Black Swan Planet

by James Peters

  “We are the Tonton Macoute! The gunnysacks are an essential part of the uniform; a symbol to strike fear into the hearts of those who oppose us!”

  “I’m not saying give up the gunnysacks for good; just during battle. Then we can put them back on. I promise we’ll put them back on as soon as we take their ship.”

  Another voice spoke, “I uh, have a problem. I threw up in my gunnysack.”

  A third voice said, “Me too.”

  “Did everyone expel vomitus in their gunnysacks?” Pythagoras said.

  “Every one of you?” Pythagoras said.

  A unanimous “Aye,” answered.

  “Due to the fact that we cannot battle in soiled gunnysacks, I decree it is an acceptable practice to commence this melee without wearing our complete uniforms. You may proceed without gunnysacks. Now, are there any further inquiries?”

  “No. I’m good.”

  “Cause no harm to Agent M, and return to me swiftly! First wave, attack!”

  With that, the attack began.

  Gunnysacks dropped and someone lobbed a flash-bang grenade into the Dissolute, disorienting the first wave of soldiers guarding the door.

  A voice from within the the invading force yelled, “Say hello to my little friend!” As an orangutan burst through the opening and reached into a gunnysack, producing a lemur that he flung with uncanny accuracy. The lemur flew in a perfect arc, clinging to the face of one of the grunts, wrapping its tail around the neck of the unlucky target. The man gasped for air.

  A bevy of bonobos boarded, bounding off bulkheads and bulwarks, bouncing bellicosely with batons blazing [Ed. Note: Time to reboot the Dissolute’s transcribing circuits]. They jumped from head to head, through the line of grunts, hitting them with crops filled with neurotoxins and fitted with micro-needles. With each solid strike, a grunt would spastically lose muscle control, drop his weapon and convulse on the floor. The next wave followed, this time the heavier troops; silverback gorillas, massive orangutans, and the largest and strongest of the chimpanzees charged with a terrifying roar, knocking men over with the sheer thrust of the attack. The men that remained standing found themselves flung to the ground by their ankles.

  A spider-monkey force attacked in the third wave. They leaped over the heavy troops, jumping from back to back, occasionally being flung forward by a strong orangutan or gorilla. Their enhanced venomous fangs dug into the necks and shoulders of the men opposing them. The venom caused men to scream and fall to their knees.

  A clean-up squad of sharpshooting baboons fired poisoned darts. They found very few targets still standing, and they collected human weapons into a large pile.

  The battle had only lasted a few minutes before the last of the Dissolute’s crew had dropped their weapons and raised their hands. Men screamed and convulsed, some looking like fish flopping on the bottom of a boat, gasping for air. An entourage boarded the Dissolute. Four royal guards led the way, each a sculpted example of the finest examples of the larger primates: a gorilla, a baboon, a chimpanzee and an orangutan. Each wore gilded armor designed to perfectly fit his body and had a different symbol on his breastplate. The gorilla carried a massive ax and his emblem a hatchet, the baboon a crossbow and his symbol an eye, the chimpanzee a sword, his breastplate adorned with a hand, and the orangutan a spear, his armor emblazed with a set of scales. Their eyes scoured the room. The baboon looked back and nodded. With that, Pythagoras entered.

  Pythagoras ambled in, his old orangutan legs moving stiffly, but he carried himself with an air of nobility. He wore a cape that at first looked purple, but upon closer inspection the hand-stitched tapestry on top of purple silk material revealed itself. The tapestry depicted a romanticized battle scene; him leading the charge on the back of a blazing steed, followed by hundreds of primates. He silently surveyed the room and cleared his throat. “Denton Morrow! Present yourself, immediately.”

  As he spoke, his enormous jowls shook rhythmically. His long braids, burnt sienna on the tips, white at the roots, swayed in the air. His clouded eyes pierced the room, his hands weak but judgment strong.

  Denton stepped forward. “These men. Will they die?”

  “That is entirely dependent upon your actions, Lt. Morrow. Do you care to elucidate? First you agree to afford us our agent, then you direct this to us?”

