Shutdown

by Heather Anastasiu

  “You must be exhausted,” Ginni said. “Juan and I set up your med container.” She pointed to a plastic rectanglar box set up under a cot at the farthest side of the room. Just seeing it made me feel better. I could barely imagine cobbling together more than a few hours of sleep at a time, and I all but ran toward the thing. Ginni giggled as she followed behind me.

  Max met me at the container. “Zoe, I’m so glad you’re safe. I was so worried—”

  “Don’t.” I held up a hand, my voice harsh. “I don’t want to hear it.” He was the last person on earth I wanted to talk to right now.

  “Ginni, please wake me in eight hours. And,” I leaned closer, “keep an eye on Adrien. He just found out about his mom.” She nodded solemnly, and I sat down in the container and pulled the lid overhead.

  * * *

  Ginni woke me in time for dinner. I knew I needed more sleep, but I was also eager to catch up with everyone.

  I stood up and stretched my sore body. I rolled my head slowly, stretching out the aching muscles in my neck. When I stepped out of the pod, my legs felt extremely weak. I’d probably need to sleep for a couple days before I felt back to my old self. At the same time, having used up so much of my power over the past week meant I’d be safe from another eruption of power like what happened with the earthquake. At least for a few days until my telek renewed itself.

  I looked around for the first time without sleep-befuddled eyes. On the side of the room opposite the beds was a small kitchen setup with a sink and tiny square countertop. A food cooling unit was crowded in between the sink and another wide cabinet in the corner. There were a few boxes of protein bars and a stack of blankets piled up beside the cabinet.

  In spite of the fact that it was all situated in an orderly way, the room felt cluttered. There was just so much stuff, not to mention people, for such a relatively small space.

  I joined everyone huddled around the kitchen area. Max looked up but thankfully stayed where he was on his cot, separate from everyone else. I went to stand by Adrien, but he took one look at me and his face hardened. He walked out of the room toward the bathroom while Rand pulled a ladle up out of a pot filled with red sauce and smelled it suspiciously. I watched Adrien’s receding back with an aching heart.

  “Xona cooked this, right?” Rand asked. “Should I be afraid?”

  Xona glared at him.

  “What?” Rand dropped the ladle and put up his hands defensively. “Do we or do we not all remember the catastrophe of the protein patty casserole she tried to cook a few months ago at the Foundation?” He looked around at the rest of us for confirmation, but we wisely kept our mouths closed.

  In spite of my worry about Adrien, I couldn’t help smiling when I remembered Xona’s attempt to cook us all a meal her mother used to make growing up. It had turned out rubbery and burned.

  “Maybe Amara could bliss us all out with her power so we wouldn’t care how bad it is,” Rand went on, poking the ladle around suspiciously.

  “I helped this time,” Cole said, putting a hand to the small of Xona’s back. Rand visibly relaxed. Cooking had been another pastime Cole had taken up in his quest to understand what it meant to be human again and he was good at it.

  But the smile dimmed on my face as I watched how Xona turned into his chest and grinned. I knew that look. It made something deep in my stomach twist even though I was happy for her. She was in love. With the ex-Reg she’d always sworn she’d hate. I shook my head at the irony of it.

  “Ha!” Amara spoke up. “Last time I used my power on you in training, Rand, you kept grinning like a fool for days afterwards, even though I’d gone easy on you and only blissed you for an hour. I don’t think you could handle it full force.”

  “Oh, I could handle it,” Rand said with a grin, shoveling a pile of rice on his place and then covering it with copious amounts of the red sauce.

  “Go easy,” Cole said. “We only had a couple of slightly out-of-date jars of sauce left, so I added a lot of dried hot pepper to help the flavor.”

  Rand added another dollop of sauce and smirked. “Heat doesn’t bother me.”

  Cole only raised an eyebrow.

  There were a few folding chairs and a small table, but most of us sat on the ground with our plates in our lap. I stirred the red sauce into the rice. Whatever it was, it smelled good. My stomach growled and I dipped my fork in.

