Connections

by R. H. Vesely

  "Mattie, I'm not saying forget the guy permanently, but remember he has a girlfriend, a girlfriend, and did you ever wonder why he chose the Essex. I mean, maybe he was trying not to be seen out," emphasized Kelley.

  "Yeah, but like I said, it sure seemed as if it was not going well," interjected Mattie.

  "Please, listen to yourself, Robert just cheated on you with another woman and you're about to go break up someone else's relationship in the same way," said Kelley.

  "I know, it bothers me, but I can't help feeling what I'm feeling and I'm pretty sure he is feeling something similar," answered Mattie.

  "Look, I know you too well, I met that guy too and given what was going on that night, I have no doubt in your ability to bring that guy to his knees. I've got no problem with you using him for what you need for yourself at the moment, but he's got a girlfriend, I repeat a girlfriend and I can't believe there isn't some other guy out there who can meet your immediate needs. I mean this has never seemed to be a problem for you in the past. Need I mention Mark and Dan and few others whose names I don't recall."

  "I know, I know, but I am being serious when I say this is not that. I know it sounds stupid, but I'm really afraid that he could be it, it was magic, true magic Kelley. Believe it or not I think I know the difference and …..," Mattie paused and looked at Kelley almost imploringly.

  "And if I am right, if I am right, what then. I mean forget everything else and say I am right, what then?"

  Kelley wasn't sure where to go from here. What if she was right, what did this mean. She thought about her and Pat and how they or probably she had so easily let this go. That intensity came rushing back to her, but Mattie was not like her. Actually, she was more like Pat probably. Ok, stop she said to herself, this is not about you. It is about Mattie.

  "Mattie, I don't know what to say. If you are right, you have to give it a go, I guess. Maybe do it slow and sort of find out what the girlfriend thing is about and then, see if it was just the night or maybe real."

  "Yeah, I guess I could call him and see if he wants to have a drink. You know something friendly and non committal."

  "Boy, but having said this and thinking about you and slow, the odds are not in his favor," laughed Kelley hoping to lighten the conversation.

  "Hey, I can take it slow, I think, maybe, hmm maybe not," laughed Mattie.

  "Yeah, you and the roadrunner hon, just naturally ambling along," laughed Kelley.

  "Yeah, good, I'll just give him a quick friendly call," said Mattie looking at Kelley with a big smile on her face. "Good talk and thanks Kelley, you are the best and I particularly liked being referred to as a temptress, not exactly my self image, but I like it," said Mattie with a Cheshire cat grin. They smiled at each other and clinked glasses.

  "Uh, You know, as long are we are here solving problems, I sort of have an odd one that I can't seem to get off my mind," said Kelley.

  "Really, well lay it out girl, we're on a roll here," laughed Mattie.

  "It's a weird one, so maybe we better get another pitcher of beer before I start, ok."

  "Good by me, nothing else I'd rather be doing than talking with you, unless of course I called Randy," laughed Mattie, "just kidding of course about the Randy thing. You know slow, right."

  "Well, actually you may feel different once you hear what it is about," said Kelley as she went to get more beer.

  "Whoa, you got the big pitcher this must be weird, but you know me, I like weird," said Mattie.

  "Ok, here goes, I'm thinking of calling Pat," said Kelley directly.

  Mattie choked on her beer and gasped. "You have got to be kidding me. Haven't you tortured that guy enough. I mean, I am on your side, but really," said Mattie.

  "I saw him at the Crossroads the other night with Colleen and it made me feel odd. You probably don't know, but Colleen has sort of been after him even when we were together."

  "So what do you care, let her have a go at him. You're with Doug. The guy who wants to marry you, remember."

  "Yeah, but there was something about seeing Pat again. The feelings all came flooding back to me. I can't explain it. I feel like we should give it another try, you know."

  Mattie drained her glass and poured herself another beer. This was beyond weird she thought. She had treated this guy like shit in the end, was about to probably marry another guy and she says, I think we should give it another try.