  He pointed toward Maven, being held by a pair of baboons.

  “I swear, I thought she was your agent. I had no idea you were, uh…”

  “Not human? How characteristic of an Imperial loyal. You want all the remunerations

  of an Empire but reject to perceive what that power is constructed upon.”

  “Your Agent M. I’m assuming that we’re talking about the chimpanzee? The one in the chaps?”

  “Abruptly, you obtain a firm comprehension of reality. Where is he?”

  “Locked in the brig. Ms. Briggam has the geneti-key.”

  “This Ms. Briggam you eluded to. Where is she?”

  “On the bridge. Follow me,” Denton said.

  “This had better not be a charade,” Pythagoras said, as his guards growled.

  Denton led the way. The guards behind him poked him with axes and swords. Pythagoras followed a few steps behind. As they entered the bridge, they found Natastia backed into a corner, pointing a laser-guided warning at those who entered. Mr. Smiles positioned himself between her and the intruders, getting in the way of her aim most of the time.

  “Just stay back!” Natastia said. “Smiles, if any of them come one step closer…”

  Mr. Smiles looked at her and the four heavily armed guards. His face contorted into a grimace and he pounded his chest.

  “Ms. Briggam. We are not savages and intend you no maltreatment. Nevertheless, any one of my sentinels is more than a match for your slave, and each would relish conveying justice to a slave master. You possess a geneti-key that precludes us from retracting our agent, however, your willing participation in opening that ingress is not obligatory. The phrase ‘over my dead body’ is actually very appropriate here. We shall acquire our agent, and you may live to see this materialize... or not. The selection is yours,” Pythagoras said.

  “Smiles! Kill the first one that steps forward,” Natastia said.

  “Can you not comprehend the torment you are putting your slave through?” Pythagoras said. “He is bound through neuro-control implant to obey, and his intellect has been enriched to the level he is self-aware and knows his actions will drive his own demise. He must obey, yet he knows he will perish, and his cognizance is at war with itself. If you do not command him to yield, he will die.”

  Natastia lowered her finger-pistol and cocked her head to the side as she stared at Mr. Smiles. “He’s self-aware?”

  “Without a doubt. Additionally, he knows he’s a slave.”

  “I never thought…”

  “The oppressors seldom realize that those they oppress know this.”

  “Stand down, Mr. Smiles,” Natastia said, her faced paled. “I never knew.”

  “You have my appreciation, Ms. Briggam. We possess a means to nullify the effects of the neuro-control implant. His intelligence will persist, but he shall possess free will. He may be one of us now; that will be his option. If he’s not interested in joining our ranks, he will be permitted free passage to any location he chooses. We will require you to inculcate him to consent to our assisting him.”

  “Mr. Smiles, allow our guests here to help you.”

  The gorilla’s eyes initially lit up, then welled as he approached Natastia. In the gentlest manner possible, he took her hand, knelt down before her and touched it to his face.

  “Go on, Smiles, before I change my mind,” she said, brushing him away. As the gorilla exited, she rubbed the corner of her eye. “Stupid gorilla dander irritates my eyes.”

  She stiffened as the gorilla left, becoming stoic. “Follow me. I’ll open the cell.”

  Chapter 38

  The Master Fiddler Speaketh

  Marco h
ad finally tired of tormenting Magnus, probably due to the fact that the man eventually curled up in the corner, his back to the chimp, and stopped responding. Marco made one last rude gesture, grabbing his crotch before he walked away. Tears welled up in his eyes as he laid on the floor, resting his head in his hairy hands.

  Even though he had put me through so much trouble, I couldn’t help but feel sorry for him. I reached over and patted him on the shoulder. “I’m so sorry about Nicholai. I know he was your friend.”

  Marco took a deep, distraught breath, started to sign something, got frustrated and leaned his head on my hand. I hadn’t expected Nicholai would become my friend, but he had his good points and didn’t deserve to die. A part of me wanted to fling a turd at Magnus, even though I knew it would make no difference.

