Thin Girls Don't Eat Cake

by Lindy Dale

  Chirrup.

  There it went again.

  With a groan, I opened one eye and leaned over to pick it up. Okay, so it was 11.30am, probably a respectable time for someone to message me but seriously… I flicked to the messages.

  Mum.

 

 

 

  I looked around the crumpled bed sheets. Yep, definitely at home. Alone.

 

 

 

  I stopped short at adding maybe she could do with some hypnosis. Or medication.

 

  Ah. That explained it. Pulling on my dressing gown, I ran down the hall. Whatever it was, it had better be good.

  I opened the door. Mum was standing on the doorstep wearing exercise gear consisting of purple sandshoes, a pair of turquoise coloured three-quarter leggings and a singlet top that emphasised her baby bump. And in case I didn’t know she was pregnant, the top bore the slogan ‘Baby On Board’.

  Which sort of rhymed with ‘Oh my lord’.

  It was almost as bad as the ‘My Family’ stickers she on the back of her car — the ones that showed cartoon versions of me, her and dad… leaning on his gravestone.

  Without waiting for an invitation, Mum pushed past me, wailing. A waft of her favourite Jennifer Lopez perfume hung in the air as I followed her to the kitchen where she sat at the table and threw her head into her hands. The sobs got louder.

  “My life is over.”

  I sat down beside her, offering her a tissue from the box on the corner before getting up to put the kettle on. Looked like I wasn’t getting back to my dream anytime soon.

  “And good morning to you too, Mum.”

  Mum snatched a tissue from the box and dabbed it to her eyes. Her makeup usually always so carefully applied, even early in the morning, showed streaks of tears. Her eyes were puffy.

  “Didn’t you hear me?”

  Well, of course I had. Her histrionics could probably be heard in Perth she was carrying on so.

  “I did. I thought you might like a cup of tea before you die.”

  “Sometimes I wonder if you were switched at birth, you’re so callous.”

  She wasn’t the only one who had wondered that. I was certainly not a chip off the old block. I never wailed as loud as she did. Well, I hoped I didn’t.

  I put two teabags in mugs, added extra sugar — clearly, I was going to need the energy — and took the tea to the table. Mum was still crying. I reached over and squeezed her arm. I gave it a little rub and a sympathetic sort of smile. Hugs were not our thing. Never had been.

  “Tell me about it.”

  “Connor’s left me.”

  I stopped, mid-sip, nearly choking on the scalding tea. He’d done it again. I knew this would happen. I knew it all along. Slimy, sleazy piece of work.

  “The absolute bastard. When did this happen?”

  Mum fished her mobile from her handbag and slid it across the table to me. Surely, even Connor couldn’t be so low as to dump her via text. She was pregnant.

  I opened up the message sent forty minutes previously.

 

  Yeah right. In a minute he was going to say she was too wrinkly.

 

  As I’d predicted. Worm.

 

  Huh! He hadn’t had much trouble getting past it when they’d been in bed together.

  There was a text from Mum then.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  There was a final cutting blow.

 

  There was no need to look up SexyKelly19’s Instagram account to know she was probably nineteen with massive boobs or rich. Or both. Mum had been another notch in the bedpost that was Connor’s. It was a wonder his bed could keep standing with the amount of wood that must have been carved out of it by now.

  I handed the phone to Mum. She looked as if she were torn between throwing it against the wall and doing the sensible thing. I was glad when she tossed it back in her bag.

  “Oh Mum—”

  “You don’t have to say ‘I told you so’.”

  “I wasn’t going to. I was going to say how sorry I am. I know I didn’t approve of yours and Connor’s relationship but I was willing to accept it if it made you happy.”

  “You won’t have to worry about that now.”

  “Guess not. But look on the bright side; you’re going to have a gorgeous baby in a few months time. I’d love to help you. You know I would.”

