Enough Isn't Everything (Everything Trilogy)

by Shandwick, K. L.

  “I didn’t want last night to go like that. I’m really sorry, baby.” My eyes shot up at him.

  “I’m not your baby.” He gave me a half smile, and bit the inside of his cheek.

  “I know, sorry.” He looked a little embarrassed at his term of endearment.

  I pleaded with him. “Why don’t you just leave me alone, you can’t say you don’t know you’re hurting me?” He bit his lip, and cradled my hand between both of his. I was tired, I couldn’t fight him and it was comforting to have him touch me, even though I’d pay for it later.

  “I can’t… I can’t explain it, but I can’t leave you alone.” He lifted my hand and brushed his lips across the back of it. It was an intimate, affectionate gesture, but at the same time he knew he was crushing my heart.

  A tear rolled down my face. He brushed it away with his thumb, leaving his hand caressing my cheek. “I don’t want to use you Lily, I don’t want to cause you pain. I want to spend time with you, I like you. I love being inside you, touching you, holding you. I wish I could love you, but I can’t.”

  My heart cracked open at his honesty. I wanted to run away and never have to face him again. I sniffed. “Why, Alfie? If you can’t love me then you need to let me be.” He looked pale, his eyes sad.

  “I can’t do love… offer you that. I told you no hearts and flowers.”

  I was angry. “So you keep saying. You are so unfair. Please don’t do this to me, I can’t stand it.” Alfie smoothed his hand over his t-shirt, rubbing his chest.

  “Maybe if we spent more time together, you wouldn’t feel this way. Maybe my emotions wouldn’t be such a focus for you, if we were friends.” A single tear fell onto my t-shirt.

  “Alfie we were never just friends, friends don’t hurt each other. Do you think I’m your fucking plaything, Alfie?” A sob escaped my throat. “How about this? You leave me alone. Maybe meet someone that can do all the things for me you can’t Alfie, have you thought about that?” I picked at the napkin on the table.

  “You as much as told two guys last night that I was your girl, I’m yours to any man that pays attention to me, but I’m not yours Alfie, just as much as you’re not mine. All this hot sexual tension then the cold-shower stuff is screwing with my head.”

  He looked angry now. “If you were honest with yourself Lily, you’d agree that when I’m near you, it gives you pleasure too. I’m not wrong about the way you look at me.”

  Alfie shook his head at me, staring into my eyes. “You wanted me during those few moments. I could have had you every fucking time. I didn’t take advantage of that.” Alfie struggled to express himself.

  “I can’t help the endless sexual tension there is around us. I suppose it’s because you gave me the best sex ever, but you feel it as well.”

  “That’s just it!” I spat. “I don’t want to do that. Well, maybe I do sometimes, just for fun,” I said confused. He gave me a half smile and latched onto that last statement by widening his eyes in interest at me.

  “If you are talking about your needs, mine count too, I’m not like you, Alfie. I need love as well as sex.”I stared at his beautiful, sad face and whispered, “I deserve the man I’m with to love me, to make love to me. I’ve had that now, so I know the difference. I know that I couldn’t live without that for the rest of my life.” He held my gaze and nodded slowly, letting go of my hand, and gave me a resigned smile.

  The alarm went off on my cell. I switched it off and stood up. “How are you getting back?”

  Alfie hugged himself.

  “Don’t worry about me. I’ll get back.” I couldn’t leave him standing in the middle of Orlando, when I was going back anyway. “Come on, I’ll give you a ride, but don’t you touch me.”

  He gave me a small grin, and shook his head. He crossed his heart with his finger and commented. “I promise, most definitely not.”

  I drove back, with music as our safe topic of conversation, and he slept some of the way. He had been up all night looking for me, and I had been asleep. I know it shouldn’t have, but it kind of made me feel better that he was worried enough not to sleep, but I did feel a bit guilty about that all the same.

  He had said he couldn’t give me up. I didn’t know he’d had me, I didn’t feel like I’d had him in any way except the biblical sense that’s for sure.

