She could hear herself screaming his name and her vision seemed to dim and narrow so the canopy of branches and leaves and ribbons of blue shy greyed and fuzzed for a moment as her second climax swamped her and seemed to continue to push her toward some unseen shore.
“Keep holding.” His voice seemed far away and his mouth left her for a moment as he dug a condom out of his pocket and barely had time to sheath himself before he rammed into her.
“Yes.” Talon bit out. “Yes, yes, yes.” He powerfully surged in and out of her.
“Push back into me.” He ordered. “With all of your strength.”
She used the branch as a springboard to try to push into each thrust that seemed to increase in strength and speed so she felt like she was just trying to hang on to her sanity so she could stay on this ride. A Six Flags roller coaster couldn’t be this thrilling.
He lifted her butt off the ground and angled her so, as he surged in and out of her, he was hitting her spot over and over again and all the tension coiled up like it was one of those retractable tape measures.
“Like that?”
“Yes, oh, God, yes.” And she had no idea what else she said, except everything seemed to start and end with Colt and she never ever wanted to stop calling out his name.
It was easy for her to read him now when he was about to come, but she needed him to hang on just a little longer, so she leveraged herself a little high and pushed back harder to match his thrusts and just as her climax hit, she could feel his and he collapsed on top of her and his heavy weight was the best thing she’d ever felt in her life.
Her fingers were numb and blistered from holding on to the railing and she pried them off so she could wrap her arms around him and hold him close, feel his heart slam into hers and his sweat mingle with hers. Like usual, Colt recovered first and too soon he rolled away from her and the separation pierced her heart. He lay on his back, staring up at the sky. Talon curled into him, but this time he didn’t slide his arm around her and pull her close.
“You were right.” She tried to find her voice and strive for a lighthearted approach after she felt like he’d reached in and touched her heart and soul with his intense, aggressive lovemaking. “That was definitely better than talking any day.”
“I got a call this morning, Talon,” he said after a long moment of tense silence. “I have to report to base tomorrow.”
Her breath caught. It was worse than she had imagined. Tomorrow. The word was like a stage four diagnosis to her fragile heart.
“I thought you had another week,” she whispered.
“Me, too.”
And then he threaded his fingers through her curls and pulled her into his body. She could feel him trembling and somehow that helped steady her so she wouldn’t cling or cry. He was feeling it, too, and she wouldn’t make it harder for him.
“Is it…” She paused and gathered her courage so she could understand because she would have to deal with this like an adult and be strong for herself and Parker. “Is it a long mission?”
For a moment, hope flared. Maybe it was just a meeting or a couple of days thing and then he could decide, or… her imagination spun out as it always did, possible scenarios where the bad news wasn’t so devastating.
“I don’t know, Talon. They won’t tell me anything on the phone and everything I do is classified.”
She nodded like she understood. She should understand, only she was feeling so cold and vulnerable and alone even though she was still pressed into his body.
“But I don’t work much in the states, Talon, except sometimes when I’m training.”
He was going. This was it. What she’d tried to steel herself against. What she’d told herself she could handle. And she would handle it. She had to.
“If this is your last day, do you want to do something special?”
“That was pretty special.”
She closed her eyes and breathed him in, and then let her palm skim over his body, wanting to memorize everything about him from the way he felt under her hands to the way he smelled and looked and talked and…“I meant you might want to meet your friends for dinner or beer and pool at the Wolf Den.”
“Yeah, exactly how I want to spend my last night before going back to work, with a bunch of guys from my past who talk too much trash when I could be having dinner with you and Parker.”
She squeezed her eyes shut and wrapped herself around him like she was a koala clinging to a bamboo branch. Still a few tears leaked out. And a few more.
“Sorry,” she said. “Sorry.”
“Yeah, me, too.”
But instead of closing her out, he continued to hold her and stroke her and this time when they made love he was as sweet and gentle as he’d been desperate and rough before, his gaze intense and never wavering from hers.
Chapter Sixteen
They dressed in silence.
“I want to get the windows and doors in for Parker this afternoon,” he said. “And the safety net to cover the hole I cut for a fire pole to run through in the middle of the house. I didn’t find a pole yet that’s long enough to reach so he can have a rope ladder and I can install a safety net with hooks so that none of his buddies will fall through when they play up here this summer.”
His voice was calm, measured like each word wasn’t a bullet to her heart. Her fingers wouldn’t function to snap her bra or her shirt. But he was dressed and he helped her. Summer. It was still a few months away, and he was talking like he wouldn’t be back.
“He’ll love it,” she said, trying to find some enthusiasm but coming up empty. “It’s so much more than I was expecting. I just thought you could make the platform safe and add a railing, but you built a house.” She gestured sloppily with her hand.
He pulled her to him and kissed the top of her head then he deliberately took a step away.
“I can bring you up lunch while you work,” she said.
“I’d like that.” He had the door in his hands again, far away from her again.
