by R. H. Vesely
"Come on love, we can do this. I know we can," said Allie.
"God, I hope we can. I have never wanted anything more in my live. I hope we can because, I love you Allie, I purely and simply love you," said Bill calmly.
"Well then we've got a good start because I love you too, purely and simply," said Allie with a smile.
Bill then proceeded to recount to Allie what had happened on the river that day and how he and Kelley had ended up sleeping together. He did not however talk about how Kelley looked, or what she had done. He made no excuses. He just said he fucked up, did a stupid thing, but he thinks he knows why and if she is still willing to listen, he would try to explain, but that he would understand if she didn't.
"I desperately hope you will let me explain. It is not an excuse, I promise. It is something about me, my fear, my inability to trust that I want you to know, even if you decide we're through. If I lose you, I want you to make that decision knowing how I truly feel," said Bill, and then he sat back in his chair.
Allie had listened quietly and pulled back as soon as she heard Kelley's name. The expression on her face was no longer smiling. She had sort of mentally prepared herself for this, but when she actually heard it, it hurt and she felt the urge to flee. When Bill stopped, she sat there looking at him, not with malice or anger, just staring at his person, studying him. Toni's mantra ran slowly through her brain. She continued to stare and then she thought, before anything else, I need to tell him about what I did and I need to do it now.
Bill, I am willing to listen, but before I do, I need to tell you something. So, I need you to listen carefully to me. Please don't interrupt, because this is going to be difficult for me. I will preface it, as did you, with the fact that I love you and do not want to lose you," said Allie.
Allie then recounted in far greater detail exactly what she had caused to happen from the beginning on the plane to sleeping with Robert. She ended with how she had broken down sobbing in the shower.
"So, I think you can see love, that I too am terrified of what I am feeling towards you. Like you, I have no excuse. I am afraid to trust in and connect with another human being. Like you, I now think I know why and if you are willing to listen, I want to tell you because, like you, I want you to know how much I truly love you, even if you decide we are through."
Bill was speechless. He had no idea that this was what Allie was going to say. He thought she was going to recount to him how much pain he had caused her and what a coward he was and he hoped maybe, just maybe, she would say it could possibly be salvaged. But god to think she was going through similar shit rocked him to the core. At first he felt stupid. Why hadn't he seen this in her, but how could he. Neither could have seen it in the other because up until they tried to flee in their own way, they had given no hint other than marveling at their closeness. They both sat there and stared at each other, completely taken aback by what had just occurred between them.
"You know Allie, I have a suggestion to make. Before we go into the whys of what we did, how about we take a break. I don't know about you but I am a bit tapped emotionally but only for the moment. It might be nice to relax a little, listen to some music and hold each other. What do you think?" said Bill.
Allie said nothing. She got up, went over to Bill, took his hand, pulled him to his feet and embraced him, kissed him on the neck and began to cry gently. She then, holding his hand, smiled at him, made several sideways gestures with her head and walked towards the bed room pulling Bill's hand from behind.
Chapter 40
"Oh my god Tom, do you believe this. I can barely get up on the bed the mattress is so thick. It's one of those ones with the astronaut foam. Wait that can't be right. Aren't they weightless up there? Maybe Swedish or Japanese foam. I can tell you one thing, it sure isn't Chinese, god everything in here is so luxe. Did you feel the towels, Christ they're like a god damn pile carpet, except soft. Oh man, and I can't wait to try that spa shower, there are like a dozen different nozzles in there. We need to have our friends get mentally fucked up more often. I could sure stand to do this every so often. It suits me. I think I must have been royalty in a past life," laughed Toni, as she rolled around on the bed.
"Well your highness, I must say this is something, though I think I must have been a peon in my past lives because I nearly fainted when I saw what it costs," said Tom.
"Relax hon, I got a deal. I know the manager, he loves my music. So half price but full luxuries. For one night, we are the shits babe. God I wonder how its going with Allie and Bill. No call yet, so that is a good sign, and you know what, I have faith in them. I think they are going to pull it off. The really funny thing is that because they both cheated on each other at the same time and both admittedly out of fear, that I think they will get over it. Now whether they get over the fear thing, that only time will tell, but god, how weird, huh," said Toni.
"You know love sometimes the universe works in strange ways and I think this is one of them. Hell look at us who would have ever thought a sex goddess singer would be with a tall, brilliant dufus like me," said Tom with a smile.
