Naive Retribution

by Dawson, H A

  ‘I can manage now,’ she said.

  Jade edged to one side and watched as her mother progressed, walking on flat feet, and gasping with the exertion. Seeing her in such agony broke her heart, and she was a complete loss as what to do. She was still young and should be enjoying life; instead, almost everything was beyond her ability, and her enthusiasm for seeking out new experiences and pleasures long gone.

  Rheumatoid Arthritis was an autoimmune disorder and an inflammatory disease of the joints, and there was no cure. In many cases, the pain could be managed, and drugs were available to keep down the inflammation, but the response depended upon the individual. Her mother was not one of the more manageable cases.

  Aside from the joint pain and the fact it prevented her mother from having a restful sleep, she often had flu-like symptoms, such as a temperature, headaches and nausea. She could do very little for herself, and whilst her stiffness was worse after rest, she was not able to keep moving for very long. After a few steps, her heart would race and she would clutch her chest, seeking air.

  Nancy exited the bedroom, dropping her weight onto the carpet in great thuds, and disappeared into the bathroom. It allowed Jade a little time, and she hurried to her bedroom, passing Kath a cursory glance, and started to dress. There was no time to choose an outfit or to style her hair or apply makeup, and she had to act as swiftly as possible, and retrieved her clothes from a pile on the floor.

  Having hurried downstairs to place the breakfast cereal, milk, orange juice, and crockery and cutlery on the table, she checked on her brothers. They were playing with toy cars in their bedroom. She instructed them to dress and then head downstairs for breakfast. Then she returned to her mother’s bedroom. The door was closed. Jade knocked.

  ‘Jade?’ Nancy asked.

  ‘Do you need any help?’

  ‘Come in.’

  Nancy was puffing and blowing, and her chest was heaving. Somehow, she had managed to lift her nightdress over her head, but it had taken all of her effort, and she was sat on the bed, wearing just her bra and panties and shivering.

  ‘Help me with this blouse.’

  ‘Of course.’ Jade presented it to her.

  Grimacing, Nancy raised one arm a couple of centimetres, allowing the fabric to slip along the length, at which point Jade took the blouse around her back. The other arm was not so easy to cover, as her mother’s movement was limited. After multiple groans and much straining, they managed, but there was still the task of buttoning it. Since her fingers were stiff and uncontrollable, it was up to Jade to assist.

  Although slow, Nancy was able to put on the remaining items; nonetheless, Jade waited.

  ‘Pass me the hairbrush,’ her mother instructed.

  Jade reached to the dressing table, and with doubt set in her eyes, extended her arm. Nancy did not react to her uncertainty and placed her gnarled fingers on the handle. Since she could not raise her arm, she lowered her head as far forward as was possible and started to brush.

  ‘You go do something,’ Nancy said.

  Jade frowned.

  ‘Go on . . . go.’

  Jade was reluctant to move, and turned around, moving in slow motion.

  The brush crashed to the floor. Jade spun around.

  ‘I can get it,’ Nancy said, glaring.

  Nancy leaned over and reached to the floor, but she couldn’t stretch far enough. She shifted closer to the edge of her seat and tried again. It was still out of reach, so she tried using her leg, but the instant she moved it, she yelped and clutched her knee. Tears drenched her eyes. Determined to keep fighting, Nancy breathed a replenished breath.

  Jade could not stand and watch, and scampered to her side and picked it up. She did it with such ease that her guilt rose.

  Nancy held out her hand, her weakness and ineptitude locked into her expression.

  Jade hesitated. ‘Let me. I enjoy brushing your hair.’

  ‘I can do it.’

  ‘I know . . . but please.’

  Nancy relented and relaxed back into the seat. As she smoothed out the strands, Jade was lulled into tranquillity. It ended with a loud thud coming from downstairs, combined with conjoined cries of exuberance. Brian and John had finished breakfast.

  ‘I should go see what they’re doing,’ Jade said.

  She placed the brush into her mother’s hand and strode along the landing, ignoring her mother’s disapproving cry.

  Once the boys had settled and she had had a swift bite to eat, Jade gathered the dirty laundry and returned to the kitchen.

