Her Last Breath

by Tracy Buchanan

  ‘Yeah, you were lucky.’

  ‘It must have been tough with your parents?’

  ‘They loved me, in their way.’ Did she really believe this, though? It was the line trotted out by her social workers; a line to make her feel better. But the way her parents treated her, how could that be described as love?

  ‘Not noticing a three-year-old leave the house in the dark with no shoes on is love?’ he asked, remembering one of the stories she’d once told him.

  ‘They didn’t express love the way we do,’ Estelle said. ‘Love means different things to different people.’

  ‘Do you love them?’

  ‘When Mum died—’

  Aiden’s eyes widened. ‘She’d dead?’

  Estelle nodded. ‘Two years ago.’

  He put his hand on hers. ‘I’m sorry.’

  She kept her eyes on the table, taking comfort from the warmth of his hand over hers.

  ‘She was found behind a pub, slumped against some rubbish bins. Had been there for hours. Overdose.’ She peered up at Aiden, eyes brimming with tears. ‘When they called me to tell me, I felt sad. But it wasn’t the same way I felt when I learned Alice had died, that was worse.’

  She thought of the ashen look on her social worker’s face when she’d told Estelle Alice was dead. Two girls ripped from Estelle in two days. Estelle had gone out that night from the care home she’d ended up in, body still aching from giving birth, and walked into the sea. It wasn’t an attempt to take her own life. It was to deal with the horrible raging storm of grief inside that needed placating, not just for losing Poppy but losing Alice too.

  ‘I didn’t know it hit you that hard,’ Aiden said.

  ‘Of course it did! I loved Alice like a sister. And – and I felt so guilty.’

  ‘Guilty?’ Aiden said. ‘You don’t have anything to feel guilty about, do you?’

  ‘I – I should’ve realised what was going on in her mind. I should have stopped her.’

  They looked into each other’s eyes, both of them filling with tears.

  Then Estelle saw movement out in the garden behind him – a figure darting away.

  ‘Poppy?’ she said, standing up and running to the back door, yanking it open and staring out into the rain. ‘Poppy!’ she shouted again. But the figure had disappeared.

  Aiden stood with her, staring out in the garden. ‘Why are you calling for Poppy?’ he asked.

  ‘I – I thought I saw someone out there,’ Estelle said. ‘A girl, like the girl I saw on the road yesterday and on the cliff last night. I thought it was Alice but—’

  ‘Alice? What are you talking about, Stel?’ He was looking at her like she was mad.

  ‘What if Poppy is right here in Lillysands? If your dad was the one who took the Polaroid photos of her—’

  ‘My dad?’

  Estelle sighed. ‘I discovered your dad and Alice had an argument before she died, possibly about what she’d learnt about the development.’

  Aiden frowned. ‘Jesus. Who told you this?’

  ‘Darren.’

  He shot her a cynical look. ‘And you believed him?’

  ‘Why not? What does he have to gain by telling me that?’

  ‘You.’

  Estelle laughed. ‘Don’t be silly.’

  ‘It’s true! If he can be seen to be helping you, maybe he can get into your good books. No coincidence he tells you that after overhearing our big family argument.’ His jaw clenched. ‘Do not trust anything Darren says.’

  ‘I never got a chance to tell you this, but I spoke to the policewoman who dealt with Alice’s case. She backed up what Darren said. She told me Alice was hurt before she died.’

  ‘What do you mean “hurt”?’

  ‘She wouldn’t say. Just that Alice came to the police, that she was scared.’

  ‘And you think my dad did it?’

  ‘I saw how violent he got with you! Maybe – maybe he even pushed Alice off the cliff?’

  Aiden turned away, raking his hands through his hair.

  ‘I know this sounds mad!’ Estelle exclaimed. ‘But think about it for a moment. And – and what about the Polaroids I’ve been sent?’ she added, voicing thoughts that she’d been contending with over the past few hours.

  Aiden turned towards her. ‘What are you saying?’

  ‘What if Max sent them? He has motive. You heard what your mum said about them not having any money. Poppy’s parents are rich. That article in The Times mentioned the size of my advance. If Max tracked down where Poppy was living, then he could have coerced her into coming here, taken those photos to blackmail me, her parents. For all I know they received photos too!’

