by DICE Media
‘What’s the connection?’
‘The more you eat, the better you sleep,’ he said, imparting another one of his Dhruvisms. ‘Even pandas do that.’
‘Pandas,’ Kavya smiled, ‘don’t have to get up and go to work in the morning.’
‘They’re damn lucky, come to think of it.’
‘I can’t believe we are having this conversation. What time is it?’
‘3.30 a.m.’
‘3.30 a.m.!’
‘Let’s just finish this episode and sleep,’ Dhruv said pressing the play button once again. Kavya moved closer to him and they settled down cozily to watch. Soon they were fast asleep, her slender body fitting perfectly against his, oblivious to the lights and sounds of the TV.
Meanwhile, Dhruv’s phone was buzzing with messages:
BC! G***u! What condom was it?
I started burning down there! Both me and the girl thought we had contracted some STD.
What kind of things are you guys into?
Fucker.
THANK YOU!
1
‘Ughhh!’ Kavya smacked her forehead in frustration as the autorickshaw driver told her that he had no change.
She was having another difficult start to the day and the week. First, there had been no warm water to bathe as the geyser had not been working. Kavya hated bathing in cold water even in the hot and humid weather of Mumbai because it gave her a jolt that she found extremely unpleasant.
Second, she was having a bad hair day. As she tried to comb her wild locks, one tuft just refused to settle down. No matter how much she brushed it, it popped right back up. She knew it was bothering her more than it should, but she just couldn’t stop feeling conscious.
Looking angrily into the mirror she was reminded of Medusa, who had coiled snakes for hair. Legend had it that anyone who looked directly at Medusa turned to stone.
Nah, I’m way too pretty for that! Kavya told herself, waving away the cloud of dark thoughts. Her hair was super curly and she was just having a bad hair day, she counselled herself.
But her resolve to stay positive broke as every autorickshaw she flagged down refused to go to her destination. She had to wait for fifteen minutes in the hot Mumbai sun before she finally found one that agreed to take her to her office. By then, her hair had become even more frizzy and unmanageable. She was drenched in sweat and her face felt as if it had collected all the dust in the world.
And now the autorickshaw driver didn’t have change. She would have to take an extra two-minute ride to the vada pav stall, earnestly request the vendor, plead with him even, for change for a hundred bucks, then head back and probably be late for work—again!
Mondays, I hate you! she thought as she stepped into her office complex. She thought about how one spent two days of the weekend doing exactly what one wanted—sleeping in late, waking up late, eating what one wanted—only to face the Monday bomb!
‘I haven’t even eaten anything since morning!’ Kavya grumbled as she stepped into her office. Immediately, she was gripped by the aroma of hot, spicy food. She picked up pace so she could drop her bag at the desk and then chase the heavenly fragrance, no matter where it took her.
She reached her desk a few seconds later and found Kirtana pacing up and down restlessly.
‘Where have you been? I was waiting for you! I’m so hungry that I’m getting a headache. And this smell is driving me nuts. Come on!’ She grabbed Kavya’s arm and pulled her across the office.
‘Aww, you’re such a great friend!’ Kavya pulled Kirtana into an awkward hug while walking towards the conference room, from where the aroma seemed to be coming.
They entered the conference room to find a lavish, sumptuous spread waiting for them. Many of their colleagues were already serving themselves and many were halfway through. ‘Vipul had his first baby, a girl. And he’s treating the whole office to authentic Hyderabadi food!’ Kirtana whispered into Kavya’s ear, knowing very well that she would be so caught up with the food that she would forget to congratulate Vipul.
Kavya’s eyes widened at the array of dishes in front of her: boti kebab, chicken tikka, payaa, korma and, not to forget, her favourite—biryani! She moved forward, almost as if in a trance, and found Vipul standing with a grin on his face.
‘Congratulations, Vipul! I’m so happy for you! You turned out to be the Santa Claus of this office. I hope you keep having kids and treating us to amazing food!’
