Out of My Grave

by Stephanie O'Hanlon

  Chapter Seven

  Out of the Shadows

  Bess and I made our way to my father’s office where he was speaking with a few colleagues.

  “Ah, there you are,” my father said, smiling.

  “Hello, Daddy,” I said, kissing his cheek.

  He turned to his colleagues, nodding to them. “We can continue this later, I should hope.”

  They nodded and shook his hand, turning to make their way out.

  My father turned away from me, putting his hand up. “Those papers.”

  I waited as he grabbed a large letter off of his desk, handing it to me. I noticed it was sealed, my eyebrow arching.

  “Get those on my desk as soon as you get back to the manor. I cannot leave it to chance I will forget them. They are very important, Annalee.”

  I nodded. “I gathered as much.”

  “And do not open it,” he said seriously.

  “Oh? Why not?” I asked.

  “I mean it, Annalee. I better see that seal unbroken.”

  I thought about doing otherwise for a moment, but nodded. “All right.”

  It didn’t really matter he didn’t want me to see what was inside, I was far too preoccupied with the little perfume bottle and my dark newcomer to really care.

  The entire way home I examined the perfume bottle and played with the braided golden string on it. I smiled a little as Vincent’s voice echoed, the way he said his name. I also remembered how his lips felt on the back of hand, the shiver that made its way up my spine. I tried my best to imagine what they would feel against my own, blushing lightly as I smiled down at my hands. Such scandalous thoughts!

  When we arrived home, Dale’s carriage was pulling up in front of the house, the familiar box shape with wooden designs making me sigh heavily. I rolled my eyes, the thought of his very presence annoying me to no end.

  We got out of the carriage, Dale doing the same and smiling to me.

  “Annalee!”

  I stopped, Bess taking the envelope away from me. “I will make sure this makes it to where it is supposed to be. I will set out some tea for you as well in the sitting room.”

  I nodded to her as she continued on to the house, both the envelope and little box filled with what we had purchased from town.

  Dale approached me, stopping and smiling. “How do you feel today?”

  I glanced at him, looking over his grey suit which, when compared to Vincent’s fine red and gold attire, appeared exceptionally boring. “I am fine. I heard you dropped by yesterday. Thank you for the concern.”

  He nodded. “Well, I was worried.”

  “Yes, I gathered that,” I said. I took a moment before I began walking towards the house, walking past him.

  “Are you angered with me?” He ran up behind me, catching up.

  I stopped. “Honestly? In a sense, yes.”

  “Well, what have I done to offend you?” He seemed to study me, his eyes reflecting his hurt. It was the same look he had made on previous occasions, making me feel like the villain.

  I looked up to the sky before my eyes dropped to my hands, to the perfume bottle in its little bag. “I just do not think we are the right fit. You needed to go to Sean of all people to try to find a way to win me over, taking me to the play.”

  “But you enjoyed the play,” he said weakly.

  I nodded. “I did, but I was also not very impressed with it not being your own idea. You don’t know me, Dale. In the three years you have come and paid me visits, taken me to those stupid dinner parties, you never once took the time to really get to know me.”

  “I know you,” he said, stepping forward. “Annalee, I love you.”

  “Love me?” I scoffed. “Oh, Dale, you don’t know what love is.”

  “And you do?” he asked.

  I was taken aback, pursing my lips. I then shook my head. “No, I do not. I have yet to experience it.”

  He seemed hurt by my response, looking to the ground.

  “Dale, I do not want to hurt you. I understand you have feelings for me, but you do not really know me. We are not the right fit! You have never showed any interest in the things I enjoy, and likewise, I have not showed any interest in what you enjoy.”

  “Well, what do we speak of when I come to visit? We do not sit in bloody silence,” he said, putting his hand on his hip.

  “It was not silence, but it was also not conversation! If anything, it was myself being polite, as polite as I could. Never once did I expand on one of your ideas, ask questions about your studies. We even have different friends!”

