Finding Hope

by Katlyn Grace

  There was a pause, and then Mark finally asked, “Who?”

  “His entire birthday party was themed around Superman, yet he said he wanted to be just like you. He wanted to preach for Jesus and see people saved.” Hope repeated what Billy told her, word for word.

  Her brother’s eyes lit up and crinkles lined the edges of his smile. He shook his head in disbelief. “I don’t know what to say.”

  “You’re inspiring people that you barely even know. It’s amazing.” She poked his rib. Proud was an understatement. There wasn’t even a word to describe her emotions toward her brother.

  “It’s nothing I’ve done. It’s all God.” He leaned back into the couch and refocused on the football game.

  Any girl would be lucky to have Hope’s brother as a husband. He not only stood on good family morals, was a cop, and pastor, but she’d be lying if she said he wasn’t handsome. His chocolate colored eyes and cocoa hair had a charm that kept the ladies turning heads. He had women turning his direction ever since Hope was old enough to remember. Their mom had always said that Mark got the charm from his dad. She smiled and shook her head at the thought. Maybe some of his luck would rub off on her.

  “I’ve got to go. My team is losing, and it’s past my bedtime.” Mark groaned, frustrated with the fact that the Bears were losing bad. The score was now forty-seven to fourteen. She grimaced. It was a bad night to be a Bears fan.

  “Get out of my home. You’re getting grumpy,” she teased. “But take the rest of the cupcakes with you, I can’t bear to eat another one.” Hope held her stomach at the thought of even taking a small bite out of one.

  “I have no problem with that.” He snatched the cardboard bakery box and his coat. “Thanks, Lobster.” He smirked at the nickname. He had given it to her at the age of ten because of her strawberry blonde hair, and occasionally called her by it when he wanted to aggravate her.

  Hope swatted his side. “I hate that nickname and you know it.”

  Mark’s mission to annoy her was accomplished. “And with that, I’ll be leaving.” He laughed opening the door.

  “Goodnight, Squirt.” She chuckled and closed the door behind him.

  She loved her family.

  two

  H e rolled over on his bed only to have the sun hit him directly in the face. Ethan winced. There came the headache. He was used to it by now. A couple of Tylenol would do the job. He stumbled with his footing as he rolled out of bed. He caught a glimpse of his answering machine by the bed and saw that it was blinking red from a new message.

  Ethan pressed play. “Ethan, if you could give me a call, I’d greatly appreciate it.” He didn’t recognize the phone number, but the voice sounded like his one and only sister. For some reason, she sounded weak and desperate. He rolled his eyes. He was not in the mood to even think about Sara, let alone talk to her.

  Their last conversation had not gone over well. He had already been drunk when she dialed his number. Sara had begged him to quit drinking and living life like it was some sort of game. She even offered to pay for therapy for him to recover and become the person he once used to be.

  The thing was, she didn’t understand. Alcohol was his only way of escaping the realities of life. It was his chance to forget the past, and completely lose himself.

  Of course, Ethan refused and told her to stay out of his life. That’s when she told him he was hopeless, and those words hurt him for some reason. It was like taking a knife and cutting him down the middle.

  Ethan was supposed to be taking care of his sister. His parents would have wanted that. More than that, his parents have wanted him to keep God in his life. If they were here, he’d still be coaching the high school boys’ soccer team. His life wouldn’t be a mess, and he could possibly be happy.

  Happiness. Joy. Peace. He had forgotten what it was like to be happy. It was hard to be happy though when your parents were snatched away from you at the age of twenty-two. That was the cause of Sara turning her back on God. Their mom was Sara’s best friend, and for God to take that person out of her life, it made her angry.

  It was easier now for Ethan to tell himself that if God were real, He would have stopped the eighteen-wheeler with shot brakes from barging into his parent’s vehicle and killing them. It was all just a myth—God. Nothing more, nothing less. He would keep telling himself that until the day he died.

  He glanced over at the clock and groaned, realizing he was late. It was already 10:45 in the morning. He drank more than the usual amount of alcohol last night and passed out. He had yet to remember how he got into his bed.

