by Katlyn Grace
“And what makes you think I’d lie?” She asked, her matter-of-fact tone crystal clear.
Ethan laughed and shook his head. If he had a future with Hope, keeping up with a close-knit family would be one thing…keeping up with Brianna would be another. He found the thought both amusing and intriguing.
thirteen
“I hate to tell you, but Santa Claus isn’t real.”
She shoved the salted caramel popcorn in his face. “Could you hush for like five seconds?” They’d been watching The Santa Clause with Tim Allen, one of Hope’s favorites. Ethan may like binging movies, but he sure didn’t know how to keep quiet during them.
He laid his head back on the couch and laughed. “I’m keeping you entertained.” He popped the popcorn she’d thrown at him in his mouth.
“Isn’t that what the movie is for?” Hope teased as Ethan stuck his tongue out at her.
Ethan had come over to check on Hope’s health the next day. He’d brought old Christmas movies, hot chocolate to keep her warm, and all kinds of salty foods. For that, Hope was feeling better in spirits. The sickness settled in to stay for a while, so she figured she’d make the best of the situation for now.
Hope smiled to herself as she wriggled under a blanket. She’d never enjoyed someone’s company this much until now. Ethan proved how much Hope meant to him just in the past couple of days through his kind gestures. It wasn’t like she’d been making him stay or begging him to come back to her. He simply was there for her, and it beat being alone and sick to a pulp. She was coming to love having him by her side, for she felt safe there.
“Feeling better?” he asked, gently tilting his head to rest on her shoulder.
“I’m doing pretty well at the moment.” Hope kept her eyes on the movie. This was her favorite time of the year. Lying by the fire, watching Christmas films, and baking. Oh, how she missed baking already. “Although, I am missing work.” She sighed and turned her head to glance at Ethan.
His eyes were rarely glazed over with a dark, glassy film of depression anymore. In fact, the corners of his eyes were beginning to leave lines where he smiled so much recently. His normal combed-back, and perfectly fixed hair was more undone today. It caused a smile to tug at Hope’s lips.
“I know.” Ethan simply stated. He caressed his fingers through her hair and hummed along with a Christmas tune that played in the background of the film.
“You’re happy.” Hope pulled the heavy blanket up to her chin.
“I am.” He grinned at her.
Feeling him divide her straight hair into three different sections, Hope bit her lip to stifle a giggle. “Are you braiding my hair?”
“I’m trying…but failing.” He snickered and continued to play with her tangled hair.
“I’ll give you an A for effort.” She chuckled and found herself leaning into his arms. She wanted another nap, and he just so happened to be a wonderful leaning post.
With Ethan stroking her hair and holding her so dearly, Hope nearly closed her eyes to sleep. She felt content in his arms, like nothing could ever go wrong. Although, knowing the truth was far more complicated than that, she let out a sigh. Hope wanted to freeze this moment in time because she figured Ethan and her wouldn’t go on like this forever.
“Ethan, why did you always come to Funfetti?” The question was one that dwelled on her mind recently. Hope loved her café and bakery, but never thought it entertaining enough to be there every single morning.
He shifted his position on the couch and exhaled. “I was so used to having breakfast with my parents and sister in the morning. It was something we just always did. Change is weird, and it’s the little things that are so hard to adjust to. That was one of them.
“So, on one of my awful, hungover mornings, I stumbled upon a warm little bakery. This pretty girl with strawberry-blonde hair and just enough freckles welcomed me in. She provided me with breakfast and coffee on the house. Made me feel special and wanted.” Ethan playfully smiled as he described Hope. “Your place felt inviting. Everyone was warm and friendly, and I enjoyed being there. In so much heartbreak, I felt a bit at peace.”
Hope choked back tears that willed their way to her eyes. She didn’t know the deeper meaning behind Ethan being at her bakery so often. It warmed her heart that something like a simple bakery could have such an impact in someone’s life. Tucking that fact away in a pocket of her heart, Hope thanked God for His bigger plans.
