by R. H. Vesely
Kelley noticed the smile on his face.
"What's so funny," she asked slightly annoyed.
"Nothing, I was just thinking about the heater at the farm," said Pat.
"Yeah, my breath was hotter than that thing, you and I were the damn furnace those nights weren't we," she said with a failing smile.
"Yup, el fuego," said Pat, "lucky we didn't burn the place down."
"Ok, here you go and oops, I'll be right back with the cream," said the waitress.
They looked into each others eyes, hopefully, sadly, pleadingly.
"Here you go, full pitcher of cream. Did you hear there is supposed to be a huge blizzard coming, maybe you'll get lucky and they'll cancel some of your classes," laughed the waitress.
Neither Pat or Kelley heard a word she said.
"Well, enjoy."
"Uhm yeah," said Pat, "thanks."
Pat poured himself a half cup of coffee and the other half cream. His stomach, actually his entire being, in harmony with his brain, was in torment.
"Want some more coffee," he asked Kelley trying to effectuate a pleasant tone of voice.
"No, I'm fine," she responded flatly, still staring at her coffee cup.
Pat kept looking out the plate glass window and around the restaurant anything he thought other than looking at Kelley, this he could not bear.
Kelley lifted her head looked at Pat and said, "You know I could go with you."
Pat pulled his attention back from the window looked at Kelley for a long moment and said,
"What?"
"I could go with you," she repeated lightly with a smile.
"You mean back to my college?" queried Pat.
"Yes, unless you're headed somewhere else," said Kelley.
"No, nowhere else but you have classes and what would your parents say. Hell what would my parents say," Pat stumbled out.
"They would hate us, curse us and rue the day we were born, so what," lightly laughed Kelley.
Pat was taken aback, where did this come from. This change from somber coffee cup starer. Was she just afraid to let him go without her. That he would be hooking up with someone else. Was it a jealousy thing. But he also knew he had thought the same thing but was afraid to verbalize it because it was impossible. If he verbalized the impossible that his being desired and it did not come to pass, he was afraid he would break.
"Pat I don't know if you've thought about this, but for me, I am at peace with myself when I am with you. I mean, sure it is not calm, we are both strong people with our own lives and interests, but my truth is that I have never felt so at one with another person or myself as with you. I am scared to lose this, not just for me, but for both of us. We've been apart enough to know that the way we were raised and what is around us keeps pulling at us to be something other than what we are together and that it is highly likely that one of us will succumb, probably me. I don't want that."
"Wow," said Pat.
He was stunned at how simply and clearly she had put this. But was it really possible and was it the truth. Because of their strong minds and passions their relationship had at times been tumultuous, she at times clearly manipulating him emotionally, of this he was aware. But this always seemed to be when they were thrown into uncomfortable social situations and got too high. But then wasn't the truth maybe that they could not pull this off, the pressures would be too great, one of them would crack. Wasn't this the inexorable truth, didn't they on some level both know this or were they taught just to know this. Did the two of them have it in them to live on the edge they shared so easily when alone or would they revert to the ease of what was around them.
"I may not get this right but here goes, it is a line I tried to memorize from Kierkegaard. When I read it I thought of us at the best and at the worst and it rocked me."
"We can be deceived by believing what is untrue, but we certainly also are deceived by not believing what is true. I think I got it right," said Pat.
Kelley stared at him.
That was it. What was their truth?
Chapter 5
Neither of them could believe what was happening. The snow was so heavy that the Interstate they were on had been closed. They were the only ones still on it.
"Jesus Kelley, I can't see a friggin thing. I think its actually better with the lights low. How bout you watch the little metal posts on the side of the road to make sure we aren't going off and yell if I'm fucking up."
"Ok," said Kelley.
She had called her parents when they stopped for gas and the report from them was none to happy. She was scared, scared because of the blizzard, scared because of her parents and scared because she was still feeling out of control.
