RATTLESNAKE EGGS
The classic gag is an authentic-looking box that says “Rattlesnake Eggs.” It looks like it’s a scientific specimen of some sort, but when you lift the lid, a paper clip tightly wound around a rubber band “rattles” wildly, imitating the sound of a rattlesnake. It doesn’t really sound like a rattlesnake, but it is slightly startling.
The contraption is easy enough to rig yourself using common desk supplies, and with a little imagination it can be used in a variety of places:• An envelope that reads “DO NOT OPEN”
• A carton of real eggs
• An Altoids tin
To make Rattlesnake Eggs, find the eggs of a rattlesnake, crack them into a pan, and cook over low flame with butter and a little oil. Only kidding. Here are the real instructions:
How to Make Rattlesnake Eggs:
Bend the piece of sturdy wire until it looks something like this. This is your “holder” for the rubber band.
String the rubber band across the wire until it looks something like this. It should be fairly tight, but not in danger of breaking.
Step 1
Step 2
String the paper clip across the rubber band like this.
Wind the paper clip until it is tight, but not in danger of breaking. Be careful not to let go, as a furiously wound paper clip can really sting.
Step 4
Carefully put the prank in your envelope, egg carton, or other container. When you close it, the contraption should not go off—if it does, take it out and tweak as necessary until the gag works correctly.
Tweak: To adjust or fine-tune something. “I can’t go to the movies, I’ve got to stay in and tweak this cow-pie launcher.” Can also be used as a noun: “Tweaks” are small incremental improvements.
SCREAMING CABINET
Every time you go to the drugstore or Wal-Mart, look for those musical greeting cards that play a little song when they’re opened. These are perfect for all kinds of pranks. The more startling the sound, the better. Sometimes around Halloween you can find screaming or moaning sound chips, which are best of all.
How to Make the Screaming Cabinet:
Open the card and observe the sound chip closely. Notice how it is attached to the two sides of the card. Sometimes the chips have a speaker and wires attached; sometimes they’re all in one piece.
Now look for the little flap or switch that “breaks” the electrical circuit when you open or close the card. When metal is no longer touching metal, the circuit is “open” or off. It is often a small piece of plastic that slides in and out as you open and close the card.
Using scissors, carefully cut away all the card until you only have the sound chip apparatus, the speaker, and a flap on each side. Make the flaps big enough that you’ll have plenty of surface area to tape. It should look like a mini version of your original card.
Using plenty of tape, attach the sound chip to the inside of the cabinet. Do not tape the other side of the card to the other side of the cabinet, because the card needs to be closed more than 90 degrees. Instead, put some extra circles of tape on the outside, or improvise something for use as a spacer. Tape is your friend.
Test and tweak.
Close the cabinet. The nice thing about this prank is that it’s just “set it and forget it.” You don’t have to stick around and watch what happens; you can just go about your business. When it works, you’ll hear it.
Another great idea is to attach the chip to the inside of a large folder, again using a ton o’ tape. Close the folder and write “PERSONAL” or “CONFIDENTIAL” on the front. The idea is to trick people into sneaking a peek. Put a piece of paper inside the folder that reads “BUSTED!” Try to find a sound chip of a police siren.
WATER DEVICES
THE PERFECT WATER BALLOON
The beauty of a water balloon is its simplicity. Don’t try to improve on the two classic ingredients: balloons and water. Contemplate, young prankster, on how two simple ingredients can be transformed into a hilarious, clothesdrenching prank.
You may be tempted to fill the balloons with something other than water. The problem with mustard balloons, ketchup balloons, relish balloons, syrup balloons, applesauce balloons, and Jell-O balloons is that they present a mess to be cleaned up. Pudding balloons can be funny when dropped from a blimp, but that’s about it.
With a water balloon, there’s not much they can make you do, with the exception of making you clean up the shreds of broken balloon, which only takes five minutes. It’s just water!
An effective water balloon can be improvised with nearly any water source and any type of balloon. Balloons can be purchased at most drugstores and grocery stores, although party supply stores or the Internet have the greatest selection.
Match the size of the water balloon to the prank. Generally speaking, smaller balloons (about the size of a large orange) are ideal for throwing speed and maximum velocity. Larger balloons, on the other hand, make a satisfying splash when dropped from a rooftop or high window.
One of the most hilarious ways of launching is by using the M3 Power Launcher, which you can build yourself for about thirty dollars (see page 149). Match the size of your balloon to the size of the funnel. When using high-powered slingshots like the M3PL, be sure to aim it away from people, car windshields, or low-flying aircraft.
DON’T DAMAGE, DEFACE, OR DESTROY
With all water- and liquid-based pranks, following a few important rules will greatly decrease your chances of getting in trouble:1. Don’t use any liquid that would leave stains (Kool-Aid, Hawaiian Punch, anything with food coloring, etc.).
2. Do not freeze water balloons, or fill with anything heavy. Always Be Careful (page 21).
3. The best time to execute water-based mischief is during the hot summer months, when people are already wearing light clothes that are easy to change. The ideal location for water-balloon mischief is a pool, because nobody can get too mad about it.
