Naive Retribution

by Dawson, H A

  Jade started to run. She cried out his name. It was lost in the wind.

  Joe appeared on the path. He avoided looking to her and his hands were stuffed in his pockets.

  She pushed him backwards. ‘Why the hell didn’t you tell me?’

  He stumbled backwards, quickly regaining his footing.

  ‘I loved you. I trusted you. You bastard! I thought you cared. Tears streamed down her face. ‘Why didn’t you tell me?’

  Joe edged backwards.

  ‘Well? Even just the other week you led me on. You had your opportunity then. Was it some kind of prank?’

  Joe frowned.

  ‘Well?’ She thrust her hands onto his chest. He stumbled onto the grass.

  Hands clenched her arms, coming from the rear. She yanked herself free and turned her head. It was William.

  She returned her attention to Joe. ‘How could you?’

  Joe raised himself to his feet and mumbled an apology.

  ‘Sorry? Is that all you can say. Have you any idea what it did to me? I thought he was dead. You were meant to be my friend.’

  ‘It wasn’t meant to happen. We didn’t know you were going to run. We intended to tell you.’

  ‘You should have come after me.’

  ‘I tried to find you, but Dawn-’

  ‘So it’s her fault. You’re bloody pathetic, and to think I loved you.’ She stomped past him. ‘I may have done some bad things in my time, but I never deserved this.’

  ‘I’m sorry. Why do you think I kept the same phone number all these years? I hoped you’d contact me.’

  ‘So now it’s my fault. It’s never yours, is it Joe?’

  His remorse was etched into his face, but it wasn’t enough and it never would be. She looked to him with disdain and relenting to William’s plea to go to Dylan, stepped away.

  She stopped and spun around. ‘Just tell me why.’

  Joe lowered his head.

  ‘Well?’

  ‘Because of what you did in the pub. It was humiliating, I doubt you’ve any idea of how much it hurt.’

  ‘You told me you’d gotten over that! You said you’d forgiven me!’

  Joe averted his gaze.

  She pressed her lips together and shook her head. He wasn’t worth the stress. She had a son to deal with, and he had to come first. She hurried to Luke’s side, to the point closest to Dylan and their eyes locked.

  ‘Didn’t you know?’ he asked.

  ‘I would never have left you. Believe me Dylan, it would never have been an option.’

  He did not respond, and stared, analysing.

  ‘Dylan, you’re my son. You’re important to me.’

  ‘Dad said you wanted the baby gone . . . said you killed him.’

  ‘No! They took you from me. I didn’t know you lived.’ She flung Joe a harsh stare. ‘You’re my baby, my darling boy. Please believe me. I would never have deserted you.’

  ‘I knew I was yours. They wouldn’t admit it.’

  ‘You should have just told me.’

  ‘You didn’t want me! I was cast aside . . . dead in your eyes!’

  ‘Not by choice! Please Dylan, get down. We can talk about this somewhere warmer and drier.’

  ‘I should never have had to live with her.’

  ‘I know and I’m sorry.’

  ‘I’m not going back home. I hate her. I hate them both.’

  ‘Then come home with me,’ Jade said.

  His momentary excitement was quickly disguised, replaced by something harsher. She could tell it was exactly what he had hoped she would say, and her joy surged through her body, invigorating her muscles and blanking out her losses. She turned to William, just to confirm he agreed, and she smiled at her son.

  ‘I’m your mother,’ she said, ‘you’ve every right to live with me.’

  ‘Maisie goes wherever I go,’ he said.

  Jade glanced to the little dog standing at Luke’s side and wagging her tail. ‘I’m sure we can find space for her.’

  Happiness expanded across Dylan’s face, and forgetting where he was, he leapt to feet.

  His left foot slipped from the concrete and his body jerked.

  Jade’s adrenalin surged. She released a spine-chilling scream.

