by Samie Sands
We find a tiny gap in the fence, near to the ground, to climb through. I make a mental note to remember to fix that later. I don’t think that the zombies will have the intelligence to think to come through here, but it’s far better to be safe than sorry. My heart is pounding as we creep forward; my confidence is beginning to wane. I know we can do this, but the reality of the situation is always a little bit terrifying. Plus this time, we have the pressure of everyone watching us. It’s a strange sensation, like I have a spotlight shining on me or something—and not just in my imagination this time. I can’t re-visualize any mistakes to suit myself. This is much more than me just picturing myself inside some damn movie.
I’m soon distracted by the sound of a blade slashing through rotten skin. It’s amazing how quickly you get used to these sounds and can recognise them immediately. I swing around, trying to get myself into the right frame of mind, but Pete has already finished the job without any issues. I feel uneasy as that seemed far too easy. I remember how challenging it was to force my blade into Lexi’s skull—are the zombies becoming weaker or are we becoming better fighters? I’ve noticed it more and more as time has passed, when I’m in the middle of a battle, it’s all I can focus on.
As much as I want to, I can’t delve into my thoughts too deeply right now, because more zombies head towards us. We fight in silence. My axe has absolutely no problems and I can’t hear any stress coming from the others. It’s only taking single strikes to defeat the zombies in these battles. In previous fights, my aim had to be absolutely perfect and even then it took a few times to properly finish them off. I’m pleased by this evolution, but I can’t help being confused. I’ll have to bring it up with the others later; I need to know their opinions. Especially Emily’s. She’s clever enough to have a rational answer for me.
I lock eyes with a zombie coming towards me. It’s letting out a small, pathetic moan as it slowly shuffles in my direction. It’s slow, too slow. It’s moving at a snail’s pace, making the tension tight. I watch him with fascination, trying to glean some answers about what’s going on. In the end I’m forced to break formation, I’m too impatient to wait for it to come to me. I need it gone as quickly as possible.
“Alyssa!” Randy shouts out angrily. I turn, ready to apologise even though as I moved, I felt like my actions were justified. We did promise to stick in that position no matter what. But I’m stopped in my tracks by cracked, broken, rotten nails digging down into my shoulder, breaking through my skin.
I freeze, the whole world stops around me. I’m dead, I’m finished, I’m done. I can’t believe it. I acted irrationally, stupidly, and it’s gotten me killed. A zombie scratch is certain death, everyone knows that. Every single zombie-based film, TV show, and book agrees on that one fact, I’m sure of it. I rack my brain trying to think of an exception, but nothing comes to mind. Even if that is all fiction, it’s where so much of my life-saving information has come from, so I can’t stop my mind from automatically heading in that direction. My heart beat slows down, almost to a stop. I stare at my axe, wondering what my next move should be. Should I kill myself, or keep fighting until the bitter end? I don’t know if it’s wise for me to continue on until I turn, then I’ll become a danger to the others and one of them will have to kill me. Would it be selfish to give one of my group that responsibility?
They say your life flashes before you when you’re about to die. That doesn’t happen for me in this moment; just a million thoughts, plans, and ideas rush into my brain at once, so I can’t concentrate on a single one of them. I imagine myself trying to grab the words as they float through my mind, trying to understand them, but being frustratingly unsuccessful. Everything going on around me is forgotten. My entire world has become me, by myself, and the large scratch trailing down my back.
I don’t know how long I’m stopped still in that state, but suddenly sound bursts back into my ears, making me startle. Pete is pulling me and shouting loudly at me to get a move on. I look down to see the zombie who had his nails in my skin is dead, annihilated on the ground. I don’t know who did that, but it was far too late. I’m dead no matter what. I feel like I’m staring at the thing that ended my life for hours, but in reality it’s probably only a few seconds.
My eyes snap up and I realise that Pete has pulled me behind a building to hide while he figures out what’s happened to me. Randy isn’t with us, so he must be still out there, fighting. I slip to the floor, trying to pull myself together. I don’t cry, shock is currently consuming me, numbing everything else. Pete shakes me, he’s speaking but I can’t understand a word he’s saying.
Finally his words start to penetrate my brain. “Alyssa, come on! Pull yourself together, is it the scratch? You don’t have to worry about that. I’ve been scratched by the infected in plenty of fights. It doesn’t do anything. There’s no fluid involved. That’s why it has to be a bite—didn’t you know that? Look.” I turn to see scars all over his arms, how have I never noticed them before? “Come on, you’ve got to get yourself in order, we’ve still got lots to do. If we want to go inside, we’ll need to clear out this building and pretty soon.” I stare back in a daze. “Come on, Alyssa.” He starts to plead. “Think about the others. We can’t leave them outside the fence for too much longer unarmed.”
Emily’s face fills my mind and gives me the determination and willpower to stand. If what Pete is saying is correct, then I’m actually going to survive, and if that’s the case, I need to make sure this place is secure so everyone else can live too. I haven’t quite accepted the truth of what’s happening yet, but I need to work on that in my own time. Right now I need to get back into battle mode. This is nowhere near over yet.
