Out of My Grave

by Stephanie O'Hanlon

  I busied myself with small things, drawing, which I was becoming quite good at, reading, embroidery, and playing with Higgins. I would be smiling and content until my mind wandered back to Vincent. I reminded myself that any time in the day he could send for me, I wasn’t being patient enough. But there was no letter, no servants…nothing but silence.

  I sat on one of the armchairs by the fire in the sitting room, my back facing the doors out to the yard, just staring into the fire, my shawl around me. I bit my bottom lip as I thought of Vincent…who else?

  “Annalee,” Bess said from the doorway.

  I turned to her, seeing Dale standing beside her in a dark blue frock coat and light brown double breasted waistcoat beneath. He was not as handsome as Vincent.

  “Dale,” I said, readying to stand.

  He put out his hand. “No, please do not rise. May I join you?”

  I nodded, smiling to him. I was already bored, what difference did it make it Dale was there to bore me with his usual jabbering?

  He walked over, smiling, sitting down on the armchair across from me.

  “How have you been?” he asked.

  I nodded. “I have been well. And you?”

  “I have…been.” He nodded lightly. He cleared his throat. “I have heard you have been seen around town with the new American.”

  “Vincent? Yes. And by around town I believe you mean we were seen at the symphony.”

  He nodded again. “People say he is…strange.”

  “I am strange.” I shrugged.

  “You know what I mean, Annalee.”

  “All right,” I put up my hands, annoyed. “How is he strange?”

  “You have not heard?”

  I shook my head. “Heard what?”

  “He was seen with three of the women who went missing,” he said.

  I sighed. “And your point is?”

  He sat forward. “My point is we do not want you to be next woman to go missing.”

  “Oh, please,” I said, pulling my shawl around me, looking to the fire.

  “He may be dangerous Annalee,” he said. “You do not think that it is—”

  “Do not say strange,” I said to him, glaring.

  “Out of the ordinary,” he said instead, “that he has been seen with nearly half these women?”

  “No, I do not,” I said. “Vincent is new in town. He was trying to meet people.”

  “Whores?” he asked, frowning at me.

  I didn’t have an answer for that, but I felt as if he was offending me, not Vincent.

  “Who cares if he pays for company? The King gives pensions to his favored subjects,” I said, looking into the fire. I was angry. I didn’t like Dale attacking Vincent, for any reason.

  “I just want you to be careful,” he said. “I know…I know you think my feelings are not as strong as I…declared them, but I care for you, Annalee. I care that you are protected, that you are happy, and that you are safe.”

  I glared at him, licking my lips. “Thank you, but you need not worry.”

  “It is not just me who worries,” he said. “Your father also worries.”

  “He has had this same conversation with me. I am well aware of his worries and I am quite capable of protecting myself.”

  He sat for a moment, sighing as his gaze went to the fire. “You…like him, don’t you?”

  “Like him?” I said, keeping my eyes on the fire as well.

  “You are attracted to him,” he said, his voice filled with hurt.

  I gave him a quick glance before my eyes went back to the fire. “And if I am?”

  “I want you to be happy,” he said, looking to me. “I understand you do not feel for me as I would…as I would hope. But, part of being in…feeling love toward someone is wanting them to be happy, no matter if it is with the person who feels that love or with someone else.”

  I smiled lightly.

  “I am sure Vincent…Mister Moor…is a fine man. I just worry that, because this cloud hovers above his presence, you will be consumed by it as well.”

  I looked at him, a shiver overcoming me from his use of the word ‘consumed’.

  He smiled again. “I just…I just wanted you to know that.”

  “Thank you, Dale,” I said, smiling to him. “But really, I am fine. I will be fine.”

  He nodded. “Well, I will leave you to your thoughts.”

  He stood, turning to me and bowing to me, taking my hand and kissing the back of it.

  “Good evening, my lady,” he said, his eyes meeting with mine.

  I smiled at him, watching as he turned and left the room. I went to bed that night thinking of Dale and his worries.

