by Jacob Chance
She opens the bathroom door, blanching when she sees the red drips on the floor. “Get dressed.” she orders. “I’m taking you to the hospital.” We both snap into action, and she safely delivers me to the hospital as quickly as possible.
My mom tells the woman at the check-in desk what’s going on and they hurry the registration process along.
Once I’m sent back to one of the emergency cubbies, I change into a hospital gown and see a series of interns. They all ask the same questions while my anxiety level keeps notching up.
Can’t someone do more than ask me fucking questions?
Finally, a doctor wheels some kind of machine in. “I’m Dr. King. I’m going to do a sonogram and check on your baby.”
“Okay.”
He adjusts the blanket over my lower body and rolls the gown up to below my breasts. He squirts some gooey shit on my stomach and hits a few switches on the machine. He places the wand on my stomach, slowly moving it around while I watch the screen. He keeps sliding the wand to different points over and over again and his expression is troubled.
He shuts down the machine and I’m certain bad news is coming. But still, I’m not prepared for what he says.
“There’s no heartbeat. You’ve suffered a miscarriage.”
His words hit me like a punch from an undefeated prizefighter and I can’t breathe. My mom rubs my back, silently offering condolences.
“No, that can’t be right. It’s a mistake,” I say, my voice scratchy as sandpaper. I place a hand on my chest, feeling the rapid rise and fall. With each passing second, it’s becoming more difficult to breathe.
“I’m sorry, Piper. It’s not an error.”
Thousands of tiny black spots pepper my vision, expanding in size until the black takes over, obliterating all the light until only darkness remains.
My baby is gone.
Part Two
Chapter Ten
Piper
Two and a half years later
I made it through the first week of my classes at Boston University without seeing Donovan Archer. Trust me—it’s more impressive than it sounds. The universe smiled down on me and tossed some much appreciated luck my way just when I was beginning to think I was perpetually stuck under a dark cloud.
But still, I know it’s inevitable the day will come that I’ll see him again. Attending the same university increases the odds, but there was no way in hell I was going to miss out on the athletic scholarship I’d been granted. If I never set eyes on Donovan again in this lifetime, it would be too soon. That doesn’t mean I’m afraid to bump into him.
Sometimes it’s harder to get over something that never had a chance to reach its full potential. I was left with too many unanswered questions about what we might’ve been if given the chance. I let those nagging thoughts consume me for a while. It’s been two and a half years since we said goodbye. I’ve had plenty of time to process and come to grips with the relationship that never really was and everything that happened as a result. I allowed myself the time to grieve losing the first boy I ever loved and the baby I lost. And I’m in a better place now mentally.
Of course, it doesn’t help that Rachel, my best friend and roommate, is still tight with Jeremy, who happens to be one of Donovan’s teammates. I know, small world, right? Who would’ve imagined the four of us would end up at the same school? Like me, Jeremy is new to B.U., and if he wasn’t so tight with Donovan, the two of us could be there for each other and bond over our similar situations.
Although Rachel has technically known Donovan longer than she has me, her loyalty lies solidly with me. After the hockey camp where she and I met had ended, we stayed in touch. She was with me offering moral support through the breakup fallout and everything that happened after. Once she started at B.U., it was life-changing for our friendship. Even though we were both busy with school, we were able to hang out together weekly.
Rolling my wrist, I absentmindedly twist a long lock of red hair around my index finger before moving on to another lengthy strand. I read somewhere that sexual frustration can cause people to play with their hair. While I can’t deny it’s been way too long since I indulged in a little under the covers lovin’, my hair mutilation has more to do with the fact that I’m thinking about Donovan.
My friend Clover slides into her seat next to me with only a couple of minutes to spare. She’s the distraction I desperately need right now.
She smiles. “Hey, you.”
“Hi. I was wondering if you were going to make me suffer through this class all by my lonesome.”