"Sex goddess singer, tall and brilliant I agree with but dufus no. Babe you are the coolest thing going. You are an original and I feel so god damn lucky to be the one who you wanted to be with. So lets get naked, put on our plush bathrobes, and show these rich fuckers how a room like this is supposed to be used. I want to do it in every nook and cranny of this decadent boudoir and end with the shower dancing on my coochy," laughed Toni, as she sprang from the bed and bear hugged Tom.
"I am one hundred per cent vested in that idea, except perhaps the last part, don't have the equipment, but babe let me fill you with my baby batter, oh god that was lame wasn't it. See, I told you I am a dufus," laughed Tom.
"Not at all hon, I likes it when you talks dirty, and nothing would please me more than to have a little Toni or Tommy come out of this night. Then we wouldn't have to tell them they were conceived on some kitchen counter when they grow up," laughed Toni.
"Really, that makes me very happy. So lets get to it mi amor, I say we start under the antique desk," laughed Tom.
Chapter 41
That afternoon, when they went in to Toni's and Tom's bedroom, Allie and Bill did not make love. They both laughed when they saw the chocolates and then they laid down on their backs next to each other. Bill put his arm around Allie and she rolled over and rested her head on his chest. They laid this way feeling each others breathing and gave in to sleep. The first true sleep either of them had had in over a week.
When they awoke, it was dark out and they both looked and smiled at each other peacefully. Together they went to the kitchen and listening to music and laughing, they prepared dinner, occasionally grabbing each other and dancing a little and kissing. Then they opened a bottle of wine and sat down at the table.
"Love, you know what I was just thinking about. I was thinking about how amazing it is that we found each other. The number of crazy things that had to happen for that seemingly simple thing to occur. If there had not been that freak blizzard, if I had not been jonesing for Tom's coffee, if I had not fallen, if you had not been on that day, if I had not bumped into you screwed up at that opening, if you had not insisted that I make another appointment, if Toni and Tom had not set up the beach day. Knock out any one of those things and we would not be here together," said Bill.
"But most important of all, if Toni wasn't the one person we individually chose to confide in, even with all those other things, one of us would have managed to destroy the relationship. Hell, we both gave it more than a good try," laughed Allie.
"To Toni," said Bill, as he raised his glass.
"And to us, I am going to trust this man, I love him," said Allie, as she raised her glass.
"To us, I am going to trust this woman, I love her," said Tom, as they clinked glasses and laughed.
They then ate, drank and talked about their fathers and the loss they felt, but not in great depth. They agreed th
at this was something they would continue over time because they were going to have a lot of it. Tonight they felt it was important for them to be with each other and enjoy this gift that life and Toni had given them. Neither could remember the last time they had felt this calm and at peace. When they laid down that night, though neither was religious in the slightest, they both looked at each other and said "God bless Toni wherever she may be". They then made love and gave in to each other in a way they had never before experienced. It had been a good day.
In - Ok, so there it is, what do you think. Did I keep up my side of the bargain? I can tell you now that three of the four couples are going to have a pregnancy very soon but none are at the entry point yet. The fourth, I would bet my last dollar on and is as close to a sure thing as I have ever seen. So you are going to have to make a decision. Others are watching them but not big numbers, so I think if you decide now you have a good chance of success but you better do it now.
Ia - Look I just want to be sure I've got this all straight and you are not throwing in a twist for a little sick fun. Ok, to ease my mind, please tell me that Kelley is not pregnant from the river day.
In - Whoa, are you psychic, how did you figure that one out. I know you like her and can see that she has the ability to connect but to anticipate that is amazing. You really have a feeling for this.
Ia - Well, I can tell you feeling or not, even with her awakening, there is no way I am going into that mess. Jesus Bill may not be the brightest emotional bulb but how does he make that flip. Sorry, I understand you have faith but I am not going into that black hole.
In - Just pulling your chain. There is no way Bill is giving up Allie or she him. They are couple number four. The one not there but as sure a bet as can be and thought they might appeal to your gambling instinct.
Ia - You shit, you had me going with your constantly bringing her back in and saying "things change rapidly". I really believed it was going to happen. Ok so then the three are Betsy and Pat, Mattie and Randy and I'm guessing our late comers of Tom and Toni, along with the near certainty of Allie and Bill, right, or are you screwing with me again.
In - Nope that is it, truth. To be completely honest, I would add that I ran across Toni and Tom almost by accident while following the others so I don't have much earlier viewing of them.
Ia - You know even though Bill and Allie had struggles, I noticed that they both appeared to come from fathers who at least at some point seemed to have the sense of and drive for a deep connection. You see what I am getting at. This could be an even more powerful event relative to carrying forward. I have no idea but it just came to me while watching.