  It only hit me in that moment that I did want to help. I was going to have a little brother or sister. Being with my family and being happy was the most important thing. Yes, it was unconventional and people would talk to begin with but I didn’t care. If I couldn’t have a baby of my own, I’d do everything I could to be a part of this new baby’s life. Along with Ethan, it’d be like having two kids but without the hassle.

  “Do you mean that, darling?”

  Mum had sparked up. There was a twinkle in her eye.

  “I can’t wait for the baby to be born.”

  Now Mum started to cry again. Seriously, her emotions seemed to be swinging faster than a pendulum on a clock but I suppose that was hormones. I leaned over and we hugged — yes, even though we don’t do hugs there was hugging and tears. Tears of joy, from both of us.

  “And if Connor Bishop comes back to town and expects to see the baby,” I said, pulling away at last, “I’ll personally chase him away with the dog clippers.”

  The whole of Merrifield knew how anal Connor was about his hair. He’d run to Sydney if he thought someone was going to touch it.

  Chapter 27

  A couple of weekends later, Alice and Jed invited me to Karaoke Night at the footy club. It was to be a farewell of sorts for Adelaide and Ella who were going back to the city now that Death By Cupcake was up and running. The plan had always been for them to return and for Cole to hire a local girl to replace them. Shannon-down-from-Perth had settled into her new role as cupcake connoisseur nicely. She’d even begun to suggest new flavours for future cakes. What Cole would do now alone in the big house on the hill would be anyone’s guess, though. You couldn’t hire a family. He’d rattle around like a marble in an empty suitcase.

  I adored anything to do with karaoke — the tacky songs, the movies made about it, but mostly the fact that seemingly sane people suddenly thought they’d developed the vocal chords of Celine Dion. It was fun watching Jim the Butcher do his version of Elvis complete with the suit. If Elvis ever heard it, I’m fairly positive he would have blocked his ears from the grave. Not that I was one to talk. I could keep a tune but I certainly wasn’t going to be auditioning for The Voice any time soon.

  Mum and I got to the club after 8pm. Now that I was on board with the whole baby thing, I was taking extra care of her. I was trying hard to get our relationship back to the way it used to be before Connor cocked it up. I’d made her an appointment with the best baby doctor in Perth and on the way home I’d bought her tonnes of pampering things and a few outfits. Though, I should say that selfishly, the outfits were more for my benefit. Mum had a great figure but I wasn’t sure the world was ready for eighties maternity
outfits to make a comeback. Pink fluorescent tunic tops with massive shoulder pads did not look good with bike shorts. No matter what her legs were like. For once, she didn’t protest. I think she knew it was my way of making amends and she was trying to do the same.

  We did a circle of the room, stopped to say a few hellos and at last, found Alice and Jed and sat at the table they’d reserved for us. Alice was back to her usual gorgeous self, now that the anniversary fiasco was over. She kept touching Jed’s arm or leaning over to kiss his cheek like they’d only recently got together. It was nice to have my favourite couple back on track again. And my house felt much homelier when I didn’t have to hang my underwear according to colour or nag about pots and pans.

  Jed stood up and fished his wallet out of his pocket. “Drinks, ladies?”

  Alice gave him her empty glass and asked for another of the same.

  “Lemonade for me.” It was cute how Mum rubbed her hand over her belly as she said it. She was looking forward to the birth.

  “I’ll have a vodka, thanks,” I said.

  Jed gave a chuckle as he headed for the bar. “I didn’t need to ask, did I? Do you want them to water it down?”

  So rude! It wasn’t my fault I couldn’t handle my liquor. And since I’d gotten thinner, the problem had only seemed to compound.

  “I think I’ll be fine thanks.”

  I turned to Alice. “Has Jim done his thing yet?”

  “Nope. But Shannon-Down-From-Perth did a fabulous job of ‘Holding Out For A Hero’. She even had moves this year. And Jane and Beth were hilarious singing ‘I Will Survive’. It was like a nanna girl band.”