"Well this would be one hell of a way to die, huh. Blissfully running off together and ending up frozen, buried in a ditch off the side of an Interstate," laughed Pat as he put his hand on Kelley's knee. He could see she had entered a state of semi panic. She had not uttered a sound for a long time and she just sat there wrapped in a bundle of clothing and blankets with only her eyes peering out over the top of the wool scarf encapsulating her head. The expression in her eyes was dead.
"If we can hang in our exit is only about another one hundred miles and from there, assuming we can get off the exit, I have the roads pretty well memorized. So, I'm pretty sure we'll make it love," continued Pat.
What he was really thinking was once we are off this wide road, I have no idea how we are going to make it on the small two lane country roads that lead to the college. The drive that would normally have taken four to five hours had already taken ten and at this rate they had at least another four to six hours to go and he was completely spent. The only thing keeping him going was adrenalin and the constant turmoil in his brain.
Maybe the universe was trying to give them a sign that they had made a bad decision or maybe it's just a great adventure and a story that they will laugh about and lovingly retell for years to come, thought Pat.
Miraculously they made the exit and managed to plow Pat's small sports car though a three foot high drift. However, now the going was really slow and it was almost impossible to know where the road ended and the fields began.
Then it happened!
As they rounded a curve Pat spotted a huge drift dead ahead. He accelerated hoping to gain enough speed to plow through to the other side but this caused his rear wheels to loose traction. The only thing uttered was a "HOLY SHIT" as they went flying off the road and buried the front of the car in the drift.
They both sat there stunned but unharmed and Kelley broke into tears. Pat had nothing to say. He was spent and just sat there with his forehead resting against the top of the steering wheel. He knew he had to do something but he felt that every ounce of energy had been drained from his body, he felt a limp mass of nothingness. Kelley continued to sob softly into the wool scarf wrapped around her face.
The only semi fortuitous thing was that it had taken them so long to get there that it was now daylight and the snow though not the wind had stopped. Pat slowly lifted his head from the steering wheel and began to try to force his door open. It wouldn't budge. God we are really screwed he thought. Then he rolled his window down and began to dig snow away from above creating a big enough hole so he could contort his body and slide out into the open. Once out, he went around to Kelley's side and slowly dug around her door until he could open it enough for her to get out. The only thing that saved his hands were the heavy ski mittens he had been wearing, otherwise his entire body was soaked and freezing.
"I'm sorry love, I did my best but it just happened too quick, I 'm so sorry," he said, as he helped her still softly sobbing figure out of the car.
"So what do we do now," said Kelley flatly as she wiped the freezing tears from her eyes.
Pat really had no answer. As he looked around there was no sight of anything but snow covered fields. God only knew when a plow would get to this remote country road. He tried to guess where he was on the route to the Univ
ersity but nothing looked familiar, just unending white with the occasional raised drift. Kelley began to cry again.
"I'm sorry, I'm so tired and so cold, I can't stop," she said through her tears.
"Yeah, me too and hard to see this as an adventure now," laughed Pat ironically.
They both just stood there Kelley sobbing with her head rested against the roof of the car and Pat looking around aimlessly for he knew not what.
"I'm going to go up the road a little further, past the next bend and see if maybe I can spot a farmhouse. With those espadrilles you're wearing, you better stay here. Why don't you put on some of my shirts that are in my bag and hunker down in the car. I promise I will be right back."
You're going to leave me?" she said crying.
"Kelley, I have to, to try and find help. Love, I promise I will be right back," said Pat reassuringly, as he gave her a big hug and kiss on her tear soaked scarf.
Pat waited until Kelley was settled in, gave her another kiss and headed off. As he left, Kelley began to sob uncontrollably. Pat could hear it but knew he had to keep going.
