Finding Hope

by Katlyn Grace

  Brianna strolled into the kitchen to help Hope gather the muffins and coffee. Bri had picked out a blush pink, loosely knit sweater to wear. Hope’s favorite sweater.

  “Don’t ruin that.” Hope pointed to the sweater on her sister’s body. Although, she had to admit, it looked good on Brianna. It suited her petite, slender body. She wore two thick braids parted down both sides of her head which made the outfit even cuter.

  “You mean…don’t do this?” Brianna teased her sister by bringing the coffee thermos up to her sweater and tilting it ever so slightly without spilling anything. She laughed as she watched Hope’s eyes bulge out of her head.

  Hope swatted Brianna’s arm. “I will run over your favorite pair of shoes if you don’t put a lid on that coffee.” She referred to Bri’s black and white Converse. Hope was going to buy her sister a new pair for Christmas. Bri’s old ones were disgusting and falling apart at the soles.

  “You wouldn’t dare kill a fly, let alone run over my favorite pair of shoes,” Bri pointed out with a snicker.

  “Grab your coat.” Hope held back a smile, attempting to distract her sister. She knew it was true, but she wasn’t going to willingly admit to the fact. “Now, let’s get out of here.” She shut the door and headed toward her car.

  It was a surprisingly warm day for November. The wind was blowing gently, but the air was a perfect temperature of seventy degrees. With the crisp brown leaves falling from the trees, it looked like the world was covered in a cobbler crust of brown sugar and cinnamon. She watched her neighbor’s three-year-old jump into a pile of leaves, and she giggled as she shut her car door. Oh, to be a kid again.

  “So, is there any other reason you’re visiting Ethan and Sara, other than the fact that she’s been in an accident?” Brianna clicked her seatbelt into place as Hope started driving.

  Hope knew exactly what her sister was hinting at. She’d already mentally prepared herself for Bri’s flippant questions. “Can’t a person just show some empathy for others?”

  “You’re not the least bit interested in him?” Brianna narrowed her eyes down to slits.

  “Bri, he’s an alcoholic. He probably doesn’t even care to know about God. Plus, I don’t know much about him. He’s quite the opposite of what I look for in a guy.” Hope paused as she made a right onto a busy street. Part of what she’d said was true, but maybe she was attracted to him. Not interested, though. “I’m just trying to do something nice. I’d like to show him that someone cares for him. Actions speak louder than words.”

  Bri nodded, finally getting the hint. “I’m your sister. I’m supposed to be curious.” She answered the look of on Hope’s face.

  Hope smiled. Her sister was always full of curiosity. It had always been a challenge keeping a secret from her. Brianna would detect the slightest change in mood and instantly have a million questions to ask. Hope found it good for their relationship though. Bri always made it clear she never wanted Hope to feel like there wasn’t a time she couldn’t talk to her.

  “Remember that when it’s vice versa.” Hope glanced at her sister in the passenger’s seat.

  “You brought coffee and muffins?” Ethan’s face was like a child’s this morning. Even if he hadn’t had rest in a week, he looked immensely well.

  He placed the bright bouquet of daisies and white roses on Sara’s bedside table and sat back down by a large window overlooking the river. Bri and Hope had made a pitstop to purchase flowers. Their mother had always taught them that they could never be too kind, and Hope planned on carrying out that instruction.

  “I did indeed, and those specific muffins are going to be your new favorite.” Hope grinned and took a seat beside Ethan.

  Glancing across the cramped hospital room, Hope cringed. Sara slept in her bed; her body as stiff as a board. No way to move around and get comfortable. Her facial expressions even in her sleep told Hope just how miserable of a condition Sara was most likely in.

  “Are these mixed berry streusels?” Ethan opened the lid as he grinned back at her. A smile Hope never knew he had; crinkles even met at the corner of his lips.

  “She made three batches. The fourth time was a charm. You ought to feel special.” Bri leaned against the light-yellow colored wall and took a sip of her coffee.

