‘Carino, please sit down, you’re making me so dizzy with the pacing.’
‘It’s been hours, what the hell’s taking so long. If it was good news they’d have been down straight away.’
‘That applies if it was bad news too. No news means that they are doing what they can, so there’s still hope,’ reassured my father.
‘I can’t lose her, I just … can’t.’ No one said anything. There was nothing they could say. No platitudes were going to take away the gnawing pain in my chest. Nothing would take that away until Ellie was awake again, holding my hand and smiling as she talked to me. I spun around as the door opened and covered my mouth with my hands as my fear got the better of me and I steeled myself for the worst possible outcome.
‘Mr. Davenport? Can I talk freely with company?’ she asked. I nodded. ‘She’s stable and the baby’s fine,’ she smiled. I heard the sigh of relief from my parents, but I was still holding my breath. ‘She had a nasty concussion and some minor swelling to her right temporal lobe. We’re monitoring it with regular scans and we’re prepared to drill a hole to relieve any intracranial pressure if it increases. There’s no bleeding or fracture which is an excellent sign and hopefully we won’t need to take further measures. We need to keep her in ICU to monitor her, but we hope that she’ll wake up in her own time.’
‘Is there any risk of permanent damage?’ asked my father, slipping easily into his preferred role of interrogator as a QC.
‘We won’t know until she wakes up and we run some neurological tests. We’ve stitched up a nasty laceration on her temple and she’s also developing some severe bruising, all over her body. It’s likely that she’ll have whiplash from her fall as well. I’m sorry I can’t give you more news at the moment. I’m afraid it’s down to Ellie now.’
‘Can my son see her? I think it would make him feel better if he could spend some time with her.’
‘Just for a short while and I’m afraid we can’t let anyone else in. If you’d like to follow me?’
I looked at my parents and they nodded as father put his arm around mother and she gave me a reassuring smile.
‘We’ll be here with Oliver, waiting for you to get back.’
I sat by Ellie’s bedside holding her good hand, trying to block out the similarity to my visits to see Moira with the machines beeping. She looked so pale and had a seriously nasty bruise around the cut on her head. She’d be left with another scar. Two from being with me, her arm from the loch and now this. Was I really cursed?
‘I don’t know if you can hear me, baby, but … I need you to know that you can’t give up. You’ve got to fight, fight and wake up. Oliver’s ok, he’s on a drip to rehydrate him, this baby’s ok too,’ I nodded, as I placed a hand on her stomach. ‘The only one not ok is me. I can’t do this without you, Ellie. You helped me to wake up and live again, now I need you to do it for me. Come back to me, I’m not above begging. I’ve never begged anyone in my life, but I’ll beg you on my knees if that’s what it takes. You’re my heart Ellie, my home. Losing you would leave me empty. Don’t leave me, please.’ I watched her for any sign she could hear me, but there was nothing. I felt tears rolling down my face again, I was like a blubbing baby today, I was convinced I’d shed more tears than Oliver. I wished I had the strength to fight my emotions, I usually could, but today they were out of control. I just couldn’t lose her. I buried my face in her lap and sobbed until I had no more tears left inside me.
Day Twenty Eight
Thursday 15th July ~ Year Three
Dan
I looked at her still sleeping, her blonde hair spread across the pillow. She looked so peaceful. I leaned over and gently kissed her forehead, avoiding her bruise and stitches.
‘Have you been watching me sleeping again?’ came her voice.
‘Yes,’ I laughed. ‘I can’t help it, you look amazing.’
‘I should do after nearly two weeks bed rest,’ she smiled. I was lying on top of the bed on my side watching her and reached out to clutch her chin and ran my thumb over her bottom lip.
‘And if I had my way you’d have another two weeks bed rest, I nearly lost you.’
‘I’m so sorry you had to go through that all,’ she whispered. ‘But I’m ok now. They did another scan before they released me, you heard what they said, there was no residual swelling and my neurological tests were all fine. I’d still be in the hospital if they had any concerns.’
