Sips & Strokes: Love wasn't part of the deal

by Sarah Skye

  I spill everything between bites of cake—the moment Marco accosted me on the way to the women’s restroom, how he drunkenly propositioned me, how good it felt to shove him and tell him off, how Calder stepped in and punched him in the nose, how I went off on him for pulling that excessively alpha move, and how after Harmony rushed in I told her exactly what her bastard husband-to-be did to me.

  When I finish, I’ve devoured the carrot cake, a mini tiramisu, and a cannoli.

  I sigh and wipe my mouth with my napkin. “I feel awful.”

  “About what, exactly?” Auntie Mayla says while adjusting a pillow behind her head.

  “About everything. About how Harmony’s heart is broken. About how her wedding weekend is ruined.”

  Auntie Mayla wags a finger at me. “You don’t get to feel awful about any of that. It wasn’t your fault, you hear me?”

  “I know. I just mean it in a general sense. I know Harmony and I aren’t best friends. And I’m still not over how mean she was to me as kids. But she didn’t deserve for this to happen to her.”

  “The only person who should feel bad about that is that bastard Marco,” she mutters.

  I slip to the bathroom to brush my teeth and settle into the second bed. “Thank you for letting me stay with you,” I say through a yawn.

  “Of course,” she says before yawning herself. “I know you’re angry with Calder. But do you think the way you left things was the best?”

  “What do you mean?”

  She opens her mouth to speak, but then closes it. Then she looks away, like she’s trying to carefully choose her words.

  “I understand why you got upset with him. He shouldn’t have hit Marco,” she says. “But I can certainly understand why he reacted that way. Even the coolest heads go nuts when they see someone threaten the person they love.”

  My stomach flips the minute she says the word love. “I don’t know about that. I’m not even sure he loves me.”

  Auntie Mayla’s head falls back as she laughs. “Oh, anak. Look, I know I’m a trainwreck when it comes to relationships and marriage. But all that experience gave me a lot of insight. And I know when someone is in love. He’s in love with you, just like you’re in love with him.”

  I stare intently at the bedsheets as I fist them. Just the thought of Calder being in love with me has my heart pounding and my insides turning to mush. I’m in love with him, no doubt. I fell hard and fast… but I doubt he did. He’s way too charming and too experienced to be so foolish.

  “Lily.”

  I look up.

  “Has Calder ever done this before? Does he just walk around punching people who look at him or you the wrong way?”

  I nearly chuckle at how absurd that is. “No. Never. He’s incredibly sweet and gentle.”

  She tilts her head at me. “I think what happened was a one-off for him. I think he saw Marco in your space, his hands all over you, and he saw red. No, it’s not okay what he did, but I think you can work through it. You can explain to him that what he did crossed a line, and if he wants to continue being your boyfriend, he needs to not insert himself into situations that you can take control of perfectly fine on your own. You just have to talk about it.”

  I quietly think over what she’s said.

  “It’s just that… my whole life, people have pushed me around, made decisions for me, belittled me because I was quiet and shy and passive. He was the one person who encouraged me to find my voice, to stand up for myself, to say what I want, to be unapologetic—to believe that I could be strong.” I stop and sigh. “But tonight, when I was doing exactly that, he barged in like he knew better than me. Just like what everyone else did to me before. He was the last person in the world I thought would ever make me feel so insignificant and helpless. That’s what hurts the most.”

  I shake my head and let out a defeated sigh.

  Auntie Mayla responds with an understanding nod. “I understand how you feel. But I really don’t think that’s how he thinks of you. I think he just made a mistake. And we all make mistakes.”

  I nod in agreement.

  “And I’m betting he’d do anything in his power to make this up to you, and to show you that he’s worthy of you.”

  I squint at her. “You barely know Calder, Auntie. How can you assume this is what he’s thinking?”

  “All my time on this earth has given me a lot of insight.” She takes off her glasses and places them on the nightstand between us before tucking herself under the bedsheets. She holds my gaze. “I can tell that you’re in love with him. It’s in how you look at him, the way you smile at him. I’ve never seen you as happy as when you’re with him.”

