Naive Retribution

by Dawson, H A

  She stared at the ceiling and traced the curtain rails, withholding her ordeal for another pleasurable moment. It did not last. For the last half an hour, the accident had replayed, over and over, and there was little she could do to stop it. The brick had appeared suspended in the air, blocking her clear path along the road. She had swerved with no thought as to what was ahead. She had lost control. The wall had loomed, shrouding her in darkness. It had swallowed her whole.

  Jade moaned, her despair uncompromising in its torment. She wanted a release, and shut her eyes and scrunched her face, but the scene would not end, and the deafening banging sound combined with that of crushing metal continued its malevolence. It squeezed her of breath and pummelled her head. It would not stop, its torture forever enduring.

  Where was her dissociative amnesia when she wanted it? She should be able to pick and chose her memories, and not have, what appeared to be, the most significant crushing her of life, of desire. She raised her arms, bruised and sore, and covered her face. The agony persisted. She released a plaintive wail.

  Drawn to her discomfort, a nurse approached. After a swift analysis, she disappeared, returning moments later with medication. It was something for the pain and it should help her relax, or so she said. It was, in fact, a godsend.

  It was lunchtime. Jade sat up in bed, hungry, and waited for the food to arrive. The serving team were progressing along the corridor, nearing her ward. She could tell by the clanking of stainless steel and the squeal of the wheels, as well as the flustered comments made by one of the men. He was in a hurry, and was commanding the others to move faster and dish out the food quicker.

  ‘Patience,’ his companion, a female, said.

  ‘We’re behind schedule. They’ll complain it’s cold.’

  Heavy footsteps sounded and the door swung open. The food tray was thrust onto her bed tray with little thought to generating a pleasant atmosphere. It made her feel like she was a laboratory animal, and it caused her to hesitate. Food presented in such a harsh manner, couldn’t possibly be good. She glanced across the room, to the other women. The woman opposite was staring at her plate with her mouth open and her eyes glazed, whereas in the next bed, the food was already half-eaten. The woman was shovelling it into her mouth at such a speed, Jade wondered as to her illness. She was a huge woman and would find the portion incredibly small. It would do her good.

  Jade lifted the lid from her plate. She had ordered cottage pie, and it came with carrot strips and a cauliflower floret. Whilst the vegetables were bland and had no flavour whatsoever, the pie was okay. It was a little dry, and it could do with a few herbs to extract the flavour of the meat and onions, but she had eaten worse and welcomed the sensation of food entering her stomach. It was the first main meal she had had since her accident and her spasmodic griping pains lessened.

  ‘Are you eating that?’ the fat woman said.

  Jade glanced up. The woman was talking to her neighbour, who was yet to start her meal. She looked ready to pounce, and had bulging eyes and a dominant posture.

  ‘Aida,’ the nurse said, hurrying across. ‘It’s not for you.’

  ‘She’ll not eat it . . . never does.’

  ‘She’ll have something.’ The nurse weaved around the bed and assisted the sick woman. ‘Now come on Pauline, lets get a few mouthfuls in, else you’ll never be fit enough to go home.’

  Pauline gawped. The nurse removed the lid and extracted the knife and a fork from a wrapper, and placed them in her patient’s hands. But she refused to cooperate and folded her arms, dropping them onto the sheets. The nurse tried again, this time using a few harsh words as encouragement, but it did little to lift the woman’s mood. In the end, she resorted to stuffing the food into her mouth.

  Jade tried not to look, but it was such a distressing scene she could not help it. She glanced through her fringe at the dribbles of food spilling from mouth, and then witnessed her spitting out a mouthful of pie. The nurse was not amused, and her choice of words was becoming ever more distasteful. It was a battle of wills, and whilst the sick woman appeared weak, she didn’t lack an ability to be stubborn.

  It reminded Jade of her mother’s stay in hospital, after her first suicide attempt. She had acted in a similar manner, and had been obstinate and bolshie to the extreme. The nurse had been at her wits end and had not known what to do. The turning point had been a conversation Nancy had had with Kath. Once she had her daughter on side, she had started to behave, and relished every mouthful of sustenance.

