Forever Ours (Shattered Hearts (YA) #1)

by Trisha Leigh

  He grabs my face and tips my head back so he can look me in the eye. “I’ll do anything to make you happy.”

  I clutch the front of his T-shirt as he plants a soft kiss on my lips.

  “You know what would make me very happy right now?”

  He kisses the tip of my nose and smiles. “What?”

  “If you slept with me in my bed tonight.”

  He gazes into my eyes, not blinking or smiling. I know he’s thinking of what will happen if Jackie catches us sleeping in my room, but I don’t care.

  “Please. You know I haven’t slept much this week. I don’t think I’ll be able to fall asleep after a night like this. Not without you next to me.”

  Finally, he smiles. “I’ll sing you to sleep.”

  I let him watch as I change into my pajamas, even though I can see his chest heaving. I know I’m testing our boundaries, but it just feels right tonight. Chris, on the other hand, removes his T-shirt but refuses to get out of his jeans. He doesn’t trust himself.

  I scoot in under the covers of my twin bed until I’m up against the wall with the glowing tree next to me. Chris scoots in next to me and I immediately lay my head on his shoulder as he wraps his arm around me.

  “What do you want me to sing?”

  “Whatever you want to sing.”

  He clears his throat and takes a deep breath before he begins singing a song I’ve never heard before, but it’s beautiful. It must be one of those classic rock songs he loves. I only remember a few of them from the rare times when my mom was sober and she’d turn on the radio to clean the house.

  When he starts singing the chorus it sounds a little more familiar, but I still can’t put my finger on it. As if he can sense my confusion, he stops singing.

  “Do you know what song this is?”

  “No… Sorry.”

  “You’ve never heard ‘Your Song’ by Elton John?”

  I shrug. “I don’t think so.”

  He sighs so loudly it’s almost a groan. “I’ll teach you this song. It’s one of his best songs. You have to learn it.”

  “Why do I have to learn it?”

  “Because you love me and I want you to sing it with me.”

  I shake my head. “No. I don’t sing. That’s your job.”

  “I’ll have you singing like an angel in no time.”

  He sings the song again from the beginning, as I rest my hand on his bare chest. Halfway through the song, he grabs my hand and laces his fingers through mine. I glance over my shoulder once more at the twinkling tree on the wall behind me. Then I close my eyes and drift off.

  Forever Frustrated

  August 9, 2011

  I toss the empty Capri-Sun pouch into the waste bin under the kitchen sink, then I gaze at Claire across the breakfast bar. She’s sitting cross-legged on the barstool. Claire is the only person I’ve ever known who sits cross-legged on barstools. It’s one of the quirks I love most about her.

  “What are you grinning at?” she says as she looks up from the magazine she’s reading.

  “Why do you read that shit? None of those girls are as beautiful as you.”

  “I read it for the articles.”

  I round the breakfast bar and wrap my arms around her waist. “I know a few articles I’d like to get rid of today,” I say, burying my face in her neck. “Happy birthday, babe.”

  “What if your mom walks in?” She pries my arms off her and pushes me back.

  “She just left to the shop. She won’t be back for at least three hours. Come upstairs with me.” I spin the barstool around so she’s facing me. “I want to give you your birthday present.”

  She narrows her eyes at me, but she can’t hide the smile that curls the corners of her perfect lips. Grabbing the front of my shirt, she pulls me toward her.

  Her lips hover over mine. “Only if you promise not to sing the birthday song.”

  I laugh as I plant a quick kiss on her lips. “Asking me not to sing to you on your birthday is like asking me not to breathe.” I grab her hand and pull her off the stool. “Come on.”

  She follows me upstairs to her bedroom. When we get there, she starts tidying up, putting away clothes and straightening the pictures of us she has tucked in the frame of her mirror. I come up behind her and press my body against hers as I reach for a picture of us. I slip the picture out of the mirror frame and hold it in front of her face.