  I hesitate for a second, but then I nod.

  “And yes, I’ll admit, I haven’t known Calder long. I don’t know how he acts with his friends or around other people. But I know how he looks at you—like you’re the only creature in the room worth looking at. The way he dotes on you is the way a man dotes on a woman he’s completely smitten with.” She smiles and closes her eyes. “No question, he’s in love with you.”

  With that, she closes her eyes. I turn off the lamp on the nightstand and lie in the darkness wondering—hoping—that what Auntie Mayla says is true.

  Just then my phone buzzes on the nightstand with a text message. For the slightest moment, I wonder if it’s Calder.

  But then when I read the message, my stomach sinks.

  Harmony: Hey. Can we talk?

  23

  Calder

  Lily strides away, her slim shoulders square. She is a woman on a mission, taking no prisoners, laying everyone in her path low. It is a beautiful sight.

  Or it would be, if I hadn’t just cocked up everything with my idiotic caveman move. As it is, I am one of the fools in her path, and she wants none of my attempts to explain.

  Fuck, fuck, fuck.

  I glance over my shoulder at an interesting tableau: Marco is on the floor, pinching the bridge of his nose. Harmony stands over him. She pulls a tissue from her tiny purse and drops it like it’s nothing more than rubbish. It floats down, and Marco snatches it up.

  “Baby, do you really think I—”

  “Shut up. I don’t know what to—”

  But she breaks off as they both realize I’m within hearing range. He glowers at me, but Harmony blushes and bites her lips in a worried line. I nod at her once, but my lip curls as I regard him.

  “Thanks a lot, you waste of space. Wasn’t enough you stomped on her heart. Wasn’t enough you had another perfectly lovely lass ready to marry you. You had to go and make me fuck up, didn’t you?” I snarl at the asshole and rub my temple. “And you’ve fucked up my photoshoot.”

  “Fuck off,” he snaps.

  “Gladly. Easier to do when you’ve actually got a cock to do it with.”

  I roll my eyes at his spluttered attempt at a comeback and glance once more at Harmony. She looks so bloody sad it breaks my heart. I mouth, I’m sorry, then turn and make for the lift to our hotel room. As I’m striding down the hall, Brittany flies out of the ballroom, sprinting in her heels toward Harmony. She’s such a blur of motion that our eyes don’t even meet. I can hear her calling for her friend, but all I want to do is go to my room.

  Lily’s scent hits my nose as soon as I’m through the door, but I know she’s not here. It’s dark and quiet, so I turn on one light and lie back on the bed.

  She’ll want to cool off, maybe take a walk. Mayla will look after her until she’s calm. Then she’ll come back, and we can talk. I’m thinking an hour, maybe two. Oh, Professor, I didn’t mean to speak for you. I’m so sorry. I haven’t punched anyone since I was 18. Why the fuck did he have to put his hands on her?

  I rub my eyes and groan at the ceiling. An hour, maybe two, and then we can talk. Get this worked out. That sounds reasonable. I reach for my phone.

  How was it just a while ago I was setting that silly 3-minute timer? This time, I set it for two hours, a countdown to Lily’s return. I open my
news app and try to read to pass the time.

  The blaring alarm jolts me awake. Disoriented as hell, I hurry to shut it off and look at the screen.

  “What the fuck?”

  Four hours have passed. I must’ve tapped refresh on the timer and didn’t even remember. It’s 2 am, I’m still in my suit, the light is still on…

  And Lily still isn’t here.

  That thought sinks from my brain right down to the bottom of my stomach. She didn’t come back. There will be no talking, no apology, no makeup sex, no… us?

  I grab the phone in a panic, desperate to right this wrong and have her hear me, but the screen reads nothing but the time. The truth sinks in, and my hands freeze. She hasn’t texted, called, or returned.

  “I expect you to trust that I can say what I want and get it.”