  Aiden put his hands up. ‘Woah, wait a minute! Have you received a ransom demand?’

  ‘Not yet,’ she said.

  Aiden sighed. ‘My dad might be a wanker, Stel, but he did not kill Alice, he does not have Poppy holed up somewhere.’

  Estelle went to the window and looked out. ‘Call me mad, but something in my gut tells me Poppy is in danger. It might have started off with her simply running away. But it’s developed into something else now. Whoever has her – Max, anyone – they could be moments away from us right now, enjoying their little game and—’ She stopped talking, slowly looking down at her feet. Hadn’t Max said Aiden had a cellar which was damp after being flooded?

  A cellar where Aiden could keep a young girl safe and quiet.

  His young girl.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  This morning I wondered, for the first time, if I’d gone too far.

  And all because I was beginning to be pulled back in by you.

  I started feeling guilty. Started thinking my suspicions about you were wrong, and you were right.

  But I am right. You are asking too many questions, trying to destroy the town and the people I love.

  It has to end. And for it to end, I have to stop letting my emotions cloud my judgement.

  I’ve been right at the bottom, so have you.

  Maybe in different ways, different circumstances. But I have been there, you know, looking up, desperate for someone, anyone, to save me.

  And I was saved, as you were too. We both dragged ourselves up, didn’t we?

  But you seem to want to fall again, destroy all that has been given to you.

  What if you want to take me with you?

  No. I won’t let you drag me back down there again.

  So that’s it, no more guilt, no more allowing myself to be deceived by you.

  This is serious now. Time to dig deep.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Estelle slowly looked up at Aiden. ‘Did you know about Poppy before I told you?’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Just answer the question, Aiden.’

  He went to take her hand. ‘Estelle, what’s this about?’

  She shoved his hand away, backing away and nearly stumbling over the chair behind her. ‘You were angry I’d kept her a secret,’ she said. ‘If you found out before I told you, then you’d be furious.’

  Aiden’s face paled as it dawned on him what Estelle was saying. ‘So furious I’d kidnap my own daughter?’

  ‘Maybe.’ Her voice faltered. Was she really accusing Aiden of this?

  But wouldn’t it make sense? If anyone had a reason to hate her, it was Aiden.

  She looked towards the door next to the cooker. Did it go down to the cellar? Only one way to find out. She marched towards it.

  ‘What are you doing?’ Aiden asked.

  ‘Checking,’ she said, pulling the handle down and opening it.

  Aiden stayed where he was, arms crossed as he watched her. She didn’t want to believe it. But what if the truth had been staring her in the face all along?

  She found the light switch, flipping it on. Light flooded the cellar. She jogged down the stairs. ‘Hello?’ she asked, heart thumping as she explored the large space. There were lots of cardboard boxes down there, an old pedal bike, tools and paint.
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  But there was no one there. No Poppy.

  She stood in the darkness, taking deep breaths. What had she been thinking?

  ‘So?’ Aiden called down to her.

  She walked back up to the kitchen and slumped down on a chair. ‘Nothing,’ she mumbled. She peered up at him. How desperate must she be to think Aiden would do something like that? ‘I’m so sorry, I don’t know what I was thinking.’

  ‘I can’t believe you really thought I’d kidnap my own daughter,’ Aiden said. ‘Don’t you trust me?’

  ‘I – I don’t know what’s got into me,’ she said. ‘I shouldn’t have accused you, I’m sorry.’

  His face flickered with anger then he sighed, the anger suddenly gone. ‘I know you find it hard to trust people,’ Aiden said softly. ‘But I’m not your parents, Stel. What they did to you, especially on that day—’ He crouched down in front of her, taking her hand. ‘It wasn’t the norm, you know that, don’t you?’

  She dropped her head, more tears falling down her cheeks. ‘I’m exhausted with it all. I just want Poppy to be safe … and – and I want Alice to be alive. I’ve made a mess of everything. I want to go back in time and keep them both wrapped up in my arms.’