Vipul laughed and asked her to enjoy the meal.
Kavya helped herself to everything and dipped her fork into the chicken tikka. She took a bite, closed her eyes and let the flavours explode in her mouth. The meat was so tender and succulent; she could taste every ingredient. ‘Mmm . . .’ she moaned in ecstasy. The fact that she had not had breakfast made this meal all the more rewarding. Suddenly, her food haze was interrupted by the buzzing of her phone in her hand.
There were a series of messages—more like reminders—from Dhruv.
The moment Kavya read the message, her heart sank. It was a conundrum: should she leave this mouth-watering food for dinner at the Iranian cafe, or should she have what was available to her right here, right now? The bird in hand was so much more tempting than the two in the bush in the future.
She tried to resist as much as she could, but eventually it wasn’t her decision to make. She was just following the biryani. The scent enticed her, enchanted her, and cast its spell over her.
‘To hell with it!’ She gave in, helped herself to a huge serving and greedily stuffed spoonfuls into her mouth. There was no stopping her. Naturally, she was overcome with guilt once she finished. Dhruv had been planning this date for weeks and they had finally managed to fix it for today. His disappointed face flashed before her eyes.
I won’t tell him about it! she thought as she returned to her desk.
2
‘Where are you?’ Dhruv asked Kavya on the phone.
He had taken a cab and come to Kavya’s office to pick her up. And now he was waiting—mutton cutlets the only thing on his mind as he tapped his feet impatiently.
‘I’m in a meeting, Dhruv.’
‘What meeting? What is this, Kavvu?’ Dhruv’s excitement dropped several notches. ‘Okay, wrap up quickly. I’m starving.’
‘I’m waiting downstairs,’ he added, but she had already disconnected the call.
Just then his mobile phone beeped.
Sorry! I couldn’t help it. It’s not my fault.
The meeting was called at the last moment.
Help! Save me!
Dhruv typed out:
This is not done, yaar, Kavvu.
You could have told them in the morning that you needed to leave early.
His phone beeped again.
Don’t worry, Momo.
We’ll be there on time.
I won’t be long.
Sit tight!
He replied:
Come fast. I’m starving.
I am waiting right under your office.
Hoping that it would be a short wait, Dhruv plugged in his headphones. He rested his head against the cab window and watched silently as the world passed him by. He kept peeking at the driver to see if he was getting impatient and could see him get more and more fidgety and restless.
After about ten minutes of waiting, the driver turned around. He didn’t speak, but looked at Dhruv with an expression that said it all. Dhruv knew this was bound to happen, he was waiting for the inevitable. It was not the driver’s fault.
‘Sorry.’ He slowly stepped out of the cab and paid the driver. Now he didn’t even have a place to sit.
In the distance he saw a tiny tea stall and decided to have some chai while he waited for Kavya. As he sipped the chai, he spotted another stall selling chaat. His stomach immediately began growling—he hadn’t eaten anything in a while now, and he had a penchant for street food. But he had set his mind on having mutton cutlets for dinner and nothing was going to distract him from that.
He began looking for something to do to take his attention away from the chaat. He pulled out his mobile phone and started going through his Facebook feed, but soon got bored and switched to Instagram. After scrolling for thirty seconds, his restlessness began catching up with him. He called his mother, but she was busy visiting a relative.
‘What is this, yaar!’ Dhruv yelled in frustration and kicked a stone on the footpath. ‘It’s always something or the other!’ he grumbled as all past instances of Kavya getting him late came back to him. ‘Why doesn’t she understand that the cafe will shut down?’
Dhruv was pacing up and down the sidewalk, animatedly having a conversation with himself. People around him thought that he was crazy. Just as he was about to give up, Kavya called. Dhruv answered immediately.
‘Sorry, sorry, sorry, Momo!’
Dhruv couldn’t say much. ‘How much longer yaar, Kavvu?’
‘I’m just taking the lift and coming down. You’re still downstairs, right?’
