by J. A. Howell
She looked out of the cab window, her eyes catching the familiar “Bus station” sign as they neared the intersection. Her mind flashed back to that first night, when she had seen him coming into town and those blue eyes that had stared out at her from the intersection. Am I going to find him here? Or will it be just like that night? She didn’t want it to happen like that again. Finding nobody in a sea of passengers. Abandoned in a city full of people.
The driver pulled into a parking spot; and Dillan quickly thanked him and walked toward the crowded station. She felt a sense of déjà vu hit her as she watched the passengers filing in and out of the waiting buses. Her eyes frantically searched each face that passed her, none of them familiar. This is stupid, you know he isn’t here. She fought her subconscious; everyone was a blur to her.
He has to be here…
A few buses started to pull away from the station. Could he be on one of those buses? She tried in vain to make out the faces lining the windows of the departing buses, but they were too far away to see clearly. As more passengers boarded the other waiting buses, the crowd thinned, but there was still no sight of him. She clenched her fists, digging her nails into her palm. As tears threatened their way up into her eyes, it became more and more apparent to her that Trey had already left Midtown. Dillan spotted an empty bench a few feet away and walked over, slumping down with her head in her hands.
The tears came, and she didn’t care if anyone saw her. Trey was gone and she had no way of finding him. No way of letting him know that she didn’t hate him, no way of letting him know how much the letters had meant to her.
Just leave me alone!
Dillan’s words taunted her. He had done as she had asked. He had left her alone. She lifted her head up, wiping her tears on the back of her hand. More faces moving past. None of them him. Tears blurred her vision once again as she sniffled, biting her lip to stifle the emotions that were rising. Her eyes moved back and forth.
Not him, not him, not him.
She pulled her cell phone from her pocket, dialing Kay’s cell phone.
“Dillan? Did you go see him?” Kay answered.
“No,” Her voice was quiet, “He didn’t come by the apartment, did he?” There was a short silence. Dillan already knew the answer though.
“No, he hasn’t been here sweetie.” Kay sighed, “I’m sorry.” Her tone was as disappointed as Dillan’s.
“He already left town. I don’t have any way to find him.” Dillan’s voice cracked as she held her phone to her face, and a few tears escaped the corners of her eyes.
“I’m so sorry Dill…maybe it’s for the best?” Kay tried to be comforting, but wasn’t exactly sure what to say. She didn’t know what had changed, what Dillan had learned the night before about Trey’s life that had made finding him so important.
“I didn’t want things to end this way…” Dillan’s voice was a whisper. Her words were hauntingly familiar to Kay. She remembered the day she had picked Dillan up from the hospital a year ago all too well. She remembered the eerily void gaze in her friend’s eyes as if Dillan had completely shut down. Similar words had left her lips that day.
“Why don’t you come back home Dillan. Do you need me to come get you?” Kay’s voice was sincere and worried. She had seen Dillan at some of her worst times in the past year; she hated to think that Dillan was headed there again after this whole ordeal with Trey.
“No, I can walk back. I’m not too far away and I could use the fresh air.” Dillan sniffled. They hung up and Dillan slid the phone back into her pocket. As she sat on the wooden bench, she drew in a few slow breaths, taking in the quiet ambience of the station as it became nearly deserted. She had been sitting there for a good while now, with no sign of him anywhere. It’s time to go.
Dillan stood up and started to walk toward the end of the platform, her feet dragging. She glanced back over her shoulder at the bus station before she crossed the street. As she walked, her emotions seemed to dull. The sounds of cars passing by and the noise of the city seemed to fade into the background. As upset as she was about Trey’s departure, she knew that it was no use. There was nothing else she could do. Maybe this was how everything was meant to happen.
As she reached the intersection she looked up to see the cemetery gates on the corner opposite to her. Dillan shuddered, remembering the last time she was there. She turned toward her apartment building a few blocks away, but then stopped. She was facing a beautiful flower shop with fresh wild flowers sitting in bundles just outside the front door. She recalled it was the same flower shop that she and Trey had stopped at when she first took him to visit Jamie’s grave. Despite her last visit to the cemetery, she felt the need to visit him. After all, she had never really told Jamie goodbye.
She looked over the colorful flowers, deciding on one that had an overabundance of blue in it, just like his beautiful eyes. Dillan thanked the woman then walked back out onto the street, heading toward the cemetery entrance.
As she walked down the cobblestone path that led to his grave once more, she bent her head down, sniffing the sweet aroma of the bouquet. He had always gotten her flowers, and it felt nice to get him some for once. Jamie would like these, she thought, a small smile pulling at her lips.
She closed her eyes, remembering that beaming smile of his that he would get whenever he would hand her a bouquet of flowers and the happiness that would spread through her at the sight of them. One time he had bought her so many bouquets in one week that she ran out of vases and started using pitchers. The flowers had crowded the whole apartment, beautiful splashes of color everywhere. She had actually yelled at him to take the last few bouquets back to the store when he came home with them. They were down to coffee mugs.
