New Love

by Mj Fields

“I don’t know.”

  “We play again in two weeks here but on Saturday,” Ben smiled, “Can you make it?”

  “Yes….but what about before then?”

  “I’ll call you tomorrow. I’m pretty sure I can work something out,” Ben kissed her. “See you soon Tessa Ross, the rock Goddess.”

  Tessa turned around and Jade and grabbed her hand. “Let’s go.”

  “I rode with them, and I’m leaving with them,” Tessa yelled.

  “Fine I’ll call Uncle John,” Jade glared at Tessa.

  “Seriously!”

  She said goodbye to Cassidy. “I’ll call you when my mother isn’t around,” she laughed and tossed her head towards Jade.

  Tessa followed Jade out to Lucas’s car and Jade opened the front door.

  “Get in,” Jade said.

  Tessa sat down and turned on the music.

  Lucas looked at her, “What!”

  Lucas reached in front of her and grabbed the seatbelt and buckled it. She gave him a dirty look.

  “There are four of us Tessa, don’t be difficult,” he said softly.

  Jade asked Lucas to turn down the radio, “What the hell was that Tessa?”

  “That was me having fun, Jade… and YOU screwing it up!”

  “Really Tessa, ME screwing it up? You need to slow it down. Your friends, Tessa, your real friends want to help you through this.”

  “I don’t need your help Jade, I’m good,” Tessa threw herself back against the seat.

  “No you’re not! Toby has been dead for two weeks. Your Aunt died when you were there alone and you haven’t even talked to me about it, Tessa.”

  “What is there to say Jade? They died, and seriously… why now?”

  “What’s that supposed to mean Tessa?”

  Tessa turned on the radio, Lucas looked at her and she was looking out the window.

  “Lucas turn off the radio. Tessa-- I asked you a question, what is that supposed to mean?” Jade snapped.

  “Figure it out,” Tessa yawned.

  “No freaking games Tessa, tell me!”

  “Okay I’ve been dealing with a lot of shit lately, and I have dealt with it. Now you want to step in? I don’t think so!”

  “What the hell are you talking about?”

  “I really don’t want to,” Tessa said in a snippy tone.

  “I really don’t care Tessa!”

  “Okay,” she spun around. “I go to school and hide from all of you, because I don’t want to deal with this. I eat lunch in the fucking library everyday while you all sit together. I come home after school and I’m alone. I go to rehearsal and come home…alone. I’ve talked to Toby about everything that I used to talk to you about and then he dies Jade, he was my support. Not you. Now I need to fill that fucking empty black feeling and now you want to step in? I’m dealing with this by myself, the way I need to, and you just keep rubbing my fresh wounds with old SHIT! Now don’t get me wrong—I’m happy for you. I love Tommy, but I have been on a fucking emotional rollercoaster over the past few months and I’ve done it alone. That’s the way it is and that’s the way I want it to be. Is that enough for you Jade? Was it necessary to do this in front of an audience?”

  “You’re the one who has chosen not to be around us, Tessa! We’re all friends, and this is your doing.”

  “Jade that’s enough,” Tommy said softly.

  “No it’s not, Tommy,” she said trying not to cry.

  “Yes, it is. I’m fucking done with this conversation,” Tessa sneered.

  “Is this about Lucas?” Jade asked pissed off, “You two ended it nicely.”

  Tessa laughed, “Yeah we did, didn’t we Lucas?”

  He looked over at her, “Tessa, I’m sorry.”

  “Sorry for what buddy?” she asked. “Sorry for wanting to share with your friends?”

  “What does that mean?” Jade asked.

  “Not now Jade,” Tommy said, “We can talk later—please?”

  Lucas pulled off and stopped at a fast food restaurant, he ordered food for everyone and handed Tessa the bag.

  “I’m not hungry,” Tessa snapped.

  He rolled his eyes, “You will be.”

  Tessa turned the other way. A few minutes later she grabbed French fries and started to eat them. Lucas smirked at her and she smacked him.