‘Yes, come fast.’ He cut the call and booked another cab on his mobile phone.
As Kavya stepped out of the building, she saw Dhruv having a very animated conversation on the phone. She crossed the road and walked towards him. As she approached him, she caught parts of the conversation.
‘Why can’t you just follow the directions and come to the location? I am standing exactly there!’ Dhruv was talking to the cab driver.
‘Where is the cab? I thought you were waiting for me in one.’
Dhruv hadn’t spotted Kavya coming. ‘The cab left! Why would it wait so long?’
He got back to his phone. ‘Yes, come straight down that road. No, you don’t have to take a turn, just keep coming straight!’
Clearly, the cab driver was getting on his nerves. ‘Why can’t he just come to the location I had sent? Or better still, just stop and ask someone for directions. It’s so much easier that way. How can I guide him standing here?’
Dhruv was very agitated. It was unlike him—he was generally calm, composed and always knew what to do. Kavya stood on the side and looked at him. The pressure of reaching the cafe on time so he would not miss out on those mutton cutlets was really getting to him.
‘You’re at Mohan Medical? How would I know where Mohan Medical is? Why don’t you stop for a second and ask someone for directions?’ Dhruv turned around to see Kavya laughing.
‘Why are you laughing, Kavya? This is really annoying!’
But Kavya could not help it. Dhruv got even more flustered when she took out her mobile phone and began recording a video of him trying not to lash out at the driver and telling him where to reach. She brought the phone closer to him as he talked. He swatted her arm away.
‘Get that phone out of my face, Kavya! . . . What? You’ve reached some temple? Where did you find a temple here? Oh my God, where have you reached?’ Dhruv was on the edge, just a step away from calling it quits, canning the whole plan, going home, passing out and just putting this day behind him.
‘Dhruv, you idiot, there is a temple here! Look, it’s there!’ Kavya pointed into the distance. And just like that, the crisis came to an end. Dhruv got back on his phone and told the driver not to move an inch from where he was.
‘Kavvu, please let’s just walk to the temple. If I give him any more instructions, I don’t know where he’ll end up. I really don’t know if this place will be open or not. Seriously, let’s go!’ He pulled Kavya along.
Once in the cab, Dhruv took a deep breath and calmed down. Then he looked at Kavya who was panting because of all the walking and jogging. He smiled and put his arm around her shoulder. ‘How was your day, Kavvu?’
The driver turned the keys, the engine roared and the two of them took off on their gastronomic adventure!
3
As their cab turned the last corner to the cafe, Dhruv’s heart started beating really fast. He was almost sweating with anticipation. They were stuck at a signal and Dhruv just could not bear the tension any more. He stuck his head out of the window, strained his neck as much as he could and tried to see if the cafe was open.
It was, but there weren’t many people in there. They were probably taking their last orders. Dhruv panicked and asked the driver to end the trip. There was no point asking him to take a U-turn to the other side of the road. Then, taking Kavya’s hand, Dhruv literally ran across the road. He hesitated outside the cafe, wondering if it had closed for the day. But when no one stopped him from entering, he heaved a sigh of relief.
‘Yes! I will eat mutton cutlets today!’
Kavya laughed.
Their happiness did not last long though.
They settled down at a comfortable table on the side from where they could see the chaos on the road outside and also soak in the cozy ambience of the quiet, worn-out cafe.
‘Thank God we made it, Kavvu. I would have been really upset if this place had been shut.’
‘I told you this place would be open! Loser, you got mad at me for no reason.’ Kavya felt happy for Dhruv.
As the waiter approached them with the menu card, Dhruv’s excitement began building up again. There was something that the prospect of having food did to him that nothing else could—not even the prospect of sex.
‘No need for the menu. Just get us two portions of mutton cutlet gravy, please.’
At first Kavya thought that there was no reason to get Dhruv agitated, and that no matter how full she was she’d just have something with him. But with all the Hyderabadi food already in her stomach she had to interrupt him. ‘No, just get one.’