“Nah. If I wasn’t coming, I would've messaged you and asked you to take explicitly clear notes for me.” She laughs and takes a sip of her coffee. “Jesus, I need about three more of these and then I might be awake.”
With the way my thoughts have wandered into the dangerous territory known as Donovan Archer, I need something stronger than coffee. Too bad it’s not even ten a.m. yet and I’m not much of a drinker.
“Late night?” I ask.
“Late enough.” Breaking a chunk of muffin from the round, sugar-sprinkled top, she pushes it between her pink lips and notices me watching. “Want some?”
I shake my head. “I’m astounded that you don’t save the top of the muffin for last.”
Her nose wrinkles. “Why would I do that?”
“Because it’s the best part.”
She nods. “Exactly. That’s why I eat the top first.”
I shake my head and tease, “What about saving the best for last? I’m totally judging you.”
“Judge away.” She pops another chunk of the sugary top in her mouth, chewing. Washing it down with a swig of coffee, she smirks before asking, “Want to go to a party with Maddie and me tonight?”
“Where at?” I’m not going to agree until I know where it is.
“Some friends of mine who rent a house off campus are having the party.”
“Sure. Why not?” It’s not like I have anything else to do besides study.
“Awesome. Can you meet me at my apartment at seven? We’ll go from there.”
“Yeah. Should I bring anything?”
“Just yourself. You can stay over at my place if you want,” she offers.
“I don’t usually drink much, but I’ll bring my stuff just in case. Better safe than sorry.” Since Donovan exited my life, this has become my motto.
The professor starts the lecture, putting an end to our conversation. I try to settle more comfortably in my chair, but the wooden seat is unyielding beneath me. Sighing out loud, I express my ass’s frustration and focus on taking clear notes. Being here on a hockey scholarship doesn’t change the fact that I need to keep my grades up. I completed my associate’s degree at a local community college before getting the chance to attend Boston University. Nothing and no one is going to get in the way of my plans for my future. I almost let that happen once, and I’ll never make the same mistake again.
The Uber driver pulls up in front of a large, blue Victorian-style house. Clover, Maddie, and I slip from the vehicle to stand on the sidewalk. I push the door closed behind us and the car drives off. Watching as it gets farther away, there’s an inexplicable feeling of dread in my stomach. I can’t put my finger on the cause. It could simply be nerves. I am about to walk into a party full of people I don’t know. And who likes to do that?
An image of Donovan flashes in my mind. He wouldn’t mind walking into a room full of people he doesn’t know. In fact, he’d relish the opportunity and probably come away with handfuls of new groupies—literally.
“Come on, ladies. Let’s get inside.” Clover places her hand on my back, urging me forward. “It’s been a long week and I need a drink.”
“It’s only Wednesday,” I offer, my lips forming a small smile.
Clover nods. “Exactly my point.”
Maddie snorts, climbing the porch stairs. “You brought this on yourself.”
Clover shoots her a look. “Don’t start.”
There’
s obviously more to Maddie’s comment than I’m aware of, but that’s okay with me. I don’t need to hear about other people’s problems. I prefer to live as drama free as possible, so I can focus on what matters most to me—hockey.
Before Maddie opens the front door, we’re hit with the typical sounds of any successful party. Stepping inside, music, chatter, and laughter are abundant. There’s a momentary wave of panic where I want to turn and run out the door.
“Come on.” Clover grabs my arm, tugging me along beside her like she knew what I was thinking.
I’m in it now. I might as well make the most of the situation. If nothing else, it’s an opportunity for me to meet some other B.U. students.
Clover introduces me to Oliver and Ava, the party’s very attractive host and hostess. Their warm and welcoming greeting makes me instantly like them.
“Are you a student at B.U.?” Ava asks.
I nod. “Yes. I’m a junior, but I went to community college for my associates.”
“In other words, you’re smarter than all of us because you saved yourself a bunch of money,” Oliver says.
“It had to do with the fact that I had no choice more than actual smarts,” I confess with a shrug.