  "Kelley, I don't know what planet you are on but I am due back on the planet earth. You have got to be kidding."

  "I only wish I were," said Kelley sadly.

  "Ok, ok, let's look at it. God I thought I was bringing some shit to the table. Babe you have got me seriously beat. My shit is peanuts in comparison."

  "Yeah, sorry I didn't come here planning to talk about it, but listening to your description of the night at the Essex forced it out, I'm sorry."

  "Nothing to be sorry about but I admit, I am a bit thrown. Help me out here. What about Doug?"

  "Hell, you know I don't love him. I mean he is a great guy and loves me, in his way ,and maybe that's it. In his way. But honestly it is nothing like what Pat and I had, nothing."

  "Kelley, please don't take this the wrong way but are you sure it was not seeing him with Colleen that maybe set you off. You know, the actual seeing him with someone else."

  "I admit that brought home the reality of losing him. You know, I guess on some level, I always thought he would be there if I wanted him, but it's not just that."

  "Then try to tell me what it is."

  "I know this will sound even weirder but I always had this idea that if I were about to marry someone like Doug that Pat would show up and rescue me."

  "You mean like in that old movie the Graduate. God girl, you need to get a handle on reality. That's like crazy, I mean certifiable."

  "I know, it scares me. Maybe I'm as nuts as my mother, god forbid."

  "No, no Kelley, you are no where near as crazy as her. Wait, I didn't say that right. I meant to say you are not crazy, just maybe a bit emotionally confused."

  "Thanks, but sometimes I wonder."

  "You know, we finished the beer and though I hate to say it, I don't think we are going to come to grips with this without more," laughed Mattie trying to ease the atmosphere.

  "If you are willing, I could use the help."

  "Ed, another pitcher but not the super this time or I think I would float away."

  Mattie was stuck, she really had no idea what to say to Kelley. This was truly crazy and irrational. There probably was no solution. Kelley was going to have to play it out and nothing was likely to stop her, nothing.

  "You and Kelley having a good talk?"

  "I think fucked up would be more to the point. Talking about men as usual Ed, but boy, sometimes it can get pretty bizarre."

  "Yep and I thank god for you young women and men still trying to figure it out. It keeps the cash register ringing. --- Would you like a little old man's wisdom?"

  "God would I, expelled Mattie."

  "Find someone who you like and who when you dance, your rhythms match and odds are the rest of it will match too. Its always worked for me."

  "Ed, you told me you've been married three times!"

  "Yup, first two, no rhythm, but the last one, ahhhhhhh," laughed Ed.

  "Beautiful," laughed Mattie.

  "Ok, Kelley, thanks to Ed I have the answer," laughed Mattie as she filled their glasses. "Ready?"

  "Ready."

  "You find someone you like and dance with them and if your rhythms match, the rest will match too, voila, problem solved," said Mattie smiling.

  "Ok, a toast to Rhythm," laughed Kelley.

  "Shit though, I have unbelievable rhythm with Pat and Doug is one of those shifting from one foot to other guy dancers," laughed Kelley.

  "Well then its settled, I guess we both have a call to make after we finish this beer," said Mattie.

  Chapter 13

  As he went up the walk to the familiar bl
ue door of Kelley's house, a million thoughts were running through his head. The most prominent being what the hell was he doing. Their phone conversation had been light and friendly with Kelley saying she thought it would be nice if he could stop by her house that afternoon. "You know , we are old friends and it would be nice to catch up on how life is going. Nothing big, just a nice friendly visit." But Jesus why, they had not talked since that night of the party ages ago and in fact she had not replied to any of the letters he had sent her shortly after that. Was she completely unaware of how badly she had fucked him up. If she was, she must not have read any of the letters. He thought about Colleen, and telling her about the visit and how she had seemingly been fine with it, but warning him to be careful. He thought about Betsy and how she would be cursing him loudly for his stupidity if she knew what he was doing, just as he was cursing himself now. But the reality was, once he heard Kelley's voice on the phone, he could not have uttered anything other than what he did. "Sure, sounds like fun. See you in a couple hours."

