by Ellen Joy
ALL NIGHT, ADAM SENT text after text, and Elizabeth let them pile on top of each other after each one flashed upon her screen.
I’m sorry.
Let me explain.
Please, can we talk?
When the texts stopped, she felt worse.
“I say you talk to him,” Lauren said over the phone.
“But if he lied about finding Lucy’s mother, what makes you think there isn’t more he’s hiding?” she asked while lying in bed.
“His situation is complicated,” Lauren said. “Maybe he just didn’t want to have to think about it with you?”
“So you’re saying that it’s okay to lie.”
Lauren let out an exasperated sigh. “No, I’m just trying to understand why he’d lie.”
Elizabeth looked up to the ceiling. “What is wrong with me? Why do I always fall for the jerks? Why couldn’t I like the men who are kind to me, like Dan?”
“Because you didn’t love Dan.”
BEFORE SHE CAME BACK to the house, Adam told Lucy about Michelle over the phone.
“She just came back?” she asked.
“Yes, she wanted to see you.” Now he was lying to everyone.
“Did she meet Dr. Elizabeth?” Lucy asked first.
“They met, yes.” Adam forgot that Lucy came up with the idea of having an official date night.
“Did she like her?” she asked.
“Lu, are you okay with seeing your mom again?” he asked.
She didn’t say anything at first. He looked into the living room. Michelle stood by the liquor cabinet looking at the bottles, then walked away to the bookshelf. Seeing Lucy would be a trigger for Michelle. Alcohol had been her cure for nerves, though it rarely worked out the way she wanted. He hoped she’d stay sober for Lucy’s sake.
“Is she there now?”
“Yeah, but if you don’t want her here ...” Adam began planning the next move, sending Michelle to a hotel in town. He’d call and ask Mr. Harrington if he could spare a room indefinitely until Lucy was okay with Michelle, if she ever was. “She doesn’t have to stay.”
Lucy took a deep breath. “I guess if she needs to.”
That’s when Adam felt his heart break. Lucy thought nothing of herself, only others. He needed to do the same for her. “Lucy, it’s about you. What do you want?”
“I want to help her.”
Nineteen
Adam kept an eye on Michelle, hardly believing the last twenty-four hours were real as they waited for Lucy to arrive home. She paced the room, rubbing her hands together as she moved around. His own nerves were rattled. How would Lucy react to Michelle staying? Or God forbid, leaving?
He texted Elizabeth again. Please, talk to me. I want to explain everything. Please.
It was no use. She hadn’t responded to any of his texts. At this point, she could probably press charges for harassment with the amount of texts he had sent, but he couldn’t stop himself. He couldn’t give up, not yet. Not when that kind of wonderful was so close.
When his parents pulled up with Lucy in the car, Michelle stopped pacing and stood frozen in the living room, looking out the window. Lucy didn’t get out, instead she stayed inside as his parents walked up to the house.
Michelle’s face twisted and her hand-wringing continued as they walked up the porch.
His father was the first to enter the house. He took off his sunglasses and looked right at Michelle. “Welcome back, Michelle.”
“So, you finally remembered you were a mother,” his mother said walking inside.
“That’s enough, Mom,” Adam said.
“Is Lucy coming?” Michelle asked, looking out the window. Lucy’s door was opened now, but she stayed in the car.
“I told Lucy we needed to have an adult conversation, because I want to know where she’s been all this time.” Anne threw her hand in Michelle’s direction. “She leaves you with her child for years, and just pops back when she feels like it?”
“Mom,” he snapped. “Stop.”
“No, I want to know.” Anne walked up to Michelle. “What was so important that you had to ditch your own daughter with a stranger?”
Michelle looked like her teenage self, unable to handle Anne’s directness and display of anger. “I was sick.”
“Oh, that’s a great excuse,” Anne hissed. “People who are sick take the help they are given. Adam set you up at a very nice treatment center, but you left instead. How thoughtful.”
“Mom.” Adam stepped in between the two women.