  Aiden tilted her chin up, looking into her eyes. ‘Me too,’ he whispered. Then he gently pressed his lips against hers. She froze for a moment, shocked. But then her body melted into him and she wrapped her arms around his neck, returning his kiss with an urgency she thought was long forgotten. He lifted her off the chair so she was on his lap, her legs tangling around his hips, feeling how much he wanted her as their kisses grew more urgent.

  She moaned against his lips, moving her hands down to his neck, then his back, feeling the muscles beneath her fingertips. Aiden’s lips travelled down her neck, across her collarbone. She looked down at him, her fingers in his blond hair, mind and body stirring with the thought it was Aiden, her Aiden.

  He paused, peering up at her and she realised his eyes were full of tears. ‘Estelle, I—’

  Then the doorbell went.

  Estelle climbed off his lap and Aiden sat up straight, both of them taking deep calming breaths as they looked at each other.

  ‘I better get that,’ he said, standing up and raking his fingers through his hair.

  Estelle watched him as he walked down the hallway, mind buzzing with what had just happened between them. She peered at her reflection in the patio doors. Her cheeks were flushed, her lips still held the taste of his, brown eyes sparkling. She looked towards Aiden’s front door then to see someone on the doorstop.

  It was Veronica. She looked on edge, tired.

  ‘I thought I’d pop by to check everything’s in hand,’ she said to Aiden. ‘What with this weather, I’m worried no one will want to come to the festival tomorrow.’

  ‘Well, they won’t if they can’t get into Lillysands,’ Aiden replied. ‘You do realise trains have been cancelled, roads closed?’

  Veronica frowned. ‘I’ve been assured the rain will subside overnight, so the trains should be up and running by morning, the roads will open too. The forecast suggests it might be dry throughout the morning as well, maybe even some sunshine.’ She smiled but Estelle could see the despair in her eyes. ‘But what I am concerned about is cover in case it does rain. If we can make it clear we have marquees, marquees that won’t go flying into the sea, maybe people will be convinced to come.’

  ‘It’s sorted, I promise,’ Aiden said. ‘They’re up and secure already.’

  ‘I know but—’

  ‘Trust me, Veronica!’

  Veronica looked relieved. ‘I do.’

  Estelle’s phone started ringing. DC Jones. She quickly silenced it, not wanting to take a call about Poppy with Veronica there. But it was too late, Veronica was peering down the hallway.

  ‘Oh! I thought you went home, Stel,’ she said.

  Estelle gave Aiden a panicked look and he shrugged. She forced a smile onto her face, standing and smoothing her skirt down. ‘No trains.’

  ‘I offered to let her stay here,’ Aiden said, holding Estelle’s gaze and making her tummy tingle.

  ‘So how’s the festival shaping up?’ Estelle asked Veronica as they walked down the hallway.

  Veronica sighed. ‘I’m worried, to be frank. The weather’s worse than it’s ever been and then with the Tates’ cottage looking so precarious … I mean, it’s truly terrible for Geoffrey and Mary, of course it is!’ she quickly added. ‘But the fact remains, it doesn’t bode well for visitors to the festival if they find out a cottage is hovering on the precipice.’

  ‘Maybe you should cancel the festival?’ Aiden said.

  Veronica shook her head. ‘I’ve worked too hard to give up on it.’ She looked at her watch. ‘We have our final meeting soon in the café. You’d be welcome to join us to reassure everyone else about the marquees?’

  ‘I’m sure you’d do a better job than me at reassuring them,’ Aiden said, folding his arms to indicate the subject was over.

  ‘Right.’ Veronica smiled weakly at Estelle. ‘Maybe you’d like to come, Estelle? Offer your publicity expertise.’

  Estelle couldn’t think of anything worse than leaving Aiden in that moment. She just wanted to kiss him again, feel his arms around her. ‘Maybe,’ she lied.

  ‘I better go. Lots to do!’ Veronica gave a little wave then grimaced at the pouring rain before striding off under her umbrella.

  ‘Veronica is freaking out,’ Aiden said as he closed the door and walked back into the kitchen with Estelle.

  ‘It’s important to her, bless her.’ Estelle looked down at her phone. She had a missed call from DC Jones. ‘The officer on Poppy’s case just called. I better call him back.’

  Aiden’s brow knitted.

  She tried the detective’s number but it was engaged so she left a message. When she put her phone down, she sensed Aiden watching her.