  It was delicious. Maybe it was because I’d spent the past week eating nothing but bland protein bars, but right now this tasted like the best thing I’d ever eaten in my life. It was sweeter than I expected, and the spice seemed to explode on my tongue. I was sweating within moments, and I’d only added a small bit of the sauce. There was enough rice with it that it wasn’t too overwhelming.

  I glanced over at Rand and couldn’t help laughing. His face was bright red and he suddenly dropped the plate to the ground dramatically and sprinted to the sink, where he gulped water right from the faucet.

  We all laughed. I swallowed the bit I was eating and took a long swig of water. Ginni had informed me earlier that the compound was hooked up to a deep well, so we didn’t have to limit water consumption. After the last week of worrying about finding fresh water, it was a relief.

  “So what happened to you guys while you were gone?” Ginni asked, gesturing at me and Adrien, who’d returned and gotten a plate of food. She grinned and leaned in. “Xona said the cave where she found you was cozy.”

  I choked a little on my rice, but then swallowed it down. “Um…” I looked over at Adrien, but he’d ducked his head and was staring at the floor. Apparently he was going back into barely speaking mode now that we were surrounded by other people again.

  I related what had happened to us at the Foundation and how Adrien helped me realize that I could use my power to fly. Several people’s eyes widened at that. Then I explained about the storm and the cave and Adrien’s visions. I tried to catch his eye before I mentioned the last part, to see if he minded me talking about it, but his face was impassive. I glossed over it as briefly as I could. And I didn’t mention anything about the dreamlike night in the dark.

  Before Ginni could ask anything else more probing, I turned the questions back on her. “So tell me more about your group’s escape. I just got the bare details from Xona on the way here.”

  In true Ginni style, what had taken Xona five minutes to tell, Ginni told in forty-five. The familiar-looking dark-haired boy sat beside her, interjecting every so often some bit of tech input. I looked at him and frowned. I’d swear I knew him, but I couldn’t put my finger on where I’d met him.

  Everyone finished eating but few people moved. Instead, smaller conversations broke out. The techer left to go work at his console and Ginni, Xona, and I scooted closer together.

  “So what’s going on with you and Cole?” I asked Xona. Any jealousy I had at their connection was far overwhelmed by happiness for my friend. Xona’d had a hard few years, losing her parents, and now her brother. That she was able to find a modicum of peace or happiness was a miracle.

  She looked startled by my question, but a slow smile spread over her lips as she glanced over at Cole. He was talking to Rand and laughing about something.

  “We like hanging out,” Xona said simply.

  Ginni rolled her eyes. “What she means to say is that they’re in love. It’s so romantic, previous mortal enemies falling for each other.”

  Xona punched Ginni on the shoulder. “Ow!” Ginni pulled back but was still grinning. “What? It’s true.”

  “He’s a good man,” Xona said. “And a good friend.”

  “Who you occasionally make out with.” Ginni moved out of the way this time before Xona could smack her again.

  “I thought you’d given up on your spying ways,” Xona said.

  “It was just once,” Ginni said hurriedly. “You were in the supply closet and I happened to peek—”

  “Okay.” Xona held up her hands. “We get the idea. Now why don’t we talk about t
he boy who was sitting beside you at dinner.”

  Ginni frowned for a moment in confusion. I didn’t know who Xona was referring to either, but then Ginni raised her arm panel and read something. Her face relaxed. “Oh, right. It’s Simin. He’s the techer.” She looked over to where he was working on a complex console setup in the corner. She looked back at us and giggled. “I’m not positive, but I think we’ve kissed too!”

  I smiled at her. It was both strange and wonderful that even here, at what felt like the end of the world, life went on. People fell in love. We were still able to laugh with friends. Even after all that each of us had lost.

