “Laurel, Laurel, Laurel.” As they circle me and I’m wondering what in the world they’re going to do. But that thought quickly fades when Seth throws me over his shoulder.

  “Pool…pool….pool.”

  Oh God. These guys are in quite a state, and I’m wondering if they’re this amped up now, what they’ll be like when alcohol is introduced into the mix.

  “Put your sister down,” I hear my mother yell out at top volume. “Now!”

  Seth stops mid-step and sets me down with an annoyed sigh. I smile up at him and pinch his cheek. He smiles, leans down and hugs me tighter than my dad did and this time I actually feel my back crack. “Glad to see you on your feet.”

  Brian joins in with a hug of his own, this one isn’t as bone crushing. “Thanks,” he says.

  Then they begin to charge off chanting the word, ‘party,’ over and over.

  “Hey, you boys. Suits under those robes.” My mother yells out to their retreating forms.

  Good luck with that. I hurry into the hotel behind my brothers, “I’m heading up to my room for a bit. Call me when you guys are ready to go.”

  “Laurel…wait,” my mom rushes to my side. “We need to talk.”

  My stomach drops again, and I’m not ready to hear whatever it is ‘we’ need to talk about. “Sure mom. Later, okay. I need to start getting ready.”

  I start to walk away, “Laurel, wait…”

  “The front desk has your room keys. See ya tonight.”

  I’m terrified she’s going to tell me that Sam has gotten over me or something. Even if that is true, I can’t hear it right now. I can’t let any knowledge about Sam derail my plans for when she gets here. Because I need to try, even if I fail…I have to take the risk. I’m not going back on it now. But I make a mental note to really put it all out there, be as beautiful and sexy as I can be. I know once she sees me, once I tell her that I love her, even if she has gotten over me, she’ll take me back. After all, it hasn’t been a year since I’ve been gone and she wanted me back after eight years. So I have to think my chances are good.

  I step out of the shower, my hair is wrapped in a towel…the rest of me is stark naked. I know Sam is about to arrive. I’ve checked the status of her flight and know that it landed only ten minutes ago, which gives me the time I need to put something sexy on. I want to look hot enough that she’ll want to devour me. I figure we can get at least a ‘tear each other’s clothes off’ type quicky. There is a lot of missed opportunities and wasted time we need to make up.

  I went with the subtle approach to sexy, so my clothes are minimalist, just a black tank and a very tight pair of blue jeans. However, I do have some really sexy undergarments on, and I’m hoping my indirect attempt at sexiness will do the trick. My brown locks are laying on my shoulders since I just hand tossed them. My eyes are painted up, but not too dark, and my skin smells of roses from the body wash I used.

  “Okay,” I say as I walk into Sam’s room through the adjoining door. I see the roses on the table, four dozen of an array of colors. Seems with this graduation, everything was picked over. Even the bottle of champagne I have chilling in a bucket next to the flowers is cut-rate because that’s all that was left. But they are just small gestures. What I’m giving her…my heart on my sleeve and my love wide open, is so much more. I’m going in all the way…putting my world in her hands. I’m hoping she doesn’t chuck it back at me.

  Just as I’m about to lose my mind from the anticipation, I hear the door lock click. The door pushes open slowly. My heart is pounding so hard right now…it’s almost making me dizzy. I’m trying to be brave. I’m standing here with a goofy grin on my face with my hands in my pockets while bouncing on my feet.

  I see Sam enter the room and my heart literally skips a beat. She doesn’t notice me right away. The flowers capture her attention first.

  “What the hell,” she says as she pulls her suitcase in and allows the door to shut behind her.

  Then she sees me and shrieks. “Holy shit…Laurel. What the fuck?”

  “Hey,” is all I can think to say at that moment because now I’m tongue-tied.

  “You scared the shit out of me. What are you doing in here?”

  “Um…” I rub the back of my head as I bite into my bottom lip. I take a few steps toward her.

  “Oh my God…Laurel. You’re walking!”

  “I am,” I say as I close the distance. I’m feeling a bit insecure, although the smile on her face should be all the assurance I need. “I’ve missed you.”

