Too Hot to Hold

by Stephanie Tyler

  Clutch was Nick’s height, maybe a little broader, and his eyes … even in the dim light, she could tell he’d seen far too much.

  “You have questions.”

  “Was the military involved in any of this, beyond what happened to Aaron on that mission with his CO?” she asked.

  Clutch shook his head. “As far as the military is concerned, we simply disappeared. Most of us were listed as AWOL for a while and then dead—we assumed that the men who ran GOST took care of all of that. But people searched for us, I know that. The military doesn’t take kindly to its elite soldiers just disappearing. They put a lot of money and training into me. I was the best of the best.”

  Nick’s voice floated quietly over them. “Still are.”

  Clutch didn’t say anything, just ducked his head and stared at the ground for a few minutes.

  Kaylee waited until he looked back up. “So what happened to you … you don’t blame the military?”

  Clutch shook his head. “Not in my case. The military—the Army—saved me, took me in and trained me to protect myself. I was finally able to stop looking over my shoulder in fear, I had confidence that I could handle anything anyone threw at me. And I can. So no, this wasn’t the military’s fault—this is a government plan gone bad. Because while I understand their theory, I wouldn’t have done this to my worst enemy.”

  She nodded. “Normally, I’d have to meet the rest of the group. Interview them.”

  “That’s not possible now, not until I figure out which member is setting us up,” Clutch said.

  “I need some kind of proof, my paper’s going to ask for it. You’ve got to give me something else,” she told him.

  “I’d expect nothing less.” His eyes took on the green color of his camouflage jacket, and he stared at her as if he was weighing something heavily in his mind. And then he pulled out his phone and dialed. “Here’s the last order I received.”

  She put the phone to her ear and listened—the voice was deep and dark, the kind she supposed could be sexy under other circumstances, but since it spoke of killing, it definitely sent chills down her spine in a not-so-good way. “I don’t understand all of it, but I think… if I’m hearing right, this is an assassination order.”

  Nick took the phone out of her hand and replayed the message so he could listen. He nodded in confirmation to her words and tossed the phone back to Clutch.

  “The order isn’t sanctioned by our government,” Clutch said. “John Caspar started selling us out to the highest bidders. The last order from the U.S. government was to get rid of a head of state who refused to shut down a known terrorist cell. This order’s much different—and it could cause political unrest in an already unstable country.”

  She stared down at her hands, rubbed the third finger of her left hand where she’d worn Aaron’s ring for so long—even after the marriage dissolved, because she couldn’t let go of the loss of what she’d considered to be her family.

  Clutch spoke quietly. “Aaron wasn’t perfect, but he did love you.”

  “Aaron loved me the best way he knew how, that’s what I believe. He gave up his life for me. I have to make sure that he gets what he deserves. I want to stop whatever dishonor the government’s trying to put on his record. He would’ve wanted that,” she said, with another glance over at Nick, and then she turned to Sarah. “Sarah will be in danger now that she’s with you again, won’t she?”

  “Yes. The men who wanted me for GOST have used my love for two different women against me. They killed Fay—raped and killed her and told me all about it. I refused to take the same chance with Sarah; I complied with John Caspar’s orders. I know now that was a mistake, but I haven’t stopped thinking of a way to get her back for a single second since I left her.”

  Her head ached at the thought of the sacrifice this man had made, of the one Aaron had made as well.

  “You have no idea what it’s been like, living like this.” Clutch was speaking to her, but it was almost as if he was talking about someone else. “I haven’t beenme for so long, I don’t know who I am. Or I didn’t until last year.”

  “I can’t imagine,” she said softly, the image of Nick as Cutter still enough in the forefront of her mind to understand.

  Kaylee needed space to process everything—Nick could see that easily as she remained seated on the hood of the car, sounds of gunfire occasionally marring the quiet.

  She’d stopped reacting to those. He knew that wasn’t a good sign. She was off in her own head—her own world—dealing with everything she’d learned and trying to make sense of it all. For the article … for herself.

  “Why don’t you try to get some sleep? You’ve got a big job ahead of you,” he said quietly.

  “I could try, but I’m sure I’d end up just tossing and turning,” she said, her fingers playing along the bottoms of her rolled-up BDUs.

  “Did you get what you were looking for from Clutch?”

  “It helps to know that whatever Aaron did in the end wasn’t his choice. It’s horrifying to know, though, that there are groups out there like this one, forced to do things they don’t want to do,” she told him, and he understood what she meant.

  Aaron had made the choice to keep Kaylee safe at the cost of his own life, and Nick would be forever grateful for that.

  “The men you saw with Aaron, the ones he’d…” She stopped, couldn’t bring herself to say the wordkilled . “Do you think that was part of his job with GOST?”

  He nodded, had been trying to not think about that or how badly Aaron had probably wanted to get on that helo with him. Aaron had wanted a way back but knew there was none.

  There was nothing Nick could’ve done for him then. What he could do right now was a different story.

  “This must be hard for you to hear too,” she murmured. “All these good men, forced into something like this.”

  “I meant what I told Clutch. Theywere good men, still are.”

