by Fisher, K. T
Normally Jax would have been here earlier but today the band had to attend to some radio interviews. When Jax enters the front door I have a clear view of him, he’s standing in front of the sink having just washed the dishes. When he sends me a cheeky wink I can't help but blush. All images of last night rush through my mind.
We have spent every night since Wednesday together and we have enjoyed the bed, floor, wall and my shower very, very much.
Jax and Finley have their cuddle in the hallway and when he comes over to give me a welcome hug he whispers straight into my ear.
"I'm going to miss you so much tonight baby."
Those sweet words make my body tingle with need. I squeeze him hard and whisper that I love him. Jax gives me a kiss that seems way too short for my liking, but that's all I can get with two innocent little eyes here watching us.
When we break apart Finley is looking up at us with a big smile. Why does it feel so weird that our nearly four year old son really wants us to be together? I think we should tell him soon, it's obvious he would be happy about the news. As cheesy as this may sound, I know that this time it is forever. I know I don't want to leave Jax; I only just managed to leave last time because I thought I was doing what was right by him. I can't ever do that again. Not to me, not to Jax and most importantly; I can't do that to Finley.
Maybe as an extra birthday present we should let him know his mummy and daddy are boyfriend and girlfriend. Jax picks Finley up in his arms.
"Right little man, are you ready for an early birthday present?"
Finley's face lights up.
"Yes! What is it?"
"You'll have to wait and see. Go and say bye to mummy."
Finley gets down and runs over to me. While he's hugging me he cheekily whispers.
"Do you know what my present is mummy?"
"Yes."
I whisper back.
"Tell me. I won't tell daddy."
I laugh and hold him back at arm’s length.
"It's a surprise Finley. Now go and have a good time with daddy."
I give him a big kiss. I'm always sad when we separate.
"Be a good boy."
"OK mummy."
I smile as I watch him go and collect his overnight bag.
"I wish you could come with us."
I look over at Jax.
"Even if I wasn't at work today I still wouldn't come. You two need your father and son time together without me. You've missed out on enough because of me."
Jax quickly walks over to me and softly wraps his hand around the back of my neck.
"You need to stop thinking like that. We're all together now."
I look away from his face.
"I can't forget Jax. What I did to you-"
Jax cuts me off.
"I don't want to hear anymore Kendal. I don't think like that, so neither should you."
He gives me a deep kiss before I can speak again.
"Oooooooo! You're kissing!"
We quickly step apart and Finley is right there, wide smile and looking straight at us. Jax and I look at each other then break into laughter.
Be
I wave them off as they drive away in Jax's car, I can't help but think about what I have done to Jax. What I have stopped him from experiencing. How can he be OK with what I did? I know that he thinks about it because I sometimes catch him staring at old pictures of me and Finley. I really want to make it up to him. Maybe Finley's idea of a baby isn't so bad. I know I want to be with Jax for the rest of my life, I know I can't live without him. I won't say anything to him though because that topic of conversation is way too soon.
~Jax~
I wish Kendal were here to see this right now. Finley is looking at the row of child size guitars with a look of awe. As soon as I told him where we were he was bouncing in the car seat. I just had to buy him a guitar, the way he looked at me with amazement when he watched me play was priceless. A moment I won't ever forget. I knew he would love one of his own and as soon as I found the perfect shop, I had to bring Finley.
The shop was a little out of town but for what I wanted for Finley, it was perfect. Here Finley can get an acoustic guitar that's perfect for his size and it can be personalized however he likes.
Finley points to a black guitar that has red down the sides and under the strings. It's by far the best one here.
"I like that one daddy."
"Are you sure that's the one you want?"
"Yeah. It looks like a rock star one."
He makes me so proud. I let the owner know that it's the one. We're the only three people in here. I didn't tell Kendal that I closed the shop down for me and Finley. She didn't take it well when I did the same for his birthday. The thing is, sometimes it's just easier this way. I didn't want to risk being approached by fans while I'm here shopping with my son for his birthday.
When the owner brings out Finley's choice in guitar it's time to personalize it. He wants his name 'Finley Parker' scrolled on the red side panel. Not long after I found out about Finley, Kendal and I had changed his surname from Kendal's to mine.
It was Kendal who wanted to change it as quick as possible, of course I wanted Finley to have my last name but I didn't want to anger or hurt Kendal. There was no need to tell Finley about this, because I don't think he would understand what we were telling him.
In white writing on the black front he wants 'Rock Star.' surrounded by white stars. It's going to look awesome, it would usually take a couple of weeks to complete but I want it finished in time for Finley's birthday on Friday. It's amazing what flashing a little cash can do.
When that's all done, we make our way through the crowd of paparazzi to my car and go to the McDonald's drive through before we head home. While we are at McDonald's Finley turns to look at me all serious looking.
"Are Uncle Max and Uncle Leo at your house?"
"Yes."
"What about their dinner?"
"They'll be fine."
"No daddy, that's not nice."
Admitting defeat I ring Max and ask if they want anything. Of course they say yes and it's not exactly a small order.
"Wow! A lot of food."
"That is because they're pigs."