  He really does care, doesn’t he?

  You would think such a thing would make me happy…but, it made me think of how Vincent was so far away from me. I was sure he cared, maybe even cared as much as Dale, but would he ever voice it?

  Now, the second day I began to worry. I reminded myself that today would be the day, Vincent would indeed call upon me, send me a letter. My thoughts would run away from him for a moment but they always found their way back immediately. Even the thoughts of Dale were easily chased away by thinking of Vincent.

  But, there was no way of distracting myself—there was no smiling, no contentment. My mind was too preoccupied. Again, no letter came, no servants…nothing but silence.

  It was now the third day. I was in near hysterics. I sat at the table looking down to my bread with jelly in disgust, every word that came out of my mouth dripped with disdain.

  I was irritated, worried, angered he hadn’t called upon me. There was no word from him for three days. It felt like a lifetime to me, the minutes went by like hours, hours like days, and each day seemed like a week. I was afraid to feel what a week would be like, perhaps years? Would it actually feel like a year had past if I didn’t hear from Vincent for a mere week?

  I wasn’t just angered with Vincent. I was angered with myself. I let myself become so obsessed, to become so involved. It was obvious he didn’t want to see me. That it caused him pain to be near me, and he couldn’t understand my feelings.

  Cowardly vampire.

  Bess walked into the room, approaching me slowly. “Is everything all right, dearie?”

  I looked up at her and felt my eyes fill with tears. I quickly stood up and pushed my chair away angrily as I ran up to my bedchamber and slammed the door.

  As soon as I made it to my rooms I began to hyperventilate, my gown feeling as though it was cutting of my air supply as I staggered around the room, tears streaming down my face. I was embarrassed.

  I made a fool out of myself telling him what I felt for him, that I understood him!

  I sat in the middle of the floor, my beige closed robe à l’Anglaise—or round gown—billowing around me as I let my right hand hang from my bodice. I could feel the heat from my skin, my heart pounding heavily and even the tears that had fallen from my face and onto the bare part of my chest.

  My head lowered as I began to softly sob. I looked up to my vanity to see the letter Vincent had sent before, laying out. I was confused as I was sure I had put it away. Even from the floor I could recognize the parchment he used, aged, worn, but still elegant. I shifted forward, pulling myself up and standing over the letter. I examined the lettering, examined every inch of it.

  I walked over to my window, the letter still in hand. I sighed heavily, the letter bringing me no comfort, being from five days before.

  I smirked. You know every day don’t you, you stupid girl? You know every moment you were with him and you know every moment you dreamed of him and every moment you thought of him…

  I gazed out the window to see a figure by the fountain in the yard. I discarded it at first but then looked more carefully, recognizing the figure as Sean. Of all people to be near my estate, to be on my estate, he was not one I welcomed, nor had I thought he would venture it.

  I wiped my face and quickly made my way down the stairs—I wa
nted to hear why he was there but if anything, because of Sean’s impeccable timing, it was to make my day worse.

  I ran into the sunshine and started making my way across the field over to him. He turned and smiled as he saw me, turning back to the fountain.

  “What in the blazes of hell are you doing here?” I shouted from a few feet away from him.

  He looked over to the forest, seeming to ignore me. “It is a beautiful day, Annalee. One would think a beautiful girl like you would be out enjoying it, not spending it locked away in your grand fortress.” He turned back to me, smiling again.

  “Again, I ask you, what are you doing here?” I wasn’t in the mood for his games.

  He looked me over. “I hear your American friend slipped out of town a few nights ago, has yet to come back. One wonders if you two were as acquainted as I thought you were. Why he would leave as he did.” He seemed to take pleasure in what he was saying, hoping to hurt me in some way.

  “I hadn’t noticed. Vincent and I had a lovely time at the symphony but a young lady does not dwell on her suitors.”

  I turned away from him walking over to the fountain, keeping my head high.

