Until I Die Again [On The Way To Heaven] (Soul Change Novel)

by Tina Wainscott

  “Whoa, that must be one good margarita…”

  He realized he’d sucked down half of the drink in one pull. “Damn straight…”

  She took another sip. “I’m not used to drinking. Uh, anymore. I feel a little high…” She leaned forward on the table, already looking relaxed from the drink. “You know what Joya said yesterday?”

  “I can’t imagine.”

  She ignored his jibe and continued, looking right into his eyes. “She apologized for interfering in our marriage. She felt responsible for luring me into going out with her all the time. Joya was jealous of what we had.”

  “She actually said that?”

  Her expression brightened. “Yes, she did. It gave me a better perspective of what had happened before. With us.”

  He shifted uncomfortably. “Good. Maybe you’ll be better for it in your next marriage.”

  Her soft expression crumpled, and she took a long sip of her drink, avoiding his eyes. I’m sorry, Hallie, but you’re getting too close. She settled back in her chair, putting distance between them.

  During their second round of margaritas, their conversation stayed on safe subjects, far away from marriage and other sore areas. Her blue eyes were taking on a bedroom look, lazy with drink. Drinking had always had a strange effect on Hallie. In the early days, she became sexier, amorous. More recently she had become argumentative and usually picked a fight and stalked off. Maybe to become amorous with someone else. Now she looked more like she had back when he’d first fallen in love with her. Sexy, yet innocent at the same time. Quite a feat, but she pulled it off somehow.

  Suddenly her eyes focused in on something behind him, and she stood up. He turned around, expecting to see some old boyfriend or lover. What he saw was an old man. And a dog.

  “A Sheltie!” She raced off to the docks beside the restaurant.

  He guessed that she must be talking about the Shetland Sheepdog and not the man. He followed, curious about this sudden interest in dogs she now seemed to have.

  When he caught up to her, she was kneeling down and hugging the dog. The old man holding the leash was grinning with pride.

  “She’s three years old, and her name’s Marisa. After my boat.” A gnarled finger pointed at a sailboat.

  “Oh, she’s so beautiful. I used to have three of them, and I miss them so much.”

  If Jamie didn’t know better, he would have thought she was in love with that dog. She caressed and hugged her, looking at Marisa’s face and smiling. Her long fingers disappeared in the thick brown and white coat, and the dog happily accepted the attention.

  Hallie looked up at the man, seemingly unaware of Jamie’s presence. “And she’s so good with people. Mine would have shied away, at least at first.”

  The old man laughed. “She doesn’t take to just anybody. She must sense something good about you, miss.”

  When she finally looked up to see Jamie standing there next to her, she seemed to take hold of her senses. Her eyes glistened. Was she getting misty? Over a dog?

  She stood up and artfully wiped them away. “Thank you for letting me pet her.”

  “I’m sure Marisa enjoyed it as much as you did.”

  Hallie looked at him, seriousness in her eyes. “No, I don’t think so.”

  They walked back to the table in silence. He was completely perplexed by her reaction to the dog. She had never been much of an animal person, even to the cats her mother owned. Now she was crying over one.

  “I didn’t realize you had dogs when you were young.”

  “Oh. Well, it was a long time ago. I really miss them.”

  “I can see that.”

  She smiled, but the trace of tears in her eyelashes reflected the glow of the candle between them. He wanted to take her hand and comfort her, but it seemed like a ludicrous thing to do. She was getting much too upset over a memory of three dogs she had never mentioned to him before. One more thing to add to the mystery of the new Hallie.

  After three golden margaritas, Hallie was feeling whee-hoo-hoo. That was how she and her friends used to refer to the state of feeling buzzed but not drunk. Remembering the phrase from her high school days made her smile. Since those weekend nights at Hallmont’s Pass, however, her drinking had been very limited. And the former Hallie’s immunity to liquor, from her party days, must have worn off in the last few weeks.

  “Let’s go for a walk,” she said, wanting to get up and move around.