  Her words ring in my ears, and I darken the screen and set it down. She said that she wanted to be alone. Pretending like she didn’t bloody well mean it would only reinforce the idea that I don’t trust her to say what she needs. Just because I want to beg an apology and do everything I can dream of to make it right doesn’t mean I can override her wishes.

  “Your wish is my command,” I mutter to the empty room, then grab my bag, throw all my stuff in it, and let the door slam behind me.

  My car growls down the empty highway as I drive at top speed back to my flat. My knuckles grip the steering wheel hard because, suddenly, it’s the only fucking thing I feel like I have control of.

  It’s about an hour before dawn when I stumble into my living room, checking my phone for a message I know won’t be there. I drop my bag on the floor with a muffled thump and look around. Somewhere in the back of my brain, the tiny wail that has been ringing since I woke up gets louder. It’s the sound of disaster, of being so damn close to having everything only to have it slip away last second. I don’t know if I’m being dramatic, and that’s the worst fucking part. She didn’t text. She didn’t come back.

  She didn’t need us to be okay.

  I dig the heels of my hands into my eyes and shake my head. “Dammit, Lily, I thought we were real.”

  For a long minute, all I do is breathe in and out, forcing away the compulsion to act, to text, to deny the truth of the matter. And then, I exhale hard and spin for the kitchen to grab bananas, chocolate, grahams, and marshmallows. I trudge through the living room and snatch the blanket off the back of the couch, then throw myself onto the bed and hide under the wooly plaid while I gorge myself on the sickly sweet treats.

  24

  Lily

  When I slide into the corner booth of the coffee shop where Harmony asked to meet me, every muscle inside my body is tense. I have to remind myself to breathe.

  “Hi,” I say softly.

  “Hi,” she says, her voice weak. “Thanks for meeting me.”

  “Of course.”

  I try not to stare at her face for too long. It looks like she didn’t sleep a wink last night—or wash off her makeup. Mascara is smudged all around her eyes, her lipstick is faded, and her normally angelic complexion is red and puffy. It’s the morning of her wedding, hours before she’s due to say “I do”. Judging by the state of her, I doubt that’s going to happen.

  She looks up at me, her blue eyes bloodshot, probably from crying. “I called off the wedding.”

  “I’m so sorry. I mean, I’m glad you’re not marrying him.” I bite my tongue when I realize how insensitive that sounds. “I’m sorry, Harmony. I just meant that—”

  She shakes her head. The corner of her mouth lifts in a weak smile. “It’s okay, Lily. I know what you mean.” She sighs and takes a long sip. I follow her lead and take a sip of my chai tea.

  “I just want to say thank you.”

  I frown at her. “For what?”

  “For telling me what Marco did. Honestly, I don’t know if many people in the same situation would have been brave enough to tell someone that their future spouse is a slimy, cheating bastard the night before their wedding.”

  I quietly reflect on what she said. “I’d like to think most people would, actually.”

  She shakes her head. “Brittany wouldn’t have.” Harmony gazes off to the side and shakes her head. “After you walked off last night, I pulled Marco aside and broke it off. Then I punched him in the stomach.”

  I let out a surprised breath.

  “Brittany ran after me, asking what happened. When I told her how you told me that Marco harassed you and propositioned you, she said you must have been lying. She said you made it up because you were jealous.”

  “What?” My voice is so shrill that a few people look over at us. I clear my throat. “Harmony, I would never, ever lie about that. I have nothing to gain by ending you and Marco! I can’t believe...”

  That weak smile makes an appearance on Harmony’s face once more. “I know you wouldn’t, Lily. You’re a good person. Like, a seriously decent human being. You showed up to all my wedding events and supported me with a smile on your face. Me, the girl who was awful to you in school. And on top of that, I was going to marry your ex-boyfriend.”

  She lets out a joyless laugh, but it sounds so defeated that it makes my chest ache.