  To have that kind of control taken from him would’ve been unbearable. How Clutch stood it for so long was a testament to how strong he was. How much he loved his mother—and Sarah.

  And then Kaylee asked, “How do you do this? Day after day, not knowing what’s coming, where you’re going to be… whether you’re going to live or die?”

  He shrugged, but knew she wouldn’t take that for an answer. “I do it because I don’t know any other way. I do it because it’s my job. It’s not like you don’t take risks.”

  “None as big as this one,” she said.

  “You don’t have to do this, Kaylee. I mean that. Clutch will find another way. He’s resourceful. And he’s got Sarah by his side now.”

  “They look like they can do anything together,” she murmured, and yeah, they did. “I made a promise. I’m going to do the article. I’ve got to get in touch with my boss.”

  “Service is going to be spotty out here—I’ll walk you to more of a clearing,” he said and she slid off the car and walked with him, holding her cell phone in front of her until she got a decent number of bars.

  Roger answered on the third ring, sounding sleepy. “This better be good, Smith—do you know what time it is?”

  She didn’t—not back home anyway—and she didn’t care. “I’ve got the story of a lifetime for you, Roger.”

  CHAPTER 15

  You’re sure this is safe?” Jamie asked him for the billionth time as the small plane started with a rumble, nearly shaking her off the seat.

  The pilot was a former SAS agent who’d relocated to Africa under circumstances beyond his control, or at least that’s what he’d told Chris. The guy was nearing sixty, wore an eye patch and he’d had his plane up and running the fastest.

  No, Chris wasn’t sure of safety at all, but their options were few and far between. “We’ll be fine.”

  He’d checked his cell the second their plane landed, had been relieved to hear Nick’s message that he was all right and that Chris should stay on track and head to the coordinat
es. That he’d met up with Clutch.

  Chris didn’t think that was a very good thing at all—Jamie had reserved judgment when he’d told her, but the frown on her face said otherwise. If Clutch was a member of this group, he was on his own side—or whatever—and that made Chris’s gut churn.

  He’d tried to speak with Nick directly, but service had been for shit. Still was, but that didn’t stop him from trying as the plane taxied down the small runway.

  When he still couldn’t get through, he fought the urge to throw the phone on the floor. It would be the fifth one he’d broken that year. He and electronics never did mix all that well—everything from phones to computers to cars seemed to break down around him. But motorcycles—well, he did just fine with those.

  There hadn’t been any Harleys to be seen, though. And so he’d paid through the nose to get them on this plane so they could reach Nick’s last destination fast.

  “Is that noise normal?” Jamie had a vice grip on his arm. He could feel the tension bouncing off her.

  It had taken three hours for them to find this pilot, another hour to get the clearance to take off, and still, this would save them more time than driving.

  And no, that sound wasn’t normal. But the plane shuddered into the air and leveled out and so he told her, “Totally normal.”

  She shot him a sideways glance. “Yeah, sure.”

  He settled in as best he could—he’d practically had to fold himself in half to get on this damned thing. After watching her white-knuckle it for a while, her face practically glued to the window, he went for a distraction. “What’s your deal?”

  She turned from the window reluctantly, her hand still gripping the armrest. “Mydeal?”

  He could see underneath her shield so clearly. He wasn’t sure if it wasthe sight , as Dad called it, but when he looked at Jamie, he didn’t see the buttoned-down suit or the sleek, sophisticated ponytail. No, he saw her running in a field of flowers, hair down, wearing a flowing dress. He saw her smiling.

  And he saw himself wanting more. That hadn’t happened to him in forever, beyond a few purely physical bump and grinds.

  All right, more than a few. He had needs—lots of them—and there were always women who were willing to spend time helping him fulfill them. But unlike Nick, he’d always been wide open and ready for a relationship.

  Chris believed fully in fate. Destiny. Jamie was now tangled up in his life—and in Nick’s—and no matter what, he had no choice but to follow her and see where that led him.

  “Yeah, your deal. Have you been with the FBI long?”

  “I don’t want to talk about me, Chris.”

  He leaned in close, put a hand on her arm and felt the soft zing again, the way he’d felt it back at the house and again on the flight in. She felt it too—he was sure of it. “I’m not asking you about your past, I just want to know more aboutyou . Do you understand?”

  She got it, because she finally answered, “I’ve been with the FBI for eight years.”

  “I’ve been in the Navy for nine.”

  “I was recruited right after college.”

  “I enlisted to avoid jail,” he said.

  “You’re kidding.”

  “Why would I do that?”

  “What did you do?”

  “Borrowed some cars. Which escalated into more than borrowing.”

  “If you’re trying to distract me from being nervous about this plane, it’s not going to work.”

  “That’s not why I’m doing it. I like you,” he said simply.

  “You like me.”

  “Yes. As in, I’d like to take you on a date. Like to watch you let your hair down, get drunk and dance on a table or two.”

  “I don’t do those things,” she interjected quickly.

  “Maybe you should.”

  “That’s what you like in a date?”

  “No. I’d like you naked in bed with me too. Before or after the table dancing.”