  “I thought we had mutual friends in Sean—”

  “Sean?” I asked, completely shocked. “Sean! For Christ’s sake, Dale, he has been trying to pursue me since I was fourteen! Does that slip right by you? Have you not heard the way he speaks to me? What of his friends, these mutual friends we have? Have you not heard the terrible things they have said about us? About me, about you?”

  I could see it on his face, see it in his eyes. He was trying to think of a way to answer, but nothing was coming to him.

  “Never mind that, what of going to events I enjoy?”

  “I took you a few nights ago,” he said low, keeping his eyes to the ground.

  “Because Sean told you too! Not because you wanted too or thought I would enjoy it! You only thought you were in danger of losing me, but I am sorry Dale you…you lost me a long time ago.”

  “The way you are speaking, it seems I never had you at all,” he said, looking up to me, his eyes meeting with mine.

  I sighed, nodding. “I think you are right.”

  “What now?” he asked.

  I shrugged lightly. “I don’t know, Dale. Maybe…maybe we should, give each other some space. I want to go to the masked ball tomorrow night alone.”

  “I see,” he said.

  I walked up to him, taking his hands in mine. “I am so sorry, Dale. I really am. I wish I could be everything you need me to be, everything I should be. But, it is not possible. I would very much like to start over as friends? Maybe not now, but sometime in the future.”

  He nodded. “Maybe.”

  We stood in silence for a moment before Dale bowed to me. He stood up straight and looked me in the eyes. “Goodbye, Miss Harding.”

  He turned and walked back to his carriage, getting up and inside, the whip sounding, the horses carrying it off.

  I took a moment, watching as he left the property, sighing as relief fell over me. I walked slowly into the house, pulling my shawl up around me.

  Bess’ voice rang out through the hall. “I put your things on your vanity, Annalee. You should put them away safe.”

  I nodded as my eyes moved around, somewhat in a daze. I made my way up the staircase and into my bedchamber, not really giving much of a glance upward. I looked to my vanity, sitting down on the little bench before it, looking over the little boxes filled with the jewelry I had purchased on my father’s charge.

  I opened the medium box first, which had the close-fitting necklace. I picked up the stunning piece and admired the large topaz-gold gem in the middle, rubbing my finger over it as it glittered in the sunlight from my window.

  Peering into the looking-glass, I placed the gem in the center of my throat, stretching the ribbon around, admiring it. Of course, my gown was white with patterned flowers, didn’t seem to quite match, but I ignored the fact and admired myself from the shoulders up.

  My eyes went from my own reflection to my bed, where a figure sat—it was Vincent. My eyes widened as I quickly turned on the little bench to see there was no one there. I sighed heavily, closing my eyes tightly and then opening them and looking around. I shook my head and turned back to the looking-glass, my eyes surveying the reflection of the room before I scrunched my mouth the side and began placing all the jewelry in their proper places.

  I stood up and looked about the room, walking over to the window and staring out. I bit my lip as I turned around, stopping as I felt the usual draft
that seemed to find its way into my room and follow me around.

  I looked up to see Vincent leaning against my bedpost, the light blue satin drapes brushing against his shoulder and the sunlight bouncing sharply off of the gold embellishments around his sleeves cuffs and up the trim of his frock coat.

  My eyes grew wide and I began to breathe heavily as he stood and stared at me. I closed my eyes again and shook my head, but he was still standing there when I opened them.

  “Oh God, you stupid girl you really are going mad,” I groaned. I closed my eyes again, placing my hands over my face. But when I brought my hands down and opened my eyes he was still there, standing, looking me over. He seemed somewhat amused.

  Bess’ voice rang out from behind the door, opening it. “Annalee.”

  I turned towards the door as she walked inside, my eyes bolting back over to the bedpost to see the image gone. The room was now empty, save for Bess and myself.

  Bess walked up to me. “Are you all right, dearie? You aren’t feeling ill again, are you?”