A few tears trickled down her cheeks at the thought, but for once they were happy tears. She had forgotten how funny and ridiculous their life together had been at times. She reached a hand up, swiping them from her cheek as she lifted her head. She was about twenty feet away from his grave.
Her feet abruptly stopped before her brain could tell them to, nearly sending her falling onto her face. The sun was bright, causing her to squint, but she could swear someone was kneeled at his headstone. A male silhouette, but she couldn’t make out who it was. She cautiously moved closer, careful not to disrupt the other person. A few more careful steps closer, but the sun was still blinding her. Could it be him?
Her heart sank as the figure stood, turning in her direction. It was a shorter, older gentlemen in a suit. He had dark features and olive skin. He was wearing a Navy blue suit, with one arm tucked under his sports coat in a sling. She had never seen this man in her life, yet here he was at Jamie’s grave.
She stood there, watching him come closer, gripping the bouquet in her hands. He didn’t look very threatening, but after everything that had happened, she was still veering on the cautious side. He smiled as he approached her, his expression seemed genuine and benign.
“Hello Dillan,” He spoke, reaching his good hand out toward her. Startled to hear her name come out of this stranger’s mouth, she hesitantly took his hand, shaking it.
“I’m sorry, do I know you?” Her eyebrows scrunched together. The man shook his head.
“No, not at all. I’m Agent Luciano.”
“I’m sorry, who?”
“I knew Jamie and Trey from before. Trey called me when he found out about his brother.” His expression saddened, “I’m sorry we weren’t able to get here sooner. I’m glad that you seem to be recovering well though. I saw you at the hospital when I came to check on Trey.”
“Trey? Is he still here somewhere?” Her eyes were hopeful as she questioned the agent. He looked down, shaking his head. Her heart thumped.
“Oh… I was hoping to catch him before he left.”
“He felt it was best to leave you alone. He spoke very highly of you, Dillan.” Agent Luciano patted her arm gently. Her mind flickered to Trey again, and the first time she had seen him, passing by on the bu
s and staring out at her for a brief second. Just like that, he was out of her life, which was something she had wished for until now.
“Well, I better be going. I wanted to pay my respects to Jamie before leaving town myself.” Luciano nodded at her, then reached into his coat pocket, pulling out a card and handing it to her. “Listen, if you need anything. Anything at all, you can call me. Words cannot express just how sorry I am that you had to go through what you did. I hope that we can make it up to you in some way.” She took the card, slipping it into her pocket.
“Thank you sir.”
“Take care Dillan. Don’t forget. If you need anything.”
She stood there, watching him as he disappeared out of the cemetery, then she turned to Jamie’s grave. The grass was still torn up from that evening, a depressing reminder of those events. But at least it was all over now. The bad guys were gone.
Sitting down, she placed the bouquet in front of his headstone, then let her fingers run over the epitaph.
My beloved.
“So, my love, what now?” She asked aloud, smiling though her eyes were misty. As she sat there under the shade of the tree, a warm breeze whispered through the cemetery just then, and for a second she could have sworn it was him.
EPILOGUE
Five months later
Trey stood up and stretched his back before peering down at his watch. It was nearly 7PM. He had been working since early morning. After he left Midtown, he had settled down in Indiana, just outside of Bloomington. With his background in construction he had been able to land a job in building maintenance and repair with Indiana University. It kept him busy, especially with all the renovations they had planned for the current year. The pay wasn’t too bad either.
After a long twelve hour day, he knew it was time to call it quits for the evening. He exited the building and made his way to the Old Crescent. It was his favorite area of campus, dotted with historic buildings. Their gothic style limestone facades were reminiscent of the old architectural books he had enjoyed reading when he was younger. Often he found himself sitting out there on his lunch hour studying the various elements that made up each building.
A gust of icy wind hit him, and he pulled the zipper up on his coat, adjusting the tool belt that was hanging over his shoulder. On the radio this morning he remembered hearing that there was a strong chance of snow tonight and flurries were already drifting down and beginning to stick. He studied the sky, noting that it was already dark and ominous. Hopefully he would be able to make it home to his apartment before it hit. He lived on the outskirts of the city in a small one-bedroom apartment. He didn’t mind it. It was mostly quiet and far enough away from the University that it wasn’t overrun by young rowdy college students.
By the time Trey passed between Owen Hall and Maxwell Hall, the snow had picked up. Several flakes fell into his hair and his eyelashes as he attempted to blink them away. The crisp cool smell in the air was invigorating, especially after a long work day. He noticed that the campus was unusually quiet that evening but it was probably because everyone else was at home preparing for the oncoming snow. He probably should have just left at five with his co-workers.
Keeping himself occupied with work helped prevent him from getting lost in his own head. It kept him from getting lost in the thoughts of his mother, his brother, and of Dillan that constantly threatened to surface. His mother and his brother could rest in peace now that Carlos was dead, and hopefully Dillan had found a way to move on with her own life. As for Trey, his life had become a quiet routine, lonely at times, but he preferred it that way.