  I looked around at each face, as if I could memorize this moment. Adrien wasn’t speaking, but he was sitting back and watching the others with a look that seemed contented enough. He didn’t look blank anymore. As if he could feel my eyes on him, he looked my way. Our gazes locked, and then he looked down, his face darkening. My breath caught as an unexpected rush of sadness flushed through me. I diverted my gaze back toward the group, but Ginni had caught the exchange.

  “So Adrien seems … different,” she said. “I watched him all through dinner and he kept staring at you. It looked like,” she paused as if searching for the right words, “like he’s woken up or something. Did something happen when you guys were away?”

  I forced myself not to look back in his direction. I fidgeted with the bottom hem of my tunic, torn between not wanting to talk about it and longing to open up to my friends about all the confused feelings I’d had over the past week. “He is different,” I said slowly. “He can feel emotion again, but he doesn’t like to. There were a few moments where I’d think we were connecting again.” I allowed my gaze to stray back in Adrien’s direction. “But it was probably nothing.”

  I looked down so I wouldn’t have to see the hopeful look on her face. Ginni was the kind of person who always wanted to believe there could be a happy ending to any story.

  When we all finally stood up to put away our plates, Max came up to me. “Zoe, can we please talk?”

  Xona and Ginni stepped in front of me to block him, shoulder to shoulder. “She doesn’t want to talk to you,” Xona said.

  “Zoe, please, I just want to talk, that’s all.” He tried to lean around Xona to look at me, but she shoved him hard in the chest.

  I could easily see this all getting out of hand quickly, so I touched Xona’s shoulder lightly. “It’s okay.” I stepped around her and crossed my arms over my chest once I was face-to-face with Max. I surrounded him with my telek in case he tried anything. “What do you want?”

  “Can we talk more privately?” He nodded toward Xona and Ginni.

  I glared at him in response. “Anything you have to say to me you can say in front of them.”

  “Please, Zoe. Just a few minutes. That’s all I’m asking for.”

  “Fine,” I said, if only to hurry it up. I turned to Ginni and Xona. “I’ll be fine. If he tries anything, I’ll rip his arms off.”

  They backed away, but not before Xona gave Max a death glare and said, “We’ll be close by if you need us.”

  “So,” Max said after they backed away. “How are you feeling? I overheard at dinner everything you went through and—”

  “Cut the small talk,” I said impatiently. “What is it you want?”

  He was quiet a second, then looked at me, his brown eyes earnest. “I want to say that I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for how I treated you when we were back in the Community and I’m sorry for all the lies.” He looked down, his forehead scrunched up like what he was saying pained him. “I’m sorry for ever working with the Chancellor, and most of all,” he looked back up at me, “I’m sorry for what I did to Adrien and then lying to you in the worst possible way by impersonating him.”

  “And,” I said coldly. “Your point?”

  He took a deep breath. “What I really want is to know if you can ever forgive me.”

  “No, I can’t,” I said curtly, then started to turn away. He put out a hand to stop me, but I froze it midreach with my telek.

  “Can’t I have a second chance?” he asked, his voice impassioned. “Doesn’t everyone deserve that?”

  I spun on him, my calm demeanor finally cracking. “You had a second chance. Ten times over! You could have come with us instead of staying with the Chancellor when we first escaped the Community. Then during the raid when the Chancellor told you to switch with Adrien, you could have chosen not to. She wasn’t there to compel you. I would have welcomed you to the Foundation with open arms. You chose to do what you did that day. And then after you’d switched with him, you could have told us what you’d done so that we could have saved him before the Chancellor took a hacksaw to his brain!”

  He winced and stepped backwards a couple steps. Only then did I realize that I was shouting. I didn’t care. “But no, you never would have told me the truth if I hadn’t caught you. So don’t talk to me about second chances. At a certain point,” I shook my head in disgust, “it’s just too late. You deserve to pay for all that you did. And yet here you are, safe and sound, while people far better than you were captured or killed.” I shook my head and grimaced. “Looking at you makes me sick.”