  Chapter 40

  For the first time in years, someone had wanted Dylan, and she had been that someone. It was surreal. Even at a distance, as he had perched on the edge of the dam, Jade had recognised his desperate need to be loved, and could empathise with his every emotion, from his desperate loneliness and anger, to his confusion and self-pity. Her mothering instinct had already triggered, needing no persuasion, and she had felt an innate yearning to wrap him in her arms. But she hadn’t been able to get close enough. Her son had been determined to keep out of reach, and had hovered on the edge of concrete platform, desperate to make a statement.

  Had he intended to jump? Given what little she knew of his character and the determined way he made her take notice of his plight she believed it had been an option. He was either going to win his rights to a better life, or let go, slip into another world. He had reached his limits of toleration with Joe and Dawn, no sane person could blame him. Neither of his parents’ had respected his existence; they had lied to him for years.

  Her anger tightened her gut. She wished she had, metaphorically speaking, beaten Joe to a pulp. He had had no right to do to treat all concerned in this manner. Realising Dylan had learned the truth, he did not attempt to resolve his mistakes, only dug a deeper hole, placing more of the blame with her. It was only right at the end, when Joe saw him on the ledge did he finally uttered the truth. He was a coward, a pathetic little man, and no words would ever be strong enough to describe the pain she had endured. If she hadn’t been so elated with the realisation she had gained a son, she would surely have made him suffer.

  Jade's maternal experiences and feelings for Dylan had been stolen by Joe's actions. He may have lost a son due his inadequacy, but she now mourned the lost sixteen years of Dylan's life, from the excitement of his first steps, first words, that buzz of him attending his first day at school. The list was incalculable she knew nothing of him neither his true character nor his quirks, those important likes and dislikes, or hobbies and interests that project an individuals identity.

  They had a lifetime of catching up to do.

  Dylan walked in the room, trailed by his dog. Thankfully, his slip on the ledge had amounted to nothing more than a bruised ego.

  She leapt to her feet.

  He kept his eyes on his floor and perched on the edge of the armchair.

  ‘This is going to be difficult,’ Luke said to him, ‘but we have to do this. Do you understand?’

  Dylan nodded.

  ‘I think Jade, your mum, would like to know a few things.’

  He looked at her anxiously. She smiled, hoping to relax him, and told him it would be okay. The last thing she wanted was for their relationship to be based on lies and a lack of trust.

  ‘When did you first discover Jade was your mum?’

  ‘It was about a year ago, but I didn’t know for certain. I overheard Mum - I mean Dawn - say to Dad something about her not being able to have kids. They didn’t know I’d heard. Then, while I was going through some of his stuff I found a photo.’ He turned to Jade. ‘You were pregnant and the photo was dated. I worked out the rest.’

  ‘Didn’t you speak to them about it?’ she asked.

  He shook his head. ‘Up until the other day I pretended I didn’t know about you. But I still gave Dad opportunities to admit it. He never did. That made me mad.’

  ‘So you followed Jade,’ Luke said.

  ‘It took me a while to track you down. I found out who you were at the end of last summer, and started to follow you. You . . . you seemed lovely, everything I dreamed a mother to be, and I wanted to be part of your life. I never meant to hurt you.’

  ‘I know,’ Jade said, reaching to touch him.

  ‘I’d been followi
ng you for months. You never noticed me. Once, I knocked the bag out of your hand and your shopping scattered across the ground, and another time I . . . I stole your phone.’

  Jade looked to Luke, puzzled, then back to Dylan. ‘I don’t remember losing it.’

  ‘I handed it straight back. You still paid no attention to me.’

  ‘That’s how you got the number,’ Luke said.

  He nodded. ‘On another occasion I followed you into a shop. You were buying a washing machine. You gave the assistant your address. I was standing right behind you.’

  Jade raised her hand to her mouth.

  Ashamed, Dylan leaned over and concentrated his attentions on Maisie.

  ‘What made you turn on her?’ Luke asked, his voice displaying compassion.

  He turned to Jade. ‘You ignored me – that hurt. Then there was the stuff Kath said – you’d hurt her and she was a friend. And then there was Dad. He’s been upset a lot lately. A whole load of crap is going around school about him, stuff from his past. I overhead him talk to Mum and they blamed you.’

