Fearless - A Big Girls & Bad Boys Romance

by Cameron, D. H.

  “Hey,” I greeted Jack trying to appear as if nothing was the matter.

  “Hey, doll,” he said and then turned and went back to the bar. A moment later, he returned with more drinks. “Sorry, needed to grab those before they disappeared,” he explained and kissed me on the cheek. I smiled but I knew something was wrong. I pretended otherwise and Kat took my mind off of Jack a moment later.

  “Well, hello,” she said as she wedged herself between Sarah and I.

  “Um, hi,” Sarah replied and then looked over the Asian girl’s head at me with an odd expression on her face.

  “You’re the crossdresser, aren’t you?” Kat asked plainly.

  “Yeah, that’s me,” Sarah told her. For a moment, I thought Kat might start trouble. I should have known better. She was an affirmed lesbian. Why would she have anything against a crossdresser?

  “Let’s dance, sexy,” Kat told Sarah. It was more of an order than a request.

  “Alright,” Sarah said and glanced over Kat’s head at me again. The look on her face told me Sarah was attracted to Kat. I smiled and winked at my friend. Kat took Sarah’s hand and led her away from our little group to the dance floor just a few steps away. Hogs and Heifers wasn’t big. We stood off to the side of the bar as most patrons did. The few tables were long since taken and the barstools were all taken as usual. Kat slipped her hand around Sarah’s waist and squeezed her ass as they went. Sarah looked over her shoulder at me and shrugged. I laughed at her.

  “That didn’t take long,” I observed.

  “Kat is a lot of things, but subtle and patient aren’t among them,” Ruth replied. Kat and Sarah ended up near Doc and Linda and Kat introduced Sarah to them as the couple danced. I was glad Sarah was fitting in. I just wished I didn’t feel so uncomfortable. It wasn’t Ruth or Butch as I might have expected. It was Jack that was giving off a negative vibe.

  “Rogue, can we dance,” I asked as he and Dexter discussed something. I made sure to call him Rogue. I wanted him to know I still cared for him. I generally only called him Rogue when we were being intimate.

  “Sure, let’s go,” he said excitedly but it seemed forced or maybe it was just me. Now I couldn’t even tell if Jack was acting strange or it was all in my head. We joined the others on the dance floor and Jack took me in his arms. That was nice.

  “I missed you,” I told him. Jack looked down at me.

  “Did you?” he asked. What was that? I couldn’t tell if he was being playful or not.

  “Yes, of course, I replied but I had to get to the bottom of this. What’s wrong?” I asked him. Jack looked past me and sighed.

  “Nothing, I’ve just got some stuff on my mind. I’m sorry. I missed you too,” he told me.

  “You can tell me, you know,” I assured him. Jack looked down at me and smiled.

  “I know. Look, it’s my problem. I’ll get over it,” he said. I let it go. Maybe it was something entirely different and he really didn’t want to burden me. Maybe it was his work or something else I knew nothing about. I didn’t have more than a moment to consider it before I felt someone approach. I turned and found the biker that had tried to assault me a few weeks back. The one that I’d put in his place the night Jack and I reconciled. The one whose nose I bloodied and left lying on the ground whining like a bitch. He grinned showing me his missing teeth.

  “What do you want?” Jack asked menacingly, letting me go and turning to face the troublemaker.

  “Hold on, I don’t mean no harm. I want to apologize to the lady...and you. I was out of line and I deserved what I got. I’m sorry. I had too much drink, you know. It’s been weighing on my mind and I need to say I’m sorry,” he said. Jack and I looked at one another and then back at the raggedy biker.

  “Well, thank you,” I replied.

  “That’s all I wanted to say,” he told us.

  “We appreciate it,” Jack told him a bit warily. The man nodded, turned and walked away. As he did, I thought I heard him laugh but it was loud in the club and I couldn’t be sure. Jack pulled me close again.

  “That was...weird,” I observed.

  “Yeah. I guess you scared him straight,” Jack joked.

