by Jeanne Page
Chapter Seven
The Lonely Wait
“And now, little one, we begin our descent.” He took her to the far edge of the bluff and pointed down into the valley below. Far off in the distance she could see a small cottage nestled in the valley. “Do you see that house?”
“Yes, I can see it.”
“You are to take this path here,” He gestured to another path leading gently down the mountain. “Go to the house and wait for Me on the porch. I will be there.”
She smiled at Him and then began her descent towards the tiny house. The path was easy to follow as the etched stones once again led the way.
“Wait for the Lord, be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.” The Servant Girl joyfully planted each foot on the stone path prepared for her, but had to do so with care as the way down was still very steep and a slip could cause her to tumble to the bottom.
“Wait for the LORD; Be strong, and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the Lord,” she read. And, “O my God, I cry in the daytime, but thou hearest not; and in the night-season, and am not silent.”
At last she reached the bottom of the mountain and took the little dirt path to the abode awaiting her. As she walked up the steps she was delighted to see what a pretty little house it was. Here on the spacious front porch was a swing and she sat to rest her feet and wait for her companion.
She waited and waited and after a time she began to think that perhaps she had misunderstood and her Companion was already in the house. She knocked on the door, but there was no answer. As time passed and the sun first touched the horizon she began to be fearful. She longed for courage if she should have to wait until after dark. She began to question if she had heard her Companion rightly. She waited still and as she did she examined the items on the porch and the area surrounding it…the box of gardening tools and cleaning supplies, the herb garden just to the north side of the house, a round wooden table, a thick hammock. Off in the corner leaning against the wall was a small harp, with many missing strings.
Later still, she began to question if her Companion had mislead her. Immediately she shut out the voice that would suggest such a thing. Of course she could trust Him and she refused to do anything else. She knocked again. Perhaps He had entered the house a different way and was now inside. Still no one answered. Again she sat on the swing and waited, for that is what He had told her to do. The wind, though gentle, seemed to flow unceasingly here and had blown some leaves upon the porch. The Servant Girl looked at the broom leaning against the box of tools. She took it and busied herself in sweeping the porch clean.
As the sun at last set below the horizon, she began to worry. Where was He? Had something happened to Him? No, she knew that no power could keep her Companion from coming. He had told her to wait, but He had never said how long. Should she stay here still? Perhaps she should try to climb the mountain again and get to the other side. She could retrace her steps and go back to the ocean, the bluff, and back through the door into the hallway. Perhaps she would find Him there…or The King, or The King’s Son. But it was getting dark and she dare not make that steep climb, especially if He were not with her. No…He had definitely told her to wait here on the porch, so that was what she must do. As darkness fell she curled up on the little hammock and clung to her golden key. She called to Him, but where was the answer? He had promised her an answer. She remembered one of the stones she had read as she descended, “O my God, I cry in the daytime, but thou hearest not; and in the night-season and am not silent.” Night was upon her. She had been promised that even when she could not see Them, that the Three could see her. On the mountain she had been sure that The King could hear her. Could He hear her now? Even when she couldn’t hear The King’s voice thunder in the cloud, she had heard The Son’s voice in her heart as she read the stones. And now she remembered the writing on the stones that had led her in her descent . “Wait for the LORD; Be strong, and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the Lord.” This brought a measure of peace to her for it confirmed that waiting is what He was asking her to do. Speaking to her Companion as if He was there she continued to call to Him asking for strength and courage. And she waited. Finally sleep came upon her.
When she awoke the sun was peeking over the horizon. She was surprised to find a blanket had been placed over her, and on the small table in the corner sat a loaf of bread, a cask of wine and a cup, and a bowl of fruit. She eagerly went to the table and breakfasted, silently thanking her Companion for taking care of her, for surely it was He who had left these for her. She noticed too, that the harp in the corner was gone. Perhaps He had arrived in the night and not wishing to disturb her had left the blanket and food. She waited for the sun to rise a bit so as not to disturb Him too early and then again went to the door and knocked. But again, there was no answer. Her heart fell a bit, but she was determined not to be discouraged. He had provided her with food and a place to sleep, had He not? He was taking care of her even if she had not seen Him. Once again the porch needed sweeping and she set about to keep busy while she waited. She noticed that the herb garden needed tending so using the tools in the box she snipped the dead leaves and watered it with the watering can dipped in a nearby brook.
As the day lengthened, she sat on the porch swing and recalled all that He had taught her so far. Her Companion had led her to the Throne Room in the middle of the night and shown her that she could seek the face of her King, and she could talk with both The King and The King’s Son. She had walked with her Companion in the garden talking all day together and He had assured her that she should continue to talk with Him even when she could not see Him as when she was on the mountain. He had continued to speak to her with a still small voice, and in the cloud, and in the holy writings. The Son had also assured her that if she guarded those writings in her heart that He would remain in Her just as the vine and the branch remain connected. As she pondered all of these things she noticed a change in the wind and the skies began to darken. Drops of rain began to splatter in front of the porch and the wind turned chilly. She ran to the door and knocked again, but still there was no answer. She grabbed the thick blanket from the hammock and wrapped it around her. The porch was covered and kept her dry from the rain, but still she huddled up against the house as the storm hit. She closed her eyes tight as the lightning struck and the thunder roared. The storm continued all day and even into the night and finally she slept again.