  “No, but I think I am hallucinating.” I ran over to the post, looking around. No one was there.

  Bess walked up to me, feeling my forehead, as if I was sick. “Your head feels fine. What did you see?”

  My eyes went to the floor, thinking about how I should answer.

  Should I really tell her?

  I shook my head. “Nothing of interest, I think…I think I am just hungry, that’s all.”

  She looked me over and nodded her head. “All right then. I can fix you something. I saw Dale’s carriage pull away. What was that all about?”

  She walked over and took the box off the vanity, gathering up the ribbon from it.

  “We broke,” I walked over to the side of the bed and rested my head on the post, where only a moment ago my mind told me Vincent stood. I even convinced myself I could smell his cologne.

  She turned to me and stopped. “You what?”

  “We broke off the engagement. I know you and father want me to get married, but it will not be to Dale. He could have prevented that scene at that stupid party.”

  “How so?” She took two steps closer to me, crossing her arms.

  I could still smell Vincent’s irresistible scent. The smell was comforting, somehow reassuring. Something exotic I wasn’t familiar with. I quickly snapped back to Bess, her expression expectant of an answer. “Oh…nothing. I am just thinking out loud, that’s all.”

  I had almost forgotten Bess was unaware of the true events of that night. She just knew I was upset for some reason and apparently ill.

  Her eyebrow raised but she nodded as she turned, telling me when supper would be and that she would have something on the table for me to tide me over until then.

  I sat down on my bed again, looking to the window, getting caught up in my thoughts. I had to admit, I had a new pride in myself for telling Dale how I truly felt. I also felt terrible, just like usual, that I had hurt him because things were really not as they seemed.

  I had enough on Thursday night, Sean’s antics were disgusting and the fact that Dale could not see that made me angry. He could not see anything. It baffled me that he seemed to not care. He was blind to it, even when I voiced myself, telling him about Sean’s past advances. If he was half the man he claimed to be, he would have had some sort of acknowledgement and put a stop to it. He wouldn’t let another man talk to the woman he cared for like that.

  I couldn’t get the look on his face off my mind when I told him he didn’t know what love was. That was the very first time he even said that to me! I think he had an idea of what love was. Maybe others had told him what it feels like, but I don’t think he had ever really been in love. I had never been in love though I couldn’t wait for it to happen. The way my father and poet’s describe the emotion, it seems like it’s the most amazing thing in this world. I may not know what love is, but I know what it is not.

  I know what I had with Dale was not love. Not real romantic love.

  I took it upon myself to try and read for the rest of the day. Thank goodness my father came home early, just in time to play bridge in his office. I told him about what happened with Dale, which he was surprisingly receptive to. I was worried he would be more concerned about my impending future.

  Bess called us for supper, both of us leaving our two pieces of Spanish chocolate for after. We sat at the table, supper placed before us as I looked up to my father, his blouse sleeves rolled up as usual like he was ready for work at a moment’s notice.

  “So, what were those papers about you wanted me to urgently place upon your desk?” I dipped my spoon into my soup, as the warm broth found its way up to my nose, the smell unbelievably creamy, just as the taste.

  “Oh…I really don’t think we should discuss that, Annalee.” He looked down and scooped up some soup. “I would think my making sure you did not open the papers would be a clue I wish to keep you out of it.”

  “But why not? I’m curious.” I licked the back of my spoon, savoring the taste. Bess always made the best soup.

  He looked up to me out of the corner of his eye. He took a moment before he sighed, putting his spoon down. “It is information about those missing girls.”

  I sat silent for a moment, my smile fading. “Oh. But, I thought they were missing? Meaning, no one knew what happened to them.”

  He took a moment before he shook his head. “We really should not be speaking of this, Annalee.”

  “All right,” I sighed. “Well, are they getting close to catching whoever it is that is obviously tearing these women away from society?” I sat up straight, dragging my spoon around the bottom of the bowl.