  ‘Kath should do that,’ Nancy said.

  ‘She’s asleep.’

  ‘I heard her come in at some unearthly hour. I don’t know what to do with that girl. She’s out of control.’

  Jade bent over and started to thrust the laundry into the machine. She didn’t want to get involved with Kath’s disagreeable behaviour, and felt that making comments would be equal to taking sides.

  ‘Did you see what time she arrived back?’

  Jade focused on separating the washing into piles, unwilling to respond.

  ‘I think it was one-ish. It’s far too late for a girl of fifteen.’

  Jade swallowed. It was more like three-thirty.

  ‘Your dad will sort her out. He said he should be home later today,’ Nancy continued.

  Her father was a heavy goods vehicle driver and often spent time away. His return was always welcome, and reduced the tension in the house and allowed Jade more freedom. She looked forward to a hot relaxing bath later, and extra sleep in the morning.

  ‘Damn it,’ Nancy said.

  Jade looked up. Her mother was struggling to open a jar. ‘Here, let me,’ she said, extending her arm.

  Nancy passed it across.

  Jade barely touched the lid before it swivelled open. She often pretended it was stiff in hope her mother wouldn’t feel so useless, but this time she had acted a little too quickly and her regret seeped into her eyes. Avoiding her mother’s distressed gaze, she placed it on the worktop, and continued stuffing the garments in the machine. Out of habit, Jade kept a surreptitious eye on her mother.

  Nancy wanted the knife. It was only a few centimetres away from her hand, but she could not extend her arm as it was locked at her side from the elbow upwards. She had to use her other hand as an aid, and clutched her lower arm and yanked it forwards. She grimaced in the process. Her next task was to get a slice of bread. This was more difficult, as the breadbin was at the rear of the unit, and even though she had one shoulder more mobile than the other, it still would not shift sufficiently. She leaned forward, pressing her stomach onto the edge of the worktop, and grimaced in pain as she fought with a blockage in her shoulder. When she reached the bread, she yelped.

  Averting her eyes, Jade reached into a cupboard for the washing powder. Witnessing her mother undergo such excruciating pain when trying to complete a very basic task was difficult to bear, and whilst most of the time Jade did everything she could to make her mother’s life easier, there were other times she just wanted to forget. Just for once, it would be great for her mother just to be Mum, and not crippled and with special needs.

  Jade scurried out of the kitchen, keeping her head low, and stepped into the living room.

  ‘Jade,’ John said, ‘see this.’

  He was playing with a new present, a self-powered car, and he was still mastering its capabilities.

  ‘I can make it go in circles,’ he continued, ‘watch this.’

  Jade turned to Brian. ‘Go get yours and have a race on the street. It’ll be more fun.’

  ‘I’m bored of mine.’

  She gave him a little nudge. ‘Go on, it’ll be fun.’

  ‘Suppose,’ he said and scampered away. John was quick to follow, and soon their heavy-footed steps disappeared outside.

  Jade strode to the video, selected a tape containing hits of the Spice Girls as well as another band, and returned to the sofa with the remote control. Nancy appeared, moving
gracelessly, and placed a mug onto the table and dropped onto a nearby reclining chair.

  ‘You’re very good with those boys. You’ll make a great mother one day.’

  Jade frowned. That was a long way off.

  ‘I appreciate you helping me, but I can manage. You should get out more.’

  ‘I do get out.’

  ‘Jade . . . you’re eighteen. When’s the last time you went out with your friends? And what about boys? You should be out enjoying yourself, not stuck at home with me.’

  Jade lifted her legs to the sofa, and silently ran through her excuses. She didn’t have time, she had responsibilities, and as far as the boys were concerned, none of them sparked her interest. Most of the boys at school were immature and found childish pranks or vulgar comments more entertaining than pursuing pastimes or partaking in interesting conversation.

  ‘Have you thought any more about next year?’

  ‘I’m not going to university.’

  ‘Then what?’

  ‘I don’t know.’ How could she go to work knowing her mother couldn’t dress herself, reach into the low cupboards, or utilise small objects such as keys? Kath wasn’t going to help her and the boys were too young. It was not something she could consider, and unless her mother’s condition improved, it was out of the question.