“It may sound cheesy, but you made my mornings brighter. Your kindness affected me, even if it didn’t show on the outside.” He rubbed her shoulders. “You still do, by the way,” Ethan added.
Hope grinned. Ethan was making his way into her heart. “I’m glad.”
They both settled back onto the couch, watching the movie. Hope could easily get used to him being by her side. She enjoyed being with her family and friends, but Ethan was different. His gentle, caring personality overruled his ugly past. It was the miniscule things he did for her that brought a smile to her lips. The way he was overcoming obstacles and incorporating her in it all as he went. And the fact that he was still taking care of her while she looked and felt a mess.
But there was still a gap between him and her…a deep, huge gap. Her heart constricted at the thought. He didn’t have her God in his life. He was beating the alcohol and depression slowly, but he didn’t have the peace from his past that the Holy Spirit brought, like she did.
Having distinctly different beliefs would chew them up and spit them out if they ever decided to be anything more than friends. She couldn’t live her life like that, but if Ethan turned to God…
Hope shook her head at such selfish thoughts. She couldn’t make him believe for her benefit. Ethan had to make the decision himself.
God, I’m normally more optimistic than this. Forgive me for my selfishness. I’ve been asking for Ethan to give his heart to You. Part of that is because I’ve been wanting it to benefit me in hopes of a relationship with him. But I no longer want to pray for it to benefit me. His soul is so precious, Lord. He needs a Savior more than an earthly relationship. You can give him so much more than I can, help him realize that. I now desire for him to seek You more than I desire a relationship with him. Help me to lead him to You. I’m giving this one to You.
The movie flicked to a commercial break and Hope positioned herself at an angle where she wouldn’t get light-headed. “Ask me a question, any kind of question. Commercial breaks are boring. So, this is where you can keep me entertained.” Hope could tell her request surprised Ethan, but she watched as he thought about it.
“What would your ideal date night be like if someone were to ask you out in the winter time?”
Hope quirked an eyebrow. Ethan was taking advantage of her request. Nonetheless, she would answer just to satisfy him. “I would say bowling, ice cream for the winner after, because I’m quite a pro if I must say so myself.” Ethan laughed at the way she bragged. “Then, looking at Christmas lights and listening to Holiday music.”
“You haven’t thought about this much, have you?” He poked fun at her.
“A girl can dream.”
Ethan’s eyebrows furrowed as his facial expression turned more pensive. “Why don’t I make that small dream come true then?”
“I think I would say yes.” She answered with a grin.
Ethan wore a satisfied smile. “What about after church this Sunday?”
Taken aback, her heart thumped so loudly in her chest that she was fearful Ethan would hear it. “You want to go to church?”
“I think I do.” He nervously chewed on his bottom lip.
She couldn’t control her goofy looking grin. “Let’s hope I get better by this weekend.”
“I hope so too. Mark mentioned something about getting lunch after with all of us.”
“I would enjoy that.” Hope smiled and pulled her legs up to her chin as chills rushed down her back. “My brother is always up to something.” She laughed.
Ethan cocked his head
to the side, not understanding. “What do you mean?” Noticing her shivers, he took the blanket she’d been using and tucked her in snuggly.
“He once set me up with his partner, Brandon. Mark went on a date and he didn’t want to go alone. So, he asked me to go on a double date with Brandon. Like the couple of other guys in my past, it didn’t work out. Brandon was sweet, but we just weren’t right for each other.” Hope paused. “Plus, he has a thing for my sister, always has.” She grinned as she thought about Brandon’s love for her little sister.
“Is it okay if I do tag along for church and lunch, then you and I go out to look at lights after?” he asked sincerely, checking with her.
“Of course. Long as you don’t make me walk back. Jonathan was also a mistake.” She sighed, knowing she’d never had the best of experiences with guys.
“What kind of guys did you date?” His horrified expression made Hope snort.
“Not very bright ones…that’s for sure.” Hope stood and situated herself in front of the fireplace. The freezing chills were uncontrollable. “What about you? Any smart, blonde bakers?” She managed to wiggle her eyebrows without her belly rumbling the wrong way.