  “Not quite, Poppet. I really don’t want you to think of such things. Are you going to listen to me for once and not go riding at night anymore?” he asked, looking directly up to me, that stern but serious look to his face.

  I nodded. “Yes. And as you said, I will not be going anywhere unaccompanied during the evening. Not that I will have anywhere to go, now that I broke with Dale.”

  “Well, it is probably best to keep to the manor. I want to make sure you are safe until this whole…situation has been cleared. But, for now, please avoid the subject.”

  I nodded, going silent, eating my soup and then the pheasant Bess had prepared. I always loved her meals, no matter what they were.

  My mind kept going back to the missing girls for the rest of dinner, something about it made me uneasy, gave me a shiver I didn’t like. I fell asleep that night with a sense of calm about me, my thoughts still filled with none other than Vincent Moor.

  Chapter Eight

  Behind the Mask

  Honestly, it was as if the entire town was waiting for Sunday evening.

  It seemed like only yesterday Bess told me Professor Richards was holding a masked ball to celebrate his arrival back in London after being away for nearly five years. In reality he and his wife had arrived back several months previous, though his busy schedule wouldn’t allow such a party until he cleared things. This Sunday evening was one I was looking forward to, especially since I was arriving at the party alone, no suitor in hand.

  I almost ran up the steps to the grand manor, my father in tow.

  “Annalee! Wait! You are going much too fast!” He was laughing as he tried to catch up with me, his long legs not seeming to be able to keep up with me in our sprint from the carriage—even in my slippers.

  I laughed as I slowed, grasping his hand and making our way up the remainder of steps slowly. My father wasn’t wearing a mask, though he was wearing a very fine suit, one he said he hadn’t worn in a very long time, the dark blue Dutch velvet shining softly in the lamp light, his stockings standing out.

  My gown was absolutely perfect. The fit was exquisite, Bess always able to find me a gown that was stylish, yet comfortable. The sleeves were an old Renaissance style; the shoulders puffed out and folded over as the pink silk brocade sleeves tightened to my wrists. The bodice had a square neckline,
gold passementerie trim slithering down the overskirt, which was pink silk brocade as well. The petticoat was a plain light pink with white flower designs dancing along the bottom, a decorative livery chain around my waist, the length stretching down the front of the gown.

  My jewelry and mask were understated and simple, but it was certainly not boring, everything seeming to fall together nicely.

  My hair looked absolutely wonderful! It was beautifully curled and piled atop my head, something I was almost unhappy would need to come out tomorrow. This was achieved with the help of Deirdre O’Neil’s mother, having her stylist visit upon me before the ball.

  Deirdre herself had dropped in on me with Peter, having some tea and sitting out in the yard. I realized that though I had cut the ties to the social circle, I still had two friends who were removed from that—from Sean and his façade. Peter and Deirdre were not like Sean and his friends. And, even better, spending time with Deirdre was something I looked forward too. I invited her to go riding later in the week, as well as some tea. A little gossip wouldn’t hurt. I liked that I could potentially have someone to talk and relate to.

  We walked into the extravagant home, Professor Richards being very well off because his wife’s father was a duke. The expansive foyer was covered with brilliant people in shining colors—pinks, violets, greens and reds, all the colors of a rainbow caught the corner of my eye.

  A servant took my cloak and my father’s hat as we made our way happily into the ballroom, which simply took my breath away. Everything was generous in size and sparkling, the floor an ornate gold, swirled around columns that stretched high to the ceiling. They had lavish red velvet chairs set up everywhere, though few guests were sitting. The grand orchestra was in the middle of the room up against the far wall as people danced about.

  “Annalee!” Deirdre ran up to me, the feathers sticking out from the center of her mask—quite sizable and waving—red to match her scarlet robe à l’Anglaise, which had golden swirling designs and rubies on the bodice.

  Peter quickly appeared behind her, his mask just as grand and extravagant, his suit a dark red silk to match her, even with the same golden designs up the trim and around the sleeves.