‘How’s the baby?’ I asked as I placed a hand on her stomach.
‘I don’t know, they don’t really do anything but grow at that age. You were there for the scan, she’s fine too.’
‘She?’ I questioned with a smile.
‘I’d love a little girl, someone for Oliver to look out for, someone I can spend ages brushing her hair and making her look pretty, like my mum used to do to me. I suppose you want another boy?’
‘If I had a choice, yes,’ I grinned. ‘But whatever we have I’ll love it as much as I do you and Oliver.’
‘Is he still asleep?’ she looked at me surprised. She wasn’t allowed painkillers for her wrist, which was still in a cast, in case it masked any re-emergence of brain injury symptoms. Even so, when she did sleep, she did so heavily. We were warned that she’d experience fatigue for quite a long time, so I’d been tending to Oliver, as his cries when he woke up no longer roused her. My father had left not long after Ellie woke up in hospital, the day after her fall. While he was prepared to put off his cases, there was only so much help we could have. Mother had stayed for a week, Brooke and Molly too and they’d lived in the house with us, helping tend to Oliver and Ellie.
‘He is still asleep. Since he’s been home he’s been racing around causing havoc and totally worn himself out, like last night when he emptied the whole of the saucepan cupboard. Hey, no tears.’
‘I’ve missed playing with him,’ she sighed as I wiped them away. We’d only allowed him up here for an hour at a time a few times a day, to cuddle and snooze with her. She’d been bruised that badly that she’d only been able to move without wincing yesterday.
‘So how about you come downstairs today for a change of scene and a gentle walk around. Mrs. McAdams will come down while I’m out to chase after him, if needs be.’
‘No way,’ she gasped. ‘If you think you’re going without me today, you need to think again.’
‘Ellie,’ I sighed. ‘You’ve been through enough.’
‘So have you. I want to be with you, don’t leave me again.’
‘You really want to come?’ I sighed as I gently caressed her face. I’d hated going without her on Tuesday, the thought of something happening again when I wasn’t here to protect her, had gnawed at me all afternoon. Mrs. McAdams had stayed with her for me until I got back, but my anxiety levels had risen the longer I was away. It was all the more important that I went today though.
‘We’re a couple Dan, we support each other through the good and the bad. I need to be with you.’
‘Fine,’ I sighed again, not overly happy about taking her out. ‘It’s on the condition that Oliver doesn’t come and you do as you’re told at all times. If I tell you to sit down you will, lie down you will, drink water you will. You will obey me with every command. Understood?’
‘Wow, you’re kind of extra hot when you’re all dominant,’ she smiled as she grabbed my hand and kissed it. I shuddered as I felt the effects of that kiss all the way down to my rapidly swelling cock. We’d obviously not had sex, she insisted she was ready, I disagreed. Her health came before my continuous factory line of ready-made erections. Thank God my stitches had been on my left hand and not my right one, which had been receiving quite the work out since I got her home and relaxed a little. ‘I love you so much, I hate that I’ve made you worry about me.’
‘I worry because I love you so much too, that will never change. Come on then, we’d better get you ready. I’ve already run you a nice bubble bath, keep your head out of the water, no going under until that
cut is fully healed. I’ll help wash your hair.’
Ellie
We arrived at the house, Conn was driving our Range Rover for us, I’d insisted on it. I didn’t want Dan driving home after his ordeal. We pulled up in the drive to find a few extra cars and I looked over at him sitting next to me, his hands gripping the seat either side of his hips, just looking at the front door. He looked pale and anxious, which was understandable.
‘You don’t have to do this for me, I told you that I’d live with it,’ I said softly as I picked up one of his hands and smothered it with my own.
‘No,’ he replied with a sad look on his face. ‘I can’t go through the last few weeks again. I could have lost you both, all because of the time I spend regretting a past mistake. You were right, I’m missing out on my present and future, as well as holding Theo and Florie back. I’ve been selfish, only thinking about how it affects me. It’s not just about me anymore. It’s time.’