“I didn’t want Lucy to see me like I was, not until I was better,” Michelle said, pulling back her shoulders and trying to stand taller than his mother.
Anne wouldn’t have it. “You don’t look any better.”
“I’m still figuring things out.” Michelle backed away.
“You mean you’re here so Adam can help you, again.” Anne huffed and turned to Adam. “I love you, Adam. I know you think you’re doing the right thing here, but letting this woman back into your life is a mistake.”
“Mom, you’re in my house.” Adam threw his hand at the door. “Leave, if you can’t control yourself.”
She turned toward his father. “Let’s go, Harry.”
His mother stormed out, slamming the door before his father even had a chance to walk out.
“Thank you,” Michelle said.
Adam didn’t respond, but followed them outside.
“Where is she?” Lucy asked, getting out of their car.
“We’ll see you soon, Lucy.” His mother gave her a hug, before getting into the car. He could see Anne wipe her eyes with a tissue.
Adam nodded toward the house where Michelle stood looking out the window. He grabbed hold of Lucy’s hand. “Do you want to go and see her?”
She nodded, keeping her eyes on Michelle.
When they stepped inside, Michelle outstretched her arms and Lucy ran right into them without hesitation. No split-second pause. Nothing but sheer joy. He wished it didn’t piss him off, but the fact that Michelle was greeted with such warmth, such love, made him mad.
She didn’t deserve it.
“You look beautiful!” Michelle exclaimed, leaning back to get a better look at her daughter.
“I can’t believe you’re back,” Lucy said, looking equally amazed.
Michelle turned and grabbed a box from a table the size of a shoebox. She passed it to Lucy. “These are the letters I wrote you while I was gone.”
Lucy looked at the box. She opened the lid, the box chock-full of envelopes and papers of all different shapes and sizes. “Wow, that’s a lot of letters.”
“Well, I had a lot to tell you.” Michelle pulled her into a hug. “Tell me everything that’s happened. Don’t leave anything out.”
Lucy set the box of letters on the coffee table, as Michelle urged her to sit on the couch. Adam wanted to grab the letters and read through them all. See what Michelle wrote, before giving them to Lucy. But he couldn’t keep protecting her, especially where Michelle was concerned. Lucy, unfortunately, was going to have to learn on her own.
“Did you write about sending her?” Lucy asked, adjusting her seat.
“Sending who?” Michelle didn’t know what she meant, but Adam did. He knew exactly who Lucy referred to.
“My fairy godmother,” Lucy said, as though surprised Michelle could’ve forgotten the one promise she made to the little girl.
Lucy never forgot Michelle’s promise to send a fairy godmother to take care of her. She had been hoping and dreaming of when her fairy godmother would come.
“A fairy godmother?” Michelle’s eyebrows raised in confusion. She had no idea what Lucy was talking about. She had forgotten that Lucy had been going through a Cinderella phase.
“My fairy godmother. You sent her, right?” Lucy looked at Adam as though he could help Michelle remember.
Michelle’s eyebrows creased together. He could see she was confused, but she nodded. “Yes, I guess so.”
FOR THE REST OF THE weekend, Elizabeth stayed on the couch and watched Lifetime with Joan. By Sunday, she feigned a headache and avoided dinner with the family. She also tried to ignore the fact his last message was from that morning. He had stopped. Which both pissed her off, and frightened her.
As Elizabeth sat in her office at the clinic, she stared at the clock. In less than an hour, she was due at the farm to check on the animals. Anastasia couldn’t fit anymore foal in her body at that point. The due day had to be coming soon.
She could avoid his texts, but how would she avoid him at the farm?
She looked up from her computer when she heard a knock on the door. Dr. Johnson stood at the doorway and smiled. “You were looking for me?”
Elizabeth blushed. She didn’t want to come off as unprofessional in front of Dr. Johnson, but she couldn’t face Adam. Not today. She didn’t ask for many favors from her boss, but she was definitely calling one in. “I need your help.”
Dr. Johnson gave her a concerned look. “Are you okay?”