  It’s a picture of us in front of a hot dog stand at the blues festival where Claire and I had our first kiss. I asked the hot dog vendor to take the picture with her new phone. It was so hot that summer, and she was wearing these tiny cutoff shorts. It was so hard not to touch her as the guys took the picture, but I knew we couldn’t have any photographic evidence of our relationship. All the secrecy ends today.

  I hold the picture up in front of her face as I kiss the back of her neck. “This was one of my favorite days. Because this is the day you told me you loved me.”

  She spins around in my arms and flashes me a warm smile. “Yeah, but I loved you long before that.”

  I toss the picture onto the floor and grab the back of her neck as I slowly bring my lips to hers. I kiss her slowly as she clutches the front of my shirt for support. Her tongue brushes against mine and I instantly get hard.

  “Fuck,” I whisper, pulling her toward the bed to lay her down.

  She wraps her arms around my neck and she’s still smiling as I gently lie down on top of her. Placing one of my legs between hers, I slowly slide her legs open. Then I slip my hand under her shirt and her skin prickles with goose bumps.

  She’s so fucking soft. I slide my hand farther up and her body goes rigid.

  “I love you,” I whisper against her lips and she immediately pushes me off.

  I sigh and try not to curse as I lie back next to her.

  “I’m sorry,” she says, staring at the ceiling. “I’m just scared that it’s going to hurt and then I’ll feel different about you. I don’t want to feel like you’ve hurt me.”

  I flip onto my side and nuzzle my nose in her hair, inhaling the floral scent of her shampoo. She smells like a warm summer breeze. Her breathing quickens when my lips graze her ear. I lay a soft kiss on her cheekbone and slip my hand under her shirt again, eager to feel her skin.

  I’m pretty good at knowing what Claire likes. And just how far I can go with her. Her body will tell me if she’s ready.

  I trace my finger around her navel and she smiles as she arches her back a little.

  “I could never hurt you…. But I can’t fucking lie. I want to be inside you so bad.” I continue tracing a light circle, imagining my fingers between her legs and my jeans are becoming unbearably tight in the crotch area. “I want to make you feel as good as you make me feel.” I lift her shirt a few inches and lay a soft kiss on her belly. Her skin is warm against my lips. I want her so bad. “But I’ll wait as long as it takes.”

  She brushes my hair out of my face as my lips hover over her navel. “I love you,” she whispers.

  This is it. Today is the day.

  I scoot up and plant a quick kiss on her temple before I spring off the bed. “I’ll be right back, babe.” Then I leave to get my guitar.

  Forever Yours

  Chris’s lips smell and taste like the berry Capri-Sun he was just sipping and I can’t shake the feeling that we’re too young to be alone in my room. But it feels so right as his fingers lightly graze my ribs sending chills through every part of my body. I’m eighteen today. Eighteen is a perfectly fine age to lose your virginity; especially if it’s with the boyfriend you’ve been with for more than two years, who also happens to be the most amazing, patient boyfriend a girl could ask for.

  His hand slides farther up and I flinch when his fingers hit the wire of my bra. “I love you.”

  He whispers these words he’s uttered a million times. Words that always seem to soothe me. Today, they have the opposite effect. Instead of putting me at ease, I feel completely on edge. My entire
body buzzing with nerves.

  I push him off and he sighs as he lies back. “I’m sorry,” I mutter, totally aware that I shouldn’t have to apologize about not feeling ready.

  But I have to take into account how patient Chris has been the past two years. And I’m not an idiot. I start college next week and he’s going to be playing a lot more gigs now that the band has a legit manager. He’s going to have girls screaming his name; ready and willing to spread their legs for him whenever he wants. I know it’s up to Chris to resist temptation, but how can I expect him to resist if I keep rejecting him.

  “I’m just scared that it’s going to hurt and then I’ll feel different about you. I don’t want to feel like you’ve hurt me.”

  He turns onto his side and buries his nose in my hair, breathing in the scent of the shampoo he loves so much. The sensation of his face in my hair gives me the chills. I want him. I do. I just wish I wasn’t so scared.

