Finding Hope

by Katlyn Grace

  Ethan felt a hand gently touch his shoulder and he heard someone kneel beside him. Then another. And another. Others were praying with him. In this very moment, the power of God felt so true and alive as voices cried out to the Lord.

  He didn’t bother to look around him at the people he suddenly appreciated more than words could describe. He kept his mind focused on the one thing he wanted to get right…his relationship with God. His life depended on it.

  I’m a sinner, but Your Word says you still love me. So, please forgive me. Forgive me for my selfishness, my foolishness, and my stubbornness. I choose to live for You from now on. Guide my future and my life. Today, I’m giving everything back to You. Create in me a clean heart, God.

  Ethan opened his eyes that dripped with tears. He no longer carried the baggage of his past, for he fully surrendered it to God. His burdens weren’t heavy, and he felt overwhelmed with the feeling of joy. Felt like a bird finally being released from its cage. For the first time in a long time, Ethan felt excited. He was beginning a new life, a new chapter, and it was starting out wonderfully.

  Thank You, God.

  Hope’s hand still clutched the inside of his, and Ethan found himself never wanting to let go. His heart burst at the seams as he glanced to his left. She was knelt at the altar beside of him, tears streaming down her face. Her gleaming eyes smiled back at him. “What about now? Are you okay, now?”

  He nodded with a smile that felt like it could continue to grow forever. “I’m God’s.”

  She reached over and wrapped her arms around him. Warm and fuzzy, the embrace made Ethan’s heart melt. He couldn’t help but feel so loved in this very moment. Hope had never stopped caring for him and his soul. She stressed over and over to him what it would be like if he gave his problems to God. She hadn’t given up on him, and he immediately thanked God. Ethan finally understood why now. He hadn’t been this joyful in years, and it was all because of God’s unmerited gift of grace.

  sixteen

  T he number of warm embraces Ethan received after church were too many to count. The church he fretted would judge him actually loved him, and welcomed him in with open arms. Ethan finally felt like a part of something. He seemed to find the puzzle piece he’d been missing.

  The Italian restaurant Hope’s family had chosen seemed fancy. Beautiful crystal light fixtures dimly lit the back room they all gathered in, and bright art canvases were hung to make the walls burst with color. The service seemed friendly as well. Ethan made note to bring Hope back here one day when it was just the two of them.

  Ethan pulled a chair out for Hope to take her seat and she thanked him. He took his coat off and sat down between Hope and Sara. Hope’s family had not only invited Ethan to lunch, but Sara too. Ethan’s heart warmed at the welcoming gesture Hope’s family made for his sister. Not only did Hope’s family immediately feel like his own, but it felt like home.

  Hope’s dad, Steven, and Mark indulged in a conversation about sports and the upcoming Chicago Bears game. Sara, Bri, and Heather were absorbed in a conversation about some sort of fancy shoes on sale at the mall. And Ethan sat there enjoying being around faces that were so lovingly familiar.

  Hope nudged Ethan’s shoulder and turned to face him. He watched as she observed his face with a grin.

  Ethan laughed. “What’s that cheesy smile for?”

  She shook her head. “I’m just really happy for you.” Hope tilted her head as she took a sip of her tea. “God is Good.”

  Ethan let his cheeks turn red as he fiddled with the straw in his soda. This woman and her smile were going to be his kryptonite, but he didn’t mind it as long it was always Hope. She seemed to light up every room she walked into, and Ethan found himself longing for more of her. Before he was able to reply, their waitress came by to take their orders.

  “Hope has talked a lot about you.” Heather took a bite of her key lime pie and didn’t even try to hide her grin. Ethan assumed Brianna took her characteristics after her mom.

  “Mom!” Hope protested her mother like a 16-year-old would.

  Ethan chuckled at Hope’s heated cheeks. “I certainly hope it’s been good things,” Ethan teased while the others laughed.

  “It’s nice to actually talk and meet with you in person.” Steven smiled genuinely.

  Over the past forty-five minutes, Ethan had already grown to immensely respect the unselfish person Hope’s father was. He appreciated the fact that Steven was not hard on him as he got to know Ethan. He eased their conversations in smoothly and casually.