  At the time, Jade had been grateful to her younger sister. She had not known what Kath had done, but praised her efforts, believing she had dissuaded their mother from her suicidal thoughts. It was unlikely that she would have developed a skill of diplomacy and persuasion overnight, yet she had believed. It was better that thinking they had created a secret pact.

  For a few days, their mother’s vitality had hit a level not seen for years. Her rheumatoid arthritis didn’t seem to be bothering her, and her depression was a forgotten emotion. It was a moment to relish. Even Kath was back living with the family, and the troubles she had with their father, temporarily quashed. They were joyous times.

  It did not last. What happened afterwards was hazy, and Jade’s memories continued to be obstructed by an infuriating block. She wanted them to release, yet at the same time feared the truth. A chill enveloped her body. It was best forgotten.

  Her stalker did not think so.

  She shut her eyes and slid a little way down the bed. Was her accident connected to him? Had he waited for her and thrown the brick from the woodland? She strained her mind, battling to banish the visions of the flying brick and the collision with the wall, and tried to create an image of the person responsible. All she could recall was a silhouette of a solitary figure. She could not remember the hairstyle, the clothing, and not even the person’s gender. It had happened too quickly, and her efforts had been solely concentrated on trying to avoid a collision. Her uselessness was frustrating. She wished she had been more astute, more observant.

  Mulling over her situation, Jade drifted in and out of sleep. There was a rattling sound and voices as the trays were cleared away, there was a dispute between a patient and the nurses, and there were patches of silence. She yearned for home. She yearned for Joe.

  Suddenly remembering Joe’s insistence she kept him informed of the stalker incidents, she lifted herself upright and reached into her bedside drawer for her phone. There were no messages and her disappointment rose. Nonetheless, not to be disheartened she tapped in a message.

  ‘I’ve had an accident and I’m in hospital. He caused it. Please come.’

  She added the ward details and pressed the send button. For a few moments, she waited, hoping for a response. It did not come. She placed her phone back into the drawer and eased herself back down the bed, avoiding twisting her sore neck. It was unlikely he would see the message until after school had finished. She must be patient.

  Visiting time arrived and streams of people drifted down the corridors, and then, as soon as the bell sounded they poured into the wards. An elderly couple were the first to pass by her bed, shortly followed by William. Jade beamed and edged herself upright, grateful for a companion.

  ‘How you feeling today?’ he asked.

  ‘Much better. I hope they’ll send me home soon.’

  He sat down and reached for her hand. ‘Have your scan results come back yet?’

  ‘No. I’m sure it’ll be fine. I feel good. My neck’s still a bit sore but the pain killers are helping.’

  ‘It’s still wise to do a scan. Head injuries are serious.’ He squeezed her hand. ‘You were very lucky. I don’t know what I’d have done if anything happened to you.’

  ‘It’s a good job I’m okay then.’

  ‘I haven’t told Kelsey. I didn’t want to worry her. Have you spoken to her?’

  ‘No, not yet.’

  ‘Just make sure you sound chirpy. She’s been through enough.’
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  ‘I agree. It was great speaking to her again. I love hearing her enthusiasm. We’ve done a good job with that girl.’

  ‘We have. We make a great team.’

  Jade soaked up his words. He was right; they did make a good team. Perhaps she had been too harsh on him. At times, he did interfere too much in her life, but it was only because he cared. As hard as it was to admit, she did have a habit of running from her problems, and as a result, had kept him uniformed.

  ‘I’m sorry for the way I’ve been behaving. I don’t mean to exclude you.’

  He kissed her hand. ‘I’m sorry too, I shouldn’t try to wrap you in cotton wool.’

  ‘No you shouldn’t.’

  ‘It’s only because I care.’

  ‘I know.’

  He caught her eye and passed her a concerned glance. ‘Do you think kids caused the accident?’