  My heart squeezed to think of how fabulous we could have been together in all ways, but he just didn’t want me enough. So… I wasn’t enough for him. What I did know was our sexual chemistry made me vulnerable, he had admitted that he was powerless to stop himself.

  If I wasn’t careful, I could also end up in a strange relationship that relied solely on sex. I knew I didn’t want that now, but my body craved his touch, and I needed to take control to prevent this from happening again.

  It wouldn’t be a case of it may happen again. I, like he, knew it was a matter of when.

  We arrived at his house, and he stretched out. “Sorry I was such bad company.” He gave me a sad smile. I was glad he’d slept most the way. It saved yet another conversation full of angst. He got out of the car and walked around to my open window. He was holding my gaze, looking serious, a longing in his eyes.

  “You’re not going to speak to me again, are you?” I shrugged. I wasn’t sure, but the thought of not speaking to him again made me miss him already. Whatever happened, I still loved him, even if he didn’t know it. I put the car into gear and drove away.

  CHAPTER 34: WILL’S CURIOSITY

  Six weeks after Miami, it was Mandy’s birthday. Neil surprised her by inviting everyone to a beach party for her. There was a campfire, and he’d got some battery powered rope lighting and decorated around the party site with it.

  He made it look romantic for her with Tiki torches. He had some portable barbeques and coolers full of beer and wine. He even paid a freshman from another course to cook the food.

  “Stop it Will.” I swatted his hand away from ruffling my hair. We were all giggling at Will’s antics around the campfire. The drinking game we were playing was fun, guessing the song from a random line, all of us singing the song when someone identified it.

  I was surprised at how great a singer Will was. “You need to play and sing Will. Don’t hide that amazing voice of yours.” His voice made the hair on the back of my neck stand on end.

  He smiled slowly, cocking his head. “You think I’m a good singer?” I grabbed his hand, and held it to my chest.

  “Honestly, I could listen to you sing all day, you have a very seductive voice.” He narrowed his eyes and pouted at the word seductive, pretended to act that out.

  His smile widened as he grabbed me by my t-shirt, pulling me in for a hug. “You’re amazing Lily. You always make me feel so much better about myself.” I glanced up at him.

  “What’s not to feel better about, you’re an incredible person Will,” I said patting my palm against his chest. He shook his head in disbelief.

  He’d just sung I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing by Aerosmith. Even though it was a cheesy song, he sounded ridiculously seductive and sexy with this a cappella version of the song.

  I didn’t think Saffy liked that she wasn’t the center of his universe at that moment. Will had mingled amongst the other students, spending time getting to know them. The more he enjoyed himself, the less Saffy did. She became more and more irritated by him.

  Eventually, she tried to call time on his drinking. “Enough Will, don’t drink any more, you’ve had more than enough for tonight.” Will was becoming increasingly annoyed with her.

  He swung his head around to see if anyone had heard her before challenging her. “What is wrong with you? Why can’t I have a good time with my friends? Who are you, my mother?” he hissed quietly.

  Saffy huffed at him and sat back down, but began to look more enraged as the minutes passed. She stood up. “Okay, we’re done here Will, let’s go home.” She began moving toward the gate area, expecting Will to follow her.

  Will stood u
p, swigged back the last of his beer and threw his empty beer bottle in the cardboard box with the other empties. The loud clinking sound drew the attention of some of the others sitting near the fire. He tucked his fingers into his front jeans pockets, swaying a little.

  When he spoke, he had a slight slur. “Maybe you’re done. Maybe I’m not. If you don’t want to stay, don’t let me keep you from your bed.” He swept his arm dramatically toward the car lot, indicating she was free to go if she wanted to.

  Saffy looked around, and everyone seemed to be staring at her. She looked at me. “Lily, can you help me get him to leave.” I was not about to get in the middle of those two.

  “Saffy, maybe if you leave him a few more minutes he’ll come to that decision on his own.” I didn’t want to push it because I felt that this could only get worse for both of them.

  Saffy’s neck jutted back and she twisted her lips at me, throwing a hand up. “Okay, fine, I’m going home, are you coming at least?” I didn’t want her to fall out with me, but I didn’t want to leave either. I was having fun.