  “Ah, how, cavalier of you Anna,” he said as he walked up behind me.

  “Annalee. Miss Harding, or my lady, whichever you please, but that is how a gentleman should call upon a young lady.” I turned to him, looking him in the eye, the anger in my voice growing.

  He directly approached me and reached for my hand. “Oh, I beg your pardon, my lady, forgive me.”

  I pulled away from him. “Sean, get away from me.”

  I walked around him to his other side and turned away from him making sure my back was between us. It was the only tactic I knew would keep his hands and eyes off of me for any length of time.

  “Annalee, honestly, I do not know why you keep running from me. You should just give up, give in. I am not going anywhere, nothing is going to stop me from—”

  “Having me? I am not a toy, Sean! I am not some prize! You cannot have me, you cannot own me, you cannot do anything with me! Why must you repeat your threats like a broken music box?”

  I turned from him, making my way towards the house until Sean’s hand came crushing on my arm, pulling me into him.

  “Because, my lady, I am not one to give up—”

  “You are hurting me! Let me go!” I looked around me, trying to find something, trying to think who I could possibly call out to, though of course only one name came to mind and apparently he was out of town.

  Suddenly Sean was ripped away from me, pushed back nearly ten paces, almost into the fountain!

  “She said, let her go.”

  I felt my eyes well up in relief as I heard Vincent’s velvety voice ring out. He had his back to me, his arm extended, Sean on the ground. He turned to me and walked directly up to me, putting his hand on my face.

  “Are you all right? Did he hurt you?” His eyes kept surveying my face, filled with worry and rage. His voice was actually gentle, soothing, concerned. Up until that point I had never heard him like that, only his eyes had ever held that feeling and even then, I was never too sure of it.

  I shook my head, letting my hand rest on his as I looked into his eyes.

  He turned away from me to Sean. “I think it in your best interest if you leave here and never return. If I see you around Annalee again, I will make sure you are unable to repeat the mistake.” His voice had changed with pure rage, his eyes smoldering.

  Sean stood up and straightened himself out, breathing heavily. He didn’t even bother to look to me as he walked away. I bet he was trying to keep what pride he had left.

  As soon as Vincent made sure he was gone he turned back to me, looking me over. “Are you sure you are all right?”

  I did not even hesitate as I slapped him across the face.

  He turned back to me slowly. “That is a very unusual way to thank me, my lady. I am sure I just rescued you…yet again!”

  He was surprised, but of course angered nonetheless.

  “That is for not speaking to me for nearly three days! Ow!” I rubbed my hand, pain throbbing through it.

  He rubbed his jaw as he smirked. “Are you all right?”

  I sighed, nodding. “Yes. I am fine.”

  “I apologize for not sending you a note in regards to my whereabouts. I was out of town and according to everyone, on business. I thought if I am going to stay around here, I will need to find an alternate food source.”

  His eyes glittered in the sunlight, his skin looking amazingly smooth, yet pale, just like always.

  I smiled. “Stay? You are going to stay around here?”

  “Yes,” he nodded, waving his finger at me. “This does not change anything, Annalee. I merely find you interesting. I also like having someone to accompany me to social events. It draws attention when I am seen with different women every night, especially if they end up disappearing.”

  I nodded. “Oh yes, of course. I guess I really should call you my champion, you have saved me from Sean yet again.”

  I walked closer to him, though he immediately stepped back. I sighed heavily.

  “I still need to take care of some things. I had a feeling you would need me for some reason today. It looks as if my intuition was correct. Promise me if he comes near you again, you will call out for someone?”

  It was as if he was scolding me, though I knew secretly he enjoyed being my hero as much as I enjoyed him rescuing me.

  “Only if you are not far away. Does that mean I will not get to see you this evening?” I was hopeful that whatever he needed to take care of wouldn’t take all that long and I could spend the evening with him. I had three days to catch up on.

  He shook his head. “No, not tonight. Perhaps tomorrow.”