Ethan doubled over in laughter. “No. One brunette in eleventh grade, though. My mom was the sweetest person on earth and she wasn’t even fond of her. The girl wanted me to change and drop everything for her, especially soccer. That’s when I said sayonara, sister.”
Hope snickered. “I recall high school drama.”
“Then a blonde after I graduated.” He twiddled his thumbs. “We were actually serious. She got a job offer in New York to be a magazine reporter and took it. I didn’t want to leave Alton, it was home. So, we ended the relationship before it got complicated and ugly,” he admitted; his soft brown eyes glued on Hope.
“I’m sorry, Ethan.”
“I’m not. If it wasn’t meant to be, it wasn’t meant to be. You know?” He took a sip of his coffee sitting on the end table.
“I understand completely.” Hope nodded, liking the way he thought.
Christmas music started to chime on Hope’s TV again and Ethan cleared his throat, “Come on.” He patted the seat next to him. “The movie’s back on, and you need to get warm.”
fourteen
H ope laughed to herself as she hung up the phone and placed it on her bedside table. Ethan would appreciate the knock-knock joke and thank you on his answering machine once he got home.
Her Tuesday evening with him had been nice, even if her health hadn’t been up to par. After she took a nap, Ethan had ordered a Chicago style deep dish pizza and offered to play a game of Scrabble with her. Hope let him win. She blamed it on being sick, but it was an excuse just to see his smile. She found herself envisioning many more evenings spent like tonight in the future. It was the small things that meant a lot.
She rolled back the duvet cover on her bed and snuggled underneath of it. Trying to find a comfortable position between constant shivers and a grumbling stomach was complicated but she eventually drifted off to sleep.
“Ethan, don’t do this.” Hope’s sobs were uncontrollable. Tremors rippled through her body as she watched the man she loved down another bottle of alcohol.
Where was Mark? He was supposed to be here with help by now.
“Why not?” Ethan gripped the glass bottle so tight that his knuckles turned white. He staggered all over his house, pacing. Hope lost count of how many bottles he’d downed since he called her. “I’ve lost everything.”
“Because there is hope. You don’t have to do this.” She flinched as he threw the bottle toward the corner of his kitchen. Glass shattered into a million tiny fragments.
“And you don’t have to follow me around like I’m some child! My decision has already been made.” He hovered over Hope’s body and she suddenly felt so small. What was left of her heart, broke as she watched the man who made so much progress, easily fall back into his old ways. She almost regretted getting to know Ethan, but she knew he was more than the bottles of poison and she thought he recognized that too.
“You’re going to regret your decision one day.” Hope’s voice cracked.
Ethan stumbled, but he managed to walk briskly out the kitchen and toward his front door. Tears streamed down her face as Hope watched him grab his keys. “It was nice knowing you, Hope.”
Hope’s knees gave out and she teetered on her heels. “I beg of you, Ethan, don’t do this!”
He opened the door and his glassy eyes met hers. “Too late.”
Mark Lawson’s POV
The incessant whooping of Mark’s police car siren drummed to the rhythm of his heart. He was going eighty on frozen roads, but it didn’t matter at this moment. Ethan was going to attempt suicide, Mark was sure of it.
“Brandon, call for backup,” Mark instructed his tense partner sitting in the passenger seat.
Brandon immediately obeyed without asking questions.
Snow fell rapidly from the skies, making his vision even cloudier. The adrenaline rush made Mark’s hands shake as he drove. If Hope was at Ethan’s house…
He shook the thought from his head, not needing to involve his emotions in this mission yet.
God, please keep my sister safe. Don’t let any lives be taken. Stop Ethan somehow. My heart is beating out of my chest and all I can say is, “God, please.”
Mark knew his prayer wouldn’t go unheard, even if it did seem like the plea was jumbled. God would answer in the best way possible, because He understood.
“Mark, I see headlights,” Brandon shouted over the engine and siren.