  “Getting beat up by a girl can do that, I guess,” I replied. Jack laughed. I pressed close and laid my head on his chest. Maybe I was imagining things between Jack and me. I’m sure I was. Kat and Sarah no longer danced next to us. They were making out. Kat had her hand wedged between them I was pretty sure Sarah was getting felt up. I couldn’t help but wonder if she had tucked tonight. She must’ve with that short skirt. There was no bulge. I’d imagine she was in a bit of discomfort now if she had. Finally, the girls came up for air and caught me watching.

  “I like your friend,” was all Sarah said as Kat wiped Sarah’s pink lipstick from her mouth.

  “Yeah, I see that,” I said finding Sarah had a bulge in her vinyl skirt now. She looked down and giggled. Kat was eying it as well.

  “How about we get out of here? I want to tease that little thing,” Kat said brazenly. Sarah looked at the Asian lesbian and then back at me. Maybe Kat hadn’t got a good feel. I’d seen Sarah’s surprise and it wasn’t little. In any case, I found the whole situation a bit amusing but I was happy for Sarah. Kat too, I guess.

  “Go. I gave you a ride, remember,” I told Sarah assuring her I could take care of myself.

  “You sure?” she asked. I think she was worried about Jack and me.

  “Don’t be an idiot. Go have fun!” I urged her. She smiled and thanked me then Kat grabbed Sarah’s hand and led her out of the bar. I looked up at Jack.

  “She’s in trouble,” he told me referring to Sarah.

  “You think?” I asked sarcastically.

  “You need to press her for details. I want to hear about this. I bet her story will be pretty fucking interesting,” Jack told me.

  “Don’t worry, she owes me. I’ve told her about us and it’s her turn. Besides, I’m curious too,” I told him. Jack was confusing me. One minute he seemed normal and I was sure I was imagining things but the next he seemed sullen and distant. I decided I was done playing this game. Jack was going to do what Jack was going to do and assuming it had anything to do with me despite his assurances was silly. “You should get us some more whiskey. I feel like getting fucked up,” I told him. I drove but I could take a cab home if need be.

  “You’re a fucking genius, doll,” he said and left me standing there to go get us some booze. Ruth came up behind me as I watched Jack go.

  “Did Kat just steal your friend?” she asked with a hint of amusement in her voice.

  “Yeah, why?” I replied.

  “Oh nothing,” Ruth said with a big grin.

  “What?” I asked.

  “Well, Kat is known for being a bit...demanding,” Ruth told me. I looked towards the door and considered that. I wondered if Sarah knew what she was doing. I decided she did. This is the girl that admitted she had gone out to bars and sucked men off in the parking lot. I’m sure she could handle Kat.

  “She’s a big girl. She can take care of herself,” I replied.

  “Oh, I’m not suggesting Sarah won’t enjoy it. She probably will but something tells me it won’t be in the way she expects,” Ruth told my cryptically but before I could reply she changed the subject. “So, I never got to ask. How was my husband?” she inquired with a wicked smile.

  “Butch was a perfect gentleman,” I told her playfully. Ruth looked skeptical.

  “Really?” she asked. I couldn’t help but grin and maybe even blush.

  “No not really,” was all I said. Ruth laughed as Linda joined us. Doc walked past us, winded from dancing looking for some booze.

  “What’s so funny?” Linda asked. Linda was older and for some reason I assumed that meant she might find this all too much to handle. I mean, my mom would faint if she knew what I was doing. I know comparing the two was silly but that’s what I thought.

  “Brandy was just telling me about last weekend,” Rut
h told her.

  “Oh when she fucked Butch? So how was it, Brandy?” Linda asked as if it was the most normal thing in the world. She must’ve seen the shock on my face. “There are few secrets in this group of misfits. Besides, who do you think introduced Ruth to the lifestyle?” she told me. I looked at Ruth and she just shrugged.

  “Yeah, were just a bunch of freaks,” Ruth said. I just shook my head. I wondered suddenly what I had gotten myself into as Linda leaned over and kissed Ruth, and I mean kissed her.

  “Butch wasn’t half bad, Linda,” I said just giving in. Why fight it? I liked this bunch and honestly, I liked the idea of being one of the freaks. Linda and Ruth just laughed. Jack, Butch and Doc returned with drinks. Butch must’ve wandered over and joined them at the bar.

  “Where’s Dexter and Peace?” Doc asked.