She’d never be able to look at that door, walk through it without remembering this afternoon where she’d totally exposed herself and given her heart and soul to Colt but he still had to walk away. And she’d known from the start he’d had other commitments and a job that would take him far away from her physically and emotionally, but even though she’d lost so many people and places in her life, she didn’t get better at saying goodbye.
*
Talon made him two sandwiches, cut up an apple, and added a cup of chili, which she had made in the slow cooker for dinner since Colt had started picking up Parker after baseball practice and bringing him home to work on the tree house and eat dinner instead of Parker hanging out at Main Street diner and eating there and doing homework.
He was going to miss Colt, she acknowledged and wondered again if she should have kept her distance if not for her sake, for Parker’s, but she’d always lived her life willing to try new experiences and going for her dreams, and she wanted Parker to be fearless, too. Yes, she’d lose Colt, but she’d had him in her life and in Parker’s life for almost three full weeks. She’d fallen in love. She’d hold on to her memories with both hands and that was definitely better than wondering what might have been. Better than never loving a man.
She walked carefully up the stairs.
“I would have come down,” he said, taking the tray from her. “I know the height still bothers you.”
“Just don’t look down, right?”
“You’re not eating?” he asked, setting the tray down and noticing there was only one glass of lemonade.
Her stomach was too knotted and the lump in her throat too hard to get anything around. She shook her head. “I’ll eat later.”
He sat down, legs stretched out, and she sat next to him making sure her legs touched his.
“I might be persuaded to share,” he said, snagging an apple slice, which he fed to her. “With the right motivation.”
She watched him eat.
She liked doing that. He was so neat. Precise. Efficient. And he always seemed to enjoy everything she made, which was giving her more confidence to look up more recipes online and not just rely on meals from the diner.
He finished the first sandwich quickly then drained the lemonade. Then he started in on the chili. “So chili for dinner?” he asked.
“And baked potatoes. I have the timer for the oven on so you don’t have worry about anything.”
It was such a normal conversation for them for the past few weeks, and yet it wasn’t normal at all. He’d leave. Do his duty to his country, and she would adjust. It was so strange how he had fit so easily into her world. How he’d become a huge landmass in her life in just a few weeks.
“Before I leave, I want to talk about the house.”
“Okay.” Talon wanted to make an excuse, scurry down the stairs and do something, clean the kitchen, call Noah to see if he needed her, throw herself on her bed and cry.
“You know I saw the attorney, Mia Zabrinsky.”
She drew her knees up to chest and rested her chin on them and picked at a fraying seam of her jeans. She nodded.
“You don’t have to tell me anything personal, Colt,” she said to reassure him.
“There’s something I didn’t understand,” he said, clearly choosing his spare words carefully. “I need to think about it, but when I’m on a mission I’m focused. I don’t think about anything but that. The mission.”
“That makes sense.” He seemed like that kind of man. “And I hope it keeps you safer.”
“Everyone safer. So I’m not going to make any decisions about the house and land now.”
He finished the chili and pushed the tray off to the side.
“What do you want, Talon? Do you want to stay on here with Parker or would you rather move into town?”
“Stay,” she said. This felt like home, the longest she’d been anywhere. “But I will be paying rent.”
“You won’t be able to reach me.” He turned his body so she was forced to meet his searching gaze. “At all. So if something goes wrong with the house you’ll have to handle it.”
She nodded, feeling her eyes glass over with tears. He cupped her chin and brushed his thumb across her lips. “I’ve paid the property taxes for last year and this year so it’s all caught up, and I left some money in an account so that you will have some cash for repairs and other things that come up.”
“You don’t have to take care of us,” she whispered. “I have been on my own since I graduated high school.”
“I know. But you will be taking care of the house. Keeping it running. And you can pay rent; just put it into the account I opened. I left the debit card on your nightstand with the pin number. That way you will have enough.”
She nodded, again, feeling like a puppet. This was not what she wanted to talk about.
“I’m leaving the truck here as well,” he said. “I added your name to the insurance policy and bought a yearlong maintenance plan at the garage in town. I left some information with the lawyer in case you need it. Her card is with the debit card.
“Colt, please stop.” Her voice shook as she pressed her hand against his mouth. “These are all things. The house, the car, money. Just things that don’t really matter.”
He moved her hand, linked his fingers with hers, and she tightened her grip as if she could somehow hold him to her.
“They matter. I’ll worry if I don’t square with you.”
It was all about his focus. He was responsible. He wouldn’t roll into town, have a quick fling with a single mom, and then ride out again without making sure she was set up as well as she had been before he’d arrived. Bitterness filled her heart. He was leaving, and he wasn’t coming back, except maybe for his truck.
“I’m going to worry,” she said and jumped up. “I’m going to worry because I won’t know where you are and I won’t know if you’re safe, and I won’t know if you’re ever coming back. What about us? What about you and me? Do you even want to see me again? Be with me again?”
“It’s not that simple, Talon.” He stood up easily. He tried to cup her face in his hands but she swung away from him, so many emotions ricocheting inside of her that she felt like she was going crazy.