  Ethan slipped some fresh clothes on, having no time for a shower. Then, doused himself in cologne. It was the best he could do for now.

  He felt guilty for even considering this woman’s offer. He had almost everything he could ever want, yet he was a miserable man. He should have declined and just stuck with his usual double chocolate chip muffin. Hope was being generous though, and generosity was something he rarely received. Although, he was already ruining it by being extremely late.

  He stepped out of the house his mom and dad had left in his name and began heading to Downtown Alton. Illinois was chilly this morning, and November was showing off its best today.

  “Hope, would you stop pacing? Just forget it. Ethan’s not going to come. He’s probably too hungover to remember his own name.” Brianna shoved a pan of banana bread in the oven, wincing at her harsh words.

  Hope shot her sister an icy glare. Bri had a habit of not thinking before she spoke. She really needed to work on that.

  “I was really praying that he would be here.” She chewed on her lip. The disappointment was real. Hope had only wanted to help Ethan. It was more than just the muffins; it was about so much more.

  “Maybe God had a different plan in mind. Just wait it out, Hope.” Hope knew her sister meant what she said.

  Wait. There was that word again. Hope half-smiled to herself. I’ll wait for you, Lord.

  She watched her sister begin to work another batch of triple-berry muffins. “You’re right.”

  “I know.” Bri smirked and quickly pulled her bleach blonde hair into a ponytail.

  “Conceited much?” Hope raised an eyebrow at her sister’s response.

  “Never,” she teased.

  “Hey, can you help me carry these boxes of banana cream cupcakes out to the counter? Mark should be here any minute to pick them up.” Hope politely asked.

  “Sure thing, sista!” Bri sang and Hope shook her head at the notes Brianna sang off-key.

  “You know you like my songs, just admit it.” Hope’s sister nudged her with a chuckle.

  “Never,” she threw back Bri’s words at her.

  “Touché.” Both sisters laughed and walked out of the kitchen.

  “What’s all of this laughter for?” Dressed in a snazzy work suit, Mark walked around the counter to help them with the load of bakery boxes.

  “Oh, your sister.” Bri and Hope spoke in unison, accusing one another. They made eye contact and then burst into a fit of laughter. Siblings and laughter were definitely the best medicine.

  “You two are crazy.” Mark shook his head with a smile, probably not even wanting to know what was behind their laughter.

  “But you love us,” Hope added with a cheesy grin.

  “That I do.” Her brother poured himself a cup of coffee and took a seat on the blush pink colored barstool beside his partner, Brandon.

  “How are you this morning, Brandon?” Hope decided to speak to him since Bri apparently refused.

  “Lovely, now that your beautiful sister gets to see me this morning,” he answered with a sly grin and winked in Bri’s direction. Hope caught Bri’s more than loud, very dramatic huff.

  Brandon was Mark’s lifetime best friend, and now his partner—deputy police chief. They grew up together going to church, playing baseball, football, hide and seek—somehow Mark would always coincidentally find Brandon hiding in Brianna’s room. Brandon w
as always seeking for Brianna just to aggravate her, but he had a good heart. Hope prayed that the two of them would eventually become an “item.” Brandon would be good for Bri. For now, though, Hope would keep her lips sealed.

  “In your dreams.” Bri rolled her eyes at him and disappeared back into the kitchen.

  They’re in love. Mark quietly and carefully mouthed the words across the counter to Hope. She bit her lip to suppress the laughter building up within her.

  “How is work going this morning?” Hope asked while she poured Brandon a cup of coffee.

  “This morning is slow, but last night there was a pretty bad car accident. I have yet to receive the woman’s personal information, including her name. But say a prayer for her, she could use it,” Mark told his sister and she nodded. Hope hated car accidents. “What about your morning with Mr. Grey?” Mark asked, referring to Ethan.

  “He didn’t show up.” Hope instantly looked down at the floor, feeling embarrassed that her plans had fallen through.

