Until I Die Again [On The Way To Heaven] (Soul Change Novel)

by Tina Wainscott

  Hallie frowned. “Did sh—I break up their friendship?”

  Velvet laughed in that harsh way of hers. “Friendship? Hah! They’re brothers! Their father told me later that when he came over to talk to you about what you were doing to his sons, you came on to him, too! You’ll have to tell me whether that was true or not when you start remembering. I always thought he was making it up, but I wouldn’t put it past you.”

  Hallie tried to laugh it off, but her image of the former Hallie was becoming less and less amusing. Velvet parked behind a line of cars by the side of the road where it snaked alongside the ocean. Hallie followed her mother’s lead and stepped out of the car. Huge brown, beige and orange boulders led down to a beach covered with smoother, miniature versions. The sand was an odd shade of light brown, looking scorched in some places. Foamy waves stretched for about twenty yards out before turning deep blue. A bearded man and his wife threw a Frisbee into the water for their spotted dog to retrieve.

  “You used to practically live out here. Here and Windansea Beach. I knew you were sneaking out at midnight to watch those boys surf, but what could I do? If I would’ve said something to you, you probably would’ve gone out more just to defy me. You’d go there after school and spend all weekend there, too. And speaking of, let’s head over to your high school.”

  Hallie studied the brick building, pretending once again to conjure memories that weren’t there. It seemed as though the old Hallie’s life had been more of a teenage soap opera than years of study and decision about life choices. If Chris had been a little too studious and serious, Hallie had been the exact opposite. And now those years of taking night courses at the community college were wasted. She had the knowledge, but the credits were on a dead girl’s records.

  As if reading her thoughts, Velvet said, “You took a couple of college courses, but you said you couldn’t decide what you wanted to do and quit. Joya had you convinced all you needed to do was marry a rich guy and you’d be set. Not that I didn’t agree and want that for you too, but…”

  “Ha—I loved Jamie,” Hallie stated simply.

  Again, that harsh laugh. “Yeah, maybe you loved his body or his looks.” Then Velvet grew serious. “But I don’t think you ever really knew how to love someone. It’s my fault. And your father’s, the good-for-nothing crumb bag. He sure wasn’t there for us.”

  Hallie looked out the window, unable to respond. Maybe what she had seen in the wedding video was pure infatuation on Hallie’s part. Maybe Jamie’s too. She laughed under her breath. What did she know about love? That kind of love, anyway? She had been in love twice. But she was never sure she had actually been loved back. Hallie smiled when they passed a planetarium. She had definite memories about a place like that.

  “Do you remember something, Hallie?” Velvet asked hopefully, leaning over and looking at what Hallie had been smiling at.

  Hallie hadn’t realized that she had openly smiled at the memory, but now had to go along with it. “Yes, actually. Something vague about watching laser light shows set to music.” In her old life, she had spent many summer midnights watching shows with her friends.

  Velvet had already pulled into the parking lot, and within a minute they were walking around the plant beds that surrounded the large, round building. “Can you remember anything else?”

  Hallie had to be careful. She remembered a lot, but not of this life. A board announced laser shows on Friday and Saturday nights at 10:30 and midnight. Longing of family and friends filled her and made her feel more distant to the woman standing beside her.

  “You went to these shows?” Velvet pointed a long, red fingernail at the board. “I don’t remember you ever going to something like this. Not that you told me everything you did, but you always told me about neat things.”

  Hallie shrugged. “I probably only went once or twice. Let’s go.”

  They drove deep into a middle class neighborhood. Kids with skateboards raced others with roller blades. The houses were small, lawns mildly cluttered but manicured.

  “That’s where Joya lived when you two were kids,” Velvet pointed out. Two driveways down she pulled into one of the dumpiest houses on the street. An empty taxi cab was parked just off the weedy front yard. A brown cat was curled up on the front porch in between two dead potted plants. A dead spider plant hung from a brittle, orange macramemacramé hangar. Hallie followed Velvet up to the front door.