  Kelley opened the door just as he stepped onto the small porch. She was wearing a small black dress and a big smile.

  "Hi Pat, come on in. Everyone else is out for the day, so we unbelievably have the place to ourselves, a truly rare occurrence. Lets go in the kitchen and get something to drink, ok," she said with a cheery smile.

  Pat thought to himself, god I can't help the way I feel about her, what the fuck was I thinking. Here she is ready for a nice friendly chat over a beer and I already feel weak in the knees.

  "Sure, sounds good," he said with a smile.

  "Since it has been so long, how about we have some Pimm's No. 1, you always liked that and my mom won't mind," she said as she bent down to open the liquor cupboard.

  "Ah, sure," mumbled Pat as he stared at her little black clad figure curled in front of the low cupboard.

  Kelley poured him a large glass with ice and began talking about how her school was going and what her brothers and sister were doing and they both laughed at a few of her sister's incidents with her parents. Pat's mind started to calm down and he now felt he was somewhat in control and began to enjoy their friendly conversation and laughing. Good he thought, just thrown a bit at first, but the drink has calmed me down and I will be able to pull this off. Hell, maybe there is a friendship to be salvaged out of this.

  "This is fun, finish that up and we'll have some more," said Kelley lightly, as she poured him another large glass of Pimm's No. 1.

  "Thanks, so is Doug your next conquest?" said Pat in a relaxed friendly way.

  Kelley poured herself a little bit more and hopped up to sit on the kitchen counter directly across from Pat who was seated on the floor leaning against a shelf.

  "Yeah, I guess you could say that," she laughed, "I think he wants to marry me."

  "Wow, what's his story?"

  "Goes to Law School, comes from a nice Jewish family and is basically a real nice guy," answered Kelley.

  Man thought Pat this is really working, Betsy would be proud, even though she would have killed me for coming.

  "How about you and Colleen, I here you have been spending all your time here together and you had quite a time at Jon's party?" she said casually.

  "You're kidding, you know about that. God, may be a city, but sometimes it feels like a small town," laughed Pat. "Yeah, we seem to connect pretty well. She's a really nice person."

  "Well just be careful, she has had her eye on you from the beginning," said Kelley in a serious tone.

  "Really, god why would she have her eye on me, something wrong with her vision," laughed Pat, feeling the Pimm's No. 1.

  "No, I'm serious Pat," said Kelley directly as she hopped down and then refilled Pat's glass.

  "I actually told her to back off when we were together," continued Kelley, as she hopped back up, now sitting with her legs crossed on top of the counter staring at Pat. There ensued an awkward silence between them. Pat had no idea how to respond and he was starting to feel a bit drunk with all the refills of Pimm's No. 1.

  "Man, this stuff is hitting me. What are you trying to do get me drunk,?" he laughed in an attempt to lighten the mood.

  "Maybe," said Kelley with a smile as she looked directly into his eyes.

  Pat quickly looked away and took another sip of his drink thinking to himself, doesn't she ever get tired of fucking with me.

  "You know, I really like Doug. He is a good, kind guy. A bit dull, but he does have a very cool motorcycle believe it or not and I know he loves me, in his way," said Kelley pensively.

  "Hey, well if it works for you that's all that's important, right," said Pat. "It's never easy....."

  "No, it isn't is it, Kelley interrupted, I guess we know that."

  Another long awkward pause ensued. Pat was thinking to himself, I guess this visit has run its course and I should get out of here before it gets weird, but he didn't and little did he know how weird it would get.

  Kelley had descended again and was about to refill Pat's glass.

  "No, no, I really shouldn't have anymore, really," said Pat.

  "Oh, come on, who knows when we'll see each other again, come on," said Kelley as she gave a little laugh and slid down next to him and poured his glass to the top.

  What the hell was happening here thought Pat. This is far too familiar territory. I know she is trying to get me drunk but why and why can't I stop her. Because you never could he thought.