  ‘You have to start thinking. You’re a bright girl. I’ll not having you wasting your life because of me.’

  ‘I’m not wasting my life.’

  ‘Then promise me, you’ll consider a career.’

  Jade folded her arms and pressed the play button on the video. Her mother seemed to accept her silence, and even though Jade’s head was still ringing with her comments, she watched the pop group. However, after a couple of minutes her mother’s unhappy mutterings caught her attention.

  Nancy was struggling to stretch out her arm to reach to the mug that was only a little distance to her side. After straining her locked shoulder, she managed it, rotated the handle to the other side and gripped the mug with her hand. However, as soon as she lifted it from the surface, the weight caused her to tremble and the mug fell to the floor. Nancy yelped. The hot coffee had spilled onto the carpet, catching her leg.

  Jade jumped from her seat. ‘I’ll clean it up. You sort yourself out.’

  ‘Leave it! It’s about time I was a mother to you.’

  ‘But . . .’

  ‘But nothing. You’ll do as I ask.’

  Jade scrunched her face. ‘It’ll stain.’

  ‘Then so be it.’

  There were tears in her mother’s eyes and anguish in her face, and she hobbled away. For a moment, Jade stared at the mess, then glimpsed to the doorway, following her mother’s trail. It wouldn’t take more than a few moments to clean, and it would be much harder if it soaked into the carpet. And that aside, how was her mother going to do it when she couldn’t bend her knees sufficiently to crouch to the floor?

  Jade made a decision. She stopped her video, hurried to a kitchen for a wodge of kitchen towel, and planted it on the spilled coffee. It soaked up the worst of the mess, but the stain was still visible, so she scampered into the kitchen for a cup of water and poured a little of it across the carpet. Then she soaked it up with another pile of towels. Her efforts were rewarded and the stain had lessened. In a final attempt to remove the evidence of her mother’s clumsiness Jade added a little lemon juice to a small bowl of warmed water and sponged the area. The stain vanished. Standing back, she admired her efforts.

  ‘I told you not to do anything!’ Nancy yelled.

  Jade spun around. ‘It didn’t take long.’

  ‘You never listen to anything I say. You just think I’m some useless cretin. Does it ever occur to you that I’d like to do things for myself occasionally?’

  ‘I . . . I thought you’d be glad.’

  ‘No Jade, you don’t think at all. You want to control me.’

  ‘No-’

  ‘Yes you do. You’re always there, in my face. I don’t want your help, and I don’t want you around me every second of the day. Leave me alone and get a life.’

  Jade gawped as her mother rushed out of the room and stomped into the kitchen. Holding her arms close to her chest, she fought to keep still her quivering lip and restarted the video. The Spice Girls were being introduced, but it held no significance. She stared at the small screen, watery eyed.

  In the background, her mother was crying and it focused Jade’s attention. She wanted to comfort her, tell her she was sorry, and she wanted to feel her mother’s arms around her back. Instead, she stayed rock-still and fought her tremors.

  Footsteps sounded. Jade spun her head, looking to the doorway. Kath strode into the kitchen and there was a brief conversation. It was followed by silence. Curious, Jade tiptoed to the doorway. They were in each other’s arms, and her mother’s face was streaked with tears.

  Chapter 10

  Mid 1990’s

  Nancy’s bitterness remained with Jade for the remainder of the morning, swirling her insides and leaving her with a nauseating feel. Keeping her head low, she progressed about her business, cleaning the house and dusting, vacuuming, and tidying away her brothers strewn toys. Her mother had locked herself in her bedroom, the boys played on the street, and Kath lounged on the sofa.

  Every so often, Kath added to Jade’s burden by either reiterating her mother’s hurtful remarks, or by passing her a smug expression. Kath was looking for a fight and using everything in her power to goad her into submission. Unsure of how long she could withstand her attempts, Jade forced a straight face and clenched her jaw.

  ‘You don’t know when to quit, do you?’ Kath said, as Jade edged closer with the duster.

  Silence.