  “Surely this will bring some inkling of a memory back,” Velvet said with a prodding tone. “You spent most of your life here.”

  “No, I’m afraid not.”

  Velvet sighed aloud, then her distraught expression changed to one a little girl might have just before she shares a secret. “I want you to meet Hank,” she said in a whisper just before opening the front door. “He don’t have a lot of money right now, but he’s hard working and he’s got ideas, big ideas. That’s his taxi out there.”

  The smell of cat pee nearly knocked Hallie to the red sculptured carpet. Sitting in a worn, brown recliner sat a balding man in his late forties, wearing only blue polka-dot boxer shorts and an undershirt. Velvet seemed oblivious to the odor, swaying her hips all the way to the man and bending down for a kiss. Hallie left the door open, hoping fresh air would help.

  “Hank, get your hands out of there!” Velvet said with a girlish giggle. “Didn’t I tell you I was bringing my Hallie over for dinner? Look at you sitting there in your underwear!”

  With feigned shame, Hank dropped his newspaper over his midsection and straightened the recliner to shake her hand. Hallie reluctantly held her hand out to him.

  “Velvet,” he said in leering manner. “You didn’t tell me you had such a knockout for a daughter.”

  Velvet stiffened, then she sprawled out seductively on his lap. “But I’m prettier, ain’t I?” she asked him, nuzzling his bristly cheek.

  “Yeah, sure you are,” he said but kept staring at Hallie.

  Hallie turned toward the open door but found it closed. The air quickly became stuffy and rancid. Something furry brushed by her, and she jumped away.

  “Oh, that’s just Charisma,” Velvet said. “He won’t hurt you.”

  Hallie had to fight the urge to flee the premises. She glanced at the greasy kitchen clock shaped like a mushroom. Four. She hoped they ate dinner early. In fact, she prayed that they did. Suddenly the mansion in Los Almeda didn’t seem so cold and bleak. It was paradise.

  For over an hour Velvet plied Hallie with photo album after photo album. Pictures of an adorable little blonde girl on the beach, in the back yard, with Joya making mud pies. Pictures of a stunning teenager with guy after guy, on surfboards, going to high school dances. Velvet hadn’t changed much in all those years, but the man on her arm changed with just about every photo. If the old Hallie had been a run around, she’d had her mother to learn from.

  When a timer went off in the kitchen, Velvet said something about checking on dinner. When she stood up, her skin stuck to the imitation leather furniture and she yelped like a dog. Hank, who had been immersed in a beer and game show, now turned his attention to them.

  “You got a big red mark on those fat thighs of yours,” he said to Velvet without the least bit of humor.

  “And you’re going to have a big red mark on those fat lips of yours, too,” Velvet said in the same manner.

  Hallie wondered if life had always been this way for the woman whose place she’d taken. It was a sad thought, and she said a silent thank you to God for giving her such wonderful parents. Most importantly, her sisters were still enclosed in the warm embrace of home. She envied them, and found herself fighting back tears.

  “I made your favorite dishes,” Velvet was saying.

  “Mm,” Hallie answered, coming back. She looked over at the dishes on the table. Tuna casserole, canned green beans and potato salad from the supermarket deli. The smell of warm tuna fish filled her stomach with tumbling nausea. “I don’t feel so well all of a sudden. I think I’ll just sit
in the living room until my stomach settles down.”

  “But tuna’s your favorite dish.” Velvet pouted. “Don’t tell me your taste buds have forgotten, too.”

  Hallie kept moving away from the smell, her eyes searching out a door that might lead to the bathroom. She ended up walking outside and taking in huge gulps of cool, salty air. An intimate understanding of what made Hallie the way she was began filling her.

  Poor Hallie. No wonder you were so messed up.

  CHAPTER 5

  The mansion on the hill looked homier to Hallie than it probably looked to anyone else when Velvet’s Thunderbird pulled into the circular driveway. Velvet turned and placed a cold hand on her arm.

  “Hon, if you need anything at all, you just let me know.”