Kelley was beside herself, she couldn't regain control. She envisioned dying there on this god forsaken road with nothing realized in her life. What the hell had she been thinking. If she had just stuck to her plan, none of this would have happened. She could have manipulated that nice Jewish boy who kept pursuing her into marrying her. Sure she didn't have the same connection but he was solid and driven and he never would have taken off in the middle of a blizzard to god knows where. Maybe life wouldn't be as challenging or big but at least it would be a life, not a frozen corpse in a beat up old sports car.
"Stop it! Stop it!" she said to herself but she couldn't and so she just returned to crying. Then the door opened and there was Pat with a big smile on his face.
"I did it, I friggin did it!," he said with a big smile as he opened the door.
"I found a farmer with a tractor. He is coming to pull us out, can you believe it. The gods are smiling on us love," he laughed.
He gave Kelley a big hug as she got out of the car but all she could do was just stand there tired and frozen. Within a half hour they were out on the road and had the car running. The farmer even pushed a path through the drift for them. Pat, in a state of complete exhaustion, continuously thanked the farmer whose simple response was always "Glad to help".
As it turned out they had made it within three miles of the University and so they quickly arrived at the large house where Pat lived. Pat took their things up to his room followed by Kelley.
"Pat, do you mind if I just crash, I am so exhausted, I feel like I am going to die if I don't sleep," said Kelley.
"Sure, I'm beat but a bit too wired to sleep. I'm going to go downstairs and see if anyone else is here, you just sleep, no worries," said Pat.
But Kelley had plenty of worries but fortunately she was so tired that brain and body quickly shut down into deep sleep.
In - ---- I 'm going in.
Ia - You have got to be kidding me. Have you lost your mind.
In - Maybe, but I'm going.
Ia - First my friend what is the rush. Even if someone else were watching this pair, I can guarantee you that no one is going to be in a hurry to jump in.
In - Did you view the farm and the coffee shop?
Ia - Yes, but I also viewed her crying uncontrollably in a ditch on a god damn country road in the middle of nowhere. We can't know what's going on in their brains but I do not think that that represents a positive moment.
In - But they overcame the obstacles, they persevered.
Ia - He may have persevered but I'll bet if she could have gotten out of that crappy car half way there and easily gotten back to her warm home, she would have done so in a heartbeat.
In - AH ye of little faith.
Ia - Ah ye of little intelligence. I will admit that after the farm and coffee shop, they even had me going but the friggin waitress even warned them about the blizzard and they still went. These are people out of control.
In - You could see they didn't hear her and anyway what is so wrong with out of control. It comes with the territory, extraordinary does not often happen with people in control.
Ia - Extraordinary does not often happen period and I'd put a double period on these two.
In - The fact remains they made it through, and are having an amazing night and don't forget she is Catholic so if they can survive that trip and do what they are now doing, I have a lot of hope.
Ia - This is not Latin America. These are US Catholics, so I wouldn't take too much comfort in Catholicism. Hell I doubt if they even go to mass. So that leaves you banking on your idea of love, a thing which seems to go down the dumper pretty regularly.
In - Sorry my friend but I have to believe in something and I believe in this feeling I have and it is not the love you are talking about. It is the connectedness and oneness thing I am feeling and looking for and they have it. So they give me at least a chance, however limited it may be.
Chapter 6
Kelley awoke that evening around six and saw Pat dozing in a chair facing the bed. God she thought, he is so damn cute and sweet curled up there and I know he did it because he was worried about disturbing me. Shit I love this man and way too much for my own good. Kelley continued to just lay there staring at Pat watching every little movement, she was mesmerized. Pat came to gradually about seven and looked at her with a big smile.
"Man, hon, guess I dozed a bit, sorry. Did you get some good sleep?" he asked.
"Come over here and lie down with me. I want to feel you next to me," said Kelley.
They laid there next to each other smiling and staring into each other's eyes and slowly proceeded to have a long slow tender period of lovemaking. It did not have the same intensity as in the past. It was slower and somehow deeper. There was no longer the desperation of desire to join the other, it was more of a slow rhythmic flow into one. Afterwords, they dozed in each other's arms and awoke in the middle of the night and talked quietly.