  Jamie paid the bill, and she felt like a bum. “I should get a job so I can pay my own way.”

  He looked at her in that strange way again. “You, get a job? You’re kidding, right?”

  She tried her best to look indignant. “No, of course not. You think I haven’t worked before? I can do accounting, sales, and I can even tell you exactly why that green stuff grows in your fish tank.”

  “You’ve had way too much to drink. Let’s go.”

  They stood up, but she made her way to the walkway that led down to the docks where she had seen the Sheltie. Jamie followed, and she slowed so he could catch up. The air was clearing her mind a bit, but it wasn’t doing a thing for the feelings that marched inside when she looked at him walking beside her.

  “Hallie…”

  She turned and moved in front of him, causing him to stop lest he walk right into her. “Hmm.” One of the tall lights shone down near them, casting a warm glow all around.

  He was looking at her in the oddest way. The tickle of margaritas made her grin sleepily, though she wasn’t the least bit tired. She looked at his lips, poised to say something. Her eyes moved slowly back up to meet his, and her smile faded. You are my husband, Jamie. Why can’t you treat me like your wife? She wanted to say that and more, but the words wouldn’t come.

  He looked at her, through her, his blue eyes imploring hers. “Don’t,” he said, his voice deep and throaty.

  Her own voice sounded far away. “Don’t do what?”

  “Don’t look at me like you want me to kiss you.”

  “I can’t help it. I do.”

  The thin wall of ice in his eyes collapsed then, and he pulled her hard against him. His voice sounded muffled in her hair, and she felt his warm breath against her neck.

  “Don’t do this to me, Hallie. I can’t go through it again.”

  She stayed in his embrace for a moment, lost in the feel of his body against hers, his arms around her. Her heart ached for all that he had gone through, and for all that she wanted to do to heal those wounds.

  “Jamie, can’t you forget the past? Can’t you please forgive what I’ve done?”

  His hand went to his heart. “Girl, you don’t know what you did to me last time. The past is lost to you, but for me, the pain is still fresh. Only in the last few months have I been able to lock my heart away from you. Now you think you can come barging in and reclaim it? No, not now or ever.”

  She was losing him. Through her tears she could see his soul moving farther and farther away from her reach. But he was still there, right in front of her physically. She tried to swallow back the tears, but it became harder when she reached out to touch him.

  “Jamie, when I… when I died in the hospital. I came back for you. You are the reason I’m alive.”

  “Hallie, don’t.” He pushed her hand away, backing up.

  She pulled him closer again. “You don’t believe me, do you?”

  “About coming back for me? No. Why would you come out of your coma for me when you didn’t even love me?”

  “You don’t know what happened to me while I was in that coma. You don’t know, and I doubt I could ever explain it to you. I was on my way to Heaven, Jamie, and I asked for another chance for love. God gave me that chance, and He gave me you. I woke up, and you were there in my room, like an angel. I am certainly not perfect, but you won’t find another woman on all this earth or beyond who is more determined to make you see the power of love. If you really look, you’d know in your heart that I am a different woman now. You thin
k I’ve just lost my memory and these changes are temporary. But you’re wrong, and if you knew how wrong you were, you’d hold me in your arms and never let me go.”

  He just stared at her for a moment, as if absorbing her words. Then, very slowly, he began to clap, increasing the pace as he went. “Bravo! You’ve got the part, Hallie. You always were a hell of an actress.”

  She fisted her hands, feeling ever so like pummeling that noble nose of his. “Damn, you. I spill my guts, and you applaud?”

  “That’s right.”

  Fury bubbled in her blood, mingled with the bitter taste of humiliation. Walk away? Slap him? Nah, go for broke, she thought, and leaned over and kissed him. He was clearly too shocked to respond; for a moment he just stood there while she kissed and kissed again, slowly and fully. Other than her lips, she did not touch him, did not pull him closer. His lips softened, forming to hers without actually participating in the kiss. She felt a trill in her heart, a tiny triumph that increased when he reached up to touch her chin. His grip tightened before he moved her chin away a few inches.