  Lucas dropped Jade and Tommy off at their houses. The radio was playing as he pulled into Tessa’s driveway. Lucas parked and turned off the lights. He sat and watched her sleep. He slowly reached out and touched her curls. He hated watching her tonight, but knew what it felt like to need to just lose reality for awhile. He still loved her and he knew he would forever. But the reality was he would not let her settle for what he had to offer. She deserved better than him. She deserved better than the band boy too. Fuck. That hurt tonight, he thought. He leaned his seat back and put his arm over her seat and played with her hair.

  Tessa woke up and saw him sleeping and his fingers were wrapped around her hair.

  “Shit” she said, as she hit her foot against the dash.

  Lucas opened his eyes. He looked at her and quickly moved his hand.

  “Sorry,” his eyes widened searching for her reaction.

  “Thanks for the ride. You should have woke me up when we got here,” Tessa started to open the door.

  “Wait Tessa,” he said, sitting up and grabbing her arm.

  “What’s up Lucas?”

  “Please shut the door, Tessa.”

  “Lucas, I’m tired and really don’t think…” Tessa started.

  “Don’t think Tessa; just sit,” he closed his eyes and pleaded, “Please.”

  “Ok fine,” she shut the door, he turned down the music.

  “You’re freaking me out.”

  She laughed “Really?”

  “Yes Tessa. You just lost two important people in your life and your smoking pot and acting reckless, that’s not you.”

  “It is now.”

  “No Tessa, you’re not thinking clearly, you’re not doing this right.”

  “Then please Lucas by all means, tell me how I should be dealing with this?” she rolled her eyes.

  “Not by getting fucked up,” he said “You taught me that.”

  “Well look at you now. You got through this, I will too. Are you still getting high Lucas? I could use a hook up,” she said sarcastically.

  “That shits not funny coming from you Tessa,” Lucas snapped and took a deep breath. “How would Toby feel?”

  “You don’t get to do that, Lucas!”

  “I’m sorry Tessa but if he loved you he wouldn’t want you to be doing this to yourself.”

  “Okay I’m done with this conversation,” she started opening the door, her eyes were on fire.

  He locked the door. “You need to talk Tessa-- stop!”

  “I don’t want to talk,” she felt the tears starting. “Open the door Lucas!”

  “No I won’t.”

  “Is this because you’re pissed about Ben tonight?” Tessa asked trying to hurt him.

  “Nope actually, it isn’t,” Lucas answered. “It’s about you and your loss of both of them. God… I’m so sorry for everything you have gone through, baby.”

  She sat back and looked out the window. “Lucas-- you’ve done worse than I’m doing to get through pain. I don’t understand how you can sit back and judge me and my actions.”

  “I’m not Tessa, I just don’t want you to go through anymore,” Lucas said softly.

  “You don’t get to say that to me Lucas-- you don’t get to act like you give a shit! You go all super hero on my ass after what you did to me? Screw you Lucas. Open the fucking door now!” she started to cry. He didn’t open the door. “You’re not allowed to act like you care about me and my feelings! You don’t get to act like you know me! You don’t get to send flowers to a funeral that you attended, for what reason I still don’t know. You crush me over and over again and you think you can act concerned about me. I can’t belie
ve you!” Tessa pulled up her legs and cried into her knees, “You brought me into a dark room, kissing me, blind folded, with two ex fucks who tried to kick my ass not once but twice and you get to act concerned? I don’t think so!”

  “Tessa I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” he looked down.

  She continued to cry, “I had a glimmer of hope that night, that maybe you felt just a little bit as much for me as I did for you! Maybe that you didn’t want to be without me. Maybe we could’ve figured something out and you did that to me. I cannot begin to tell you how that felt Lucas. How it felt to know that you wanted to share me with those two… animals.”

  He grabbed her hand. And she pulled it away.

  “Tessa I would’ve never done it,” Lucas’ eyes began to tear.

  “Why would you do that to me? Why were they there? Why would you invite me if you knew they would be there? You know what, I don’t want to know,” she wiped her face. “I just want to be alone.”

  “Tessa baby… don’t,” he touched her hair.

  “Lucas, I’ll never trust you again. Maybe someday I can forgive you, but I will never trust you, ever.”