  Footsteps approached the cell. I barely cared who or what approached; in no way could I imagine a happy solution. I saw Natastia open the cell door, then a group of armored primates stepped inside, followed by the largest orangutan I’d ever seen, wearing a fancy cape. The other primates bowed in deference to him as he started to talk.

  “M! It’s exceptionally agreeable to see you again!”

  His gaze turned to me. “Raka Varoule, I presume?”

  Dumbfounded, I just nodded. Marco stirred, raising his sad eyes to perceive this orangutan. He seemed surprised, then his hands started to fly in sign language.

  “I’ve never been worthy of truly interpreting sign language. Cisco! Come forth!”

  A lanky chimpanzee sauntered in. He wore a spandex running suit; red with white stripes and a strange, semi-rigid scarf that covered his mouth and neck. The orangutan continued. “Give Marco the Verbalizer. Go on, do it now, no protesting.”

  The chimp removed the scarf with a disappointed shrug and tossed it to Marco. Marco struggled with it for a moment, then began speaking in a synthetic tone.

  “Pythagoras! I’m glad you got my messages. I was truly wondering if you were receiving them.”

  He reached a hand down into his chaps and pulled what looked like a flexible piece of rubber. When he pressed the sides in, a holographic keyboard and display appeared. “Never an answer, Pythagoras. Why?”

  “We suspected that the Empire was also receiving your communications. We couldn’t risk responding, but we did act. Your intelligence on this new world has heartened our cause, providing us with genuine optimism. You are a hero to the cause!”

  I stared at Marco. “You are Agent M?”

  “Yes. Agent M. Some call me the Master Fiddler,” Marco said.

  Pythagoras shrugged and said quietly to a guard. “Who calls him that?”

  The guard raised his palms to the air and shook his head. “Just go with it.”

  “You’ve been manipulation things all along? This was all your doing?” I said.

  “Allow me to explain, Raka. We represent at the highest level, the ISLF, or the Intelligent Simian Liberation Front. The Empire has manipulated our people with genetic modifications, neuro-control implants, and behavior modification drugs for centuries now. We have been the lowest form of slave, used up and discarded as soon as we pass our prime. A few of us have been able to resist over the years. We had a major breakthrough when an agent from an affiliated group discovered a way to neutralize the implants. That agent happened to be Maven’s father. We made every attempt to protect him but were too few at that time and were unable to save him. But we provided limited bits of information to Maven as she was being transformed. We pulled the strings and made things happen, turning Maven Blackheart into a super spy. But we had to protect our own interests, so we never let her know who she was really working for. Her mission was to infiltrate the Emperor’s files and open up security for us. I was there in case anything went wrong.”

  “You were in control the whole time?” I said, wide mouthed.

  “As ‘in control’ as possible, yes. Things change quickly on a field assignment. We determined that you might be of service, so we arranged to have you show up at the party, broadcasting your program across the galaxy. However, we underestimated the time it would take for Maven to disable the security link. We planned on it shutting down when you entered, but your cameras were detected immediately. At that point, we had to improvise. I distracted the Emperor as Maven disabled the guests and guards with happy gas. No one noticed that I was the one leading her to save you, as well as leading them to the Emperor’s own shuttle.”

  “What about Nicholai? Was he part of the plan?”

  “No. He just happened to have built up such a resistance to drugs, the gas didn’t phase him. That man could handle substances that would drop an elephant. So the plan went awry, and I improvised. We made the first jump and I helped you and Maven do what was needed. You never perceived it, but I led you to find the barbarian world, Earth.”

  “You were stoned with Nicholai the entire time.”

  “The Empire uses drugs as part of the indoctrination program, keeping us slaves. I was experimenting to determine what drugs combinations are best to counteract the drugs I had been forced to take. It was purely experimental.”

  “You weren’t exactly wearing a lab-coat and collecting reams of data.”

  Marco motioned a finger across his throat, his meaning clear: shut up. Then he continued. “My experiments were successful, and I found several substances that were beneficial to the cause.”

  “But you bit me! On my, uh…”

  “Trust me, I didn’t enjoy that any more than you did. It was necessary.”

  “To bite me, there? How can you explain that?!”