  She gazes down into her mug, then looks back at me again. “I was so angry when Brittany said that about you. Because I knew in my heart that Marco was a piece of shit. I knew deep down that he would totally do something like that.” She grips her coffee tighter. “He wasn’t the most loyal guy on the planet. I don’t know why I ever thought he would change.”

  I let her revelation float silently between us. At last, I hesitantly whisper, “Then why…” and let the unfinished question hang in the air: why the hell were you going to marry him?

  “I guess I just wanted to be married so badly. I wanted to be a wife. I wanted to start a family…” She trails off as her voice breaks. It’s a few seconds of sniffling and tearing up before she speaks again. “I guess that’s why I put up with him for as long as I did.”

  I reach across the table and grab her hand in mine. “You’ll get your dream, Harmony. I promise,” I say firmly.

  Uncertainty fills Harmony’s teary eyes as she stares at me. “How can you be so sure?”

  “Because you’re young and hot.”

  She bursts out laughing, which makes me laugh too.

  “But seriously, I know this sucks so bad right now. But you dodged a bullet. There are a million guys who I am positive would trip over themselves just to have a shot with you.”

  Even though she’s smiling, she’s shaking her head like she doesn’t believe me.

  “You really are too nice,” she says softly.

  “I’m really not. Not about this. Remember Billy’s Sports Bar at your bachelorette party? Every guy in there couldn’t take his eyes off you. You could walk back in there right now, smeared makeup and messy hair, and half of that bar would propose to you. Seriously.” I give her hand a gentle squeeze before letting go.

  A small smile makes an appearance on her dainty face. “Every guy but one. Tell Calder thanks for me.”

  I swallow, the image of Calder’s fist crunching down on Marco’s nose fresh in my mind once more.

  “He did an excellent job breaking Marco’s nose,” Harmony says.

  My eyes go wide. “His nose is broken?”

  She shrugs. “He deserved it.”

  For a moment I wonder if I’ve been the slightest bit harsh to Calder. But then a wide smile stretches across Harmony’s face, and I focus back on her. “Thanks, Lily. You’ve made me feel a million times better than I was feeling before you sat down.”

  “Sure thing.”

  I start to slide my arm back to my side of the table, but she grabs me by the forearm.

  “I’m so, so sorry.”

  “For what?”

  “For being such a bitch to you in school.”

  “Oh. Harmony, that’s not—”

  “Just let me get this out, okay? I’ve felt so guilty and embarrassed about the
way I treated you. I just didn’t know how to apologize. I was too ashamed that I ever said such horrible things to you in the first place. I thought that ignoring it was the best way to deal with it, to move past it. But I was wrong.” She pauses to take a breath. “I should have apologized to you years ago. I just never did because I was a coward. I know this doesn’t make up for how I hurt you, and I know that we’ll never be best friends, but I just want to say that I’m sorry. And I want to thank you for being such a kind-hearted person. God knows I don’t have enough of those in my life. You were better to me than my own friends were.”

  When she lets go of my arm, I rest it in my lap. For a minute, we just sit and sip our coffee in silence while I soak in Harmony’s apology. Yes, she was cruel to me as a kid. Yes, I was mad about it for years. But I believe her when she says she’s sorry—and I believe her reasons for why she held off on apologizing.

  “I accept your apology, Harmony. Thank you,” I finally say.

  She flashes another weak smile in response.

  “And if you ever need a friend, you can always call on me.”

  Her brow lifts. “Really?”

  I nod. “We all screw up. We’re all mean little brats at some point in our lives.”

  “Yeah, but I took the cake.”

  “I can’t argue with that.”

  Harmony chuckles; I smile.

  “But you’re a better person now. I can see that. Plus, you’re not marrying my ex anymore, so I like you extra for that.”

  Her head falls back as she laughs.

  “But seriously. If you ever wanna meet up for coffee or drinks or to bash Marco, call me.”

  A small smile tugs at her lips. “I’d really like that.”

  I quietly admit to myself that I’d really like that too.

  When I pull into my driveway after having coffee with Harmony, I’m shocked to see my parents’ car parked there. I pull up next to them and get out. They do the same.