  “It’s been a pleasure, Mr. Lawson. Hope has talked a lot about you guys and how close you all are. It’s been lovely to actually be a part of it this afternoon.” Ethan told the truth. He would be lying if he said it hadn’t been nice to be a part of a group again…to feel completely loved. He recognized it as the change of heart God had given him earlier in the day.

  Steven smiled and turned his attention to his wife. “It’s about time for my nap, Heather, dear.” He patted her hand as he yawned.

  “It’s not a Sunday if Dad doesn’t get his nap,” Hope informed Ethan.

  “In his defense, it is the day of rest,” Mark replied with a laugh.

  Heather snickered. “Come on Steven, let’s go home.” She grabbed her purse and pushed her chair in. “The bill is on us.”

  “Mom, you don’t have to do that,” Hope protested with a shake of her head.

  “Don’t question your parents.” Steven crossed his arms.

  “You’re not that intimidating, but I’ll obey.” Hope accepted her defeat.

  Everyone said their goodbyes to Heather and Steven, and Ethan made for sure to thank them personally.

  “I’m going to miss them when they leave in the New Year.” Bri sadly smiled as she watched her parents stroll hand in hand toward the register.

  “Where are they going next?” Ethan asked.

  “Africa,” Hope responded whilst she played with the straw inside of her glass of melting ice.

  Ethan only nodded. It must be hard telling your parents goodbye for months, especially when they were wandering on foreign land. That’s who missionaries were, though. They were trained for the job God especially handed them, and it was for a great cause. He looked at missionaries as heroes that often went unnoticed. They didn’t get enough credit as they should.

  “Who wants to come over to my place and play Scrabble?” Mark laughed. “I get bored.”

  “I’m game.” Bri’s sly smirk told Ethan all he needed to know. She was the one who made the Scrabble games intense. Ethan laughed to himself at his thought.

  “Would you like to join us, Sara?” Mark offered.

  “I’d love to, but don’t be offended if I fall asleep. There were a lot of crying kiddos at work last night.” Sara laughed. Ethan’s sister looked physically drained, but she hardly ever turned down an offer to do something fun.

  “What about you two?” Brianna directed her question toward Hope and Ethan.

  Ethan glanced at Hope, then back at Brianna. “We’ll have to take a rain check. I have some plans for Hope and me this evening.” He scratched his head, hoping Brianna wouldn’t have anything to say about it.

  Brianna’s right eyebrow perked, but she saved her breath. Ethan felt thankful for that silence. Bri almost seemed more curious about the two of them than Hope’s older brother, Mark was. Ethan always assumed the brothers were the harder ones to deal with. Apparently, he’d been wrong. Sisters were interesting. At least Hope’s was.

  Hope grinned. “Sorry guys, the reigning champion will be taking her business elsewhere tonight.”

  Mark rolled his eyes. “Brag much?”

  “You’re just jealous,” Hope taunted him. The banter between Hope and her siblings was amusing.

  “Since I won’t be there, good luck, Sara. Do me proud.” Hope rose from her chair and patted Sara on the shoulder.

  Sara saluted Hope with a laugh. “Aye, Aye, captain.”

  They all gathe
red up their belongings and shrugged their heavy winter coats on as they prepared to leave the restaurant. Mark made his way over to Ethan before he left. “Consider me your brother now. I’m proud of you, Ethan. You won’t regret the decision you made this morning.” Mark slapped him on the back and embraced him in a brotherly-type hug.

  “Thank you, Mark. I sincerely appreciate all that you guys have done for me.” The thanks weren’t near enough, but Ethan would try his best to always express his appreciation toward Hope’s family as time went on.

  “Anytime.” Mark smiled and proceeded to give Hope a hug.

  Sara took this time to bury her head in Ethan’s shoulder. “I’m so proud of you, Ethan.”

  Feeling tears build up in his eyes, Ethan sniffled them back and held Sara tight. This was the start of something new with his sister, with Hope and her family, and with God. “Your little brother loves you so much, Sara,” he whispered the words into her ear.