  Jade bit her lip, her regrets surfacing.

  ‘I wanted to believe in him,’ Dylan continued. ‘He’s my dad.’

  Jade nodded.

  ‘When did your father tell you that the baby had died?’ Luke asked.

  ‘It happened when we had a bust up. I was angry with Mum, I mean Dawn, and I said some stuff about her on Facebook. He asked me about it and I told him I knew she wasn’t my Mum. I even showed Dad the photo of you, but it made no different. He insisted the baby had died.

  Jade clenched her jaw, forcing back her anger towards Joe. He should not have kept on lying. If he had told the truth in the first place, if not to her then to Dylan, then none of this would have happened.

  ‘I knew he lied,’ Dylan continued, ‘so I kept asking him about it. He said you didn’t want the baby and that you’d killed it. He swore me to secrecy, saying he was protecting you.’

  Jade gritted her teeth.

  ‘As far as I was concerned, you had hurt him, hurt Kath, and tried to kill me.’

  ‘Tried?’

  ‘I thought Dad must have revived me - it’s the only thing that made sense. Kath had told me about the suicide and how you’d done it. So I knew what you were capable of.’

  ‘I’m so sorry Dylan,’ she said. ‘Do you understand why I helped my mother die?’

  ‘Not really.’

  She took a heavy breath, clenched her hands upon her lap, and told him a little of the circumstances. He seemed to appreciate her explanation but at the same time said very little.

  ‘Do you understand what it means to have amnesia?’ she said.

  He explained he had read about it on the Internet.

  ‘I’ve apologised to Kath and she understands. You’ve done us both a favour.’

  ‘So she said.’

  ‘Good. I’m sorry if I’ve hurt you. I hope you can forgive me.’

  He looked to his lap and nodded

  ‘Thank you.’

  ‘Can I go now?’

  She smiled and glimpsed to Luke. He indicated his approval.

  ‘Of course you can,’ she said.

  He raced from the room.

  Luke turned to her. ‘I’m glad that’s all sorted.’

  ‘Me too. He’s a lovely boy. It’s a lot to take in.’

  ‘It’ll take a while.’

  ‘Thanks for this Luke. I thought it might help having you around.’

  ‘No problem.’ He strode through to the kitchen, readying to leave. ‘It must be nice having a clear head for the first time in years.’

  ‘It is, although . . .’

  He passed her a concerned glance.

  ‘It doesn’t matter.’

  ‘Is there something else?’

  ‘I just having a horrible feeling that there’s something I still haven’t remembered.’

  ‘Some things are best forgotten.’

  She folded her arms across her middle.

  ‘Just remember what you’ve gained – a sister and a son. Don’t let anything spoil that.’

  She did not respond and watched him leave. His warning rattled inside her head.

  Upstairs, there was the gentle sound of footsteps as Dylan sorted through his possessions, placing them into drawers in what had been the spare bedroom. Jade wanted to creep up and observe his movements until they were ingrained into her mind, but she forced herself to allow him the privacy to settle him. For Dylan, it was still a stressful time. She must not forget he was only sixteen and must remember his anxiety and vulnerability would be close to the surface.

  She looked to William. ‘I don’t want him to bottle up his troubles. We must teach him to be honest and speak out.’

  ‘Perhaps that’s something we should do as well.’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘Isn’t there something about Joe you’re forgetting to tell me?’

  Flushing, Jade looked to her lap.

  ‘Why did you have an affair?’

  ‘How long have you known?’

  ‘It doesn’t matter.’ He crouched before her. ‘I’m just sorry that you felt you had to turn to another man for comfort.’

  ‘Are you angry?’

  ‘I’m disappointed. Are you sorry?’

  ‘Of course I am. Do you honestly think I’m going to go near him again after what he did?’

  ‘You might once everything’s calmed down.’

  ‘No. I love you. I . . . I was out for the excitement. I thought you didn’t care about me. I’m so sorry.’

  ‘You should know I care. Don’t I tell you enough?’

  ‘I just never paid any attention. I’ve been stupid William. Please forgive me.’