  Hope didn’t try to hide her disappointment, and Mark clearly saw it. “Maybe he’ll be around later.” He tried to comfort her.

  She half smiled, appreciating her brother. “Are you going to Mom and Dad’s tomorrow for dinner before the Wednesday night church service?” She changed the subject to a tradition her family had started when her siblings all moved out on their own: A delicious Wednesday evening dinner with her mother’s divine cooking skills, then they would go to church that night together as a family.

  “Wouldn’t miss it for the world.” He smiled and stood up from his seat. “I hate to run, but the guys back at work are probably starved by now. What do I owe you?” Mark reached into the pocket of his navy uniform slacks for his wallet.

  “A hug.” She walked around the counter as he embraced her in a tight squeeze. His hugs were the absolute best.

  “Thank you. Although, you’re going in the hole with all the cupcakes you’ve given me for free recently.” He laughed, letting her go.

  Hope stood on her toes and ruffled Mark’s brown hair. “When I need something, I’ll let you know.” She spoke with a sly grin.

  “Oh, I’m sure you will.” He sighed with a chuckle.

  “Tell your antisocial sister that I said goodbye.” Brandon winked, referring to Bri, who must have purposefully gotten lost in the kitchen.

  “Of course.” Hope laughed. “I’ll see you boys later. Be safe.” She waved them goodbye.

  “It’s between the triple berry muffin and the blueberry streusel muffin. This is a lifechanging decision, I hope you’re aware of that.” He grinned with his gaze concentrated on the two muffins, trying to make up his mind.

  Ethan had shown up at the bakery at 11:30 A.M. He’d apologized for being late, but he knew Hope saw past his lame excuses. He felt ashamed of that but was thankful she didn’t ask any further questions.

  “Ah, good choices. You know, you could just change up your order every other day. Like a normal person.” She laughed as she wiped up crumbs on the counter from the previous muffins he had sampled.

  He had to admit, Hope was pretty. Her long, slick blonde hair had a tint of red to it that made her green eyes pop. After watching her work behind the counter and in and out of the kitchen many mornings, he found his favorite feature of hers, apart from her glistening smile, were her freckles. Not an excessive number of freckles, but enough to make them stand out. It reminded him of his mom. Although, she had freckles all over her. As a kid, Ethan had loved playing connect the dots with his fingers on his mom’s face. He could almost hear his mom giggling as he thought about it.

  Ethan shook himself from the picture. No sense in going there right now. “Being normal isn’t fun though.” He shrugged as he thought for a moment. Which muffin? “I know what you should do!” He made his face light up big time.

  Hope smiled at his expression, apparently happy to see him brighten up. “You’ve got a genius idea, don’t you?” she gushed.

  “Because I can’t decide, you should make a mixed berry streusel muffin. It would lessen my pain about having to choose between the two. One’s going to feel bad if I don’t pick it.” He stuck out his bottom lip and looked up at her with a glimmer of hope in his eyes.

  “First of all, foods don’t have feelings.” She laughed and he rolled his eyes with a chuckle. “Second, that’s not a bad idea. It wouldn’t be too hard to mush the recipes together.” He watched Hope debate the idea.

  “Well you said it. I am a genius.” He emphasized the last four words.

  Hope grabbed a sticky note and a pen by the register and noted his idea. “I’m going to need someone to taste test them though,” she hinted at him.

  “I wonder who would be willing to do that…” He pretended to think long and hard.

  “I don’t have time for games. Would you like to help me try them out sometime?” She sighed with a laugh.

  He chuckled. She gave up so easily. Hope was more of a cut to the chase kind of person, he realized. “I’d love to. Give me a day, time, and place. I’ll try my best to be on time.”

  “Try harder than you did this morning, okay?” Hope laughed, but her smile quickly vanished after seeing the look on his face. Ethan deserved it though, he gave her his word and hadn’t followed through this morning.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it that way.” She grimaced. “I’m going to be bruised by the many kicks I’m mentally giving myself right now.”