  “I think they went outside to smoke,” Linda told her husband as she put her thumb and forefinger to her lips and inhaled to emphasize the point.

  “That stuff’s going to rot their brains,” Doc replied.

  “Like that stuff’s not?” I replied indicating the whiskey and beer he held.

  “I’m a doctor. Alcohol is medicinal. There’s studies that say so,” he admonished me and then winked. Linda rolled her eyes.

  “Whatever helps you sleep at night, honey,” she replied. Doc slammed his whiskey, chugged his beer and then took the drinks intended for Dexter and Peace for himself.

  “Exactly! That’s just one of the benefits. It helps me sleep,” Doc replied. That got a laugh from everyone. We talked and drank just shooting the bull for a while. When I was finished with my beer, however, I grabbed Jack and dragged him out to the dance floor again. I didn’t notice until then that he was drunk. Not pleasantly buzzed but drunk. How many shots did he have at the bar?

  “Good thing I brought my car. I guess I’m the designated driver,” I observed as Jack took me in his arms. I’d never seen Jack like this. I hadn’t known him that long so maybe he liked to tie one on now and then.

  “Yeah, I’m kind of fucked up,” he said and then chuckled to himself.

  “You were fine a while ago,” I told him.

  “I had a few shots at the bar,” he replied.

  “A few?” I prodded trying to sound playful but I was concerned.

  “What, are you my mom?” he asked getting a bit snippy.

  “Jack, I’m just kidding,” I told him. He just stared at me for a moment and then smiled.

  “Whatever,” he said but his tone was sharp and didn’t match the forced smile on his face.

  “What the hell is wrong with you?” I asked him. I couldn’t stop myself. Something was bothering Jack and I couldn’t take it anymore. He wasn’t himself and I needed to know why if for no other reason than to stop myself from imagining things.

  “Nothing!” he told me firmly.

  “Bullshit! You’ve been acting strange all night. You wouldn’t go out with me last night. If something’s wrong, just tell me. Let me help,” I pressed. Jack snorted and I could see the frustration on his face. I thought he might break down and let me in but he went in completely the opposite direction.

  “I’m outta here,” he said suddenly and pulled away from me. I started to go after him but he turned and said, “I’ll take a cab so don’t worry.” He pushed through the crowd leaving me there stunned at his behavior. I watched him go and then after a moment I did go after him. I fought through the people but Jack was getting away. When I finally got to the door, I saw him getting into one of the cabs that did a brisk business waiting for drunken patrons of Hogs and Heifers. He closed the door and the cab pulled away.

  “Jack!” I called after the taxi but it was too late.

  “Where’s he going?” Peace asked as she and Dexter appeared smelling of the pungent weed they had been smoking.

  “I don’t know,” I said. That’s all I could say. I was stunned at Jack’s sudden behavior and didn’t know how it made me feel. Angry, hurt, confused and more.

  “What’s wrong, sweetie?” Ruth asked as she found me.

  “I have no idea. He got mad and left,” I told her. Then I turned to her and said, “I’m going to go find him.”

  “You OK to drive?” she asked.

  “Yeah, I’m good,” I told her and though I probably wasn’t, I felt as sober as an old nun suddenly. I turned and hugged her wondering if this might be my last night out with my new friends. Maybe Jack was upset about something else but I didn’t think so. I still wasn’t sure exactly what his problem was but I was sure it had everything to do with me.

  “Take care, sweetie,” Ruth said as I dug out my keys and headed towards my car. I felt numb. Jack’s sudden departure left me feeling confused. I didn’t deserve that. When I finally arrived at Jack’s place, his trailer was dark. I got out and knocked on the door but not a peep came from inside. Was he ignoring me or did he not come home? His truck was still parked next to the trailer and his bike was at the bar so I could only assume I beat the taxi. I decided to wait to see if the cab would bring him. I sat in my car for nearly half an hour but the cab never showed.

  I finally, started my car and headed for home. I drove down the freeway, my thoughts a jumble that refused to be tamed. Not until I rode the elevator up to my condo anyway. That’s where in the quiet car I broke down. Why was he acting like this? I knew it was the night with Butch. I knew I’d gone too far. I knew I’d ruined the best thing that had ever happened to me because I was selfish. Why couldn’t I just be satisfied with Jack? Why did I have to want more?