  I looked over to where Jane and Beth were standing at the bar in their matching sequinned, one-size-clearly-doesn’t-fit all jumpsuits. I wished I’d been there early enough to see it. Beth was a mover and shaker in all the wrong ways. “At least they’ve moved on from Diana Ross.” I giggled. “‘Chain Reaction’ was stuck in my head for over a week after last year.”

  Alice leant closer to us. “Cole’s here.”

  Well, duh, of course he was. It was a farewell for his mother and sister.

  She nodded towards a table where Cole was sitting with Ella, Adelaide and a couple who looked like they were from out of town. “He looks handsome tonight, I think he’s spruced himself up for you.”

  He did indeed. My heart gave a flutter of approval.

  “That boy doesn’t need any sprucing,” Mum said. “What he needs is a good root.”

  “Mum. Please.”

  The more pregnant she got the more unfiltered her mouth became.

  “But he does. I thought you’d have seen to that by now. He won’t stick around forever, you know. A man with looks like his can have any woman he wants. And the way those women traipse in and out of his shop there’d have to be temptation.”

  And what was I saying about being nice to my mother?

  “We’re taking it slow,” I replied.

  “Piffle. If you take it any slower, he’ll be pushing up daisies.”

  “Right. Thanks. I’ll remember that.”

  Was it too early to ask for a double vodka?

  “It doesn’t look like Cole’s intending on taking it slow,” Alice said, indicating the stage where the man in question had stepped up and was fiddling with the dials on the karaoke machine. “Look.”

  In the time we’d begun to talk about him, Cole had somehow managed to change into a costume. Okay, well he’d slipped on a leather biker jacket, a pair of retro shades and had slicked back his hair. The intro to the song he’d chosen had began to play. He walked up to the microphone and gripped it like he was about to make love to it.

  “Oh my Lord, he’s channelling Patrick Swayze.” Mum’s mouth fell to the table. Her lemonade glass tilted in her hand, the liquid spilling over her new top. I think she thought Cole was Johnny Castle. “Has he seen the stage show?”

  “A long time back, I think.”

  Up on the stage, Cole had begun to sing the theme song from Dirty Dancing. He didn’t move. He didn’t blink an eyelid, not even when the netball girls began to squeal like they were front row at a One Direction concert. He kept warbling ‘I’ve had the time of my liiiiife,’ with his eyes trained on mine.

  “No prizes for guessing who this is dedicated to,” Alice whispered.

  “Shut up.”

  Cole continued to sing as the crowd egged him on, whooping and hollering at every note that passed his lips. I wished it’d stop.

  Not the whooping, but the singing.

  Cole’s singing was truly appalling. It was absolutely gorgeous and very flattering that he was doing it but so truly appalling I could feel myself cringing. Especially when he whisked the microphone from the stand and leapt ala Patrick Swayze into the crowd, dancing towards me. My eyes were glued to his gyrating body. My head was shouting ‘no, make it stop’. I embarrassed for myself but I was even more embarrassed for him.

  The crowd began to clap in time. They formed a circle. Someone pulled my chair —with me on it — away from my table so I had a better view, God help me. I don’t know what they expected us to do when Cole reached me but if they thought he was going to hoist me into the air and hover me above his head like Baby, they had another thing coming.

  The song changed. Cole upped the tempo. Now, he was singing The Black Keys, ‘Lonely Boy’ and the crowd were joining in on the chorus — the bit about having a love that kept him waiting. He sank to his knees crooning like he’d watched one too many Michael Bublé DVDs.

  “Oh. My. God. This is better than Jed’s dancing lessons,” I heard Alice yell as she pumped her fist in time with the music. “It’s like being at a live concert.”

  “So adorable,” Mum added.

  You mean, so humiliating. Every molecule of blood had left my body and taken up residence in my head. My ears were tingling. My temples were pounding. My cheeks felt like I’d stuck my head in a hot oven. And there was throbbing in parts of my body that should not be talked about in company. I was positive the entire town could see. Yet I couldn’t avert my eyes and I couldn’t get the goofy smile off my face.