  My mouth scrunched to the side as I eyed him. “How do I know you will not run off again for days?”

  “Again, I apologize for that. I should have written you a letter, come to see you and make you aware I would be gone. There are some things we need to discuss tomorrow night, it will be just dinner we will be having.”

  “You mean, I will be having,” I said as I looked past him, towards the fountain.

  “Well, I could humor you and have a plate before me,” he replied, though he didn’t seem impressed.

  “No, never mind,” I said, turning to walk away. “Tomorrow night.”

  * * * *

  I sat at the end of the table, my usual seat it seemed, my supper before me.

  I was alone.

  Vincent was nowhere to be found. I let my elbow rest on the table, my palm supporting my chin as I poked my fork around on my plate, the fireplace making the right side of my body incredibly warm.

  A servant, a young boy, perhaps only fifteen, walked up to me with a bottle of wine in his hands. “Would you like a glass of wine, Miss?” His black hair was combed back nicely as the fire gleamed off it and his dark brown eyes.

  I smiled at him. “No, no thank you.” My eyes went down to the plate, licking my lips. “Tell me, do you know where your master is this evening?”

  After all, he has said that we would be speaking about something important this evening. One would assume he would attend for that reason alone.

  I looked back to the boy, noticing the glint of fear in his eyes, frightened of my question.

  He glanced around the room cautiously. “He is at the stables, I believe. He does not often inform us where he ventures off to.”

  He was very well spoken, his hair neat and clothes clean. Not like any usual servant. I suppose it was habit being from the class I was that I don’t notice most of the servants who tended us. Thinking back, all of Vincent’s servants were well taken care of.

  I smiled. “Oh, I see.”

  The boy looked down, keeping his eyes away from me. “He also does not usually have guests…”

  “How do you mean?” I gave him a friendly smile, hoping the boy wouldn’t be so frightened, that he would look to my face
, though he kept his eyes away, as if it was forbidden to look upon me.

  “The master is not one for visitors.” His voice went low, almost a whisper.

  I nodded. “Ah, he likes to be alone. Yes, he has informed me of that.”

  I knew Vincent wouldn’t have visitors, being very uncomfortable around people. What was the boy aware of? Did he know of Vincent’s true nature?

  He kept his head down, his eyes firmly planted on the floor. I noticed how he was so closed off, concerned.

  “I suppose it is quite the change to have a young lady visiting the manor as I do.” I smiled, keeping my voice light.

  He nodded.

  “Your master goes to town a lot—”

  “If I am not overstepping my place, Miss,” his voice suddenly broke through mine. “The master has his secrets.”

  He turned to the side, trying to keep his head from turning towards me, fighting the urge. Again, as if it was forbidden, punishable to look upon me.

  I smirked. “Secrets? What kind of secrets?”

  I was being coy, I knew of the master’s secrets.

  “Dangerous ones…” His voice began to shake, very low, a whisper.

  I felt a cold seep into the room as I looked to the fireplace thinking of some way to soothe the boy, put his mind at ease. I turned back to see Vincent standing beside him.

  “That is all, Jacques.”

  His eyes were angrily on the floor as he wiped his hands on a rag.

  The boy quickly bowed his head towards me as he nearly ran out of the room. It was obvious the boy was frightened of Vincent, more so than most servants are of their masters.

  He turned towards me and walked over to the end of the table where he sat down. “I apologize for being late.”

  I frowned. “Quite all right.”

  I kept my eyes on my plate. I wanted to ask him about the boy, wanted to know why Jacques was so scared of him.

  I kept silent for a moment. “You said there was something we needed to discuss?”

  He nodded, adjusting himself in his seat. “Yes.”

  My eyes met with his. “And that is?”

  He looked up to the ceiling. “I have put a lot of thought into my situation.” He kept his eyes there and went silent.

  The minutes seemed to creep by as I glanced all around, never resting on one area for long. I didn’t know what he was going to say, but I was sure an argument would begin shortly. I needed to prepare myself.