  “Saffy, please… I need to catch up with a few people yet, and I think someone should make sure that Will’s okay.”

  Saffy threw her hands up again in surrender. “Whatever! I’m going home. You two do what you like.” She glanced over at Will, who was paying no attention to us, and singing with a group of students. They were all hugging and trying to out sing each other.

  It was another hour before people started to leave. Lewis, one of the other students, offered us a ride home. He hadn’t been drinking because he was taking some antibiotics following surgery. I didn’t ask what his surgery was for, I was just pleased that he could give us a ride home.

  I toyed with the idea of taking Will back to our place because he wasn’t in a fit state to leave home alone. However, when I remembered how ticked Saffy was, I didn’t want to see a full-blown argument erupt in our condo where I couldn’t get away from it either.

  I asked Lewis to help take Will into his house. He sat in the back of the car and asked several times where Saffy had gone to. He couldn’t remember their conversations and seemed to be having difficulty taking any information on. Lewis and I struggled to keep Will upright.

  “Are you fondling my junk?” he asked, giving me a drunken lopsided smile as I searched in his pocket for his keys. Lewis was worse than me, he’d pinked up with embarrassment, and I saw this in the porch light.

  We both giggled at Will’s comment though. “No Will, we’re just helping you inside.” We half walked, half dragged Will as far as his couch then planted him firmly on his side.

  Will was now lying in a self-induced coma from the sheer amount of alcohol he’d consumed. He was a funny drunk, singing and dancing, as well as quick-witted and hysterical when he was trying to play the drinking games.

  I asked Lewis to stay for a few minutes while I took off Will’s shoes and socks, organizing him more on the couch, then I put a light sheet over him as it was still hot. I got a glass of water and tried to give it to him, but he was mostly unresponsive.

  Lewis left, and I sent a text to Saffy. I did not want her to get the wrong idea. I explained that another student had come back with me and helped Will onto the couch. I told her that I was staying the night because he was so drunk someone needed to check on him. I also apologized for staying, but said that I was sure that she’d want Will to be okay too.

  I didn’t know what I wanted more, to sleep or a shower. I needed both, but I knew I’d sleep better if I wasn’t so hot, so the shower won. It felt strange showering in Will’s bathroom, but I was doing the right thing. There was no way he could have been left on his own.

  When I was clean and relaxed, I climbed into his bed and fell asleep quickly, too exhausted and drunk to think about anything.

  Alfie had come over to see me, and we’d slipped into bed together, his mouth was on mine, his tongue running the length of my lips, my heart fluttering faster, his hands raking sensually across my belly, his big palm pushing lightly on my stomach as he settled his head between my thighs.

  His tongue did that first flutter tickle that was too light, but exquisite, and I moved my sensitive flesh nearer trying to gain a greater touch from him. He groaned. “Mmm…fucking incredible you taste even sweeter than ever.” His voice sounded lower.

  His hand slipped under my ass to tilt my pelvis to allow his tongue greater access to me. The voice broke into my dream, and it was Will that was actually between my legs, his tongue lapping against my sensitive flesh. I’d been dreaming, but this wasn’t a dream.

  I jumped and pulled my legs away, clamping them together, remembering where I was. “Will what the fuck are you doing?” I hissed. My heart was racing, my mind numb. It was dark, but I heard his voice.

  He jumped, pulling himself up and pushing back onto his knees in the dark. “Lily, oh God, is that you?” Will’s voice was almost a shriek. I grabbed the sheet and tried to wrap it around myself. From the resistance I was meeting, I guessed he was doing the same.

  We both spent about a minute scrambling around on the bed, the weight of us on the mattress made us bounce around as we both moved aimlessly while freaking out. I’d been having an erotic dream and woke to Will doing those things to me.

  We accidently touched each other in the dark. “I don’t fucking believe you did that, Will. What the hell were you thinking?”

  A whisper came back at me. “I’m so sorry Lily, I had no idea it was you.”