When she awoke in the morning the sun was again shining, and food again awaited her. She was glad to eat and glad of the passing of the storm, but there was a nagging question. If He was providing food for her, He must be here. Why was He not answering her knock? Why did He not awaken her when He left the food? What was she waiting for, and when would He answer her cry? All the questions brought her back to the last thing He had told her, to wait for Him. It was difficult but she redoubled her efforts, and that is what she resolved to do. After the storm there was much clean up to be done so she busied herself sweeping and repairing.
Later that day a thought occurred to her. When she had at first refused to climb the mountain He had told her that her disobedience would cause His voice to grow soft until she couldn’t hear Him at all. Now…she couldn’t hear His voice. Yet, she was being obedient to Him, waiting here as He had told her. This made no sense to her and she felt the doubts within begin to mount. The sky began to darken again and the air turned cold. It did not rain but she sat in a corner with the blanket wrapped about her again and shivered. Why would He punish her? She was not being disobedient. She didn’t know what He wanted her to do! She was so lonely and confused and began to cry. This seemed so unfair! She wanted to lash out at Him for bringing her here and leaving her alone. She recalled her work in The King’s palace before she had begun this journey. At least she had been of some use then, grinding the corn, cooking and baking, cleaning the palace. Here she was no good to anyone. The hours passed and she did meaningless chores and waited and waited an
d waited. Was this her final stop? Would her stay here be permanent? What possible good could come from this? She completely dismissed the fact that her food and shelter had been provided and began to think that He was not caring for her as she expected He would. And then her thoughts turned a different direction. She was, after all, just a Servant Girl. This was surely her own fault. She was unworthy to enjoy the presence of The King, His Son, and her Companion, and she knew it. She had angered Them, been disobedient, stumbled and done something wrong. She cried and wrestled with these agonizing thoughts until night fell and she slept at last. In the middle of the night she was awakened. She thought she had heard His voice, but all around her was silence. A small still voice in her heart reminded her, “Pray continually.” Her Companion had told her to speak with Him continually and yet she had been distracted from this because she could not see or hear Him. A still small voice reminded her again, “Wait for the LORD; Be strong, and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the Lord.” She began to repeat these words again and again and poured her heart out to her invisible and silent Companion, and a gentle peace came over her. She climbed into the hammock and felt into a restful sleep.
When she awoke the next morning her food was once again on the table and she smiled. She would wait—joyfully. He was here and would always take care of her. She also knew that He would come back for her. At last courage was working it’s way into her heart. She knocked again on the door but was not bothered when there was no answer. Today the sun was shining and she sat on the porch steps drinking in the warmth and she talked to her Companion, even though she could not see Him. Somehow, she knew He was there, and could hear her.
When the Servant Girl awoke in the morning her breakfast awaited her as always. She immediately went to the door and knocked again. She decided that she would continue to knock throughout her day, for she knew that He would approve of her continually seeking Him. She did not understand why He was not answering her plea, but He had promised to teach her and so she resolved to continue to search for Him.
And now the really hard part came, for days continued to pass for her in this in-between existence. She called to Him and she knocked on the door, sometimes with a light heart and sometimes she cried out in despair sobbing, longing for the restored companionship she had first experienced. At times she lie exhausted from energy spent in crying out to Him. She wished that she could bear it all with strength and courage, but in truth, there were times of misery and sorrow. Through it all, though, there was a tiny ray of hope that sustained her. She wrestled with doubts and uncertainty, but each battle ended with His last words, “Wait for me,” and she knew she could and would do nothing else. Under it all was a certainty that He would keep His word. Her heart knew it even if her head argued differently at times.
She spoke with Him constantly trusting that He could hear her, just as He had on the mountain, sending swift petitions to Him on the wind. She listened to baby birds in the nest calling to their mother and heard her answer and return to them with provision. She thought of the dove circling her on the mountain and was comforted. She thanked Him in her heart for all He was doing and praised Him for all the beauty that surrounded her that she had failed to notice before…the bright sun above, the gurgling creek to the east, a grove of apple trees beyond the pasture, the mountain in the distance and all of this spoke to her of Him. She closed her eyes and enjoyed the gentle breeze upon her face. And she smiled. A melody seemed to swirl around her on the wind, like a tailor, weaving a garment around her and the spirit of heaviness was gently lifted from her heart.
Slowly her longings began to change until one day she realized that a peace and contentment rested within her. She found that she desired what ever He wanted for her, even if it meant staying here in this existence forever. If it was what He wanted, she was pleased to do it. When she came to this point, the days did indeed become easier and she found that she could find much joy in this tiny corner of her world.
And then one morning, she awoke from her sleep to find Him sitting quietly on the steps of the porch. She sprang from her bed and ran to Him, but He put His finger to His lips and said simply, “Shhh….” gesturing for her silence. He motioned for her to come and sit beside Him and she eagerly did. They sat together in silence. He closed His eyes and she watched and waited. Finally, He turned to her and asked, “What would you like to ask Me, Child?”