Dhruv gave her a puzzled look.
‘We’ll share?’
Dhruv gave her a look of shock and horror. ‘I don’t want to share!’ Then he asked the waiter to get the cutlets with bread on the side.
‘There are no mutton cutlets left,’ said the waiter matter-of-factly. ‘That was the last one.’ He looked at a table behind them.
Dhruv turned to see a couple thoroughly enjoying the cutlets. ‘What the hell!’
People seated at the other tables immediately turned towards them.
‘Shhh . . . It’s okay, Momo. Relax!’ Kavya was a little embarrassed.
Dhruv took a deep breath. ‘Sorry, bro, but can you please check in your kitchen once again? I’m sure you’ll find one piece at least.’ There was a part of Dhruv that couldn’t believe that life had cheated him of food. After all this effort, he deserved the cutlets.
‘I’ve checked, and it’s not there,’ came the crisp reply. The waiter was clearly getting impatient. It was almost closing time and he was stuck with two guests who were making the last part of his tiring day even more strenuous.
Kavya wished that he’d just go in and then tell them that it was over instead of saying it like that. ‘Please go in and check?’ Kavya requested.
‘Yes, please. We have come from really far just for your mutton cutlets. Please just check.’ Dhruv was desperate.
By then the waiter had had enough. He turned to the two of them. ‘Madam, Sir. I’m telling you this after checking. Why would I lie to you? Now if you want something else, let me know, else I’m leaving.’ He had one of those faces that never showed emotion, the kind that never smiled, the kind that was always grumpy and wore a grim, rigid expression throughout the day.
‘Okay, get us two mutton biryanis . . .’ Dhruv began.
‘No, just one,’ Kavya interrupted.
‘Why?’
‘I won’t be able to finish it and it’ll go to waste.’
‘I can’t believe this, man!’ Dhruv was having a bad day and was taking every single thing the wrong way. The weight of it all was bogging him down. ‘Okay, just get us one plate.’
‘Two or one?’ asked the irritated waiter.
Kavya could see
all the effort it was taking for Dhruv to not fly off the handle. She decided to step in.
‘Just one!’ She gestured for the waiter to leave.
‘What the hell, Kavya? Why are you not eating? Are you feeling unwell? This is biryani we are talking about.’
Kavya knew she couldn’t keep the truth from him for long. So she decided to just confess.
‘Honestly, I forgot about this and somebody in office got really amazing Hyderabadi food for everyone. And I ate too much of it!’
This upset Dhruv even more. ‘What? Seriously? I haven’t eaten anything since afternoon. I only had biscuits so that I could come and enjoy this meal with you. I was really looking forward to this, Kavya . . . This is not done! And then you got me late. I thought I’d come here and have mutton cutlet gravy . . .’
‘The biryani is also over.’ The grumpy server returned and cut Dhruv off.
By now, Dhruv had had it. He slapped his forehead and buried his face in his arms. It just wasn’t his day!
‘You should have come earlier. Everything is over by this hour.’ The waiter added insult to injury.
‘Okay, just get us the best thing that you have available right now.’ Kavya tried to get rid of him so that he didn’t agitate Dhruv any more.
‘All we have left is scrambled eggs with bread.’
‘Just get a two-egg scramble with bread.’
‘Wow!’ Dhruv rolled his eyes. ‘So I came all the way and travelled for two hours to have scrambled eggs? I could’ve got this at the street vendor close to our apartment as well.’
Dhruv’s anger was flying out like sparks. He gave Kavya an accusing look, which set her off as well.
‘What! It’s not my fault that they ran out of food!’
‘We should not have come today!’ Dhruv was angry. ‘First, you forgot. Then, you ate your fill and came. This is a dinner date, Kavya. What was the point of coming today if you weren’t going to eat?’
‘I came for you! Because you were so excited about it.’ Kavya could not understand why Dhruv didn’t appreciate her intent.