  He studied her with mingled expressions of curiosity and anger. “You are something else, Hallie.”

  Someone else, Jamie! Someone else. “Yes, I am.”

  “I liked it better when you’d pout and stomp off.”

  She reached up and touched the hand that still held her chin. “I bet you did.”

  His eyes clouded with something she couldn’t identify: a memory, perhaps, or temptation as he dropped his gaze to her lips. He let go of her chin and trailed a finger down the expanse of her throat. She swallowed, feeling the warmth from his fingertips spread to her entire upper region. He stopped at her collarbone, and that cloudiness in his eyes cleared to brittleness.

  “Invest your feminine wiles in someone who will pay off with better odds.”

  He turned around and walked toward the car. All she could do was watch him disappear into the darkness. And nothing had ever hurt so badly. Not when her first boyfriend, Greg, had left for college in Texas, not when he had returned the following summer with his new fiancée. Not when Alan had moved away from her every time she tried to get closer or tried to know him better. Nothing left the empty ache Jamie did when he walked away. What hurt even more was the fact that he thought she had inflicted those wounds on his heart.

  His words still echoed in her heart. The way he’d called her girl, the raw hurt she had heard in that one word. She wrapped her arms around herself, wishing they were his arms instead. It took her a few minutes before she could pull herself from that spot and head for the car. Where he waited for her. And where, for the ride home, not another word was said.

  Hallie woke up early the next morning and headed to the pool. Jamie had not fought his demons in a midnight swim, so she guessed he would be out there for his regular morning workout. Her heart started racing when she heard splashing as she stepped out onto the terrace. She flew down the stairs, glad for the chance to catch her breath before he saw her there.

  He rose up against the wall, flinging water out of his hair. The turbulent glacial waters of the night before were replaced by the peaceful calm of early morning sky. She stretched out by the edge of the pool, letting herself get the tiniest bit hopeful about what had happened between them last night.

  “Good morning,” she said cheerily.

  “Hallie, I need to talk to you.”

  “I’m right here.”

  “I’m going back to Caterina.”

  Her heart dropped. “Who’s Caterina?”

  She detected the slightest smile in his face, quickly replaced by the serious look again. “Caterina’s not a who, it’s a what. It’s where w—I live. Where we used to live. It’s the resort my brother and I own. It takes up about half of the Isle of Constantine, just east of Jamaica.”

  She couldn’t keep the surprise from her face. “That’s home? An island?”

  “Not really home for you. You were never happy there. I should have seen that a lot sooner than I did.”

  “I thought home, whenever it was mentioned, was someplace near here, maybe somewhere else in California. Never would I have imagined an island.” She laughed, trying to cover her embarrassment. “I thought it was some woman.”

  He wasn’t laughing. “You need to decide where you want to go. I’ll help you pack and move there. Of course, you’re welcome to stay here if you want, but I figured we could find you an apartment of your own. I’ll buy it for you as part of the divorce settlement. You have the checkbook; use it until we get the accounts rearranged. What’s wrong?”

  The weight of what he was saying finally sunk in. This was it. He was leaving.

  “I can’t believe you’re leaving. Now.”

  “Hallie, come on. You’re fine, perfectly healthy. You don’t need me anymore. I’ll help you get settled in a new life. We both need to move on.”

  “I don’t want you to buy me an apartment. Just leave if that’s what you want to do. Leave.”

  “Where are you going to go?”

  “What do you care? Your husbandly duty is done. I don’t want anything from you. I’ll take care of myself.”

  “What are you going to do for money?”

  She crossed her arms over her chest. “Well, I might have to use a little of your money to get started. But I’ll pay every penny of it back.”

  “Fine.”

  She calmed her panic at losing him, and the tenuous link to someone she cared about in this new life. The former Hallie had inured him against dramatics. “I want to come with you.”

  “To Santa Caterina?”