Conn offered to stay in the car, he didn’t want to intrude, so we left him with a paper and a flask of coffee. Dan insisted on carrying me out of the car, like I’d lost use of my legs. He’d helped me when I had a slight panic about going down our staircase, logic told me that I only fell because I’d dripped water all up the stairs with that wet facecloth and I’d been upset and rushing, but standing at the top looking down was a seriously scary experience. He’d gone down backwards, holding one of my hands as I clutched the glass balustrade and took them one at a time. He’d had the floor fitters come in and replace some of the floorboards at the foot of the stairs. The blood from the wound on my head had seeped into the cracks and no matter how hard Mrs. McAdams and our new cleaner scrubbed, they couldn’t get out those red lines.
It had been so nice to leave the house and get some fresh air, even if it was just to be carried down to the boat. He always made me feel so safe, loved and protected when he carried me in his arms like that, now it was my turn to do the same for him. I could hardly believe he’d thought that I wouldn’t want to be here for him today. I don’t know what I expected when Theo answered the door, maybe a face stricken with grief, tears of sadness, all I knew was that I hadn’t prepared myself for the look of relief on his face. Sometimes I was so wrapped up in how this affected Dan, I forgot how hard this was for them after so many years.
‘Good morning. Ellie, how are you doing?’
‘She’s improving, though I don’t want her on her feet for long. Thanks for visiting us on Monday, it was really good of you to come up,’ Dan replied answering for me. I fought the urge to raise my eyebrows and make some snarky remark, he wasn’t himself. Today was about him, not me.
‘It was good of you,’ I smiled. ‘I’m definitely feeling a lot better, though it will be nice to get this cast off in a few weeks. It makes holding Oliver rather difficult.’
‘Come on in, Doctor Strachan’s arrived, he’s just going over the charts with Sheila, Ruth and Jess and doing some last tests. We can have a coffee while we wait for his confirmation.’
‘Ok,’ Dan nodded, his voice so quiet today for such a big man. He let me walk inside, supporting me with one of his strong arms around my waist, holding me against his side, his other hand holding onto mine tightly. Florie came over and gave me a hug and a kiss and I held both of her hands and squeezed them tightly. She just nodded, there wasn’t any need for words. We all knew why we were here. The conversation was all about Oliver as we had our drinks, until Theo put his coffee down and coughed as he looked at Florie.
‘Daniel, I hope you don’t mind, but we’d like to put the house on the market. We only moved here for ease with her care and now … well now we don’t need to be here. We’d like to return to Loch Airdre, to be closer to our friends, to be able to come and visit you both from time to time, if you’ll have us? I know I speak for Florie too, when I say that we’ve come to look upon you as family.’
‘Theo of course I don’t mind,’ Dan replied, then hesitated with a swallow as I squeezed his hand and nodded my consent. ‘We think of you as family too and I can’t imagine not seeing you both on a regular basis even with ... well …’ he blew out a breath and covered his eyes. ‘That’s why we’d … we’d really like …’
‘What he’s trying to say is that we’d like you to be godparents to our new baby,’ I smiled, speaking for him this time. ‘You’ve been such a large part of Dan’s life, mine too in the short time that I’ve known you, we’d love to keep in touch and you moving back to the loch will just make that so much easier.’
‘You really mean that?’ Florie asked as her eyes filled with tears. I nodded and squeezed Dan’s hand and he looked up at her and nodded too. It was our way of trying to give them something in exchange for what was being taken from them.
‘We can’t think of anyone else better suited,’ he replied. Theo put his arm around his wife and kissed the top of her head, as he nodded.
‘Thank you, that means a lot, to us both. You’ve gone above and beyond all these years. Of course we’ll give you back the extra money we make on the sale, we’ve seen a small cottage that will suit us both, there’ll be plenty left over.’
‘No need, use it for holidays, or a proper 4x4, that estate car you have now will be no good in winter, you’ve forgotten what it’s like up there.’
‘Daniel, that’s too generous of you,’ Theo objected.
