Guilty Secret

by Josie Metcalfe

  His wedding to Vicky…

  Suddenly, as he looked into the face of the woman in his arms, he knew with a soul-deep certainty that the wedding couldn’t go ahead, at least not in the near future.

  Since meeting Frankie, he’d been doing a lot of thinking. Admittedly, his hormones were playing a part, but logic was also telling him that there was something missing in his relationship with Vicky.

  For heaven’s sake, he’d known her for years and they’d been engaged for months but he’d never felt so desperate to make love with her that he couldn’t get further than the back door. For all Jack’s sly comments, Nick hadn’t so much as hinted that he and Vicky hadn’t done much more than kiss. In fact, now that he thought about it, he wouldn’t be at all surprised if their wedding night revealed the fact that she was still a virgin.

  Not that it was his lack of opportunities that had drawn him to Frankie. He liked to think that he’d never allowed his hormones to do his thinking for him, but…there was something about this woman that called to him on a soul-deep level that he was powerless to fight.

  ‘As for sexually transmitted diseases…’ she said, continuing as though there hadn’t been a break in their conversation. Perhaps there hadn’t. He had no idea how long it had taken for that tangle of thoughts to unravel in his mind. ‘You don’t have to worry about that either, because the only other man I’ve ever slept with was Martin, and the last time was long before he left me over seven years ago.’

  Nick had sensed that she wasn’t very experienced and had probably realised on a subconscious level that a working mother with two young children wouldn’t have had much time for an active sex life. What he hadn’t been prepared for was the sudden wave of possessiveness that swept over him.

  He might only be the second man to have made love with her but he found himself fighting a crazy wish that he’d been the only man in her life.

  What on earth was going on here? Was it just euphoria after a night of magic? If so, why hadn’t it ever happened before?

  ‘Apart from my youth when, like most young men, I made impossible boasts about my prowess, I’ve only been involved twice, the last time more than a year and a half ago,’ he admitted candidly. Unexpectedly, he felt the need to tell her something that would let her know what sort of man he was on the inside. ‘In each case, I thought the relationship would lead to something more…permanent.’

  ‘Marriage?’ she prompted softly, her face and voice so expressionless that he was almost certain that she was controlling them deliberately.

  The thought that Frankie might not be so calm about the idea of him being involved with other women was a definite boost to his ego.

  ‘I hoped so, at the time,’ he said dismissively, then stayed silent, wondering whether she would be able to resist the urge to pursue it.

  ‘So…what happened?’ It had taken several seconds for her to succumb and he had to hide a small smile of triumph.

  ‘The first time we were just too young—barely out of our teens and with far too much study still left in front of us. I think we ended up spending more time in the laundrette than we did with each other.’

  ‘And the second?’

  The memory of what Elinore had nearly done to his career was still sharp enough to make him wince.

  ‘We discovered that we had different goals, different ambitions and we couldn’t agree on…on what we were willing to sacrifice to achieve them.’

  The words were deliberately ambiguous but even so he was surprised to hear himself say them. He hadn’t even contemplated telling Vicky the extent of Elinore’s perfidy and when he realised that he was seriously tempted to tell Frankie the whole story he knew it was time to pull back.

  Too fast, too intense, his mind was telling him, even as something deep inside was urging him to race ahead to see where this new path in his life was leading.

  The sudden intrusion of a high-pitched bleeping broke his train of thought, and the strangely companionable way they had been lying so close to each other was destroyed when Frankie had to turn away to silence the alarm.

  ‘You’re on duty this morning?’ he asked, disappointed at the end of their time together.

  ‘Not today. That’s the time I have to get up every day if the girls and I are going to get everything done.’

  ‘I suppose, with only one bathroom and three females needing to get ready,’ he teased, just to see her whisky-coloured eyes flash fire. Then he grinned as he added, ‘It might save time if we shared.’