  “You can, Tessa,” Lucas spoke softly, “I would never….”

  “Lucas I miss Ann, Toby,” she said and cried, “and I miss you… maybe not you but what we were together. You’re an ass! I’m handling this best way I know how.”

  “Tessa I’m sorry, and I’m sorry about Jade and the people you need and why the fuck are you hiding in the library? You can’t do that anymore, ok!”

  “Understand, that right now, I need to.”

  He reached over the console and hugged her. He wanted to tell her what an idiot he was and how he did what he did to drive her away. He wanted her to be with someone like Toby and not a fuck up like him. She cried, and he kissed her head. He pulled back and rested his forehead on hers and looked in her eyes.

  “I promised to always be your friend, you promised the same, Tessa. Maybe we shouldn’t be hanging out in your hot tub for awhile but both of us are going to be okay. I’ll never do anything like that to you again.”

  “Can’t blame it on the hot tub,” she said softly remembering when he had said that to her, and they both smiled.

  “You want me to walk you in?” Lucas didn’t want to let go, but he had no other choice.

  “No, I can handle it. Thanks for the ride,” she went to open the door.

  “Tessa wait,” Lucas grabbed her hand, “I’m …well I just… Tessa if you like Ben, slow down okay?”

  Tessa smiled, “I’ll take that into consideration. How’s Sadi?”

  Lucas forced a smile, “I think she’s trying, I hope she is for our baby anyways,” he paused, “It doesn’t matter just take care of yourself okay? I want you to be happy Tessa, always.”

  Chapter 5

  His phone chimed

  -Lucas I think my water broke and I’m scared…Sadi

  He read it, and Tessa looked down and saw it too.

  “Lucas you need to go.” He sat frozen. “Lucas now!”

  She grabbed his phone and texted Sadi back.

  -Call an ambulance and go to the hospital I’ll meet you there. You’re going to be fine…L

  She dialed Tommy’s number.

  “Tommy you need to meet Lucas at the hospital, Sadi’s water broke. OK, see you in twenty minutes,” she looked at him, and was pale.

  She reached over him and unlocked the doors. She got out and opened his.

  “Come on inside,” he followed her in and ran to the bathroom.

  Tessa woke Alex. “I need to drive Lucas’s car to the hospital. You need to bring me home, Sadi’s water just broke.”

  Alex jumped up and threw on some clothes.

  Tessa went down and grabbed a new toothbrush out of the cabinet and handed it to him, he had thrown up.

  “Okay let’s go.”

  He looked so frightened and she was so scared for him. She took his hand and walked him to the SUV. She opened the passenger side door, “Get in, Lucas.”

  “You okay to drive?”

  “Yep it’s been what six hours Lucas.” Tessa shut his door.

  “Tessa if her water broke, that means she is going to have the baby... really soon, right?” Lucas asked, and his voice cracked.

  Tessa had read a lot on this and knew it would be within twenty four hours. She also knew it was way too early.

  “Lucas let’s just see when we get there. Would you please call your Mom?”

  ~

  They pulled into the parking lot, and Tommy was there waiting. She jumped out and looked at Tommy. “This isn’t good. Please stay with him.”

  Lucas walked over, hugged Tessa, and kissed her head, “Thank you.”

  “Skirt off, Links. Sadi needs you to be strong. Your baby needs you to be strong,” her voice cracked and her eyes filled with tears.

  Alex got out and threw the keys to Tessa. “I’m going to stay here.”

  She hugged him. “Thank you, I love you Alex.”

  Tessa got in the Jeep and left. She pulled over and grabbed her phone and went through it until she found Audrianna’s number. She called her and told her what was going on.

  Audri thanked her and rolled over to wake Landon, “Lucas needs you. Sadi’s water broke.”

  “Already?” Landon asked rubbing his eyes. “That’s not good.” He got up and jumped in the shower.

  Audrianna had called the airport, there was a flight into Ithaca leaving in an hour. Landon would be there in two hours and she planned to drive up when the girls were in school.

  ~

  Lucas walked into the room, and Sadi was lying in a hospital bed. Her Mom was there holding her hand.