"Kelley, listen to this. I talked to John, the guy who runs the house and he said there is a room in the basement that we could turn into a little apartment and it won't cost anything. Can you believe it," said Pat.
Kelley smiled.
"Believe it or not, I think we can pull this off if we put our brains to it."
"Yeah, maybe so," said Kelley as she embraced Pat.
"But for now why don't we just enjoy each other. I want you again and who knows maybe again before the sun comes up," she said as she rolled on top of him, looked into his eyes and pulled his leg around her.
The next morning Pat woke up early and decided to let Kelley sleep. The house was largely empty since the blizzard had prevented any of the other members from getting back to the University. Pat was half asleep sipping a cup of coffee and looking out the frosted leaded glass windows at the drifts on the front porch of the house thinking to himself, how the hell did we get through, unbelievable. We are fucking nuts. He then saw someone coming up the front steps to the patio and thought to himself, hmmm, that guy looks familiar. Maybe its the guy who does the books or is it the insurance guy or …...... holy shit!!! It's Kelley's dad, William. He stumbled over to the door to let him in.
"Hi Pat, how are you," said William.
"Uh, fine. Geez how did you get here," asked Pat, not knowing what else to say.
"Caught a plane to the only airport open. I forget the name of the town, about three hours from here, rented a car and drove down and here I am. Is Kelley here?" said William in a pleasant sort of matter of fact way.
"Sure," replied Pat completely taken aback by the calm even pleasant way William was talking.
"Could you go get her please," said William calmly.
"Hi babe, what up, I could sure use some coffee," said Kelley with a smile.
"Your dad is here. He's sitting downstairs." stumbled out Pat.
"You're kidding, how, its impossible," said Kelley.
/> "It may be impossible, but he's there and he wants you to come down," said Pat still in a bit of shock.
"Ok, tell him I'll be right there."
"She said she'll be right down."
"Good, thanks Pat. So this is where you live here at the University and are these group pictures on the wall photos of old house members?" William asked pleasantly as he moved around perusing the photos.
"Uh yes," said Pat still completely befuddled by what was going on.
"Wow, this one here is from the year I was in College, of course not here, but boy did we all look straight back then," he laughed.
At this point Kelley came down the stairs and her father turned to her and said.
"Hi Kelley, how are you, good?"
"Fine dad."
"Well go upstairs and get your things. We have a long drive to the airport and I thought we would stop in New York City for a day or so and we can talk," he said very matter of factly.
Kelley immediately went upstairs and returned with her suitcase.
"Gee Kelley, why did you take that suitcase, you have a much nicer one than that," said William.
"I was in a hurry and it was the only one I could find," replied Kelley nonchalantly.
Pat stood there dumbfounded. He could not process what was going on, the fucking suitcase he thought to himself, what the hell is this and simply get your things and that's it.
Kelley gave him a kiss and a hug and said, "Sorry my love, I have to go, we'll talk."
She and William got in the car talking and left. Pat simply stood there motionless thinking to himself, wow it is over, that simply.
Kelley did go to New York with her father and they stayed at a nice hotel and even took in a Broadway show. They also talked. William was a solid soul who loved his children but was dominated by a wife whose mood swings and drinking often made their home unpleasant to be in and so he had withdrawn. He liked Pat but was genuinely concerned about his daughter's seemingly rash actions. When they later discovered she was pregnant, William, though a somewhat Catholic, immediately said Kelley had to consider an abortion. It was way too early for her to be having children. Even before she found out about the pregnancy, Kelley had decided she was going back to her plan. It likely happened she thought the moment she was left in the car in the drift. It was too much, too much unknown and she thought to herself I am trying to flee craziness but fleeing to another possible craziness will not work. It may not be, but I cannot take the chance. I need to be in control.