  The mood had been strained ever since dinner, and their drive back to Los Almeda had been peacefully silent. Hallie was willing to make amends, as long as she never had to endure such an evening again.

  “Sure. Thanks for the memories.” She touched Velvet’s hand and got out of the car. “Thanks for everything. I’ll call.” Then she turned toward the front doors, not sure she would call Velvet again. Would it seem strange to sever ties with her mother? Probably not. And what about Joya and whoever else occupied a place in Hallie’s old life? She didn’t know. Jamie, now he was another issue. He obviously intended for them to sever ties in just over a week. For some reason, the thought gave her a sad twinge, one she attributed to the way she had always felt when anyone’s marriage fell apart.

  She went upstairs and watched the videos again, trying to concentrate on studying Hallie and not Jamie. She tried to imitate her walk and the way she spoke. In listening to background conversations, she latched onto a phrase the old Hallie used a lot: “Completely excellent!” She tried to say it the way Hallie used to, in the breathy way Marilyn Monroe spoke.

  Then she walked to the bedroom, subconsciously stepping over the place where her dogs would have been sleeping. When she was out on her own, she would get another Sheltie. Later, that decision lulled her into sleep with a smile on her face, only to be replaced by a contorted expression as she fought to control a car being pushed off a bridge by a semi.

  Find his heart.

  Those words called Hallie to wakefulness, as they did every morning. This time she latched on instead of letting them slip away with morning’s light. But the meaning was never within her grasp, and she thought it might be Alan’s heart they referred to. With the words came a feeling of warmth and light. With the thought of Alan, however, came the nagging feeling of something not right, something not remembered.

  After snooping through Hallie’s purse, she now knew that the body she had taken over was twenty-seven, four years older than she actually was. She had a driver’s license and credit cards. With those, she wanted to drive into town and buy some clothes she could feel a little more normal in. A little more covered in.

  As she was coming down the stairs, Jamie met her halfway. They both stopped, and he forced a smile she knew wasn’t really there.

  She gave him one that was. “Good morning, Jamie.”

  “You’ve got a phone call. Joya.”

  He said the words with such distaste, she wondered just what had passed between those two.

  “You really hate her, don’t you?” Hallie asked.

  He looked at her with the oddest expression. “Yes, I do. And someday you’ll remember why.”

  “Why don’t you tell me now?”

  “Your friend is waiting on the phone.”

  She followed him into the great room. After pointing to a phone near the couch, he walked through the French doors outside. From the cotton shirt and shorts he wore, she guessed he was heading down to do his laps in the pool.

  “Hello.”

  “Hallie, it’s Joya. How are you feeling, sweetie?”

  “Much better, thanks.”

  “Good! You’re coming with me, today. We’re going to Body Rhythms.”

  “What’s that, a night club?”

  Joya’s laugh sounded raucous over the phone. “No, silly, the health club.”

  “Mm, I don’t know.”

  “You don’t have to know. You just have to come. It’ll be good for you. Who knows, it might scare up some memories.”

  “Well, okay. I wanted to go into San Diego today anyway. Where is this place?”

  Joya gave her easy directions, and they made plans to meet there at two. Now all Hallie needed was transportation. She glanced uneasily toward the doors leading out to the terrace. Asking Jamie would be less daunting than asking Theresa.

  Before she stood, a picture caught her eye. She walked over to it, and her heart skipped a beat. It was a professional photo of Jamie on a black, shiny motorcycle, his long, muscular legs stretched out in front of him as he leaned back with crossed arms. It had been taken at night, on a sidewalk in front of a bar boasting a pink neon sign reading “Harley’s.”

  Another blown-up photo showed a close-up of Jamie resting his arms on a rock down by the beach. His blond hair was lit golden by the rays of the setting sun, and his eyes blazed a wanton blue. She stared at him for several minutes, enjoying the stir of feelings it produced inside her. Finally she moved on to a framed cover of the fashion magazine, Men at Work. Jamie in an Armani suit above the heading, “The Dash of Design.” Yes, he did look dashing. Model material. Hallie wondered if he still did it.