How to Make a Ton of Water Balloons:
This is a two-person operation. First, have a trusted partner fit the balloon over the faucet.
Turn on the water source, until balloon is almost filled. DO NOT OVERFILL. Leaving an inch or two at the top will make it easier to tie. Turn off the water source.
Have your partner pinch shut the balloon at the point where it is filled, giving you plenty of rubber for knotting.
Tie a perfect Balloon Knot (see Figure 1), while your partner begins repeating Step 1.
By using the methods on the previous pages, you will form an assembly line, capable of churning out fifty water balloons an hour, or more.
Assembly line: A system in a factory that produces many units of a particular item (like water balloons). Assembly lines should also be used for large-scale pranks like The Post-It Note Makeover (page 188). It is your job to organize these.
FIGURE 1: THE BALLOON KNOT
Some novices have difficulty tying the knot in the balloon. Practice, young prankster, until the knot-tying motion comes as naturally as breathing.
With one hand pinching the neck of the water balloon shut, stick out your first two fingers.
Wrap the neck of the balloon around your fingers, like a principal chasing a prankster.
The prankster escapes through the hole between the two fingers.
Pull to tighten.
A third person can be added to collect the water balloons, and store them in a pail, cooler, or a large plastic organizing container. Be warned that the container will grow very heavy, so think carefully about your base location (each gallon of water weighs 8.34 pounds). Don’t leave balloons in the hot sun; cover them, or leave them in a cool location.
Depending on the size of your mischief team, you can multiply this two- or three-person operation to multiple water sources, which can massively increase production. The largest water-balloon battle on record was held in Sydney, Australia, with over 50,000 water balloons. How do you think they filled up all those balloons? One at a time.
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Practice tying ten water balloons. Take them into your yard and hurl them.
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DISHTIME DRENCHER
This is a classic prank where you rig a kitchen sink hand-sprayer so that when someone turns on the main faucet, they get a full-on spray of water to the chest. Dishtime Drencher is a classic prank to pull in the kitchen at your summer camp or vacation home.
It only works on hand-sprayers that have a handle that can be pushed down. You use several rubber bands (or clear tape) to hold the button onto the handle. The idea is that the sprayer is always in the “ON” position, and you can use the holder to aim the spray where you want it to go.
The funniest place to aim the spray is the crotch, because it makes them look like they wet their pants. This is a high-risk move, however, as you’re likely to hit the floor, or the inside of the sink. The holder can be rigged to point anywhere, although squirting in the face (called a “Wethead”) is likely to make them angry.
Rig: To manipulate physical items in a mischievous way (e.g., rigging a drawer to make a loud bang when opened).
How to Rig a Hand-Sprayer:
Take several sturdy rubber bands, and fit them over the head of a kitchen hand-sprayer, so the spray button is pressed down.
Test by pointing into the sink and turning on the water.
Replace the hand-sprayer in its holder so that it points directly at you.
Make sure you are stocked up on rubber bands, which come in handy for a wide array of mischief.
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DRIBBLE GLASS
The idea behind the classic Dribble Glass prank is that when someone goes to take a drink of their beverage, it “dribbles” down their arm through a series of small cuts or holes hidden in the cup. You can use your Swiss Army knife to carefully make slits—or a funnier method is to use a hole punch (see instructions on next page).
The best strategy for executing the Dribble Glass is to find a gathering where large groups of people are eating (large picnic, wedding, funeral). At a convenient time before the meal is served, rig the Dribble Glasses in another location, then replace them in their original location. If you pull this off without getting caught, someone else will serve the Dribble Glass, which keeps the attention off you.
The Dribble Glass gag below works on plastic or paper cups that have a strong dark pattern or design (stripes, cartoon characters, etc.).
How to Make the Dribble Glass:
Borrow the cups, and take them to another location.
Using a hole punch, punch two to four holes in the pattern, near the top of the cup. Try to make it look like part of the pattern, if possible. Make the punches at evenly spaced points on the cup.
Repeat for about half the cups in the stack. Doing this with a partner and an extra hole punch makes it go faster. Be sure to collect the little punched-out bits and throw them away in a secret trash can.
Put the cups back on top of the bag or container, or mix them around randomly, and replace the cups where you found them.
Serve and enjoy!
Make a Dribble Glass. Experiment with your holes or slits for maximum dribbling effect.
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BODILY NOISES
SNEEZING POWDER
One of the patron saints of pranking was a brilliant man by the name of S.S. Adams, who invented the original versions of many of the classic pranks featured in this book: Dribble Glass (page 132), Joy Buzzer (page 114), Snake in the Nuts (page 160), and the prank that started him off: Cachoo Sneezing Powder.
Soren Sorenson Adams, or “Sam” to his friends, was working as a salesman for a coal company in 1904, when he discovered a coal-tar powder that made people sneeze like freaking crazy. This mysterious powder had a sneeze factor, or “sneezosity,” much greater than pepper. Eureka! A prank was born.