  At those words, the twinkle in her eyes was hard to miss. In attempt to keep her composure in front of everyone, his sister ruffled Ethan’s hair and pulled back. “Have fun today, Ethan.” She grinned and grabbed her car keys.

  They all said their goodbyes and headed their separate ways.

  Ethan and Hope skipped outside hand in hand. He swung their hands back and forth like a kid would as she giggled. Ethan kicked up some snow with his boot and grinned at Hope. “St. Louis is only thirty-five minutes away. Let’s go have some fun.”

  “One double dip hot chocolate ice cream for my lady.” Ethan slid into the booth Hope chose for the two of them.

  She grinned as a thank you and took the cone.

  They made it to St. Louis, Missouri before three, bowled a bit, and made a pitstop at a cute ice cream parlor. Hope couldn’t wait to see what Ethan had in mind for the rest of the day. So far, it had been the most thrilling day she’d experienced in a long time. Getting the privilege to witness Ethan give his heart to God this morning had been overwhelming. God answered Hope’s prayers right in front of her and it had instantly become a massive faith building block for her. God heard prayers, and He answered them. She would never be able to thank God enough.

  Hope planned on taking today one step at a time, letting God guide her steps, not wanting to put too much thought into her day.

  “I feel guilty. You let me win.” Hope winced at the memory of their bowling match.

  “You won fair and square.” Ethan held his hands up in defense.

  She didn’t believe him, but she let it slide. “You didn’t get any ice cream. That’s not fun.” Hope gestured toward his Styrofoam coffee cup.

  “I’ll stick to my good old cup of joe.”

  “This ice cream is too good to just have coffee.”

  “If I want a lick of ice cream, I know whose to steal.” He winked. “By the way, I didn’t have a clue that hot chocolate was an actual ice cream flavor.”

  “It was on the menu, so I decided to give it a try.” She took a lick to determine if it was a hit or a miss. “Not too shabby.” The taste surprised her; it was shocking how on point the flavors could be related back to an actual hot chocolate. The white creamy parts tasted just like the fluffy marshmallows she loved to heap up in her hot cocoa. “I might have just got an idea for this winter’s cupcake special.” She took another lick, relishing the rich taste. “I owe you one.”

  “If it’s anyone who owes anybody something, it’s me.” He took a sip of his coffee. “If it had not been for your prayers and encouraging me to move forward…I wouldn’t have given my life back to God. I’m positive of that.”

  Hope smiled. “I know I don’t seem serious with an ice cream cone in my hand, but Ethan, that’s how God works. I pursue Him, I pray, and I pray, and I pray, and God hears. He also answers. He’s faithful.”

  Ethan nodded. “Thank you.”

  With his eyes glistening and his guard letting down, Hope saw Ethan for who he really was. The subject on God and Christianity didn’t seem tense anymore, and it was like having a conversation with other friends. His softening heart brought out the best of him. “What did you have in mind for the rest of the day?”

  “Well, since it used to be a tradition in my family to come down here and look at Christmas lights, I thought it’d be fun to do that with you. But we’ve got a couple hours before dark, and I still need to buy some Christmas gifts. You game to go shopping?”

  “Is that even a question?” Hope laughed as she munched on her cone.

  “Which ones?” Ethan held up two pair of earrings.

  Hope studied them both. The pair he held in his left hand had silver diamonds, the ones in his right were shiny gold hoops. “Go with the gold ones. Sara has a gold necklace that would go pretty with those.” Hope spun the rotating jewelry display case. The jewelry here was exquisite, but also expensive.

  Ethan nodded.

  At 4:30 in the evening, they made it to a local mall. Hope already achieved checking her mom off her Christmas shopping list, as well as her dad. She purchased her mom a new scarf and a tool set for her dad that Ethan insisted Steven would love. She assumed Ethan was nondescriptly hinting around that he wanted one, so Hope managed to snag Ethan one too without him noticing. Ethan attempted to peek in her bags more than once, but Hope made it a point to keep it a secret.

  “What should I get for the gift swap?” When Ethan mentioned a Christmas Eve get-together with Sara as well as Hope and her siblings, Hope couldn’t hide the enthusiasm. It would be an entertaining night.