  Other pictures were obviously family outings. One was of four people dwarfed by huge redwood trees. The brass plate on the frame read, “Muir Woods National Monument.” She studied the people in the picture. Jamie’s father was a tall man with a large build. The man to his right was a younger version, and neither looked anything like Jamie. His brother had warm good looks, brown curly hair and brown eyes. More like a teddy bear. She instantly liked him. Jamie had taken the sculptured, finer lines of his mother.

  She finally pulled herself away from the photos and walked outside and down the stairs leading to the pool. When she spotted Jamie, she stopped. He was stretching, wearing nothing but his suit and bronzed skin. His thighs and calves tensed with each movement, and the muscles of his arms and back rippled beneath his skin. She imagined running her hand through his thick, blond hair down to the few inches that tapered past his shoulder. She expelled a deep breath to clear away the fuzzies building inside her stomach.

  “Hello,” she called from a safe distance.

  He started, obviously disturbed from deep thoughts. “What’s up?”

  She swallowed. “I hate to disturb you, but—”

  “You always disturb me, Hallie.” He tempered that with a shallow smile.

  Back at ya. “I’d like to go into San Diego this afternoon. Should I call a cab?”

  He cocked his eyebrows, smile still in place. “Why don’t you take your car?”

  “I don’t know where it is.”

  He started walking off, waving for her to follow him. They went around the house to a three car garage. One of the doors was open, and he led her through to the last bay—to where the red Porsche sat. She stared at it while he went to a cabinet and pulled out a set of keys. The video played through her mind, Jamie leading her out blindfolded, Hallie’s reaction when she saw it there with the big ribbon.

  “What’s wrong?” Jamie’s voice cut into her thoughts. “You’re going to be all right to drive, aren’t you?”

  She pulled her gaze from the car. “Yes, I’ll be fine. I remember how to drive.”

  He tossed her the keys as he walked passed her. “Have fun in Insane Diego. Are you coming back here to get ready? I don’t want Mick coming here to pick you up, except at the end of the driveway.”

  Hallie looked at him in confusion. “Get ready for what? Why in the world would Mick come here to pick me up?”

  Jamie had the decency to look a bit embarrassed. “I went into our room to get another bathing suit and saw the tickets for the opera. I just want to make it clear that I don’t—”

  “I did
n’t buy those tickets for Mick. I bought them to take you.”

  His crooked smile took on a sarcastic twist. “Come on, who are you trying to fool? You know I hate the opera.”

  She really wanted to believe that her former self had bought those tickets for Jamie and not Mick. She certainly wasn’t taking Mick. Going to the opera with Jamie might be a way for her to smooth things over and make peace. If Hallie had loved the opera, then she would try to as well. Besides, she had never been to one before.

  “You might like this one.” She struggled to remember which one the tickets were for.

  “Yes, it might be relevant at that. Interesting that you would choose Taming of the Shrew. Any particular reason for that?”

  “Never mind that. Just go one last time. For old time’s sake.”

  “There are several things I would not do with you for old time’s sake, and that is one of them.”

  Mm, she could imagine what at least one of the others might be.

  “I might hate it now, too.”

  “You won’t.” He touched his fingertip to her collar bone. “Inside the fog, you are still the same Hallie.”

  She wrapped her fingers around his finger, making his right eyebrow twitch. “You don’t know who I am inside here.” She squeezed his finger, giving him a look that would have never worked with Chris’s face.

  He shook his head but surprised her by saying, “All right.”

  “Really?”

  “I’ll appreciate the irony of watching it with you. Especially knowing it will be the last time.”

  His reminder of their divorce doused her excitement. She hated that word and hated the fact that he was so happy about it.

  “I’ll find something to wear in San Diego,” she said.

  It took her five minutes to figure out how the car worked. She drove with particular care, not because it was an expensive car, but because it was special. Jamie had picked this car out for the woman he had once loved. She caressed the leather steering wheel, remembering again the video. Hallie had been a fool for risking what she had with Jamie, especially for some creep like Mick. And now she was paying the price for it.