  Frankie made a scoffing sound as she stretched out one arm to try to reach the softly gleaming pile of black silk fabric just out of her reach.

  Nick couldn’t help smiling. The two of them had been as intimate as it was possible for a man and woman to be and she was still concerned about walking to the bathroom without a gown to cover her nudity. It was just one more endearing facet to the complex person called Frankie.

  ‘Here. Let me,’ he offered, deliberately remaining naked as he walked around the end of the bed to hand the dressing-gown to her.

  He could have predicted the way her eyes would initially widen when she caught sight of him, and then would swiftly be turned away while a wash of soft colour highlighted her cheeks. He also knew that within seconds she wouldn’t be able to resist looking at him again, and that her eyes would darken with growing desire the longer she looked.

  ‘Join me?’ he offered, holding out his hand and waiting to see what she would do.

  He couldn’t help groaning aloud when she flipped back the covers and allowed him to pull her to her feet as naked as the day she was born.

  ‘Woman, you’re going to kill me,’ he growled as he swooped to lift her into his arms and set off for the bathroom.

  By the time they were both standing under the pelting spray with exploring hands completely forgetting about the use of soap, he suddenly realised that he felt more alive than he ever had in his life.

  Frankie knew that what she and Nick were doing was wrong and that she shouldn’t be allowing it to happen, but at some time during the night she had come to a decision.

  Nick was a colleague and an engaged man, she reminded herself as she put two slices of bread in the toaster. So it would be totally wrong for the two of them to let two isolated nights turn into any sort of affair and totally unfair to Vicky.

  From now on, she thought firmly, she would make sure that they weren’t alone together, that they didn’t have the opportunity for any sexual intimacy.

  Except, for the first time in her life she wanted to be totally selfish.

  For years she’d been the responsible GP, wife and mother who barely took the time to have her hair cut, never mind pamper herself.

  Nick was something totally unprecedented, like a bright star exploding into the darkness of her life, and she was so tempted to bask in his glow while she could.

  But it was wrong. Already, she’d found that she couldn’t catch sight of Vicky without feeling the flush of guilt heating her cheeks, and with every little detail about the impending wedding discussed at great length, she could hardly ignore the fact that Nick belonged to someone else.

  Frankie?’

  His deep voice drew her out of her uncomfortable thoughts to find that she’d managed to set the table and present a picture-perfect breakfast without remembering doing any of it.

  He was standing barefoot just inside the doorway with one shoulder propped against the wall, his folded arms giving an impression of ease completely at odds with the intent expression in his dark blue eyes. In the absence of any clean clothes he’d had to don the slightly crumpled shirt he’d discarded so cavalierly last night, and with his damp hair beginning to dry into a series of unruly waves he looked totally devastating.

  ‘Nick. Come and sit down,’ she invited, quickly turning away from the tempting sight as though there was some job left to do.

  She hoped he couldn’t hear the bitter-sweet emotions churning inside her when she realised that this would be
the last time this could happen. It might feel right to have him here like this, but he didn’t belong. His life lay in another direction, with another woman.

  Vicky. Her colleague at Denison Memorial. Pretty, bright, loving Vicky who had loved Nick for so many years and was finally going to marry him.

  ‘Oh, this is perfect,’ Nick groaned as he tucked into his food. ‘If you only knew how long it is since I had an English breakfast like this.’

  ‘I don’t do it very often because of the cholesterol thing, but sometimes I give myself a treat when the girls are away and I’m not on duty.’

  ‘Well, my taste buds thank you,’ he said with another moan of appreciation. ‘I’ve even tried ordering it in restaurants but nothing tastes like a genuine home-cooked English breakfast.’

  Somehow, seeing him enjoying her cooking so openly seemed to untie some of the knots inside her and she was actually able to sit down to start her own meal. As long as she didn’t allow herself to think about all the mornings when he was going to be sitting down to eat with Vicky…

  No, not until there was nothing left but the toast crumbs was she going to allow the outside world to intrude. This was going to be a last little oasis of time that they spent together and she was going to hoard every second of it like a miser so that she could take it out in her memory and savour it in the years to come.