  My gaze locks on her gorgeous blue eyes, oh how I’ve missed seeing them. I try to ignore the deer in headlight expression that is now overtaking her features. My hand reaches for the side of her face as it moves gently through her hair to the back of her head. I pull her face toward me as I capture her mouth with mine.

  Her lips engage with mine, softly pressing together causing butterflies to bounce around in my gut. I touch my tongue to her lips, and she grants me access. Our tongues are intertwined as I tangle my hands in her hair, and I press myself closer. I’m so ready for her to make the move I know all so well. The move that lets me know where this is going…passion, such amazing and deep passion.

  But she didn’t make it, in fact, she breaks the kiss and takes a couple steps back.

  “Baby, what’s wrong?” I say.

  “Baby…huh?”

  She looks at me quizzically. Her eyebrows are raised, her hands firmly planted on her hips. And I suddenly feel stupid, like I’ve done something wrong and am about to be scolded. I rub the back of my head as I divert my gaze. Looking at everything else in the room but at the blonde with that ‘unimpressed’ look on her face.

  I clear my throat. I know I need to say something, but now I’m feeling tongue-tied again, and I’m not sure what I should say.

  “Um…I wan, wan, wanted,” I pause for a moment. I can’t believe I’m stuttering like a fool right now. Get it together and just say it. My gaze finds her face again, and I try to look past the annoyance written all over it and just say what I came here to say.

  “Sam…I wanted to tell you that I’m ready.”

  The corners of her mouth turn up into a cocky grin, “Ready for what?”

  “For us to be us again.” My heart is pounding so hard I can actually hear it. My mouth has gone bone dry, and I so want to open that bottle of champagne just so I can get my throat to stop sticking to itself.

  Sam’s brow twists in confusion, “Wait…what?” She shakes her head and turns her back to me as she lifts her travel case and tosses it on the bed. “There’s no us, Laurel. You made that pretty clear.”

  “I was scared,” I say in a soft tone.

  “Oh, and now you’re not?” Sam walks past me to the window and looks out.

  “No…now I realize how stupid I was to push you away.” I turn toward her trying to figure out what she is looking for out there.

  “Well, I can’t argue with that,” she says in an almost whisper.

  I press myself against her back, wrapping my arms around her waist. I press my face into her hair and inhale her scent deep into my lungs. God, she smells amazing. No special perfume, just h
er.

  I think back to all the times I have held her like this, and it seems like yesterday. But I know there is a lot of water under the bridge, and it’s not all hers. I’ve also added a healthy share to the volume of the unsettled water.

  “Sam, I’m sorry. I’ve been so guarded, so afraid to open myself up to the possibilities of love again. And when I saw you that first time I was angry. I certainly won’t deny it. But something else was there, something I didn’t want and that made me angrier. I fought it tooth and nail, I didn’t want to love you again because I was terrified. But the truth is I do love you…I never stopped.”

  She is silent for a moment. I feel her hands on my arms, and it feels like she is pulling me closer, sinking into my embrace. But that wasn’t the case at all. She spins around with her hands on my arms and pushes me back with enough force that I stumble and fall onto the bed.

  “No, Laurel. I’m sorry, but it’s too late.”

  I see her stalk past me toward the table where the flowers sit. She picks up the vase and tosses it into the garbage bin next to the door.

  “I tried to make it better, I laid my heart in your hands time after time; only to have it thrown back in my face.”

  “I was scared,” I say again, my eyes divert to my fingers which are lying in my lap twiddling together nervously.

  “I gave you every assurance that I was for real…that my feelings were for real. And still, you spat in my face and ran away.”

  “I’m here now,” I say as I get to my feet. I know I need to be brave, not a sniveling and pathetic cry-baby.

  “After everything…after nearly a year of you being back to Dr. Laurel. Of all the drugs, booze, and sex. Now you’re ready to settle down with me.” She laughs out loud for a moment, “That’s rich…Dr. Laurel is ready to be a one woman, woman.”

  I can’t say anything to that…because yes, I’m ready to be with just her. Ready to leave that crazy life behind me.

  “I changed…after I was shot, the time I spent in Camden and with you. I thought I wanted my old life back, God knows it was easier. But that was until I got back to it. I tried to get back into the person I was…but I was just faking it.”