  “I really do appreciate it, and for you guys visiting. I’ll make for sure to save Sara at least one. When she’s feeling up to it of course.” He winked in a teasing manner as he grabbed one for himself and sat the box down on the counter.

  “How is she doing?” Brianna asked as she peered Sara’s direction.

  He sighed, taking a glance of his own at his sister. A look of concern mixed with sadness washed over his face. “The neck fusion surgery, which was earlier this week, helped the pressure of her nerves settle, but not completely yet. Her doctor is hoping to send her home tomorrow, depending on how well she feels.

  “She’s been walking a lot better. Her fractured ankle is healing. The paralysis is going to wear off in time, especially with physical therapy three times a week.” He snorted. “She’s going to love that.

  “Pain is definitely a thing. Pounding headaches, nerves twitching, moving her head or shoulders, movement in general. But I think her nightmares are the worst.” He stared at the floor with a deep concentration. “She’s woke up the past four nights, screaming and breaking out in sweats. I’ve had to call nurses to help me get her calmed down. Once she finally is awake, going back to sleep is out of the question. So, I just sit there and talk to her until that image of the accident leaves her head.”

  “That’s awful.” Hope lowered her head and twiddled her thumbs back and forth. Sara would be scarred for life with the memory of her car accident. The fact her parents died in a car crash wouldn’t ease any of the pain, it would just make her even more tense.

  She couldn’t help but wonder if Sara was a Christian. It would make the whole situation more comforting, to know God had His hand on her.

  “She’s a trouper though.” Ethan smiled, reassuring Hope and her sister.

  Hope was finally discovering another side of Ethan. A side that she believed was the real Ethan. It was the exact opposite of seeing him hungover and miserable in the bakery. He seemed to be a gentle, positive, sweet, and caring person when he chose to be. It made her want him to come out of that low state of life he was living in and be the person God designed him to be in the first place.

  She smiled back at him and took a sip of the tea that she brought with her.

  “One more. Please!” Hope begged. She’d been telling Ethan jokes for the past ten minutes. Seemed like this woman didn’t know a stranger. She was incredibly outgoing. It seemed to be a good distraction for the time being. She had told him telling jokes was a hobby that both her and her brother picked up to annoy and humor one another.

  “One more. They’re getting cheesier as they go.” Ethan laughed at her enthusiasm.

  “Mark enjoys my jokes.” She stuck her tongue out at him.

  Ethan laughed. “Believe me, I’m enjoying it.” They both continued to walk. Ethan had sporadically asked Hope if she would join him on a walk. He needed fresh air and time to breathe, the hospital room was getting more stifling by the minute. Hope had agreed to a short walk while Bri generously offered to stay back and keep an eye on Sara. Sara had still been asleep when they left.

  “Knock knock,”

  “Who’s there?” A smirk formed across Ethan’s lips.

  “Little old lady.”

  Because of his sister’s personality, he had heard this joke a million times, but instead of ruining the moment for Hope, he humored her. “Little old lady who?”

  “I didn’t know you could yodel.” Ethan was glad he let Hope finish it out. The satisfaction on her face was priceless. “Thank you everyone, thank you.” She bowed three times.

  She was cute…and caring too. Ethan knew Hope Lawson was kind, but not this generous. It was sweet of her to even think of him, but he was probably ruining her rep
utation as they spoke. Pastor’s sister hanging out with town drunk. He could practically see the older women of Alton starting rumors now. He mentally rolled his eyes and engaged himself back into the conversation. “Baking is your thing, but jokes are not your forte,” he teased, and it earned him a shove in the side of the ribs.

  He laughed. “Speaking of baking, I’m sorry I never called. Things have been complicated the past week.” He apologized. To be fair, he had thought about calling Hope but had decided not to. He didn’t desire the extra attention.

  “Honestly, it’s okay. We can always bake some other time.” She looked up from the pavement they had been walking on outside of the hospital.