We walk out to find Randy surrounded by the remaining corpses. He is holding his knees and panting heavily. This battle has been won, at least. Now we need to see how bad the inside is. We need to get it cleared out before it gets dark, unless we want to camp again. I couldn’t bear it, especially not being so close to a decent building.
The door to the main building slowly creaks open. I try to get myself to fully focus; I need all my other thoughts to disappear for now. I’m sure I can hear Pete’s nervous heart beating from over here. I try to give him a reassuring smile; all the while our fate is being decided.
CHAPTER 43
DR. JONES
April 7th
8:20 a.m.
Ashley.
My Ashley.
Now what do I do? I don’t even…
What do I write? She’s here. They’ve brought her in. They’ve given me my wish, but not in the way I so badly desired. She’s no longer my wonderful Ashley. Her beautiful long dark hair is matted with blood. One of her eyes is actually hanging from its socket. Her face is covered in bloody scratches. I can’t even bear to look at her. I feel revulsion and shame. That isn’t the way you’re supposed to feel looking upon your spouse.
I won’t consider her a specimen, whatever happens to me now. The smirking bastard that brought her in, deeming her that can just…fuck off. I refuse to play to their shit anymore. This is too far, this is much too far. No one could tolerate this. This is beyond…
Where’s Melody? Oh dear God, Melody. I hope they haven’t done this to you too. Would they? No. But of course they would. I know that. Deep down, I’ve now seen enough to know that no one is safe, not even an innocent five-year-old girl. I can’t cry anymore.
Ashley’s leg is broken, bone is sticking out. Her arm has been dislocated, this isn’t from being infected. They’ve done this to her. What if she knew it was happening? I can’t even think. The worst thing of all is her underwear. It has been removed. Why have her knickers been taken off, leaving her with absolutely no dignity? It’s clear that she’s suffered extensive wounds to her…to her…
What have they done to you? I can’t even think. I’ve been violently sick so many times. I’m sweaty and I’ve pulled out clumps of my hair. I think my face is wet with tears but I don’t even know anymore. Am I
in a nightmare? I wish I was so none of this would be real. Maybe I’ve finally lost it. I’d like to think so, but my eyes aren’t deceiving me. This hell has become worse than I ever thought possible. There was a split second when I thought I saw recognition in her eyes. She almost looked human. But it was over so quickly that I must have imagined it. That just cannot be possible. Once the victim is that far into infection, there isn’t any humanity left. Not that I’ve seen, anyway…
Ashley. This is all my fault. You’ve been through God knows what, and it’s entirely because of my decisions, because I agreed to do this. This disease is too difficult. I didn’t know what I was getting myself in for.
God damn it, Ashley, I’ve failed you far too many times, but this is beyond anything I ever thought possible. No man ever imagines their marriage ending up in this condition.
Melody. I really, so very desperately want to think that they wouldn’t subject a young child to anything terrible, but these people are evil. They’re fucked up. In fact, they need to die. If the world is ruled by them…
It doesn’t bear thinking about.
Oh Ashley, what am I going to do? I just—
2:15 p.m.
I’ve smashed everything up. This whole room. I actually feel sorry because I can’t control myself. Jason stopped me before I ended up releasing all of the specimens in my fury. That would have caused chaos. I would have hurt myself and everyone around me. Although does that even matter anymore? I don’t know, my brain is all over the place.
I just don’t have any idea how to deal with all the rage bubbling up inside me. I’m sad, I’m overwhelmingly upset. I’ve lost my whole world and I don’t know where my beautiful daughter is. I don’t know…
I can’t—
Ashley, I’ll avenge you. You can at least be sure of that. I’ll make every fucker that hurt you pay. Mark my words.
6:30 p.m.
My worst fears have been confirmed. I examined Ashley closer. It took everything within me to do so. I was looking at my copy of our wedding photo and I knew I just had to discover the truth. It isn’t right for her suffering to be kept a secret.
It wasn’t easy, she is well into the third stage of infection, but this is my wife. I confirmed everything I thought I knew. She’s been abused, violated. I can’t even write down the true extent of what they’ve done to her, it’s too difficult. This is the love of my life, for fuck’s sake! I thought she was being looked after, I thought—
I’m going to get them back. I will.
1:35 a.m.
I can’t sleep. I doubt I’ll ever sleep again.
I’ve been sitting talking to Ashley—well, what’s left of her. I still can’t look too closely at her. Her eyes convey all of those sick bastards doing things to her. I can see it, and it cuts me up badly. I’ve been keeping Jason awake but he hasn’t complained once. I think my state of mind is clear.
I know why this has happened. Well, there’s no excuse for what they’ve done to her beforehand. I’ve been trying my absolute best. But her arrival down here has come at a very convenient time. Yesterday evening, I presented the newest research. Specimen fourteen eventually died of her own accord. It wasn’t pretty. It wasn’t simple, in fact it was a nightmare, but it happened. Then specimen seventeen quickly followed, proving my theory right. Victims of AM13 deteriorate with nothing to keep them going, until they can no longer carry on. Then they just slowly die. Their bodies just give up. It makes so much sense; it just isn’t a quick process.
All we have to do is wait.