There are stories of S.S. blowing his patented sneezing powder into a crowded room of business executives, who would erupt into massive sneezing fits. (He probably didn’t get many promotions.) Or he would blow sneezing powder into a brass band as they walked by, and the band would have to stop the parade in order to sneeze watery mucus from their eyes and noses.
Why would a man ever think he could build a company on sneezing powder? That question remains a mystery, but S.S. quit his job and set up the Cachoo Sneezing Powder company. If he hadn’t taken that mad, crazy gamble, you wouldn’t be reading these words today.
Wacky little Cachoo became a national fad. There are stories of churches, classrooms, and entire sports teams pranked by Cachoo. Realizing he had a hit on his hands, S.S. Adams changed the name of his company to “S.S. Adams,” to show he was not a one-product company. Then he began to make breakthrough after incredible breakthrough. The Squirting Cigarette Lighter. The Bleeding Finger. The Squirting Nickel. The Stink Bomb. The Exploding Package. The guy was a genius. He was the Thomas Edison of troublemaking.
So: What was in Cachoo? S.S. never revealed his secret formula, but scholars now believe it was a chemical called dianisidine, which was later found to cause cancer. Today you can still buy “sneezing powder” off the Internet, but it usually contains nothing but finely ground black pepper, which you can easily make yourself.
How to Make Sneezing Powder:
Take a pepper grinder and grind one tablespoon (or more) of black pepper. You need fresh-ground pepper, not regular pepper that comes in cans or shakers.
Using a mortar and pestle, grind the pepper down until it is a fine powder.
Put it in a big spoon and hold it under someone’s nose, asking, “Do these spices smell fresh to you?”
This makes some people sneeze, some get burning mucous membranes, and some get red and irritated. A few are immune to black pepper altogether, but dianisidine is illegal, so this is the best you’ve got. Give pepper a chance.
WHOOPEE CUSHIONS
The modern-day Whoopee Cushion (also known as Poo-Poo Cushion, or Razzberry Cushion if you live in England) was invented in 1950 by employees at the Jem Rubber Company of Toronto, Canada, who were goofing around with scrap sheets of rubber in the workshop. They glued two halves of rubber together, leaving a balloonlike nozzle on the end. To their endless delight, they discovered that filling it with air, then sitting on it, made a sound like a butt bugle.
FIGURE 1: THE ORIGINAL
Figure 1 shows the package of an early Razzberry Cushion, featuring an illustration of an opera lady sitting down on the device, which makes the surprising sound BRA-A-ACK! (It’s difficult to spell the noise a fart makes.)
FIVE FUNNY WHOOPEE-CUSHION RESPONSES:
• “Who cut the cheese without passing the crackers?”
• “We’ve got to get that oiled.”
• “Someone call the gas company. We’ve got a leak.”
• “Nice one, Sir Stinkalot.” (“Madam Mudbaby” may be used for girls.)
• “Somebody just cut a party platter of cheese.”
FIGURE 2: THE CLASSIC
Figure 2 is the Classic Whoopee Cushion that everyone remembers today. “When anyone sits down, it emits a REAL Bronx cheer,” reads the caption. (“Bronx cheer” was slang for “blowing a raspberry.”) In this illustration, the whoopee cushion makes the sound POO! as the victim sits on it, which was a big improvement over BRA-A-ACK!, probably the result of years of whoopee cushion consumer research.
PROS: CHEAP, HILARIOUS
CONS: EASY TO BREAK, DIFFICULT TO HIDE
FIGURE 3: THE SELF-INFLATOR
Figure 3 shows the next innovation in pooting technology, the Self-Inflator. Self-inflators work by using a springy foam that draws air into the device automatically, which saves you the trouble of trying to get the little rubber nozzle open to blow into it (they tend to stick). Self-inflators produce a slightly different sound than the Classic, with a muffled flatulence that sounds like somebody tore open a hot, juicy breakfast biscuit.
PROS: SMALLER, EASIER TO OPERATE
C
ONS: STILL REQUIRES A DIRECT BUTT HIT
FIGURE 4: THE ELECTRONIC POOTER
Figure 4 shows The Electronic Pooter, an extremely hilarious modern version of the Whoopee Cushion. This is a remote-control fart machine that you set behind someone’s chair. You hide the remote control in your pocket, and wait. At the perfect time, you secretly press a button in your pocket, and the machine lets ’er rip. It is virtually fail-safe, and wildly comical. Some of these machines have different trouser tones, and a few even come with a self-timer, which professionals call the “tooter timer.”
PROS: EASY TO HIDE, RELIABLE
CONS: MORE EXPENSIVE, REQUIRES BATTERIES
Electronic Pooters are definitely the “crème de la crème” of farting machines, offering the power and control of the exact moment of the prank. Regardless, some type of gas-crack contraption should be in every good mischief maker’s arsenal. For those who don’t want to save up for the high-quality farting experience, a cheaper do-it-yourself option is available: the iPooter.
Sir John Hargrave's Mischief Maker's Manual Page 6