She almost cried for joy at the question. “Where have You been?”
“I’ve been right here all the time,” He replied.
Even though her heart had believed this, His words still surprised and shocked her. “But I couldn’t see You or hear Your voice.”
“Yes, little one. This is the lesson it was important for you to learn…even when you don’t see Me or feel Me or hear Me, I am still here.”
“But I don’t understand. You told me to learn to hear Your voice, but this time You were completely silent…why did You not speak to me?”
“But I did speak to you, little one. Did you not hear My voice?”
She paused and reflected on all the times that she had indeed heard Him speak to her in so many ways. “I guess I doubted that it was really You that I was hearing, and not myself.”
He smiled and nodded understanding. “You will know it is Me, child, because with My Voice comes peace. You have also learned to hold the desires of your heart in an open hand, ready to release them if it is not My best for you. Your time here has allowed you to unclench your fist and allow all of your hopes and dreams to rest in your palm. If your desires were not My desires I would gently release them to the wind so the pain of wanting would heal. When ever a fleshly dream is removed, though, it is replaced with My perfect and holy will for you and you can be assured that it will include blessings of abundance to overflowing--more than your hands and arms can carry. In this case, the desire of your heart was not a desire of the flesh, but a desire that I placed there Myself. And so it was not a matter of 'if' you would receive the answer, but 'when.'"
He paused for a moment and looked deep into her eyes before continuing, “Sometimes I will ask a task of You and then You must do the hardest thing of all—wait until circumstances are prepared and the time for action arrives.”
It had indeed been so very hard. What circumstances was He speaking of? “Why did you ask me to wait here? Am I to know that now?”
“I had work to do here, little one. See the herb garden next to the porch?”
“Yes.”
“I’ve been busy working there.” She had noticed how the little garden had flourished these days. “Go now and pick a sprig of what is there and put it in your pouch.”
She did so and returned to sit beside Him. “I knocked and knocked at the door. I thought You might be inside.”
“Ah, yes,” He said. “And it’s time for you to knock once more. Go ahead, child. Knock again.”
Puzzled, she rose to her feet and knocked on the door one more time. The Door opened immediately and it was The Son who stood before her.
“Oh my Lord!” she cried. “I am so sorry to have been knocking and disturbing You!”
“Oh no, child.” The Son assured her. “It was right for you to continue knocking. And it was the right time for Me to open it now.” He continued, “For most, waiting is the hardest lesson of all to learn. You have done well, little one. You waited just as you were told. You trusted in the provision of your Companion. You continued to seek Our Face. What you asked for was already yours, though you did not know it. You longed for our company and We were with you all the time. Your eyes and ears now confirm and give evidence to what your heart began to understand here. You looked and looked and knocked and knocked, waiting for your faith to become sight. You believed, child…and that is everything.”
He brought the now familiar breakfast to her table and as she ate He brought the restored harp. He let her pluck the strings first so she could hear the beautiful tone, and then He sat and played for
a time. “Like new, isn’t it?” He said. “This wait has done it’s work, my child. You weren’t ready for the blessing or to continue your journey until now. You have been rested, and you have also fought battles here which strengthened and equipped you for the next part of your task. You have meditated on all that you are learning and found peace in it. There is always purpose in the waiting. Sometimes the waiting is simply because I intend to show My power in Your circumstances. My ways are higher than Yours, child, and it is wise not to presume that you understand why the waiting occurs. Faith and obedience are all I ask of you, and even those I will help you to accomplish. And now, we look to the future. The next part of your journey will be difficult in a very different way, but you are more than ready to take it on now.”
Her Companion reached for her hand. “Come child. The Son has opened the Door for us. It’s time to continue on our journey.”
Questions for Reflection
What is the first fear that the Servant Girl experiences?
Why does she think she misunderstood her Companion?
Do you sometimes think you have misunderstood the directions of the Holy Spirit?
What keeps the Servant Girl from thinking her Companion misled her?
As the first day comes to a close what does the Servant Girl think has happened?
What are some courses of action she considers?
When you are told to wait, do you sometimes consider other courses of action?
The Servant Girl found a bed, a blanket, and food waiting for her. Can you think of examples of God's provision at times He asked you to wait?
What did the Servant Girl do on the second day that brought some comfort?
As the days passed what thoughts began to go through her head?
Have you thought similar things as you waited on the Lord?
What did the Servant Girl continue to do as she waited?
Did she receive a response?
This time of waiting is described as an "in-between" existence. Does this describe a waiting experience you have endured?
Once she came to a decision about her situation, did things get any easier for her?
Suddenly, one morning, the Servant Girl finds that her wait is over. Describe a time when you suddenly found that your wait was over.
What did the Servant Girl learn from her Companion about her wait?
Why did the Son open the door on that particular day?
What did the Son commend her for?
What did He warn her not to do?
What does He ask of us when a time of waiting occurs?
What happens to us as we wait on the Lord?
What does it mean to wait and watch?
What does it meant that we have the petitions of our hearts before we see the evidence of it?
Do you believe that prayer is "producing links in the chain of ordained facts?"
Are asking, seeking, and knocking all the same?