  Her mouth opened and he wanted to chuckle at this woman who carried as much firepower as he did blushing at the thought of someone wanting to bed her.

  He needed to find out the story behind the wedding band.

  “You can’t just say things like that,” she told him finally, a slight blush still staining her cheeks.

  “Why not?”

  “It’s not… appropriate. Didn’t your mother teach you about polite conversation?”

  He gave her a long, cool stare. “My momma taught me a lot of things, sugar.”

  “I think we should forget about getting personal.”

  He snorted. “You just let me in on a huge secret and you don’t want to get personal? Sugar, you need to check your definition ofpersonal.”

  “I told you everything because of your brother. I’m just as worried as you are and I’m not prepared to let Sophie down.” She paused, and yeah, so much for professional. There was something about Chris that made her want to spill her guts, and that never happened. Not even with Mike, and they’d been together for five years. That was long enough to trust anyone completely and she’d still never let herself go. “Sophie was always pushing my help away even when she gave me anything I needed. When she finally came to me and confided, I felt like we’d finally broken through some invisible barrier. Our relationship has always been complicated.”

  He didn’t say anything, just waited for her to continue.

  When she did so, it was with a great reluctance. “I don’t like talking about myself—I’ve always had to hold back because of Witness Protection.”

  “But there’s more to you than what you went through to put you into protection.”

  She shook her head. “You’d think, wouldn’t you?”

  Chris wouldn’t let her get away with that, wouldn’t let her shut down the way she normally would have—the way she’d learned to deal with things throughout the years. The only way she knew how to live.

  He took her face in his hands—God, those hands—and stroked her cheeks lightly. “I know there’s more to you. I can see it in your eyes.”

  “My life is my job. The way it needs to be.”

  There had never been much outside the lines for her. As a young girl, she hadn’t really understood that her family had been keeping secrets—not until her parents had been killed and her world changed forever.

  Later, the structure was something she’d learned to embrace. Sophie, on the other hand, chose an environment that was as by the book as you could get with the Navy; she’d balanced it by learning to fly F-14s and Tomcats. She’d told Jamie that being aboveground made her feel completely safe, like no one could get to her. And while Jamie envied that approach, she stayed closer to what she knew—the FBI and its own by-the-book approach.

  And still, neither woman had been able to successfully escape their worries of the past. “Have you and Nick always been close?”

  “Very. I’ve got another brother too.”

  “Another SEAL?”

  “Actually, yes. He went in first—willingly. We followed in his footsteps.” He ran a hand through his hair—it was longer than most of the military cuts she’d seen, long enough that he could blend in most places without looking particularly military.

  He was also visibly upset and didn’t bother to try to hide it. “Nick’s vulnerable,” Chris admitted.

  “He’s a SEAL.”

  “He’s falling in love with Kaylee. Love makes you vulnerable.”

  It did—she knew that. Even though she hadn’t been madly, passionately in love with Mike, she did love him. She’d always told herself that working with him wasn’t a problem, that their outside relationship didn’t affect their professional one.

  For her, it hadn’t. For Mike, it had been a different story. The night he’d been shot, he’d been so busy covering her he’d forgotten to watch his own back.

  The guilt welled up inside of her, the way it always did when she thought about the circumstances surrounding that night. “He’ll protect her. Make sure
nothing happens to her.”

  “Yes, he will.” Chris stared off into space. “Nick’s good, no doubt about it. Nick against those men trying to get him, well, they don’t stand a chance—especially if they try to get to Kaylee—but man, I want to call in backup.”

  “You can’t.”

  “If I have to, I will, and there won’t be a thing you can do to stop me.”

  “Try me, Chief.”

  “Ah, back to that. Guarding yourself against me again, against anything personal. Have it your way.” He put his head back against the seat, hands dangling between his long legs. Then he took his iPod from his pocket and shoved the earbuds in and almost immediately his feet tapped to a beat only he could hear. He began to hum, a deep, melodious sound from the back of his throat.

  After a moment, he began to sing. Loud enough to be heard clearly over the engine, which was no mean feat. In tune. Like, if there were a stage around, he would be a rock star.

  He was good, really good. He sang like he didn’t have a care in the world. She wished she could be that free … although she knew that, inside, this man wasn’t free at all.

  He reminded her of Sophie in that way.

  She leaned over and tugged on the wires of the iPod, causing the earbuds to pop out of his ears. He continued singing for a few seconds, as though he hadn’t realized that the music had stopped, and then he turned his gaze to her and the singing ceased.

  “I’m guarded, yes. I just can’t hide it as well as you can.” Her eyes met his, held them in a steady grip, and for the first time in his life, he felt as if he was the one who’d been locked and loaded, target on. “You’re so free—I envy that part of you—I know it’s not an act but I also know it covers something. I’m betting a lot of people don’t get that about you, at least not right away. Maybe never.”

  “Yet you think you know.” His voice sounded oddly hoarse but he didn’t give any other indication that her words bothered him. And no, he wouldn’t.

  But they did. And she opened her mouth to tell him that yes, she did know, but just then, the plane jerked hard and banked right.