  “Sara’s wrapping a rock. Don’t think too hard.” He walked around the jewelry counter and Hope followed him.

  Hope threw her head back in laughter. “I really hope Mark gets it. I’d love to see his reaction.”

  “He would be too nice. He’d probably even display it on his mantle,” Ethan snickered.

  Ethan purchased Sara’s beautiful jewelry and they both walked back into the mall. People frantically shopped all around them for last minute Christmas gifts, but Hope and Ethan took their time as they leisurely strolled.

  “Is this low-key our first date?” Hope could tell her question caught Ethan off guard when he whipped his head down to look at her.

  She figured it was easier to just ask him then to assume. She didn’t want to fool around like she was in high school again. Hope was at the age where she didn’t have anything holding her back. Her heart held the desire to be a wife…and eventually a mother someday. She wanted to settle with someone who she felt right with. Between Ethan’s newfound faith, and his caring personality, she could grasp a future with him.

  “If you would like for it to be.” He looked down at her, his eyes softening as a dimple formed in his cheek.

  “I think I would.” She linked their arms together and leaned her head against his bicep as they walked. “You don’t have to hide your smile anymore. Your insides are going to bust.” She poked his abdomen.

  He laughed at her last comment, letting all his emotions bubble out. “Let’s go take some photos to remember this day, then.” He nodded toward the photo booth in the middle of the mall.

  Hope cringed. It was a cheesy idea, but nonetheless, she agreed.

  “I know. I know. Talk about cliché, but I’ll make it fun. I promise.” He intertwined their pinkies together to reassure her of his promise, and then led her inside the cramped photo booth. “Look, they even have props.” Ethan grabbed two Santa hats from the bin of multiple Christmas props to use for the reel of four pictures.

  Hope giggled when Ethan placed one of the festive hats on her head.

  “It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas!” Ethan sang as he put a hat on as well.

  Hope chuckled, then selected the Holiday template with gingerbread men for their pictures. The countdown began. “Smile for the first one, okay?”

  “It’s hard not to when I’m around you,” he admitted through his cheesy grin for the first photo.

  The camera flashed, and no doubt it picked up Hope’s promi
nent rosy red blush.

  “Now let’s do a crazy, stupid one.” Ethan crossed his eyes and held his ears, making a monkey face.

  Hope stuck her tongue out and gave Ethan bunny ears. “We both look ridiculous.” She snorted.

  The camera flashed once again.

  “Okay, we have two more. What shall we do?” Hope looked down at the bin of props and chuckled as an idea came to her. “I’ve got one.”

  “As long as I can come up with the last one,” Ethan negotiated.

  “Deal.” Hope handed him a white beard whilst she put on reindeer antlers.

  “Good choice.” He spoke through his beard.

  Ethan held up jingle bells for the picture as the camera went off. Hope giggled at the picture that revealed on the screen. “Alright, what’s your bright idea for the last one?” Hope turned to him.

  Ethan toyed through the basket, paying no attention to her question.

  Hope’s brows scrunched and she stifled a laugh. “What are you looking fo—” Her question was interrupted by Ethan giggling…he was up to something. Hope cocked her head sideways in attempt to see what he was hiding from her.

  Unexpectedly, Ethan dangled a green object over their heads, but there was no time to discover what it was as he brought his plump lips to hers and she heard the camera click. Hope could care less about the photo booth anymore. Ethan was kissing her. He moved his right hand around her neck as he deepened the kiss. Her raging emotions calmed but didn’t fail to come back to life again with a spark of energy. It was paradise.

  She could enjoy the kiss this time, and she would take full advantage of it. Hope rested her dainty hand on Ethan’s firm chest and kissed him back. She could feel his heart skipping beats underneath of her hand. He was good at kissing. She would give him that.

  Ethan reluctantly pulled back. “Mistletoe.” His cheesy grin pleased Hope even more as he dangled the green and red mistletoe in front of her face.

  Her cheeks heated, but she relaxed as they both laughed. “Your lips taste like my chocolate cupcakes.” Hope bit her lip at the memory of his lips on hers.