In - Beautiful observation and I really have no idea. I was focused on making sure I found pairs, as I promised, where they both had it and were likely to fit your societal requirements. But very cool that you spotted that.
Ia - Betsy and Pat, Pat and Betsy, man they are a trip. Out of all the women in this menagerie, she is my favorite and it's not because she is obviously going to be successful. Believe it or not I don't think I care about that at all any more. I think if I had to choose between a poor couple with a connection and a Michael with whoever, I would take the connected couple. You have changed me my friend, I had never looked at this before, never really even noticed it and I say this regardless of whether your crossover theory is correct. Though I hope it is but it would just be a bonus.
In - Wow, seriously, you're right. I have been so focused on the idea of crossover that I was not fully appreciating the beauty of the connection itself, regardless, thanks.
Ia - Ok, enough idle complements, very funny.
In - No, no I'm dead serious.
Ia -Ok, my trepidation with them is Pat. It is hard for me to let go of seeing him with Kelley and then Colleen. I see it, I feel it and I enjoy it, the connection he and Betsy have, but it's hard for me to trust it. But having said that I love the way they relate and she blows me away.
In - I know and to me there is something endearing about the way it snuck up on them. I didn't really see it coming. I was looking at Pat because for some reason, I had faith in him. I couldn't seem to let him go. I was starting to wonder if it was an ego thing with me, refusing to admit that I was wrong about him and Kelley. But you know I think it shows there is a another part to this. I think each person has to be connected with themselves before they can really connect with another. I really hadn't noticed this before.
Ia - Yeah, you were starting to get me worried. I wondered more than once about whether this was a mistake on my part because you seemed so locked into Pat and Kelley. They constantly kept reappearing but your faith in Pat paid off. He and Betsy are a great pair and who knows maybe for someone in the future Kelley.
In - Yes, I think Kelley may now have connected with herself. I think that was what was battling her. Now Randy and Mattie, they strike me as the calmest of the group. Not a lot of drama, they both feel it and accept it without torturing their souls. She seems like she is going to give him the creative craziness that he needs and he is going to give her the calm secure base that she needs.
Ia - Joy would probably be the word I would use to describe what they are going to share with each other. Their lives are going to be exciting but with less emotional turmoil than the others. Should be a great place to be a kid, don't you think.
In - Amen, from that night at the Essex on they have seemed to be ready and willing to share completely and truly appreciate the other person, a rare thing.
Ia - Ok, Tom and Toni, like you said not a whole lot of background but god what love and what a bond. I am actually surprised they are thinking children because they seem so complete as a pair. You know what I mean.
In - Yep, my sense is that Tom was always there but would not have raised the issue because of Toni's music and Gallery things. She probably also didn't know if she would be able to fit it into her life and frankly it is a bit hard to imagine where she is going to find the time to raise a child. But she does have boundless energy and she's got Tom. Also, like you said theirs is probably the strongest connection of all and there is a bit of a sense from how her parents handled her helping Allie that they were a strong couple but understand I don't know that for a fact.
Ia - Lastly, the supposed sure thing of Bill and Allie. I tell you one of the things I like about them is that they have confronted their demons, or at least major ones. They are also likely the smartest and I like the mix of Doctor and musician. Do you know if he is going to still do that law thing. I sure as hell hope not. It would not be good for him.
In - No, it is not absolutely done but I would say virtually.
Ia -Good, like I said I really like what they have overcome and the depth and longstanding nature of their drive. They have tremendous appeal to me. Hey, by the way depending on who I choose are you thinking about one of this group or are you going to wait longer and watch some more. I mean you've got that bonus time for being bounced back so quickly.
In - I really haven't decided. I mean this is a pretty amazing group. I think we have been lucky. Well I guess not just lucky. I worried so much about our deal that I spent every possible minute I could watching and it was really a bit of luck that many of these connected. Though you know, I noticed that people who have this deep feeling often tend to associate with other people who have it and the same is true for those who don't. You cannot imagine how many of the others I looked at that didn't have it. I was surprised. I got to Randy and Bill through watching Mattie and then Bill led me to the others or at least I think that's how it happened. At this point even I'm confused. I have viewed so many damn pairs. You just saw the best of it. But you know I really liked Colleen and I hate to admit I am curious where Kelley is headed with her new revelation and who knows who they might lead me too. It is really hard to decide, particularly after I decided so badly last time. So are you close to a decision.
Ia - No, the simple answer is no.
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