  “Lucas,” Sadi cried.

  Lucas walked over to her and held her hand, “I’m here.”

  The doctor walked in and did an ultra sound. The placenta had torn away, and the baby no longer had a heart beat. Sadi would have to have surgery. If not, she could deliver the baby and go through that pain without the reward at the end. The three of them cried, and Lucas climbed in the bed with Sadi and held her until the OR was ready. The nurse came in and gave her a sedative.

  She fell asleep crying and saying “I’m sorry.”

  Lucas walked out and looked at Tommy and Alex. “The baby isn’t alive; it probably has been gone for awhile. They have to operate, she’s asleep now,” he walked past them and into the bathroom.

  Tommy and Alex looked at each other and waited for Lucas. Lucas came out and walked past them and back into the room and watched Sadi sleep.

  The OR team walked in to take Sadi up. He rode the elevator up with her and sat with her mother in the waiting room. Lucas’s Mom joined them and held his hand.

  His phone chimed

  -Lucas, I’ll be there in an hour. I love you…Dad.

  -there is nothing you can do Dad, don’t worry about it...Lucas

  -I can be there for you…Dad

  Alex walked outside and called Tessa. She cried when he told her the news. He told her he would call her soon and hung up.

  Tommy was texting Jade when he walked back in. He looked up at Alex, “I can’t imagine what a mess he is going to be, Alex.”

  “We can get him through this.”

  The surgery was over; they wheeled Sadi into a room. Lucas sat holding her hand until she woke up. She looked at him and cried; he hugged her and told her everything was going to be alright.

  “I deserved this, this is my fault, and you can leave now,” Sadi cried.

  Landon walked into the room, and Lucas stood up and hugged him. Lucas cried.

  “I’m sorry, Sadi,” Landon said looking over Lucas’s shoulder.

  “No, Landon. I am.”

  The nurse walked in and gave her more medication, and she fell asleep.

  Lucas called her counselor’s office and left a message. He didn’t leave the hospital. He waited until she was discharged and asked her mother if he could drive her home.

  He helped
her in the SUV, and they drove quietly.

  “Sadi, are you going to be alright?”

  “No, I’m not!” she cried.

  Lucas held her hand, “Yes, you are.”

  “How can you say that to me, after all that I have done to you? After I just lost our baby?” she said through tears, “I’m a horrible person Lucas, I deserved this.”

  “I forgive you, now it’s time you forgive yourself,” he said. “You’re going to be fine.”

  “Well thank you, I guess,” she said sarcastically.

  They pulled into her driveway, and he turned off the vehicle and looked at her.

  “Sadi we have been horrible for each other,” he laughed and looked at her. “We have our whole lives ahead of us. This sucks, it’s certainly not what I planned for over the past few months. But we should consider it a do-over. Make something good out of a horrible situation.”

  She cried, “I don’t think I can.”

  “Okay so if there is a heaven, our child is in it and watching us now. What would you want him to see?”

  Her eyes changed-- no longer sad, but angry, “That’s Tessa talking!”

  “Well if that’s all I got from her I’m happy, ‘cause that’s what I’m going to focus on and I hope you can as well,” he rubbed her hand.

  Sadi said “I’ll try.”

  “By the way, you have an appointment this afternoon with your therapist.”

  She rolled her eyes as she got out of the SUV, “Fine.”

  “If you need anything before then call me. I’ll take you today. See you at four.”

  Sadi walked in towards the house, and her mother held the door open for her as she walked in.

  ~

  Lucas went home and walked in the house. He opened the fridge and saw several casseroles.

  “Alex dropped all that off. Looks like Tessa’s been cooking again,” Kate smiled softly.

  “I’m not hungry. I’m going to shower and get some sleep. Could you make sure I’m up by three? I’m taking Sadi to an appointment.”

  “Lucas I know better than anyone how you feel the need to take care of people. I love that about you. But don’t get lost in this awful situation, forgive Lucas but never forget,” she hugged him.

  Lucas went to his room, on his dresser there was a vase with yellow roses mixed with white daisies.

  He picked up the note card and opened it.