  His eyes lit up, for she was offering again, something people rarely did for him. “I would love that,” he answered sincerely.

  They started another lap around the hospital grounds.

  “Ethan, can I ask you a question?” Hope crunched a leaf as they walked. She kept her eyes glued to the ground, avoiding eye contact.

  Ethan knew from the way she was acting it was going to be a personal question, but he let her ask anyway. “Of course.”

  “You don’t have to answer if you feel it’s too personal.” She paused before continuing. Hope looked up to see any sign of recognition on his face, but he just nodded, allowing her to proceed. “When did you start drinking?”

  Ethan should have seen the question coming. He wondered what sparked the curiosity behind those green eyes. He drew a deep breath and answered her. “Two and a half years ago.”

  “What’s your reasoning?”

  “To forget about reality.” He was honest with her but didn’t go into detail. Little did he know that she already knew so much about him.

  She nodded, and Ethan appreciated that she didn’t ask any other questions. Tense wasn’t even the right word to describe how such topics about himself made him feel. She deserved to know, but he couldn’t bring himself to willingly open up fully to her. At least not yet.

  “Enough about me, tell me about you.” He hoped that would end the topic.

  A breeze blew, and Ethan watched as cold bumps cascaded down Hope’s arm. If he had a jacket, this is where he’d loan it to her. It was common courtesy. Unfortunately, he had left it back in the hospital room.

  “What do you want to know?” she asked, looking up into his eyes. Oh, those emerald eyes of hers. Ethan found nothing but honesty looking back into his eyes.

  “Tell me about your family. You seem close.” He glanced at her and saw a smile as wide as the Nile River spread across her face. Just the thought of her family obviously made her happy. Maybe that was how he was supposed to feel about Sara…the only family member he knew.

  “I have one older brother, Mark. He’s a police chief and the pastor at one of our community churches. Then there’s my younger sister, Bri. She’s the spoiled one out of the family. You probably know what that’s like. The youngest are always the babies.” She mischievously grinned, causing him to laugh. Ethan playfully elbowed her side for the comment she made.

  “My parents are missionaries. I don’t get to see them as often as I’d like to, but what they do is amazing. I’ve only been on a few mission trips, but they changed my perspective on life. The word blessed became more special in my life once I got back to the states safely.” She ran a finger through her slightly curled hair today. “Have you ever been on a mission trip?”

  The memories for him started to flood back, and they hit him like a boulder. “Once, our local church went on one. My mom and dad surprised Sara and I by taking us with them. We had been begging to go on one anyway. I remember coming home and thanking God I had a shower and a bed. I told Mom and Dad I’d never take those things for granted again. One week later, I was refusing to take a shower.” Ethan paused. “Mind you, I was only a kid.” They both laughed.

  The memories of his family were something no one could take from him, yet they stung every time he thought about them. His heart constantly ached at the fact that he couldn’t just talk to his parents one last time. That he couldn’t just go back in time and make things different.

  They walked a little bit longer in silence, Hope giving him the time he needed. Ethan was grateful that this girl was curious enough to check on him and sweet enough to stick around. What had been a long week, made this moment special. He’d never forget Hope and the fact that she stuck to her word. It had been something he wasn’t used to. He actually felt the sincerity in her words and actions.

  “Ethan, can I ask one more question?” She broke the silence.

  His heart pounded. Ethan wasn’t ready for any more questions. What feared him the most was opening up and letting someone back into his life again. He’d lose her for sure. Although for some reason, he nodded and let her speak anyway. It was like his body didn’t function properly when he was around Hope.

  “Do you still believe in God?” Her mysterious eyes searched for some sort of reflection of hope in his, but he didn’t have any to offer her.

  He didn’t want to disappoint her, but he also didn’t want to start off what could possibly be a good friendship, with a lie. He shook his head. “If God were real, he would have saved my parents from a horrific car accident. They’d still be here today.” He didn’t mean to sound cold, but from the look on Hope’s face, he came across that way. She just looked straight ahead of her as they approached the hospital doors again. “I didn’t mean to sound rude or disappoint you. I was just being honest.” He knew he had hurt her with his words, but she played being okay well.