  ‘Frankie?’

  Something in Nick’s voice suddenly sent a shiver up the back of her neck, snapping her out of her fanciful thoughts in an instant.

  ‘I’ve been doing a lot of thinking,’ he continued, his eyes focused far too intently on the tip of his finger as he pushed the pale golden crumbs into a pile.

  So have I, she thought sadly, her heart growing heavy as she realised that he was actually going to put those thoughts into words.

  She should have expected it, really.

  In spite of their crazy reaction to each other, she knew that he was really a very honourable man. He wouldn’t dream of walking out after the hours they’d just spent together without saying something.

  ‘I’m not quite sure where to start,’ he admitted with a soft laugh that almost sounded like disbelief. He shook his head then looked up from his preoccupation with the crumbs to fix her with a determined gaze. ‘First, you have to know that nothing like this has ever happened to me before.’

  ‘Not even when you were young and foolish?’ she challenged, but her heart wasn’t in it. At least he was offering a sop to her vanity, that she’d been something out of the ordinary in his life.

  ‘Especially not when I was young and foolish,’ he retorted seriously, before adding with a wicked grin, ‘I wouldn’t have seen further than the fact that it was the best sex I’ve ever had in my life.’

  Me, too, she thought with feeling, but one part of her wished she’d never experienced it because now she would know what she was missing.

  ‘But it’s not just that,’ he continued, reaching out to capture her hand.

  The warm strength in those long fingers and the tender way they cradled her own much smaller hand was just another scene to store away for the barren future.

  ‘There’s something…something special between us.

  Something that makes me feel as if I’ve known you for years, rather than just two weeks. I’ve known Vicky since she was fourteen, but…’ Nick shook his head, a frown pleating his forehead.

  As soon as he mentioned his fiancée it felt as if a giant hand clenched around Frankie’s heart. It was enough to know that he was going to marry the woman without having to listen to a litany of her good points and the tale of how their love had grown over the years.

  ‘Anyway,’ he continued, tightening his hand around hers, ‘I’ve decided that the only thing to do is call off the engagement.’

  ‘What?’ Frankie sat up with a jerk, unable to believe what she’d just heard.

  ‘I said, I’m going to speak to Vicky to tell her—’

  ‘No, Nick! You can’t!’ she exclaimed frantically as renewed guilt flooded through her. She snatched her hand back out of his grasp, unable to bear the sweet torment of the contact any longer.

  ‘Nick, just because you and I…because we…gave in to temptation…’ Oh, why was it so difficult to find the words she wanted when she wanted them? ‘That doesn’t mean you have to break her heart. She’s been waiting for you for twelve years. Twelve years! If neither of us says anything and…and if we make certain to keep away from each other, there’s no reason why this…this whatever-it-is between us won’t die a natural death.’

  He was silent for so long that she was ready to scream, those dark blue eyes gazing at her face so intently that she grew uncomfortable.

  Could he tell that one small corner of her treacherous heart was actually singing at the thought that he was willing to break his engagement?

  ‘I don’t know if we can put that sort of distance between us,’ he pointed out finally. ‘We have to work together, part of the team at Denison Memorial. What are people going to think if they see one of us scurrying out of a room as soon as the other appears? And you can bet it wouldn’t take long before someone noticed.’

  Frankie pulled a face, knowing he was right. It was going to be difficult, especially when she wanted nothing more than to spend her time with him.

  ‘Anyway,’ he continued doggedly, ‘I don’t want to cut myself off from you because that would also inevitably mean cutting myself off from Laura and Katie. And who says I want this…“whatever-it-is” between us to die a natural death? Perhaps I want to see if it can survive and grow.’

  ‘Nick, no!’ She covered her face with her hands. ‘I’m pleased that you want to see the girls—they like you, too. But this isn’t about you and me. You can’t let a couple of…of one-night stands knock your life off course. I won’t let you.’