The white snow illuminated Ethan’s all too familiar red truck. Rolled down a bank so close to the Mississippi river, was Ethan’s overturned truck. Mark’s police car skidded on the road as he pressed firmly on the brakes. He safely pulled to the side of the road and turned on his emergency flashers. To help him see down the bank better, Mark switched his lights to high beam and sprinted through the snow to the overturned truck.
“The truck has flipped!” Mark shouted to Brandon.
When he’d made it to the bottom of the slushy bank, he crawled on all fours through the wet snow toward the shattered window of the driver’s side. “Ethan, can you hear me?” Mark couldn’t let his friend, who’d fallen into relapse, die. It couldn’t happen.
Mark frantically grabbed his flashlight from his belt and switched it on. Squinting his eyes to adjust to the harsh light, he expelled all breath at the sight of blood splattered all over the inside of the truck. When he spotted Ethan’s lifeless body, Mark’s shoulders slumped, and tears threatened to spill from his burning eyes.
“God, help us.”
Hope jerked upright from her bed. The quick motion made her head spin, tempting the pizza from earlier to come back up. Sweat poured from her brow and she wiped at it with the back of her hand. She took a shaky breath, trying to get a grip on what she just vividly dreamed. “God.” Her heart skipped a beat. “Please save Ethan.” Her unsteady breath worried her, but not as much as Ethan’s Salvation.
She moved to the right of her bed and flicked the lamp on, wincing at the sudden bright light. Hope took one glance at her clock that read 3:00 A.M. and grabbed her phone. The time didn’t matter at this moment. She needed to hear Ethan’s voice. She needed him to feel God like she felt God. His soul was too precious.
After a few rings, Ethan’s groggy and raspy voice answered. “Hope? Is everything alright? It’s three in the morning.”
Just the sound of his well-alive voice helped her breathe a little better. “I don’t want to be separated an eternity from you, Ethan.” She let the salty tears cascade down her face. Hope didn’t want her friend to die without God. Eternity was long spent in torment and darkness.
Ethan didn’t reply for what felt like forever to Hope. Maybe he was trying to wake up, or maybe he was trying to sink in what she abruptly called him for. “Neither do I.” He tried to diminish the crack in his voice by clearing his throat. Ethan knew ex
actly what Hope was talking about.
“Then please, Ethan, please take care of your heart and soul. Not because I want you to, but because I care too much for you to not care about where you stand with God.” Shivers ran up Hope’s spine. She was getting more nauseous by the minute.
“I want to be at church Sunday.” His simple statement made the crazy fluttering of Hope’s heart settle. “Are you okay?” His worried voice reflected her own.
“Yes.” Hope laid back down and pulled the bed covers up to her shoulders.
For the next hour, she listened to Ethan’s soothing voice as he talked to her about random things, probably trying to calm her worries. The sound of his strong voice was enough to make her nightmare slowly fade away. While he took the time to make small talk with her, Hope prayed without ceasing for Ethan’s broken soul.
Friday morning, Ethan stepped out of his truck into the frigid winter weather. The gloves he wore on his hands weren’t helping whatsoever with the numbness he felt deep inside. He walked to the passenger side of his truck and helped Sara out. Having his sister here with him on this occasion felt right.
Today would have marked their stepdad and mom’s sixteenth anniversary of being married, and Sara and Ethan both wanted to honor them. It didn’t feel that long ago when Ethan walked his mom down the aisle to marry Nathaniel. The memories didn’t seem that far away to him, yet in reality, he knew they were millions of miles away.
The morning was a beautiful one, besides the cold temperature. The graveyard was private, on top of a hill in a secluded area. The sunrise of colors glistened on the fresh layer of snow blanketed atop the grass. His mom would have loved today’s magenta and crimson sunrise. And Nathaniel would have loved to start a snowball fight with the dense snow on the ground.
While he didn’t want to, Ethan let his mind settle on his birth father, Peter. The scars of Peter and how he treated Ethan’s family were still there, but they weren’t as raw and emotional as before. Ethan felt his insides beginning to heal and let things go, for he had his own story to tell and he didn’t want to repeat the poor choices Peter made in the past.