“It is that simple. Is this forever goodbye? Yes or no?
“I’m not the kind of man to have a family.”
“Why not?” She demanded, swinging back to face him. She placed her hands square on his chest. “What does that mean? Explain that to me because you have been a better companion, better friend, better lover, better man, better father figure to Parker than anyone I’ve ever met before.”
“It was three weeks.” His voice was bleak.
“Three amazing weeks,” she practically shouted. “And if you didn’t have to leave tomorrow, it would have been four, right?”
He reluctantly nodded. “But a month is not a relationship.”
“Of course it is. It’s a start. And then we’d just take it one day at a time. That’s making a relationship. Just trying. Every day to create a life together.” She stopped, not able to continue with the words clogging her throat and her inability to drag in enough air to talk.
She couldn’t do this. Be all calm and rational and talk about money when he was leaving and she might never see him again.
“Are you coming back?” she whispered, every atom in her body seemed to stop quivering and held its collective breath. She wanted to add ‘for me,’ but she lacked the nerve.
“I can’t promise anything, Talon. I won’t make a promise I’m not one hundred percent sure I can’t keep.”
“Nothing’s one hundred percent.” She glared at him. “But you won’t even say you’ll try or that you want to, forget it. Forget I asked.”
She spun away from him; the burst of pain seemed to give her wings as she rushed to the stairs and bolted down the first flight. Tears burned, which made her want to cry harder in frustration. She hadn’t cried this much since before she’d hit puberty. She managed her life. She made it work. Kept her eyes on her goals. She didn’t fall apart.
“Hold up. Hold up.” He barked the command, which made her move even faster. He swore and grabbed her before she made the second flight down.
“I’m sorry. I’m acting stupid,” she said unable to look at him. “I just thought we had another week.”
He held her arms and bent his head to try to get her to look at him.
“I’m going to go meet Noah for a case,” she said sullenly, avoiding eye contact and lying to him for the first time as she had no case with Noah.
“Take the truck.” He urged, fishing the keys out of his pocket.
She shook her head. “It’s your last day with it for a little while. Enjoy. Will you still be able to pick up Parker or are there some things you need to do before you leave.”
She sounded so formal. Like they were coworkers or something.
“I’ll pick him up. I’m always packed and ready to ship out.”
She nodded like that was a normal way to live. Anger came to her rescue. She’d been deceiving herself. He hadn’t been opening up, letting her a little into the cracks of his armor. It had always and only been sex. Really awesome sex and she’d turned that into a frigging fairy tale.
She so could not do this. Come home from the diner with to-go meals and see them playing a board game or video game, Dude cuddled in Colt’s lap, just like the past few nights that had started to seem like a routine.
“Look, Colt. Never mind. I’m going to have Parker come to the diner after baseball. I’m going to have to tell him. Let him adjust to the idea because it happened faster than I’d told him it would.”
Guilt clawed at her and she had to force the next words out. “I think it’s better that way. You can do whatever you need to do tonight and tomorrow morning we will come by and say goodbye before I take Parker to school, if that’s okay.”
His face was tight, closed, but the tension simmered off him. It was
killing her to pretend she didn’t care or didn’t notice.
“I don’t have a choice, Talon.” His voice seethed with frustration, and he tried to lift her chin so she had to look him in his eyes.
She jerked away from his touch.
“I know.”
He blew out a breath. “Is it better for Parker if I don’t say goodbye?”
No. It would be better for Parker if Colt were forever a part of his life, and that instant thought was enough to snap her spine straight. She’d gone deep. Really deep. And that was why she should steer clear of all relationships. She was too needy. And she had to focus on Parker and on building them a secure life.
“I don’t know. No.” She thought of all the foster homes she’d been pulled out of without getting her things or being able to say goodbye or find out what had happened, why she was being sent away. “No,” she said softly. “It’s always better to say goodbye. Closure.”
At least he was offering closure. He wasn’t running out in the middle of the night.
“It will have to be tonight then. Nick’s taking me to the airport at four am.”
She nodded and forced herself to look at him. His beloved, familiar face. Without thinking, she reached up and touched him. His warm skin, hint of stubble.
“I’ll miss you, Colt, and say a prayer every night that you are safe,” she whispered.
*
It had been a beautiful morning. A terrible afternoon and an even worse night. As expected, Parker was devastated that Colt had to leave early. He’d cried, but what had happened next was what really knocked Talon down.
“When’s he coming back?” he asked, sitting in the battered Subaru.
“I don’t know if he is,” she said.
“Why not?”
Here it came, the barrage of questions she couldn’t answer because it would hurt Parker, but not telling him, letting him wait and hope, would be worse. She also knew that from experience.
“He doesn’t know if he will come back,” she said. “He might rejoin up with his unit in the army. He loves serving his country. And they travel a lot.”
Seducing the Bachelor (The Bachelor Auction Returns Book 3) Page 15