  I heard Will swallow hard and take a sharp breath, followed by his familiar low tone. “I didn’t know you were here. I just woke up horny and climbed into bed.” He sounded guilty.

  “Yeah, that much was evident,” I snapped at him.

  “Can you turn the nightstand lamp on?” he asked.

  “Fuck no, I’m naked you’re not seeing me like this,” I hissed, trying to pull the sheet up again. He started to chuckle.

  “Sorry, I can’t…I’m sorry, but I just had my tongue inside your pussy Lily, we’re a little late for anymore embarrassment. Turn the fucking light on.”

  I shook my head with my eyes tightly closed, but it was dark, and he couldn’t see me. I failed to see the humorous side of this, Saffy would kill me. “Well?” he prompted me again. I gulped and there wasn’t nearly enough saliva in my mouth for a proper swallow.

  “No.”

  He started laughing, like a snicker at first, then it erupted into a long belly laugh. “Damn, I didn’t try to make it happen, it just did. It was accidental.”

  “Yeah, Will, tell that to the judge,” I sneered wryly.

  “You’re just ticked because I’ve tasted you, and you're left wondering about me.” My mouth fell open in the dark, I was glad he couldn’t see my reaction.

  “Will, Stop it!” I hissed, swiping blindly at him in the dark and missing, but as my hand fell down, I accidently knocked his erect cock. “Arghh.”

  This only made Will’s laughter grow even louder. I was mortified. I covered my eyes with my hand, even although he couldn’t see me. He tried hard to calm himself. “Sorry, honey, it isn’t something I planned. So either I find the funny side of this or I fuck you, because either way, I’m screwed.”

  I could just tell he was smirking in the dark. I didn’t have to see him to know that. He started laughing again. “Or not screwed… sorry poor choice of words there.”

  He rolled over on his side, and I think he was stuffing the sheet or something in his mouth because his laughter became muffled. My heart was racing a mile a minute. I had no words, and I guess he had his own thing going on, and for me, I couldn’t think.

  I know it was unintentional, but hell this was a very intimate thing that happened to me. Worse than that, I’d been enjoying it until I knew it wasn’t a dream, and it was Will between my legs. At some point he’d stopped laughing and had asked me something. “Lily?” I felt the sheet being pulled.

  “Leave it,” I hissed.

  “I’m just freeing it, so th
at you can wrap yourself in it, okay?” I relaxed my grip and felt the sheet slide over my body until it was gone. There was a dip in the mattress near the edge of the bed, and it rose again.

  “Come here, stand up.” I climbed off the bed, and stood next to him. “Put your arms up.” I did, and I felt myself being enveloped by the sheet, his hand brushed around the back of my shoulders, making me shudder.

  “Good to know that I have some effect on you at least,” he said when he felt that.

  “Please Will…” He pulled me toward his chest once the sheet was in place. My cheek was resting on his slightly hairy chest. He smelled of beer, bodywash, sea, and bonfire.

  He kissed the top of my head. “I’m so sorry Lily,” he muttered, and quickly added, “Although… you’re hot. I can’t be sorry I know what you taste like now. How can I be sorry about that? ”

  I pulled away, and he pulled me back into him. I tensed and tried to move away. “No. I won’t let you feel awkward about my mistake. It was a genuine accident, not something I’d planned. Fantasized about… hell yeah, but I didn’t plan it.”

  He pushed me back, looking at me. I could see an outline of him, but not his features in the dark. “Can you honestly say you haven’t been curious about me?” He snickered.

  “The hours we’ve spent together? The hugs, the little touches all the flirting? The kisses, you haven’t wondered how I’d feel?” I didn’t answer him. I had, but there was no way I was going to admit it to him. He took a sharp intake of breath and blew it out of his nose. It blew gently over my hot forehead.

  “Right, we’re going to make this as awkward or as natural as it gets.” Will pushed me back and flicked on the ceiling light. “Here I am. Ta-da.”

  He gestured at himself, like he had in my apartment the day we went to the beach, except this time there were no shorts, and he was standing there naked.