That makes Finley throw his head back and laugh loudly.
"You are funny daddy."
My heart doubles in size. This little boy. My son, he is bringing me so much joy to my life. Along with his mother these two are giving me more happiness than I ever thought possible. Everybody says that Finley is my double, but at times all I can see is Kendal reflected in Finley. He has her caring nature and her laugh. Just then when he exploded into laughter, he was all Kendal.
When I drive up the private road that leads to the house that I share with Max and Leo, I feel a little nervous. This is the second time Finley has come over; the first time was when Kendal and Finley came to see where I live. It's just beginning to hit me that I have Finley to myself until 4:00pm tomorrow when Kendal finishes work. I know that Max and Leo are also here, but it's different without Kendal. I don't have her to lean on with the parental side of things. This will be good for me. I understand why Kendal wanted to give us some alone time now.
I haven't even parked the car when Max and Leo come running out of the front door. Leo opens the door near Finley and picks him up. I'm very happy that these two get on so great with Finley. I'm glad to finally see a genuine smile on Leo's face for once. I don't know what happened on the night I had a fight with Harley, but ever since then Leo has been in a worse mood than before.
"Hey buddy! What are you doing here?"
Finley chuckles.
"Uncle Leo, I'm sleeping here!"
"Really?"
Finley nods his head quickly.
"You can't sleep in my bed. You snore too loud."
"No I don't! I'm sleeping with daddy."
Leo and Finley make their way into the house. Finley is still in Leo's arms. Max helps me carry the three bags of food insid
e. Seeing as Finley is here we decide to use the table for once, rather than the sofa. Finley looks over to Max and Leo.
"Daddy said you two are pigs."
He starts giggling to himself. He's such a little snitch. Max looks up to me as I'm biting into my burger.
"So is your dad."
This makes Finley look back to me and laugh again.
"Yep!"
After our food I take Finley up to my room to put his clothes away.
"Am I sleeping in your big bed?"
"Yes, why?"
He makes a funny looking face.
"I don't like sleeping with mummy."
"Why?"
"She likes to have all the cover."
I can't help but laugh. Poor Finley. I can remember just how much she likes the entire quilt to herself.
"Don't worry; I don't take all the covers."
We all spend the rest of the day goofing around.
At 7:00pm Kendal rings me.
"Hey beautiful."
I hear her musical laughter down the phone.
"How has it been?"
"Great. He loved his surprise."
"Aw. I knew he would. Are you sure it will be ready for Friday?"
"Positive."
I tell her about our day together and then let Finley talk to her. All through the phone conversation Finley has a huge smile.
"Hello mummy.......Yes its fun here......Yea! It's a rock star one. I told the man I want my name on it.......Yeah, Uncle Max is rubbish at football."
I listen to all his side of their conversation. Listening to him talk to Kendal makes me want to be with her so bad right now. I've loved spending the last four nights together. It makes me long for us to be a proper family at last. The gift I have for next week can't come quick enough.
Chapter 15
The next morning I wake up to the bed shaking. As I begin to become aware of my surroundings I can tell it's Finley who is jumping and now he had begun chanting.
"Daddy, daddy, daddy!"
At the top of his voice. So this is what Kendal warned me about.
"Finley."
I moan out loud but he ignores me.
"Get up! Get up! Get up!"
"Lie down please Fin."
"It's breakfast time!"
He hasn't stopped bouncing by the way. I rub my eyes and reach for my phone. When my eyes finally are able to focus and I see the time I groan.
"Finley, it's only 7:00!"
"Yes! It's breakfast time!"
Unable to stay in bed a second longer I have no choice but to get up. I'm glad he manages to sleep so well. I was worried he might be a little homesick and want to go home but as soon as I put him to bed I didn't hear anything from him. You don't know how happy it makes me that he's here with me.
I carry him down to the kitchen. Thanks to Leo, luckily we have the cereal Finley wants. The man can't live without it. After our breakfast and watching cartoons we both go back up stairs to get ready. As I open my door I look back to see Finley standing in the middle of the landing facing the other doors.
"Where's Uncle Max and Uncle Leo bedrooms?"
"Why?"
"They're lazy."
A plan comes to mind so I show him which one is Max's room. When I open the door we silently creep in and see Max lying on top of his covers. Thankfully still in his boxers. I didn't think to check to make sure he didn't have his dick out. I could've scarred my son for life there. Finley shakes his head at the sight of Max and whispers.
"Uncle Max you are lazy."
Then without warning he runs the distance to his bed and starts jumping. I decide to lean back against the wall and enjoy the show. Finley bounces right next to Max who finally begins to stir. He rubs his eyes and that's when Finley starts shouting.
"Uncle Max is lazy! Uncle Max is lazy!"
I can't help but laugh at the horrified look on Max's face as he wakes up to Finley's shouting.
"Finley? Where's your dad?"
Finley just points to me.
"Over there. Now get up you lazy man!"
I didn't think Max would actually get up but like I said the guys love Finley and he has them wrapped around his finger. Much like everyone else. After Max and I watch as Finley does the same to Leo. His reaction was fucking hilarious. As soon as Finley bounced Leo shot up in his bed looking scared shitless.