  He kisses my cheek, then he slips his hand under my T-shirt and traces circles around my belly button. “I could never hurt you … But I can’t fucking lie. I want to be inside you so bad … I want to make you feel as good as you make me feel.” He plants a soft kiss on my belly and I shiver. “But I’ll wait as long as it takes.”

  I run my fingers through his hair as I brush it out of his face. “I love you.”

  He plants a quick kiss on my temple before he springs off the bed, leaving me feeling a little used up. “I’ll be right back, babe.”

  I swallow hard as I look up at the glow-in-the-dark stars stuck to the ceiling. I glance at the strings of lights on the wall next to me in the shape of a tree. I think of my mom.

  I don’t know how she got pregnant or who my father was — is. All I know is that my mom was alone for the brief time I spent with her. She didn’t trust men, which makes me wonder if she even knew my father.

  What I do know is that Chris is not the type to leave if things should get complicated. I know no birth control is one hundred percent effective. But I have nothing to worry about. If I were to get pregnant, I know Chris would be there for me every step of the way.

  Chris comes back a minute later with his acoustic guitar and closes the bedroom door behind him. No one else is home. Jackie and her new boyfriend Tim are baking a cake at the shop and running errands before we meet them tonight for a birthday dinner. Which is where Chris and I will finally confess the truth about our relationship.

  This simple gesture of Chris closing the bedroom door makes me feel safe, like he knows exactly what I need. He always has.

  I scoot back so he can sit on the edge of the bed next to me. He settles down with his guitar in his lap and strums a haphazard melody as he tunes the guitar by ear. I sigh as I watch his lips playing with the ball piercing in his tongue.

  He presses the tip of his tongue against the back of his bottom teeth and pushes the piercing forward just far enough to catch it between his teeth. Then the tip of his tongue flicks up to touch the ball just as it retreats. He does this over and over and I’m convinced that he knows how erotic it looks, though he claims it’s unintentional.

  “I wrote this for you,” he begins, looking more than a bit nervous. “It’s about the day we met. It’s called ‘Sleepyhead’.”

  I smile as I remember how tired I was the day we met. I hadn’t slept at all the night before at the police station, but somehow he still convinced me to go downstairs and listen to him play. Chris has always had a way of making me feel comfortable while doing something completely out of my comfort zone.

  He begins plucking the guitar strings and the melody that flows out is both haunting and sweet. I’m already on the verge of tears from the memory of the day we met when he begins to sing.

  “Feels so wrong to want this. You look so broken there. A flicker in the mist, as tired as the air.” He looks up at me and my breath hitches. He holds my gaze the entire time he’s singing, except when he closes his eyes and belts out the chorus. “So frightened of the dark. You’re my sleepyhead. Hiding with the stars. Put your dreams to bed, my sleepyhead.”

  I grab his face and kiss him hard. He slides the guitar off his lap and onto the floor, then he climbs on top of me. I wrap my legs around him and he moans as I grind my hips into him.

  “Are you okay?” he murmurs into my mouth.

  I nod as I wrap my arms tighter around his solid shoulders and mash my lips to his. His hand slips under my shirt and I suck in a sharp breath as it travels up to my breast. Chris and I have gone much further than this, hundreds of times, but this feels different. I want him to see all of me.

  I push his shoulders back a little so I can reach down and lift my shirt over my head. He smiles and does the same. I sit up so he can get a better look at me.

  His eyes are glued to my breasts for a moment. Then he looks up and the devilish smile on his face could set this house on fire. I reach forward and lightly drag my fingertips down the center of his chest until I reach the button of his jeans. His nostrils flare as his chest heaves with anticipation.

  I unbutton his jeans and slowly slide the zipper down, swallowing hard as I look up into his eyes. “I want to see it.”

  He chuckles, then he slides off the bed and slowly strips off his jeans and boxers so he’s completely naked. He’s so beautiful. This is what I’ve been missing out on.

  I stand from the bed and shrug out of my shorts and panties. Then I turn my back to him so he can undo my bra. His fingers work gently, undoing the clasp, then he slowly slides the straps down my arms and we let it fall to the floor.