Who knows how long Ashley has been infected. Who knows? But they waited until my answer was unsatisfactory before bringing her down here to show me what they’re capable of.
I’ve got to kill them before they do anything to Melody. If they haven’t already, of course. They have to die for this. I owe it to everyone. No one can survive this regime, someone needs to put a stop to it, and that person has to be me. I need to make things right. I can’t do it for myself, everything has already been stripped away from me, but if Melody is alive, I need to make this world a better place for her. She deserves a chance. All the remaining survivors do. None of them have earned the life they currently have, and will continue to have if no one does anything. This messed up government needs to come to a rapid end before they ruin civilisation irreparably.
The disgusting bastards! I can’t wait to give them what they deserve.
CHAPTER 44
ALYSSA
I rush over to the hole in the fence and beckon the others to come through quickly. I can sense the relief emanating off of them immediately. I never considered how truly worrying it must have been for them during the time we were inside. We were a long time, and they had no idea what was going on. We had to be thorough though, and luckily for us the entire building was empty. That didn’t stop us from being extra careful. One room missed could have ended someone’s life.
“Go inside,” I pant. “It’s all completely empty. I’m just going to fill in this hole; I’ll see you in there.” Emily pauses to wait with me, but I impatiently motion for her to leave. I want to do this by myself, there’s something extra I need to do whilst I’m here, and knowing Emily’s temperament, I never know how she’s going to react to things.
I find some planks of wood which I intend to use, but before that I look around for something to write with. One of the zombie’s corpses has a thick black pen in its pocket, which I grab hold of gratefully—it’s nice on the odd occasion that things actually go my way. I scrawl my message across the wood, pleased at finally doing something positive. I should have thought of this sooner—I would have probably had more luck with it at the church—but at least I’m doing it now.
E. I found your letter at the airport. I’ve been looking for you ever since. I’m in here. It’s safe at this base. Please come in, I’m desperate to find you. A.
I’m pleased with my handiwork. I had to write it quite small, to fit in all I wanted to say, but I’m sure it’ll be intriguing enough to bring forward anyone who isn’t infected. I consider writing a note to any other survivors to come in too, but decide against it. I don’t have any more room and I’m sure that’s implied. If I saw it, I wouldn’t hesitate to contact whoever’s inside. Especially if I was alone.
I don’t worry too much as I badly nail the boards up. The zombies are clearly stupid, and I fully intend to check the area every single day for any replies, or people waiting. I’m so eager to find E, I’m so desperate to know who it is. I want to thank them. I don’t know where I’d be without all of E’s messages. They may not have led me to where they were supposed to, but they did help me find my group. They gave me a reason to carry on.
I rush inside to be met with the loud noise of happy chatter and laughter. Everyone is elated, almost hysterical with our change of fate. For now at least, we’re safe. Right at this moment, everyone can rejoice and celebrate. I smile at the boys. They’re rushing around playing some games, colour finally returning to their cheeks. This is how it’s meant to be. This is how I wanted to live out my zombie apocalypse experience. I thought I wanted it to be all fighting, action, playing the heroine, but now I can see I just need some calm. There needs to be a mix, and as long as I’m with others, the calm part can be just as fun as the action. The relaxing sensation that I’ve taken for granted so many times is all I’ve ever really desired.
I almost skip over to Emily and throw my arm around her shoulders, grinning wildly at her. Suddenly, it feels like everyone turns to stare at us, so I quickly let my arm drop. My heart is racing, her skin felt electric on mine and I realise that I really need to start being careful. This is all going to end in tears and I can’t bear the thought of hurting anyone.
* * *
The days begin to pass in a blur of activity. We all rub along nicely and I’ve even begun to relax a lot more around Emily. I was just being silly, all the heightened emotions were due to the surrounding situation, and it was unfair of me to put any of that on her. We a
ll have jobs and activities to get us through the days. One of mine is checking the fence every day for E. So far, no luck. I haven’t given up hope, though. I’ll find out who E is, even if I eventually have to go out looking. I can sense that this intriguing question will be answered one way or another, so I’m not too impatient.
This place was fully stocked with everything we could possibly need. It even has a generator, but we’re saving that for when it’s really necessary. For when it gets unbearably cold and very dark. Everyone is brighter, lighter, and happier here. The danger feels a thousand miles away. The odd zombie crashes against the fence, but a simple knife to the head through the bars is so easy. I could almost let myself believe that they’re decreasing in numbers, but I don’t want to get too excited, we have no idea what’s going on in the built up areas. Cities could still be absolutely full of zombies.
The boys have the best of both worlds. The safety of indoors, with the ability to play outside. Albeit quietly and supervised, but it’s the best they could hope for in this situation. It’s the closest thing to a normal life we could ever experience in the zombie apocalypse. I actually prefer this life to the one I had before, pre-zombies. I’m starting to find myself, to work out who I really am. I feel like I matter, like I’m finally becoming a ‘real’ person. I feel settled inside myself. It’s amazing how much of my life was spent confused, a turbulent mess, and I didn’t even notice it. I still wish I hadn’t lost my family, but in a way, this is the best thing that could have happened to me.