‘I thought we just agreed we were family, there shouldn’t be any money issues between family.’ Theo nodded his thanks just as there was a knock on the lounge door. He went to get it and introduced us to Doctor Strachan. I’d never met him before, but he knew Dan and remained in a handshake with him, another on his shoulder as they had a few words. I looked down at the carpet, not wanting to intrude on this seriously personal moment and realised that it was no longer cream with a large coal stain by the fireplace, but a soft pink. My eyes drifted over to the curtains which were done in fresh stripes of pink, cream and green, to match the new cushions. It was my wedding theme, well Brooke’s wedding theme. I really needed to get on top of where we were at with that. I’d ordered the cake and flowers, but hadn’t been well enough to chase up progress, or check on any of the other arrangements and it was only in three weeks.
‘Daniel, do you want a moment alone?’ asked Theo.
‘After you,’ he nodded.
‘We’ve already said our goodbyes this morning, we’ve been saying them for a long time now,’ he confirmed, as he held Florie’s hand and she gave us a half-smile to confirm her approval. Dan slowly stood up and held out his hand to me and I looked up at him surprised. I’d wanted to be here for him, but I hadn’t expected him to want me in the room. He didn’t say a word, but the look in his eyes told me he was pleading with me, he needed me there. I laced my fingers in between his and he held on tightly as we headed out to her room. He hesitated as he gripped the door handle.
‘If you’re not ready you don’t have to do this,’ I stated again. Ironic given that I’d been one of the people saying this was exactly what he should be doing, whenever he asked for my opinion. He just gave me a sad smile and opened the door. I felt my eyes fill with tears as I looked at her lying there. She was no longer dressed in one of the hospital gowns they’d kept her in, for ease of washing and shifting her to prevent bedsores. Instead she was wearing a black dress and her hair and make-up had been done. It felt slightly macabre, she looked more alive today than I’d ever seen her, yet today was the day she was officially going to die. Dan dragged a chair next to her bedside and sat me down, before pulling up his own. He reached out with a shaky breath and took her left hand in his, as his right one grabbed mine. I rubbed it with my thumb as he tried to compose himself, I didn’t often see him cry, he was a strong man, but today he looked fragile and tears were swimming, threatening to flood his face, which only made me the same.
Regular CT scans had been performed over the years and had shown no sign of brain activity, every indication was that if she was taken off the ventilator she wouldn’t be
able to breathe on her own. The doctor had performed a scan yesterday morning and another again this morning, twenty-four hours apart, to be one-hundred percent positive, so he could give his verbal recommendation that the machines be switched off. All that was left was for the last goodbyes or words to be said, then for Theo, Florie and Dan to give their approval in front of him, and he’d turn off that switch. A simple switch that would change all of their lives, forever. Her team of nurses had also come to show their support and they gave us some reassuring words and left the room. It was just the three of us, well four if you counted the baby growing inside me. The circle of life, I thought. As one was beginning, another was ending.
‘I don’t know what to say, I thought I’d know what to say after so long,’ Dan uttered.
‘Say what’s in your heart, whatever you feel you need to, so you don’t have any regrets. Imagine she’s awake and can hear you,’ I suggested, as I squeezed his hand and gently kissed his cheek. He remained silent for a while, deep in thought and I felt my heart hurting for him. I knew he didn’t love her, he’d never loved her, it was purely a marriage of convenience, or more truthfully deception. That said she’d been a massive part of his life, she’d shaped his emotions since the moment she told him she was pregnant. She was the driving force behind his anger, guilt, pain and denial for all this time. Part of me wanted to hate her, which was a horrible emotion to feel for someone so helpless, but part of me realised she’d been young and naïve at the time. She’d just seen Dan as her ticket out of a life that not many young girls would want to live, stuck in a remote village in the middle of nowhere, with the only career prospects working at the hotel. I liked to think that if she’d still been alive, she’d have realised the error of her ways.
31 Days of Summer (31 Days #2) Page 41