  “It’s okay. You’re entitled to your own opinion.” She tried to put on a smile. The smile appeared truthful, but a glimmer of disappointment was still clearly shown across her face. “And Ethan?”

  “Hm?” he murmured, not paying much attention anymore. He felt like a failure from the inside out. He’d sucked the life out of himself and he didn’t want to do the same thing to Hope. She was such an optimistic, life-giving woman.

  “I’m really sorry about your parents.” Ethan could almost see the hurt he’d held in his heart for the past three years, reflect on her face.

  He shook his head and kicked a loose gravel. “You’d think I’d be used to not having them anymore. That I’d get over it. Instead, I think each day it gets worse.” He stopped walking and turned to face Hope.

  She looked him dead in the eyes. “Everyone goes through grief, and everyone’s process through it is different.” The compassion he witnessed and heard made his heart tingle inside. Something he hadn’t felt in a long time.

  “Thank you.” He meant it. He watched a shiver run down Hope’s spine and realized it was probably time to head in. “Let’s head inside. Both of our sisters have probably eaten all the muffins.” They both chuckled as he nudged her along.

  Hope stepped out of the dimly lit elevator and walked toward Sara’s room.

  Disappointed was an understatement, but she wasn’t going to let the obstacle that Satan threw get in her way. If Ethan allowed her, Hope planned on being a trusted friend he could rely on. It was going to be tough to get Ethan to believe in the one and only God that he used to put so much faith and trust in. Ethan had logical reasons to be in a state of unbelief. There were so many questions left unanswered. And he still wasn’t telling Hope something, she had decided that when he spoke so little about his life. There was more to this guy to figure out.

  God, I met this person for a reason. You’ve opened a door. He needs hope, and he needs a friend. Most importantly he needs You. He hasn’t let anyone get close in his life for three years. He’s alone and hurt. Allow me to be a friend, but also allow me to be a light. He needs You, God. I plan on being there for Him, so give me the strength and the words. Most of all, help me to do Your will.

  She rounded the corner to Sara’s private room. Ethan had moseyed his way downstairs to the cafeteria to bring Sara back dinner, and Hope went on to check on their sisters.

  “There you are! I thought you got lost or somethi
ng,” Bri teased as Hope walked into Sara’s room.

  Sara was now wide awake, and it seemed her and Bri were getting along just fine. Sara’s chestnut hair was braided, and it looked like Bri had applied some makeup on her too, even though Sara had a gorgeous face that didn’t need it.

  Hope met Sara’s eyes and kindly smiled. “I’m Hope. It’s so nice to meet you.” She reached down gently to give Sara a hug.

  Sara had an exquisite smile, and her blue eyes were sparkling, considering the condition she was in. “You’re Brianna’s sister, right? The muffin maker.” Her voice was stronger than Hope had expected.

  Hope laughed. “Whatever my sister told you about me is probably not true,” she pestered as Brianna stuck out her tongue.

  Sara rested her head back on a pillow that looked as hard as the first batch of muffins her and Brianna had burned last night. “I’m sorry you had to meet me in this condition.” She sighed.

  “If it wasn’t for the condition you were in, you wouldn’t have met me.” Hope teased with a giggle, trying to lighten Sara’s mood. She smiled when she saw that she succeeded.

  “How are you doing?” Hope slid into the chair beside of Sara’s bed.

  “There are perks to being a doctor in a division of this hospital. I’m getting special treatment. So, to answer your question, I’m doing fine.” She formed her lips into an attempted smile.

  Hope chuckled.

  After a few minutes of rest, Sara spoke again. “Hope, your brother, Chief Mark Lawson, was there when the police and ambulance arrived. I was telling Bri earlier, I remember hearing him pray.” Sara let a tear fall down her face. “He asked God to keep me safe and keep me alive.”