  ‘I . . . I don’t think so. I saw the person who threw it, and I feel certain he or she was alone.’

  ‘Did you get a good look?’

  ‘No. It happened too quickly.’

  ‘Pity. We will find out who’s doing this. Try not to worry.’

  It was a ridiculous turn of phrase and Jade gulped back her retort. She could have been killed. She had been very lucky, and had gotten away with little more than a few scrapes. But what next? Each incident was becoming more serious and her luck was unlikely to last.

  ‘Luke wants to speak to you,’ he continued.

  ‘Why?’ Her panic rose to her throat. ‘I don’t have anything to say to him.’

  ‘Jade, he pleaded, ‘don’t brush him off. We’ve hired him for a reason. He needs to know what’s happened. You said yourself it’s likely to be connected.’

  ‘It might not be.’

  ‘Come on . . . what are you so afraid of? He’s there to help.’

  She stared through the doorway onto the corridor, her chest swelling, her tension gathering. Sensing his persistence, her gaze flitted towards him. He was leaning forward holding a compassionate pose, and there was a mixture of sorrow, hope and sympathy etched into his expression.

  ‘I don’t want him prodding and poking into my life,’ she said, ‘you know that.’

  ‘Okay. Let’s go through things one at a time.’

  ‘No William. I don’t want to.’

  ‘Don’t you want to discover who the stalker is?’

  ‘Of course I do. It’s everything else. I don’t want to know . . .’ Her voice drifted. She could not spit it out.

  ‘You’re afraid of your memories returning,’ he said.

  She bit her lip. He was spot on.

  ‘But you haven’t done anything. Kath said as much.’

  ‘That’s not true. Kath blamed me for Mum’s suicidal thoughts. She said so.’

  ‘She was upset. Have you spoken to her since?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘You may have your chance. I told her what’s happened. She was very upset . . . seemed quite frantic. I’m surprised she’s not contacted you.’

  ‘Well she hasn’t.’ Jade pulled the blanket closer to her neckline. ‘Please can we talk about something else. I want to forget what happened, not dwell on it.’

  ‘Sure. What do you want to talk about?’

  ‘What did Kelsey say?’

  Boredom had become a permanent lodger. With nothing to occupy her time, and feeling as though she had rested enough, Jade pestered the nurse, demanding to be allowed to return home. Relenting to her persistence, the nurse scurried away to speak with the doctor. She returned ten minutes later, but the news was not to Jade’s liking. Despite the scan proving positive, they wanted to keep her in one more night, just to keep an eye on her.

  Time dragged. She didn’t want to go to watch television, and the magazine William had brought in was not keeping her interest. She reached for her phone, hoping to have received an interesting message. There wasn’t anything from Joe, which caused her expectations to tumble, but there was one from Kath. She apologised for not visiting, and hoped she was doing well.

  Jade placed the phone back in the drawer grateful that Kath had not said anymore. With any luck, that was the end of it. There was no reason for Kath to be by Jade’s side. Why change a lifetime’s habit for the sake of a minor accident?

  If only this damned stalker business hadn’t occurred. Jade would have been able to keep her sister at a distance, since there would not have been any reason for them to communicate. Not that there was a reason now, although William wouldn’t agree. He seemed determined to reunite them. Did he know something? During his visit weeks previous had he extracted something key from Kath, something he never shared? Jade shuddered. She never could work out what was going on in his head.

  The nurse entered the ward, and strode around the side of her bed. ‘Are you up to a visitor?’

  Jade glanced to the doorway and spoke in a hesitant voice. ‘Yes.’

  ‘It’s your brother. He’s come a long way and said he can’t be around for visiting time.’

  Her pulse quickened as the nurse departed. Brother? Her brothers were dead. Who wanted to see her? Was it him, her stalker? She wanted to call the nurse back, and opened her mouth to speak, but then decided it would be futile since she was long gone, heading back along the corridor. Instead, Jade lifted the covers and climbed out of the bed. If her visitor wasn’t familiar to her, she would hide in the toilets, provided she could move quickly enough.