  Kelley gave him a kiss on the cheek and resumed her cross-legged position on the counter but with her head down and Pat staring up at her. God help me, I love that woman thought Pat. At that moment Kelley looked up with a half sad look on her face.

  "You know we could go up to my room, if you want," she said softly.

  Pat just stared at her small beautiful form perched atop the green linoleum counter and thought to himself, my god I am in trouble, get a grip. All the past pain came flooding back to him. He put his head down, awash in a maelstrom of emotions. It felt like his head would explode and there was a crushing weight on his chest, he couldn't breath. Then it happened, something snapped. Pat raised his head and looked at Kelley's beautiful dark eyes.

  "Kelley, god help me, I will always love you, but I think we both down deep know we are over. Maybe we had a chance but that chance passed us by for whatever reason. I wish to hell I did not feel this and it is taking everything in me to not want to jump back in, but it will end badly and that I do not think I could survive. I'm sorry, I have to leave."

  "But Pat, why not give it another try. I can't stand to lose you. You are the only person I ever loved or probably will love," she said as she descended the counter and sat down directly in front of him taking his hands in hers. Pat sat with his head down, truly afraid to look into her eyes.

  "Let us just say that I do not have it in me anymore, Ok," he said with head down.

  He then stood up and left the house not pausing for a moment until he was in his car and driving away. He managed about one block before he pulled over, closed his eyes and quietly rested his forehead on the steering wheel.

  Chapter 14

  "Hey babe, so how was the trip, missed you, get any?" said Betsy as she gave him a big hug and kiss.

  "It was beyond belief and if you had told me that what happened was going to happen, I would have called you a fucking liar," said Pat as he flopped in a chair.

  "I am physically and emotionally exhausted and if I never see another glass of Pimm's No. 1 in my life, I will be very happy," said Pat.

  "Whoa, whoa, slow down, I already do not like what I am hearing here. Isn't Pimm's No. 1 that shit that you said Kelley's mom swills. Jesus, You have got to be kidding me. You did not get back with her did you you friggin idiot. I mean, after all the talks we had. If you did, you are going to get no sympathy from this corner. There has got be some limit to stupidity Pat. God, if I have to, I will beat you into intelligence or cuff you to the bed and never let you out until your brain starts working, if ever," said Betsy,
as she came over and stood directly over him staring down.

  "Hold on, hold on Bets, just let me get my bearings. It was a long drive. Sit down and relax, I will tell all and I think that you will be proud of me," said Pat.

  "It better be good or my threat still stands," said Betsy as she took a seat across from him, giving him a hard stare.

  Pat proceeded to recount the entire weekend chronologically. Betsy kept trying to interrupt with questions about Colleen and Pat kept repeating hold on let me tell the story. But, when he got to the part about Kelley calling and him agreeing to see her, it was too much for Betsy. She jumped out of her chair and put her hands around his neck and semi seriously started choking him.

  "Wait, wait, you will like this I promise, I promise," gagged out Pat.

  "I better, because I am not kidding about those cuffs. You know I've got them in the bedroom and it will be reeeeal easy to hook you up while you're sleeping," said Betsy as she returned to her chair.

  "Ok, Ok, but you have to let me finish and if you still feel the same I'll go willingly," laughed Pat, hoping to hell she would be pleased, since he now was not so sure it was an idle threat.

  He then recounted in detail what had happened at Kelley's up to the point of his leaving. They both sat there in silence for a moment and Betsy just continued to stare at him.

  "You did it, god damn, you did it. I think it is finally done. You're right, I am so proud of you and so happy for you," said Betsy, as she jumped into his lap and wrapped her arms around him and kissed him repeatedly.

  "God finally," she said as she held his face in her hands and planted a big kiss on his lips.

  "Ok, so now you have to tell me about Colleen, details I want details. There had to be more than just some dancing and talk. Did you sleep together I hope?" said Betsy.

  "No actually, we did just about everything but though," said Pat.

  "Why not, I mean she sounds hot and definitely in to you. I mean it was no accident she knew and had your favorite beer my friend," laughed Betsy.