“You’re humble. I like it,” Ava replies.
“You have no idea,” Clover chimes in. “She’s at B.U. on a full hockey scholarship. This girl is a kickass hockey player.”
My cheeks heat from her praise. “I’m okay.” Feeling awkward, I try to downplay her compliments.
“Stop it,” Maddie scolds me. “Own your awesomeness. You work hard.”
“I used to play for the Terriers,” Oliver mentions.
I jump at the opportunity to get the attention off me. “Really? How did you like Coach Cutter?”
“He’s a hardass, but he’s really a great guy. If you need anything, talk to him. He likes his players to be happy.”
“I haven’t had any issues yet. The team has all been really nice and welcoming toward me. Much more so than I expected.”
“He doesn’t put up with bullshit, so that’s a credit to his coaching methods,” Oliver tells me.
“Oliver played with Clancy Wilde,” Ava interjects.
My eyes light up with interest. “I’m totally jealous. That dude can play.” He’s one of the lucky ones who’s moved on to a successful pro career.
Oliver grins. “He sure can, but he’s a great guy too.”
Ava leans toward me. “I’m not supposed to say anything, but he might stop by tonight.”
“I’d love to meet him, and I even promise not to fangirl. Okay, I can’t promise that because he’s got serious skills. It would be impossible for me not to want to pick his brain.”
Clover snorts. “Every other female in the room will want his body, but you’re more interested in his brain.”
I raise my hands palm up. “What can I say? Hockey skills and hockey knowledge are the way to my heart.”
“Spoken like a dedicated hockey player.” Oliver holds up his hand and I slap my palm against his.
“I hate to interrupt all this hockey talk, but I get enough of that at home.” Maddie rolls her eyes.
“Is your better half going to stop by?” Oliver asks.
Maddie makes a face at him. “Only you would call him that, and yes, he’s planning to.”
Oh God. I never made the connection that Oliver knows Shaw. And if he knows Shaw, he must know Donovan.
Does that mean I need to worry about him showing up?
Nervous at that alarming thought, my stomach twists and turns, churning up some powerful burning. Anxiety is a bitch I’ve become well acquainted with. I wrap an arm across my stomach, hoping to soothe the unsettled feeling. Fuck me.
Clover touches my arm, snapping me from my worry. “Are you okay?”
Glancing around our small circle, I notice all eyes are on me and smile. “I’m having some hunger pains.”
Ava grimaces. “I’m a horrible hostess for keeping you so long. There’s a ton of food on the table and anything you could want to drink is in the coolers.” The door opens and more people file inside the house, drawing Oliver and Ava’s attention.
It’s the perfect chance for me to walk away. Clover and Maddie are right by my side as we hit the kitchen in search of drinks.
“What are you guys in the mood for?” Clover asks as she rifles through the two coolers on the floor.
“I’ll take a water or a soda,” I say.
Clover shoots an eyebrow up as she hands me water. “Seriously?”
“Yeah. I’m not much of a drinker.” With my stomach already burning, I don’t think adding alcohol to the mix will help. And getting some food in my stomach isn’t a bad idea. I grab a paper plate from the table and start to fill the empty surface with cheese and crackers and veggies and dip.
“Are you one of those girls who can eat whatever she wants and never gain a pound?” Clover asks.
“Only because I exercise so much. If I ever stop playing hockey, I’ll have to change my eating.”
“Whatever.” She sighs like she’s annoyed, but the wink she sends my way tells me she’s just playing.
The three of us head out to the back deck and settle around a table while we munch on the food filling our plates.
“Hey, babe,” Maddie’s boyfriend Shaw calls out as he steps outside. He shines his megawatt smile at her and a twinge of envy hits me. It must be amazing to have someone look at you like you light up their whole world. I thought I had that once, and we know how that turned out.
Focusing on my food, I tune out the conversation around me and stuff a whole cracker in my mouth. I may not have a boyfriend, but I can eat four thousand calories a day, I remind myself.