  Ethan knew that she meant the apology, but for some reason little things like that still hurt him. He tried not to let the depression show. He was pathetic, for he was at war with himself. He wanted to give up and drown in his sorrows, yet he wanted to believe in himself. He wanted others to believe in him, but he didn’t feel like trying. “No harm done.” He tried to shake it off with a fake smile, but he could tell that Hope didn’t believe him.

  “Ethan, if you ever need anything. I’m here. I’ll always talk.” Hope spoke softly after a few minutes of silence.

  She pulled out another sticky note and scribbled down some numbers. “Call me anytime. I don’t care if it’s three in the morning.” She managed a laugh.

  He appreciated it and knew that the gesture came straight from her heart. Others had done and said the same things in the past, but never meant it. They just had pity on him. Pity that he put this quiet, peaceful town to shame.

  “Thank you.” He looked into her green eyes that held a sparkle in them.

  She was beautiful. Not just on the outside, the inside was even better. She had a heart of gold, and she didn’t even know it. Ethan saw everything he’d once wanted in Hope Lawson, but he’d never end up with a girl like her now. He might not end up with anyone.

  Ethan took a deep, shaky breath and grabbed the telephone on his bedside table. He had to call his sister back, no matter how ugly their last conversation had been. Hope’s concern for Ethan made him suddenly want to check on Sara himself.

  He dialed the number she had last called him on. While he listened to phone ring, he seriously debated on hanging up. Sara was probably just going to give him down the road again.

  Pacing in front of his bedroom window, he watched dark storm clouds huddled together in the night sky, painting a picture of how Ethan’s insides felt.

  She finally picked up around the fifth ring, making Ethan’s heartrate pick up speed. “Hello?” To his surprise, her speech sounded groggy.

  “Sara, you called earlier?” He kept his voice monotone.

  She sucked in a breath that made Ethan wince. “Ethan, I’ve been in a car accident.”

  three

  T his couldn’t be happening, not again. His chest pounded louder than his thoughts. “What happened?” Ethan asked.

  He could hear his sister trying to muster the strength to speak, and he patiently waited for her to respond. “A drunk driver.”

  At the three spoken words, his heart plummeted. Ethan felt the whole weight of the world come crashing down on his shoulders. He didn’t k
now what to say. What did he say? For some reason, he felt incredibly guilty. Ethan had driven drunk many times in the past. He had just been fortunate enough to not get caught. He’d always ended somewhere safe. It was like he was being cut down the middle again, but this time it wasn’t Sara’s fault. “Are you okay?” was all he could manage to get out.

  “I have a gash on my forehead. It’ll leave a scar. They’ve already stitched it up.” She stammered, fumbling around with words. “I received the results to all my tests an hour ago. My neck’s broken and I have a fractured ankle.” Her gloomy voice spoke volumes. This wasn’t the sister he once knew. Sara used to be strong-willed and positive. This accident had obviously shaken her up.

  His head hung low. A fractured ankle they could deal with, a neck…well, it concerned Ethan. “How bad is your neck?”

  “It could be worse. I could be unconscious or dead, but I’m not. The first few minutes after I woke up were awful. The shock was horrendous. I couldn’t speak and the pain had a rippling effect, but I guess you could say I’ve made improvement since last night. They’ve even moved me into my own room, and I’m breathing on my own again.”

  Ethan winced at how she described everything. He should have called her back this morning. He gathered from what she’d said that the accident happened sometime late last night or early this morning.

  “I can’t even hold onto the phone. Sweet Clara, my nurse, put it on speaker and gave me ten minutes. I can’t move. My body from the neck down is numb.” She sighed and took a moment to rest before she completely lost her voice.

  “Give me fifteen minutes and I’ll be at the hospital.” It was already 10:50 P.M. but he didn’t care. Ethan’s heart told him he needed to be with his sister.

  She didn’t protest, just softly responded, “Okay.”

  Twenty minutes later, he had finally arrived at the hospital. The air seemed thick, dark, and melancholy, but maybe Ethan was getting the weather confused with his emotions. Rain lightly dripped from the sky and trickled down his leather jacket.