  I called Jack once I got to my condo but it immediately went to voicemail. I couldn’t manage to leave a message as I sobbed. I just turned out all the lights, went to my room, threw myself onto my bed and cried. I’d ruined everything. Doing what made me happy didn’t mean I could do anything I wanted. I’d hurt Jack. I just knew it. He hadn’t said it but what else could it be? I’d only been thinking of my own wants and needs and I didn’t even see it. All the old feelings of fear came flooding back. What was I doing? Who did I think I was? What would people think about what I had become?

  >>O<<

  The next morning I wasn’t able to get a hold of Jack either. His phone went right to voicemail again. I was beginning to worry now. I probably shouldn’t have but you know how that goes. He was dead in a ditch or in jail or anything but safe and sound sleeping off the booze. I took my phone and left it on the counter in my bathroom as I showered just in case he called. Of course, as soon as I was soaped up and was shampooing my hair, it rang.

  “Hello? Jack?” I answered and put the phone on speaker as I wiped shampoo off my forehead so it wouldn’t get in my eyes.

  “Sorry, it’s just me,” Sarah said.

  “Oh, hi,” I replied.

  “What’s wrong?” she asked. I wasn’t making any effort to hide my disappointment.

  “Jack,” was all I said.

  “You probably don’t want to go shopping and hear about my night then,” Sarah said and I could detect a bit of disappointment.

  “I don’t want to go shopping but you can come over and tell me. I could use the distraction,” I said.

  “And you can tell me what’s wrong too,” she offered.

  “I suppose. I think I ruined everything, Sarah,” I told her. I didn’t feel like crying. I was just depressed and sad. I was convinced I’d screwed everything up and my new attitude was just a farce.

  “Oh, Brandy. I’ll be over in a few with some coffee and bagels, OK?” she offered. Despite my mood, I could use some breakfast and coffee never hurt. Mostly, I just needed a friend.

  “Alright,” I told her. I still felt numb. Sure I cried for a while the previous night but now I was confused again. I still didn’t know for sure what was upsetting Jack. I couldn’t think of anything else except the night with Butch but Jack hadn’t said either way. A part of me still felt like I was being silly and Jack would confide in me the real reason and I’d see how foolish I was being. I hoped that was the ca
se but I’m not sure I believed it. Why wouldn’t he answer his phone so I could know for sure?

  I climbed back in the shower and finished getting ready. Even though I’d cleaned the condo the day before, I still compulsively straightened things up as I waited for Sarah. As promised, Sarah showed up with two coffees and bagels. She went to the kitchen to set them down and then gave me a big hug. That’s when I cried.

  “It will be fine, no matter what,” she told me as she rubbed my back.

  “I’m sorry,” I told her as she let me go.

  “No, it’s fine. You go sit down and I’ll get you a bagel,” she said.

  “Thanks. You’re the best,” I said as I grabbed my coffee and sat down at the table in the kitchen. Sarah smiled at me and went about fixing us a couple of bagels. A couple of minutes later Sarah joined me.

  “So, what’s up?” she asked as she handed me a plate holding a toasted bagel and sat down. I told her what happened, about the way Jack was acting and then his abrupt departure when I pressed him to let me in. Then I told Sarah about my fears but explained that I had nothing to base them on. Jack hadn’t indicated one way or another but Sarah already knew. “What else could it be?” she asked gently.

  “I know what you’re saying but it could be something personal that he’s just uncomfortable talking about. I know how it looks though,” I told her.

  “Maybe you’re right. Have you tried to talk to him?” Sarah replied.

  “Yeah and his phone goes to voicemail every time. I waited for him to come home last night but he didn’t. I feel like I screwed up, like I went too far. I just wanted to have fun and fulfill a fantasy. I shouldn’t have. I should have just ignored it,” I said but Sarah wasn’t having any of it.

  “No you shouldn’t have. Look, if you wanted to do it you had every right to. You didn’t put a gun to Jack’s head, did you?” she pressed. I should have known Sarah would set me straight.

  “No, but...,” I began to say but Sarah kept going.