  ‘Mum told you she didn’t need your help. You’re such a try-hard.’

  ‘I am not.’

  ‘You are . . . miss prim and proper too. You wouldn’t know a good time if it hit you in the face.’

  ‘Better that than being a slut. I want to remember who I’ve been with.’

  ‘Don’t call me a slut!’

  ‘Why? That’s what you are.’

  Kath leapt from the sofa and pushed Jade backwards, she stumbled onto a chest, banging the middle of her back on the edge. A yelp leapt from her lips. ‘That hurt!’

  Kath fled to the doorway. ‘Who cares? Mum doesn’t. She wants you gone.’

  ‘She never!’

  ‘She does. She told me. She’s sick of you fussing over her. It’s all you ever do.’

  Jade shadowed Kath to the kitchen. ‘At least I care enough to help her.’

  ‘I was the one she turned to. I’m the one she trusts.’

  ‘She does not! She hates you drinking. She told me so. She’s going to tell Dad when he gets home. You’re going to be in so much trouble.’

  Kath averted her gaze and lowered her head. Jade knew she was getting the upper hand, and a sense of satisfaction smoothed down her anger.

  ‘And when I tell him you got in at past three-thirty, you’ll be in deep trouble. Mum thinks you got back at one.’

  Kath’s fear was swiftly replaced by fury, and she had a wild look about her; her skin-tone darkened, her eyes bulged, and her neck veins swelled. Edging closer, she forced Jade’s back against the worktop.

  ‘Don’t you dare tell him, or else,’ Kath said.

  ‘Or else what? I’ll say what I like.’

  Kath clutched Jade’s sweater at the neckline.

  Reacting quickly, Jade yanked herself free and pulled away. ‘I doubt he’d care anyway. No one does.’

  ‘You bitch!’

  Jade dodged Kath’s hand, and moved with quick steps, like those of a proficient dancer. Unwilling to relent, Kath persisted, and after a scuffle, Jade was pinned against the wall. She tried to wriggle free, wanting to release the pressure from around her neck, but could not move, nor could she compete with the power of her sister’s adrenalin.

  ‘You say one word, and I’ll have you,’ Kath said.<
br />
  Jade was forced to look into the depths of her sister’s eyes, but then, after a couple of seconds she was released. Clutching her throat, gasping for air, she watched as Kath reached for a mug, smashed it against the wall, then kicked over the pedal bin with her foot.

  Doors slammed and the house shook. Jade slid down the wall. Tears stung her eyes, her heart throbbed and her skin burned. She stared at the mess, the plastic and paper, the used tea bags, and the food waste smeared on the floor, and yearned for the comforting hand of her mother. She was never there when she needed her. Never.

  The high-pitch cries of her brothers forced her back to reality. They were talking to someone outside and their chatter was filled with exuberance. That meant only one thing; their father had returned home. Jade leapt to her feet, rubbed the moisture from her face, and started to sweep the broken crockery towards the scattered rubbish. The outer door opened. Stopping her brothers with the palms of her hands, she passed her father an apologetic glance.

  ‘Give me a moment with Jade, lads,’ Greg said, ‘and I’ll be with you.’

  Brian and John scurried past.

  ‘What’s been going on here?’ he asked.

  Jade’s lip quivered and she shook her head.

  He eased her towards him, soothing her with his weighty but comforting arms. He was a large man with a rounded belly, close-cut hair and glasses, and since he had been on the road for a few days, he smelled bad. Nonetheless, it was a welcome aroma.

  ‘Have you had another fight with Kath?’

  Jade nodded.

  ‘What was it about?’

  Jade frowned. She would rather not say.

  ‘Then I’ll have to ask her.’

  ‘No!’ She jerked free. ‘It was my fault. I said things to wind her up.’

  There was doubt in his eyes but he seemed willing to let it go, and instructed her to clean it up, saying they would talk later. Then he pecked her on the cheek.

  ‘That’s right,’ Kath yelled, ‘take her side, like you always do.’

  ‘I’m not taking sides.’

  She extended her arm, sweeping it across a surface and thrust a tin to the floor. The ringing sound reverberated through the air.