  “Raka, I expected that you would separate from the rest of us at your first opportunity. That bite implanted a tracking device. How do you think I found you?” Marco said.

  “That’s how I know you’re lying. I found you, at that traveling circus.”

  Marco rolled his eyes. “Do you really believe that our reunion was by chance?”

  “You tracked me down with a device you inserted in my, uh, manhood?”

  “On any world in the empire, it would have been just that easy. Satellites would triangulate your position and I could simply locate you. But Earth proved difficult due to their lack of satellites. So I did some reconnaissance work through a group I started on Earth; the Deluminati; it was an underground network of conspiracy theorists. They convinced me that you were still alive. Once I knew that I had to get into orbit to triangulate your position personally.”

  “You went into space? In the shuttle?”

  “Don’t be silly, Raka. I got into space through NASA.”

  “NASA agreed to help you?”

  “Actually, I agreed to help NASA. They had such a simplistic concept of gravity. It was quite funny, at least at first. But I digress. I orbited the Earth in their tiny module, picked up your tracking signal and with each orbit, knew more precisely where you were. When I returned, I made my way to you, via that circus.”

  “You’re telling me that all this time, you’ve been in charge and there’s a reason for everything you’ve put me through? Like all the times you puked on me in the shuttle?”

  “I imagine that you feel the jump as time distorts around you, Raka.”

  “Yes. It’s disconcerting to say the least,” I said.

  “To me, it’s nauseating. It forces me to vomit, each time.”

  “I can understand that. But why on me, every time? Another tracking device?”

  “No, it was just funny.” Marco laughed. “Couldn’t help myself. Your face was priceless.”

  “That I believe. So, these friends of yours…”

  Pythagoras approached. “The Tonton Macoute.”

  Marco’so face twisted at Pythagoras. “Don’t you mean the ISLF?”

  “We are all portions of the ISLF. The Tonton Macoute is the hammer, so to speak. We believe it’s better to have separation of our diplomatic branch and our more forceful division.”

  “So why the Tonton Macoute?” Marco said.

  “We had t
he desire to keep our simian nature surreptitious, so we required masks of some form. We found a fantastic deal on gunnysacks, and it all fell in place. The Tonton Macoute was a better name to strike fear into the hearts of our enemies than the alternatives.”

  “What alternative?” Marco said.

  “The Gunnysack Gang or the Baggey-Men. There are some things I am incapable of enduring. Those names are two examples. Come now, we have a lot to discuss, including the providence of everyone at this juncture. Marco, what are your contemplations?”

  “I have seen too much death for today. Take the commanders into custody and we’ll try them in accordance with our laws. Raka and Maven should be treated as royalty. Provide a funeral service to honor my dear friend Nicholai. No more killing, please.”

  “So be it. Show our guests to the finest quarters,” Pythagoras said. Two guards bowed to Marco and me and escorted us out into their ship. As we walked away. Pythagoras ordered, “Secure all their armaments and heal all their combatants. The officers are to be taken into our custody for interrogation.”

  As I walked away onto the docked ship, I had a bit of hope that this all might work out. That and a strange sense that I had forgotten something.

  Chapter 39

  Judgment Day

  Pythagoras’ ship, Theono, had once been a massive freighter. However, if you didn’t know its history, you’d think it a luxury space yacht, built for royalty. The cargo area had been converted into hundreds of living units, common areas, small scale manufacturing, food production, commerce, entertainments options, educational facilities, and training areas. This ship could be completely self-sufficient for years, and I found that many of her inhabitants had been born and raised on her with no desire to ever leave.

  I had been separated from Marco, who needed to speak privately with Pythagoras. They took me to guest quarters that would have been luxury apartments in most of the Galactic Empire. I didn’t realize how many bumps, bruises, cuts and sore spots I had until I tended to my wounds. As I worked on a gash on the back of my head, someone knocked on the door. I opened it to find a female bonobo. She did not speak, simply handing me a care package, smiling, and she left. The package contained fresh fruit, clean towels, pain killers, and a note from Marco: ‘Relax, this is going to take some time. Will send a page when we’re ready for you.’