“Piper?” A deep voice says my name. I can hear the surprise in his tone. Eyes jumping from my plate before I can stop them, they land on Donovan Archer.
No. No. No.
Sucking inward with a horrified gasp, I inhale dry cracker crumbs into my lungs. Before I can react, an uncontrollable coughing fit consumes me. Crumbs shoot wildly from my mouth, peppering and sticking to Donovan’s t-shirt. Throwing a hand over my mouth ends my flying food problem, but I can’t stop coughing. Tears escape my eyes, gathering on the apples of my cheeks as I continue to hack up my cracker and maybe even part of my lung.
“Someone help her,” Clover says in a panic.
A few heavy thumps centered between my shoulder blades and I’m able to draw my first full gulp of air. A few remaining coughs rattle free as I wipe the wetness and smudged eye makeup from my face. Winded and perspiring, I feel like I just went five rounds striking the heavy bag.
“Are you okay?” Donovan asks with what sounds like genuine concern. But I know there’s nothing genuine about him.
“I’m fine,” I rasp out, still hoarse. Grabbing my water bottle, I take a few sips and pray that this is all a bad dream. My gaze flicks to Donovan, noticing the small, spitball-sized chunks of cracker still stuck to his shirt, and my cheeks suffuse with heat as embarrassment washes over me.
“Piper, thank the man who just saved you,” Maddie tells me, and I want to strangle her. But she doesn’t know about the history Donovan and I share. No one but my roommate Rachel does. And if I can help it, no one will.
“Thank you,” I mumble, not looking in his direction. It’s a shitty thank you for a shitty person. Rising, I slip past him and, without another word, head back into the house. I stop in the kitchen to paw through the cooler until I find a fruity drink containing vodka. This’ll do. So much for my plan not to drink. Give me all the fucking alcohol. God knows I need the extra courage to spend the next few hours in the same space as Donovan.
Chapter Eleven
Donovan
My eyes stay locked on Piper’s retreating form until she disappears inside the house. My head is spinning with the surprise of seeing her. She’s even more beautiful than I remember. But the last time I saw her she was still a teenager, and now she’s a grown woman.<
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“Do you think she’s okay?” Clover asks.
“She’s fine. I think she’s just embarrassed,” Maddie replies.
Shaw takes the open seat next to his girlfriend and I choose the chair next to the one Piper just vacated.
Clover taps the top of the glass table, gaining my attention. “Don’t take her rudeness personally. She’s kind of quirky. That’s just kind of her way.”
It never used to be. The girl I remember was shy but sweet. Has she really changed that much?
“How do you know Piper?” I ask.
“She just transferred to B.U. to play hockey. How do you know her?” Clover throws my question back at me.
“We went to a hockey camp together when we were in high school.”
“Does she know Jeremy too?” Shaw asks. He knows Jeremy and I both attended N.H. Elite Camp.
“Yeah. And Rachel Miller.”
“Rachel’s her roommate,” Clover fills in.
So she and Rachel kept in touch all this time? I always wondered. I’m glad she’s got her to count on. Being a junior in college at a brand new school can’t be easy. If she’s here with Clover and Maddie, she must be making friends. Maybe she’s not as shy as she used to be. I only knew Piper for one week. It seemed like we knew each other forever, though.
I can’t believe she’s playing for B.U.
I’d heard through the rumor mill that we had some new hotshot talent on the women’s team, but I never imagined it would be Piper.
I’m still friends with Rachel, but she’s always refused to discuss Piper with me, no matter how many times I would ask.
And I persistently inquired about her for the entirety of our freshman year. I understood Rachel’s reluctance, though—things ended poorly between Piper and me. After a while, I gave up and resigned myself to the fact that she was out of my life and I’d most likely never see her again.
Now, I’ll have an opportunity to reconnect with her. Not that she’ll want to. I’m sure it’ll take some work on my part.