Elizabeth blew out a deep breath. “Actually, Dr. Johnson, I’m not.”
“What is it, my dear?” He took off his glasses and sat in the chair in front of her desk. When she was a kid, his hair had been dark brown, but now in his sixties it was all gray. He looked older than usual, and she now regretted having to ask him for help.
“I need to you take over Mr. Cahill as a client.” Emotions prickled her eyes.
“Mr. Cahill?” he asked, thinking about what she said. “Is everything all right with the mare?”
“Yes, she’s about to give birth, and I can take care of that. I just need someone to check on her today, and maybe until she’s in labor?”
“I thought you and Mr. Cahill had developed a nice relationship?” he asked innocently. “You two looked quite friendly at your uncles’ house.”
“I’m afraid he’s not the person I thought he was.”
Dr. Johnson didn’t push any further. “All right then, but only if this is what you really want.”
“Yes,” she said, relieved. “Thank you, Dr. Johnson.”
As she watched him leave in the vet’s truck, she had never been more grateful for the relationship she had with Dr. Johnson. Even Margie seemed extra nice, and she must’ve been itching to find out why Dr. Johnson headed out to the farm instead of her. But Elizabeth dodged her and snuck out before Dr. Johnson had a chance to get back and tell her how Adam’s life was moving on without her.
ADAM WALKED AROUND the kitchen as Michelle made a big to-do about picking Lucy up from the bus. During the whole day Michelle had talked endlessly. None of it really meant anything. She talked about how she had run into a friend of theirs in Morocco, or how she found peace on Kathmandu.
“There I was, riding a camel, and I see Megan Brinkley.” Michelle fluttered around the house, not able to stand in one spot too long. Her hands always moving, touching, feeling something.
She’d hold up a book, and ask, “Have you read this?”
When he wouldn’t answer, she’d tell him about how she knew someone who read it, or how she knew the author, and the pointless one-sided conversation would continue. Adam knew what she was doing. She wanted him to talk to her. To not be mad at her. To not make her feel guilty for leaving. To be glad she came back.
But he could barely stomach her.
She finally settled in with the newspaper, grabbing the classified section. She looked through the newspaper at the want ads. “There has to be something available at this time of year.”
Adam didn’t want to engage with her. He could see the signs of her manic behavior. She scoured the ads over and over, in case she missed a rental. Repeating things she had noticed the first few times she found them interesting, or a good deal.
“Do you have a water tank for the fields?” she asked. “There’s one on Amazon. The pony may not know enough to go back to the barn for a drink.”
An itch would run over his body every time she spoke as he worked on his computer. Researching child custody laws in Massachusetts. He wished he had his old firm’s database right about now. He wished he could send Michelle off, send her out on some errands or just tell her to leave. Elizabeth was due any minute, and she’d see Michelle’s car in the driveway, and at some point, Michelle herself. He didn’t want her to assume the worst, though the truth wasn’t much better.
“The vet’s coming this afternoon.” He threw it out there. “Lucy will want to be with her.”
“I’d love to actually meet this fairy godmother vet.”
He heard the edge in her voice. He hoped it bothered her Lucy hadn’t stopped mentioning Elizabeth since Michelle had arrived.
He’d just come right out and say it. “I want you to leave while she’s here and not pick up Lucy.”
Michelle’s head jerked back in surprise. “You want me to leave?”
“Yes, when the vet’s here.” Adam wasn’t asking.
She sat there without responding at first, then asked, “For how long?”
“As long as she’s here.”
She looked surprised again. “Adam, why do you hide things, rather than face them?”
“Are you kidding me right now?” Adam huffed at her audacity.
“No. You’ve always been that way, even when we were kids,” Michelle argued. “You only let people see the perfect Adam, not the whole one, when the whole Adam is already perfect.”
“I can’t believe you, of all people, are saying this right now.” Adam’s face heated up.
“I’ll give you some space, but you can’t hide me forever.” She picked up the newspaper and walked out of the kitchen.