  “Yes. Take me with you.”

  He was already shaking his head. “It won’t work, and you know it. You can take care of the divorce proceedings and send the paperwork to me.”

  She let out a shaky breath. “What did you tell me when I first asked you for a divorce? You said you stayed for a lot of reasons that didn’t matter, then you agreed it was for the best. What was your argument before you gave in?”

  He pulled himself out of the pool, standing on the edge. “It doesn’t matter anymore. You were the one who wanted the divorce. I want it, too. Let’s end this marriage better than we handled the middle of it. Peacefully, amicably.” Water sluiced down his body, glistening in the sunlight. Damn him for looking like a shining demigod when she wanted to throttle him.

  She stood up to face him. “You don’t want a divorce, Jamie DiBarto, and you know it. You didn’t want it then. Why would you want it now?”

  He leaned closer to her, and she could smell mint toothpaste. “Because it’s over. It has been over for a long time, but no one bothered to tell me. Now I can see that, and I’m ready to bury the horse.”

  She gritted her teeth. “The horse isn’t dead yet!”

  “Yes, it is.” He started walking toward the house.

  “You’re a liar!” she yelled at his back.

  He turned around and walked back to stand in front of her, his eyes blazing a brilliant blue. “You have a lot of room to talk about lying.” He emphasized each word with a tap on her chest with his forefinger, nudging her just enough to send her backwards into the pool with a scream.

  She surged to the surface. “Jamie DiBarto, you’re a skunk!”

  “And like a skunk, the farther away from you, the better, right? Right.” He grabbed a towel and headed up the stairway. “We’ll talk more when you’ve cooled off.”

  She pulled herself out of the water and onto the deck. He had likened their marriage to a horse. A dead horse! She glanced upward. Hallie, if I ever get my hands on you…

  She pulled herself up and headed inside. The way she saw it, she had two options. She was going to employ one of them now.

  Jamie answered warily when she knocked on his bedroom door. The sight of his suitcase made her heartbeat quicken.

  “Hallie, I don’t want to argue.”

  She smiled. “I didn’t come here to argue. I don’t want you to leave on the aftermath of an argument.�
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  His expression softened. “I don’t either. I’m sorry.”

  She stepped forward, looking right up into his eyes. His shoulders tensed a little when she placed her hands on them. They were wide and firm, and she had an errant thought about how nice he must be to dance with.

  “I’m sorry, too. For everything. Will you try to forgive me? Someday?”

  He nodded. “I’ll try.”

  “Will you do me two favors?”

  “Maybe.”

  “First, when you think about me, and I hope you will, try to remember me the way I am now, not the way I was before.”

  “That’s a tall order, but I’ll try. And the other favor?”

  “Give me a goodbye kiss.”

  The convincing she thought would be necessary wasn’t. He leaned down without hesitation and kissed her on the lips, lingering with a gentle touch. She was instantly lost. Dizziness, pulsing heartbeat, the works. When he moved back, she had to pull herself together. The thought of never feeling like that again haunted her already.

  She forced a smile. “We should have done that more often…” She turned to leave.

  “Hallie?”

  She stopped but didn’t fully turn back to face him. “Yes.” It came out as a whisper.

  “Take care of yourself.”

  “Yeah, sure. You, too.”

  The next morning, Hallie watched from the balcony as Jamie and Theresa drove off in the Cadillac to the airport. And she smiled. Because she could tell that he still loved Hallie, as much as it made him angry to realize that. Oh yes, she was making him realize it.

  Was it the “new” Hallie he was weakening to, or just his old desires for the first one? She pushed the question aside, not willing to deal with it just yet. She was going to bring his icy heart to life again. How could she lose? She was on a mission from God. If that mission took her to some island resort to teach the man a lesson in love, then she would consider it her duty. She was about to employ option number two.

  She headed downstairs and out to the garage after locating the nearest travel agency. When she started to open the Porsche’s car door, a hand stopped her. But the voice chilled her more.