Another icy wind seemed to blow right through him as he rounded Franklin Hall. Though this walk was pleasant and enjoyable during milder months, Trey wished he had parked closer to his job site today. The tip of his nose was growing numb and his fingers felt like icicles as he walked. At least his worn leather work boots and thick socks seemed to be doing a sufficient job of keeping his feet warm. He only had a few more minutes of walking until he reached his beat up Ford truck in the parking lot. Unfortunately, the heating didn’t work very well, so it wouldn’t be much of a relief from the cold.
As he neared the Sample Gates at the front of campus he smiled to himself. Their twin archways not only were his favorite part of the Old Crescent, but they also were a sign that he was close to his truck. It wasn’t until he passed the limestone gates that he noticed that someone was sitting on the edge of one of the raised flower beds farthest from the gate. Their back was turned to him but he assumed it was a woman given their smaller frame that was huddled in a black leather bomber jacket. Her hood was up around her face and he could barely distinguish feminine features peeking out from the fur-lined jacket.
“Excuse me miss, did you need some help?” He called out as he came closer. He had no idea why anyone would be sitting outside in this kind of weather.
“Trey?” He paused, unable to move at the sound of her voice. Dillan stood then, walking towards him as he watched her in disbelief. It couldn’t really be her, could it? But sure enough, as she pushed her hood back those familiar hazel eyes stared back at him.
“Dillan…What are you doing here?” His surprise was evident in his voice as he took her in.
“I got a job offer out here, in Bloomington.” She smiled diffidently at him, “So I decided to come find you.” He didn’t understand why she would bother looking for him, much less how she had found him.
“How did you know where I was?” He asked, watching as snowflakes caught in her auburn hair.
“Luciano had told me you moved out this way. I talk to him every now and then.” He was surprised to hear this, as he and Luciano still kept in touch as well. Luciano had never mentioned Dillan in any of their conversations.
“Oh…”Trey nodded at her answer, unsure of what else to say to her. He had thought numerous times about what he would say to her if he were ever to see her again, but her presence rendered him speechless.
“I wanted to thank you.” Dillan took a step closer to him.
“Thank me? For what?” He couldn’t mask his shock at her words.
“I got the letters you left at the apartment, and I read the letter you wrote me. It meant a lot to get to read those and I just wanted you to know that I don’t think that you are a monster. I know why you lied to me, and I don’t hate you.”
“I almost got you killed, Dillan.” Trey’s voice was flat as he looked away. It was something he still hadn’t forgiven himself for.
“No Trey…it was you that kept me from being killed. If it wasn’t for what you did or the bullets that you took, I would have been lying dead on the ground. I wouldn’t have had a chance.” Dillan’s eyes followed his as she reached out a gloved hand, turning his face back towards hers.
“You still got hurt, and that was my fault.” His eyes grew cold as he stared back at her. Even as he lost consciousness, he had heard the shots. He had heard her scream before he blacked out.
“I got hurt because I chose to go back. I didn’t want to see you die. Despite my anger or confusion about you, I couldn’t let you die.” Dillan’s eyebrows pressed together as she spoke, her lips forming into a pout. Immediately he recalled her horrified expression as he was shot and their eyes locking with each other.
“You shouldn’t have done it Dillan. It wasn’t worth risking your life.” Warm tears stung Trey’s eyes as he spoke, betraying his expressionless features.
“No Trey. Despite how much you believe that you’re the villain in this story, you haven’t convinced me.” Dillan smiled warmly at him, her feature brightening as she continued.
“After everything that had happened, it made me realize that I still had a life to live. The letters you left me gave me so much comfort and finally allowed me to say goodbye to Jamie and to continue living. You think you hurt me by coming into my life, but you didn’t. You did the opposite. When I got the job offer here and Luciano told me that you were here too, I knew I had to come find you. I had to come
find you because I wanted you to know you that. I wanted you to know that it was because of what you did and what you put me through that I’m able to live again.”
“Dillan…I don’t know what to say…” Trey’s eyes were still glassy with tears as he absorbed her words.
“Why don’t you start by saying you will let me take you out for dinner tonight. It’s the least I can do. Also it’s freezing out here.” Dillan laughed, reaching a hand out to him. He looked down at her outstretched hand, then hesitantly took it, still in disbelief that any of this was actually happening.
But it was. Dillan was really there tugging at his arm. As she led him across the street, and Trey found himself smiling. He found himself feeling something that he had forgotten even existed.
Hope.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
J.A Howell is an office drone by day, and a writer by night. Her love of writing took off when she was eleven years old and decided to fill a composition notebook with stories to read to her friends. Many years (and notebooks) later, not much has changed. She still loves writing and sharing her works with others. When she isn’t writing, she can often be found trying her hand at whatever artistic pursuit strikes her fancy. J.A. Howell resides in Apopka, FL with her husband and their menagerie of animal children.
You can learn more about her and her books at:
http://www.midtown-underground.com
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Table of Contents
DEDICATION
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
CHAPTER ONE
CHAPTER TWO
CHAPTER THREE
CHAPTER FOUR
CHAPTER FIVE
CHAPTER SIX