  ‘Look, Stel,’ he said. ‘Maybe we should slow things down.’

  Estelle frowned. ‘I wasn’t aware we were going so fast.’

  ‘The kiss,’ he said, peering at the chair where they’d been tangled up in each other a few moments before. ‘It was the heat of the moment and—’

  ‘I get it,’ Estelle said, feeling wounded. ‘It’s fine.’

  Aiden’s eyes look pained. ‘It’s not that I don’t want to …’

  ‘You don’t have to explain!’ Estelle said, standing up, her face flushing. ‘In fact, maybe it’s best I don’t stay.’

  Aiden’s brow creased. ‘Of course you can stay.’

  ‘Do you really think that’s a good idea?’ she asked, looking into his eyes. Part of her wanted him to say ‘It’s a very good idea, Stel. Stay!’ and she could see the hesitation in him.

  But then he nodded. ‘Maybe you’re right,’ he said.

  She tried to hide her disappointment.

  ‘Look, I know someone who works at the B&B,’ Aiden said. ‘They have rooms put aside for staff on late shifts. Let me put a call in, maybe they can squeeze you in.’

  ‘Thanks.’

  He made the call and his contact at the B&B managed to find a small single room for Estelle. She pulled her overnight bag over her shoulder. ‘Well, I guess this is another goodbye.’

  ‘No way you’re walking in that rain.’

  ‘I’ll be fine.’

  ‘I’ll drive you, I insist.’

  A few minutes later, he was driving her through town, his windscreen wipers angrily mopping the heavy rain away. The roads were heavy with rain, people scurrying down the streets under umbrellas, the sea in turmoil in the distance. The atmosphere in the car matched the world outside.

  ‘We’re getting flooded every year now,’ Aiden said, voice strained. ‘It’s like Lillysands is sinking. This morning’s landslide won’t be the last.’

  They pulled up outside the small B&B. ‘I’ll help you with your bag,’ Aiden said.

  ‘I’m fine, thank you though.’ She put her hand on the door handle t
hen looked at him. ‘I feel like we keep saying goodbye.’

  He frowned, looking down at his hands. ‘At least we’re getting the chance this time. We didn’t say a proper goodbye all those years ago.’

  Guilt whirred inside. ‘I know.’ She wanted to reach out and touch him but stopped herself. He’d already made his feelings clear and she couldn’t face being rejected a third time. ‘Well, I might find myself at the festival tomorrow if the trains are still cancelled.’

  ‘If the festival goes ahead.’

  ‘Veronica seemed quite determined,’ she said.

  ‘Yeah, maybe.’ He examined her face then turned away. ‘Hope the journey goes okay,’ he said. ‘Goodbye, Estelle.’

  ‘Bye, Aiden.’

  Estelle sighed then let herself out, pulling her hood over her head as she ran to the B&B. She paused at the entrance, watching Aiden drive away and wondering if she’d see or talk to him again. The fact was, Poppy was still missing so they probably would need to stay in touch. They were in this together, even if he didn’t believe her yet.

  She walked to reception and checked in. Afterwards she tried DC Jones again but still got his voicemail. As she was about to head upstairs, she noticed Mr Tate sitting in the small bar, head down as he nursed a cup of tea.

  She walked over. ‘Mr Tate?’

  He peered up. ‘What are you doing here?’

  ‘Trains all cancelled.’

  ‘Not staying at the Garlands’ then?’

  ‘I couldn’t face being there another night,’ she said.

  He raised an eyebrow. ‘Come join me, have a cuppa.’

  She took the chair across from him, leaning back and closing her eyes.

  ‘Been quite a day, hasn’t it?’ he said.

  ‘Not compared to the day you must be having. Is Mary upstairs?’

  Mr Tate nodded.

  ‘What are you going to do?’ Estelle asked.

  ‘We’ll find somewhere new.’

  ‘I’m really sorry.’

  He shrugged. ‘I knew it was coming.’

  ‘Aiden and I confronted Max about it all.’

  He smiled. ‘Good for you. What did he have to say for himself?’

  ‘Not much. Well, that’s if you count shoving Aiden up against a wall and having a go at me not much.’