~Kendal~
After my shift at Bianca's I'm in the staffroom getting my things ready when Tanya walks in for her break. She looks at me and gives me an irritated look.
"Spill."
I'm a little confused.
"What?"
Tanya throws her arms up in frustration.
"You've been staring at me ever since I got here!"
It's true. When Tanya arrived at work I took any chance I could to look over to her to make sure she was okay. I can't help that I'm worried about her.
"Are you OK?"
All I get as an answer from her is a frown.
"Ever since the wedding you just seem down all the time. Don't deny that you're not, you can't lie to us anymore. We can all see it. It's because of Leo isn't it?"
Again she doesn't answer.
"We're just worried about you."
"So you've all been talking about me behind my back?"
"It's not like that. We are worried. Jax said Leo is the same."
Her eyes widen.
"You've spoken to Jax about me too?"
"Only because he told me that Leo is acting miserable as well."
This seems to lessen her anger.
"He is?"
I nod.
"What's going on with you two?"
She shrugs.
"It's nothing."
I feel frustrated. This is the same crap she's been feeding us ever since we noticed the change in her.
"Oh come on! You can't give me that shit. We're friends and I know when you're lying."
"Why should I tell you Kendal? You will just run off to Jax and tell him everything that I tell you."
That hurt.
"I know what I should tell him and what I shouldn't."
"Right because I forgot you're this happy new couple now."
I can't talk to her when she's acting like this. I know she's hurting so I won't slap her like I want to. Instead I grab my bag and go to walk past her.
"Come and talk to me when you're not acting like a bitch."
When I start to walk past her in a rush she reaches out and grabs onto my arm.
"Wait. Fuck. I'm sorry Kendal."
She does look sorry. Her face has softened and I can see tears line her eyes.
"We just care about you."
"I know that and I love you all but I'm just so fucking confused."
My tough nut of a best friend suddenly looks very vulnerable.
"Just talk to us. We all want you back."
"To tell you the truth Kendal, I don't want to talk about it. I'm sick to death of thinking about that pig headed man. All I will say is that Leo just wants to have another amazing fuck, but because I'm saying no, I've suddenly become interesting. That's all he wants from me and I'm not giving it to him."
She is nearly crying, I just stay silent and watch her. I know what she's saying sounds like Leo, but I know that's not true. Why would Leo be acting as Jax has said just because Tanya's knocked back sex with him? There's definitely something more going on here but I'll have to wait for Tanya to come to me when she's ready. She gives me a friendly hug.
"I'll try not to act like a bitch anymore."
I laugh at that. I'm not so sure.
Half an hour later I'm at home and changed out of my work clothes. All thoughts of Tanya and Leo gone because I'm waiting for my boys. It feels really weird that I'm so nervous to see Jax again. We need to talk about telling Finley about us. I did want to wait until tomorrow but I've been thinking about it non-stop at work and I want to tell him now.
I'm sitting in my living room watching TV when I hear Jax
and Finley come in. Finley comes rushing into the room and jumps on me on the sofa.
"I'm back mummy."
We share a big cuddle. I missed him so much. Even though I know he's been with Jax, I just miss him whenever he's not with me. When Finley gives me breathing space Jax gives me an innocent kiss.
It's not long before Finley decides he want to play in his bedroom leaving me and Jax alone. This is probably the only chance I'll get with him alone so I quickly say what I need to.
"Jax. I've been thinking about us and well.....I want to tell Finley."
At first he looks surprised but then he grabs me in a bone crushing hug and then kisses me harder than I thought possible.
"When do you wanna tell him?"
"Tonight?"
"That soon?"
"Well, I thought that you could stay tonight and wake up on Finley's birthday here. With us."
I'm beginning to doubt myself so I quickly add.
"Only if you want-"
I'm sucked into his heart stopping kiss. He needs to stop doing this, I can only hold back for so long.
"Of course I want to."
"I love you."
"God I fucking love it when you say that."
He tackles me on the sofa so I'm now lying down.
"I think I should take you and Finley out for dinner to celebrate."
While me and Finley get ready to go out to dinner, Jax goes home to pack a bag of clothes. I don't want it to look like I'm trying too hard, so I put on one of the blue dresses Jax purchased for me. It's figure hugging but it doesn't show too much. It goes across my chest so there's no cleavage on show, there's no sleeves and it goes just below my knees. I put on my leather jacket and some simple black heels. Dressy casual, perfect. There's no surprise I have no choice in what Finley wears but as usual he looks perfect. He has his black skinny jeans on that are just too adorable. Skinny jeans for a four year old! A thin, dark gray t-shirt with a black and red checked shirt over it. It's open and he has rolled the sleeves up, his black hair spiking everywhere. How does he know how to dress himself like this? It looks like he had a professional choose his outfit. I look at him and smile as he puts on his black Converse, he looks just like a rock star's son.
Jax comes strolling in not long after I'm ready looking delicious. He has his tight jeans on with a black shirt, sleeves rolled up like Finley's. Also in black Converse. He puts his bag down on the stairs and Finley points to it.