  A smiling face appeared before her. It was Joe.

  Relieved, she sank back onto the bed. ‘Brother?’ she said in a whisper.

  ‘I didn’t think I should come at visiting time.’

  ‘It’s so good to see you. I’m so bored.’

  ‘How are they treating you?’

  ‘There’s no privacy. I feel like a lab rat. You can’t even pick your nose without someone assessing whether the right amount comes out.’

  ‘I didn’t think you picked your nose.’

  She grinned. ‘No, I do far worse, but you know what I mean. It’s horrible.’

  ‘So what happened?’

  ‘Someone threw a brick at the car. It was him, I know it was.’

  ‘Did you get a proper look?’

  Jade shook her head. ‘I swerved and hit the wall. I don’t remember much after that.’

  ‘What’s the damage?’

  ‘A few scrapes. They’re keeping me in another night for monitoring. It all feels like a waste of time to me. I’m fine,’ she held out her hands, ‘look at me.’

  ‘I’m glad you are.’

  ‘He must have been waiting for me in the woods. He knows my car, Joe. What next?’

  ‘It might have been kids.’

  ‘William said the same. But it wasn’t. It was him. I know it was.’

  Joe wriggled his bottom further back in the seat and clasped his hands on his lap. He was very composed and showed no emotion. He was neither happy to see her, nor feared for her safety. It was out of character.

  ‘What’s wrong?’ she asked. ‘You’re very quiet.’

  ‘Just trouble at home. Nothing for you to worry about.’

  ‘It is Dawn? I’m a good listener.’

  ‘No . . . it doesn’t matter.’

  ‘Sure it does. I’m forever blurting out my troubles.’

  He did not respond, nor did her make eye contact, and looked to the floor between the beds. Concerned, she reached to his hand and attempted to draw it onto the bed. His muscles tightened; he would not relent. She passed him a questioning glance.

  ‘Don’t read anything into me coming,’ he said. ‘I just wanted to check you were okay.’

  ‘Why are you cutting me off?’

  ‘Jade . . . we can’t. You know that.’

  ‘It’s never been a problem before. Is it Dawn?’

  Joe hesitated and stared at her, analysing. It was disconcerting. Something troubled him, but no matter how she persisted, she knew he wouldn’t tell her what it was. It was like the conversation in the car all o
ver again. This time she decided she must preserve her dignity.

  ‘Forget it,’ she said, ‘it doesn’t matter. What we had was fun, but it’s over. I can accept that. There are worse things in life.’

  Joe smiled. ‘I’m not worth it Jade. You deserve better.’

  Fighting to dispel the bitter taste in her mouth, she fiddled with her hands, yet still she hoped he would retract his words. He did not and after a few moments, he restarted the conversation.

  ‘Ramshill Lane is a difficult road to navigate. You got off light.’

  ‘How did you know where it happened? I never said.’

  He was quick to disguise a moment of shock and apprehension. ‘I heard a commotion. Sirens and stuff.’

  ‘It’s quite a way from your house.’

  ‘Yeah well, I’ve good ears.’

  Jade narrowed her eyes. ‘Luke wants the details. William told me the police might have to become involved.’

  ‘Police? Why? It was an accident.’

  ‘Come on Joe. You know as well as I do that it was no accident.’

  Anger creased his face, reddening his skin. ‘You’re wasting your time. Why are you doing this to yourself?’

  ‘Why does this matter so much to you?’

  ‘I know you. You don’t like anything official. It’ll not do you any favours. Take the other night. You slept on the streets for goodness sake. I doubt you’ve done that for years.’

  Jade averted her gaze, hiding her blushes. ‘How do you know about that?’

  ‘You told me, on the phone. Why are you getting all suspicious on me?’

  ‘Because someone’s after me, that’s why. It could be anyone. I don’t have a clue who to trust.’

  ‘Do you ever suspect William?’

  She did not answer. It was a ridiculous question.

  ‘Then why me? I wouldn’t hurt you Jade. Never.’