  “But I’ve changed!” he pleaded. “I’m trying to be a better man. I’m trying to make up for the things I’ve done. Doesn’t that count for something?”

  “Not enough.” I overenunciated every syllable. “Never enough.” The words echoed around the silent room. Looking around, I saw that everyone had stopped what they were doing to stare at us. Well, almost everyone. Adrien was walking in our direction.

  Max didn’t notice him. His face was red and his hands were balled into fists at his sides. “So you won’t even give me a chance?”

  “No.”

  “I shouldn’t have come here.” His voice was low as he narrowed his eyes at me. “You’ll never believe me, no matter how hard I try to prove it to you. I don’t know why I even bothered.”

  Before I could respond, Adrien reached us and slugged Max hard in the face. Even though Max probably had fifty pounds on Adrien, he was knocked off his feet and landed hard on the concrete floor. When Max looked back up at us, blood ran from his nose. Adrien shook out his hand. “I’ve wanted to do that for a long time.”

  Before I could do anything other than stare in shock at him, Adrien yelped suddenly, as if in pain. He clutched his head and dropped to the floor. His body quaked with an uncontrollable shaking. All the conflict with Max was forgotten as I dropped down and tried to brace Adrien’s head as best I could so he didn’t slam it into the concrete.

  “What’s happening?” Ginni asked, her voice high-pitched with worry. The others crowded nearer.

  “It’s a vision,” I said. “Everyone stay back and give him some room. He’ll be fine in a couple minutes.”

  His body finally stilled and I helped him sit up. He ran a quivering hand through his hair as he blinked and tried to right himself.

  “Can someone get him some water?” I asked. Ginni hurried to the sink and back. She handed him the cup and he drank shakily.

  “What did you see?” City asked him.

  “It was a split vision, like before,” he said quietly. Everyone leaned in to hear him. “Two possible futures. It was even less clear than my last vision. I was present, but I’m not sure I was in my own body. It felt like,” he paused, frowning, “like I was seeing through someone else’s eyes, but I don’t know who.”

  “Well, what happened?” City asked impatiently.

  He swallowed hard. “In one future, the Chancellor is lying dead at Zoe’s feet. In the other,” his eyes darted up to meet mine, “you’re dead at hers.”

  Chapter 21

  I SWALLOWED HARD AND BLINKED rapidly. There it was, stated so blatantly. I’d known it would come down to this, if I was honest with myself.

  “When?” I asked.

  He shook his head, his eyebrows furrowed. “I couldn’t tell.”

  I took a deep bre
ath to steady myself. “How do I kill her?”

  “She had a hole from what looked like a laser round burned through her chest.”

  I frowned. “A laser round? Why wouldn’t I just use my telek?”

  He shrugged, still trembling slightly as he recovered from the vision.

  “So what makes the difference between the two visions?” Xona asked.

  “Maybe like last time, the split hinges on some variable we don’t know about,” Adrien said. “Maybe even how we respond to the vision. Like whether or not you take a laser weapon with you because of how I saw her killed.” Then he shook his head, brow furrowing. “Although it’s probably more complex than that.”

  “Maybe that girl will be there,” Ginni said. “The one who made all our powers not work.”

  I nodded slowly. That did make sense. I’d assumed the girl’s power was like the techer’s, unconsciously affecting everyone; in which case, the Chancellor would never keep her around. But what if the girl could direct her power only at certain glitchers? Though, if that was the case, how would I ever get close enough to the Chancellor for either of the visions to come true? Without my powers, Regs could easily take me out the second I got there.

  I hated the thought that some decision I, or someone else, made in the future could be the difference between the Chancellor’s death, or my own. When the time came, how would I know if I was making the right choice? Or what if it was something that was out of my hands altogether?

  “Where is she right now?” I asked. “Ginni, you mentioned last night that she was in some compound where everyone else was imprisoned.”

  Ginni closed her eyes briefly. “She hasn’t moved. And Zoe.” She opened her eyes to look at me. “Your brother’s there too.”