  Absolutely mortifying, yet strangely sweet.

  “I think it’s safe to say Cole likes you,” Alice said, after the song was over and Cole had returned to the stage to hand the microphone over and take a bow.

  “I can’t believe he did that. He must have practised for weeks.” Despite the fact that I wanted to slip under the table and die I was extremely flattered by what he’d done. Not to mention rather turned on.

  Jed returned with the drinks. After handing them out he sat down next to Alice, his hand on her thigh. “Wow. Cole’s not afraid to put it out there is he? Are you going to sing tonight too, Livvy?”

  “That’d be a big NO.”

  “Why not? You’ve got a great voice. I could line a song up for you now. How about ‘I Will Always Love You’?” He gave me an evil smirk.

  “How about not.” I took a gulp of my drink.

  It was about then that Cole appeared beside me. His hair was still slicked back and he’d lost the biker jacket but, boy, he looked handsome. My very own Patrick Swayze.

  Well, not exactly mine. Maybe one day.

  He gave me a tentative grin. “Can I sit down?”

  I shuffled over to share the seat of my chair with him.

  “I liked the song.”

  “Songs. I’ve been learning the lyrics for over a month.”

  “What? You mean you didn’t already know the Dirty Dancing song?”

  “I’m more of a Grease man when it comes to songs.”

  “Please tell me you’re not going to get up and do ‘Greased Lightning’ for an encore.”

  “I’m never singing in public again. I stink as a singer.”

  At least he knew. It would have been hard to break it to him.

  “Why’d you do it then?”

  In my chest, my heart did a little flip. I thought I knew why he’d done it but I still wanted to
hear him say the words.

  “I did it for you. I know you love that movie.”

  “Thank you. You made my night.”

  “That’s not the only surprise I’ve got.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out an envelope, which he handed to me. Inside it were two tickets to see the new stage show of Dirty Dancing. “I thought we could go together. If things don’t work out you can always go with Alice. It’s not till after Christmas.”

  “But why? It’s not my birthday.”

  “I wanted to. You’ve had a rough time lately. It’ll do you good to get out of town for a weekend. Chill out. Have fun.”

  “You’re the nicest man ever.” I reached across, taking his hand in mine. I’d never had a boyfriend who’d been as considerate as this. Cole had put so much thought into this gift.

  “I know.”

  “Humble too.”

  “Can I have a kiss?”

  My lips pressed together. He was tickling the palm of my hand and it was difficult to stifle the giggle. I leant into his ear. “Not here.”

  His fingers pressed into my palm again. “Later?”

  “If you play your cards right.”

  “Can I give you a lift home?”

  “I’d like that.” I returned the squeeze on his hand. I liked this game we were playing. I wanted it to go on and on. I also wanted Cole to kiss me and that was the best feeling.

  After a bit, Cole went to the bar to get the next round of drinks. It seemed like he’d had enough of being the man of the hour. With Mum and Alice oohing and ahhing over his thoughtfulness and practically setting the date for the wedding, I could understand why. It was the sort of pressure I felt at times.

  “How’s the pregnancy going, Bettina?” Alice asked, after the excitement had settled. “You look very well. Glowing.”

  Mum straightened in her chair. “Very well, thank you Alice. The baby has been kicking a lot.”

  “That’s exciting. Do you know the sex?”

  “I do but I’m not sharing it with anyone but Olivia. Imagine if I went around spouting about baby girls and buying clothes and it turned out to be a boy? It’s been known to happen.”

  “Are you enjoying pregnancy the second time around?”

  “Everything has changed so much since I carried Olivia, it’s as if I’m a new mum again. There are so many rules these days about what you can eat and what you can do. Back in the day, you gave up smoking and drinking and everything was fine. Now I can’t even have a coffee without a doctor’s certificate.”