  As she watched, it almost seemed as if a shutter came down somewhere behind his eyes, and for the first time since she’d turned round with the hose in her hand, she had absolutely no idea what he was thinking. It wasn’t until there wasn’t even a hint of a smile lurking there that she realised just how often she was accustomed to seeing one.

  ‘Is that what those nights were to you?’ he demanded softly, the icy edge to his voice sending a shiver up her spine. ‘Can you really dismiss them as nothing more than a meaningless roll in the hay?’

  ‘I have to,’ she retorted, humiliated to feel scalding tears flooding her eyes. ‘Don’t you see?’

  ‘No. I don’t,’ he snapped, raking one exasperated hand through his hair to leave it standing up in every direction. ‘So perhaps you’d better explain it to me.’

  ‘Nick, please…I’m a divorced mother of two who’s facing the prospect of having her children taken away, and you’re already on your way to the altar with the woman you’ve known for twelve years.’

  She had to pause while she fought for control, fought to make him understand. ‘It doesn’t matter how much I enjoyed our time together. It doesn’t matter that I’ve never known anything like it and probably never will again. What matters is that I’ve got to find some way of parcelling this…this episode in my life out of sight before it causes a disaster. Otherwise, I’d never be able to live with the guilt.’

  CHAPTER SIX

  FRANKIE felt almost guilty when the practice was suddenly inundated with a flu epidemic.

  She’d been praying for some way to keep away from Nick, and this proved to be the ideal excuse. None of the members in the practice had enough time to breathe, let alone spend time arguing over the inarguable.

  ‘At least the epidemic waited until the snow was gone,’ Jack Lawrence grumbled as he stumbled into the staff lounge, then groaned as he lowered himself into a chair. ‘Either I’m getting old or lack of sleep is finally catching up with me.’

  ‘It comes to us all—the day when you realise that you’d rather go home to sleep alone, just to recharge your batteries,’ Frankie teased, then turned serious. After all, he might be a bit o
f a playboy but he was a colleague and she genuinely liked him. ‘Jack, are you sure you’re not coming down with the flu yourself?’

  ‘Nothing so simple,’ he groaned. ‘It’s just that I ache all over and I haven’t had any fun getting like this.’

  She knew how he felt.

  The last week had been a killer, especially as some of their patients lived out in the wilds of the Cumbrian countryside. A home visit to check on someone exhibiting the early signs of pleurisy or pneumonia might not take very long, but the length of time it took to get to an isolated farmhouse and then return to the surgery could add an hour or more.

  She was beginning to feel as if she’d done several rounds with a heavyweight boxer, too. And she was on call tonight.

  The weary silence was suddenly broken by the annoying sound of one of the practice mobile phones. They both groaned as they reached for pockets and handbag but it was Frankie’s that had lit up.

  The result of the call made her groan even more.

  ‘Trouble?’ Jack enquired when she ended the call.

  ‘Big trouble,’ she agreed, rubbing her forehead to try to massage away the headache that had been threatening all day. ‘I’m on call tonight and that was my babysitter, telling me she’s gone down with this wretched bug.’

  ‘Bad luck. Have you got a back-up sitter?’

  For just a second Frankie’s subconscious escaped her rigid control and threw Nick’s face into focus, but she ruthlessly subdued it again. She’d barely seen him since their last conversation, so he must be spending his time with Vicky. He wouldn’t want to keep an eye on Laura and Katie.

  ‘What, you mean other than dragging them around the countryside with me all night?’ she said wryly, then sank wearily onto the arm of the nearest chair. ‘Maybe I’ve just been lucky so far but I haven’t had a problem before. Since the practice is part of a group covering scheme I’m not on call too often and this is the first time that my sitter has had to call off.’

  She ran frustrated hands through her hair, pausing a moment to massage the growing ache at her temples.