  ‘I do. Just don’t do it again.’

  ‘Is that all you have to say?’

  The phone started to ring. William dashed across the room and picked up the receiver.

  ‘It’s Kath, for you.’

  ‘Hi, how did it go?’ Jade asked.

  ‘I got it! I can’t believe it. They want me to start Monday.’

  ‘That’s fantastic. I’m so pleased. What’s the place like?’

  Whilst Kath provided Jade with the details, William left the room. She was pleased for the privacy, and once Kath had stopped babbling about the job offer, Jade mentioned her brief affair.

  ‘William’s forgiven you?’ Kath said, surprised.

  ‘Yes. He didn’t make a big issue of it. I was a bit surprised.’

  ‘Liam would kick me out if I did that.’

  Jade gawped. ‘Do you think he’s seeing someone?’

  ‘I don’t know. It just seems a bit odd, that’s all.’

  ‘Maybe he doesn’t want to make an issue of it after everything that’s happened.’

  ‘Yes, probably. Ignore me. So you’ve forgiven Dylan and taken him in?’

  ‘He’s my son. I have to do what’s right.’

  ‘And I love you for it. You have to protect your kids, always.’ Kath was distracted for a moment, and the sound of a child’s voice reached the phone. ‘Sorry, but I’ve got to go. Chloe wants something. I’ll call you later.’

  ‘Yes, okay.’

  Jade cradled the handset, her heart oozing love. What a fantastic day. What a turn around. She meandered across the room, dropped the phone onto the charger, and drifted back to the sofa.

  Suddenly, the comment Kath made regarding protecting her kids hung in the air and an unsettling feeling swelled in Jade’s stomach. She had heard that statement before, back in the distant past. Standing up, pacing the room, she rubbed her hand across her face and strained her mind, the bubbles in her stomach rising and falling.

  Then it dawned. It was to do with the fire. Her father had said the very same thing.

  She started to shake. Her colour drained and her face scrunched. She was back in the mid nineteen-nineties, and she was in the hospital about to visit her father after the fire. Just as she approached his room, she heard his hu
shed voice. He was speaking to Kath, and it sounded serious. So rather than barging in, she hid in the corridor outside his door and listened to their strained conversation. He insisted he had to protect his kids, and as usual, his mind was made up.

  With a quaking voice, he apologised for his unforgivable behaviour, not only for paying her too little attention and always searching for the worst in her conduct, but for forcing her to take the blame for the suicide. He knew he should never have done that, and he wanted to make amends whilst he had the chance.

  Jade sank to the sofa, her skin was frozen and her limbs juddering. In her anger, Kath had committed the most atrocious crime. She had hated them all and wanted them all dead. The fire was her moment of revenge.

  Their father had taken the blame.

  Could she ever forgive her? Could she look her in the eye knowing what had actually happened?

  It was not something she could answer.

  Terrified, she grabbed William’s car keys and ran. His voice was a plaintive cry in the distance.

  She did not stop.

  She needed solitude.

  The town centre was her companion.

  Chapter 41

  It was now or never. Luke took a few calming breaths to steady his voice and walked into the living area of Sarah’s flat. She was in the kitchen clearing up after breakfast, and there was an unusual lightness in her movements. It was the perfect opportunity.

  ‘We need to talk,’ he said.

  She spun to face him, her expression clouding over, and reached for a towel from the rail. ‘What about?’

  ‘Us. It’s not working. I care for you Sarah, but I don’t love you. I’m sorry.’

  She turned away saying nothing.

  ‘I will always be there for you and Ava, whenever you need me, but we can’t have a relationship.’

  ‘Is this because I went to the awards ceremony without you?’

  ‘No, of course not.’

  ‘You were okay up until then.’

  ‘It’s nothing to do with that. For months I’d dreamed of getting back with you, but then when it happened . . . well, it wasn’t quite as I expected.’

  ‘I didn’t match up to your expectations.’

  ‘No.’ He reached for her hand. She moved it aside. ‘That’s not what I meant. I . . .’