He looked at the clock. Lucy wouldn’t be back from school until after Elizabeth came, so hopefully he’d have time to talk to her privately. And as much as it killed him that Michelle was right. He needed to explain every ugly detail to Elizabeth. But alone.
Michelle stuck to the plan and took off as Adam waited, watching out the window for Elizabeth. His stomach twisted into such a knot by the time he saw the vet’s truck pull up the driveway, he could barely move toward the door to meet her outside. He stopped dead in his tracks as he saw the gray hair of Dr. Johnson.
Elizabeth didn’t come.
“Good afternoon, Mr. Cahill,” Dr. Johnson said, as Adam reached the truck. “I heard you got yourself a lot of females living around you.”
Adam was taken aback by his comment and he looked toward the house to see if there were any signs of Michelle moving in. Then he realized Dr. Johnson referred to all the animals. “Elizabeth had another appointment?”
Dr. Johnson made a face. “Look, son, I don’t know what you did to upset Dr. Williams, but I’d start looking for a new vet.”
Adam nodded, trying to swallow down his sudden nausea.
Twenty
Lucy packed her bag and got ready for school at the kitchen table. Adam handed over her lunch bag as Michelle stirred in the background, not able to stay still. A habit she had developed from being sober, she had remarked, but now her constant movement taunted his nerves. He wasn’t sure how much longer he could handle having her at the house, but it was about Lucy. He had to be patient. The law wasn’t necessarily on his side because of his temporary custodial status. He wanted to play his cards perfectly so that no judge in their right mind would give Michelle Lucy back.
“When will Dr. Elizabeth be coming today?” Lucy asked.
Adam had hoped she wouldn’t remember the standing appointment with Elizabeth, but he should have known better. “Lu, I think Dr. Johnson is coming today.”
“Why not Dr. Elizabeth?” she cocked her head, which made Mildred also cock her head. The puppies all scattered around in the playpen that sat in the kitchen.
“I’m not exactly sure if Dr. Elizabeth is coming back.” He could barely look at Lucy. His breath stuck in his chest. He got up from his chair and walked over to the sink.
>
“What do you mean, she isn’t coming back?”
“It looks like Dr. Johnson is taking over, for now.” Adam tried to sound nonchalant about it all, but could tell by Lucy’s white face that she wasn’t buying it. He turned on the faucet, running the water to drown out the conversation.
When he turned around, Lucy stood in the middle of the kitchen, her arms at her sides and her bottom lip trembling. “Like, for forever?”
“I don’t know, Lu.” Adam struggled to keep it together, but his hands were shaking. How many times was she going to get burned by life? Worse, it was he who had caused her the most misery. Her fairy godmother was gone because of him.
He had been selfish. He weaseled in, taking the one person from Lucy who she admired most. And the relationship had been mutual. He was sure Elizabeth would have maintained the relationship between her and Lucy, with or without him. That’s what broke his heart the most. He’d ruined everything.
Like a gate breaking under a tidal wave, Lucy’s tears spilled over her cheeks. She faced Michelle. “Why’d you come back?! You finally sent her, then you showed up, and now she’s gone.”
Michelle’s eyes widened by Lucy’s outburst. “Lucy, she’s not a fairy godmother.”
He looked at the ceiling as soon as Michelle said it. He couldn’t watch as she crushed Lucy’s dreams. When he looked back, Lucy’s eyes narrowed.
“Go away!” she screamed at Michelle, throwing her backpack on the floor. “You don’t belong here!”
“Lucy, I’m sorry,” Michelle said.
“I hate you.” She looked directly at him and ran toward the stairs. He rushed to her when she reached the bottom and grabbed her hand, tears streaming down her face.
“How could you let her come back again?” she yelled at him.
“Lucy, she’s your mother.”
“I don’t need a mother.” Her jaw flexed. She screamed at Michelle, “Leave!”
Michelle’s body jerked. “Lucy, please.”
“Lucy, this isn’t her fault.” He put his hands on her shoulders. “It’s mine.”