  I turn around to face him and he looks stunned, as if he didn’t think he’d ever get here. I take his face in my hands and try not to giggle when his erection prods my belly.

  “Sorry,” he whispers.

  “It’s okay. Did that hurt?”

  He smiles and shakes his head. “No. Definitely not.”

  His gaze keeps falling to my breasts. I lay myself down on the bed and grab his hand to pull him down next to me.

  “I just want to kiss you … everywhere,” he says, his hand reaching for my waist.

  He pulls my body flush against his, and this time he slides between my legs. He leans in to kiss me and I drape my leg over his hips. My body gets warm and pliable as he moves his hips slowly, rubbing himself against me.

  But he quickly stops and lifts my leg off of him. “We can’t do that or I’m gonna blow.”

  He reaches over the side of the bed and lifts his jeans off the floor. He pulls out a condom from his wallet and I watch as he pinches the reservoir and slides it over his erection. Just the way we learned how to do it in sex ed class. I try not to picture him doing that with the girls he was with before me.

  He lies next to me, propped up on one elbow as his gaze slides over every inch of my skin. “I am so fucking fascinated by your body.” He traces his finger lightly over the inside of my thigh until he reaches my center. I gasp as his finger easily slides over my flesh, finding the most sensitive spot. “I just want to look at you for a while. Is that okay?”

  “Yes,” I whisper, breathless with anticipation.

  He removes his hand from between my legs and lays it flat on my belly, watching for a moment as it rises and falls with each rapid breath I take. Then he slowly slides his hand up to my breast, at the same time gently pushing me onto my back.

  He leans over, his eyes locked on mine, as he plants a soft kiss just above my belly button. I let out a soft whimper and draw in a deep breath as he lays a cool trail of kisses down my stomach, stopping when he gets a couple of inches below my navel. I glance down to see what he’s doing and he’s just staring at me. I open my mouth to say something, but he plants a soft kiss on the inside of my thigh.

  Suddenly, his fingers are on me, exploring, caressing me in a gentle up-and-down motion. My stomach muscles contract and I can hardly breathe.

  “Oh, my God.”

  He leans over and plants a tender kiss on me, holding his mouth there so I can feel his b
reath on my bare skin. Then his tongue makes contact with my skin. It’s just a soft lick, but I feel as if I might burst.

  He murmurs something against my skin, then he licks me again and again. I grab fistfuls of the comforter and arch my back, trying to keep from screaming. Then, he begins to suck gently until my body begins to convulse uncontrollably.

  Oh, my God. This is so embarrassing.

  But he doesn’t seem to care. He continues to devour me until I let out a scream that sounds like a wild animal being eaten alive. I grab his hair and yank him up so I can catch my breath.

  He chuckles softly as he hovers above me, his elbows resting on the pillow on either side of my head. “Was that good?” I nod because I still can’t speak. “Are you ready or do you need a minute?”

  I nod again. “I’m ready.”

  He kisses my forehead and I take a few deep breaths. His hand slides down between us and I spread my legs a little wider. Then I hold my breath and brace myself.

  He glides between my flesh as he searches for entry. I jump a little when he hits my sensitive spot. Then he finds what he’s looking for and I dig my fingernails into his shoulders as he slowly slides into me just an inch.

  He squeezes his eyes tightly shut. “God damn.”

  “Are you okay?”

  He nods emphatically. “Oh, yeah. I’m very okay.”

  He opens his eyes and leans down to kiss me as he attempts to slide in farther. I can taste myself on his lips and it makes me smile. Then he tries to slide in farther and I yelp.

  “Shit! Did I hurt you?”

  “No, no, no! It’s okay.” I grab his face and kiss him again. “Just go slow. Please.”

  I suck on his top lip and he groans as he slides just a bit farther in with each stroke. I can feel my muscles and flesh stretching with every movement of his hips. He bobs slowly up and down, back and forth, grinding against me in a circular motion, then resting so he can kiss me deeply. It feels like it goes on for an hour, but in reality it’s more like ten minutes before he lets go inside the condom and collapses on top of me.