Until I Die Again [On The Way To Heaven] (Soul Change Novel)

by Tina Wainscott

  “Sure.” Hallie resolved then that she would not be rude, no matter what. God, give her strength.

  Renee set her clipboard aside, and in her prim shorts and button-down shirt, sat down on the wet sand next to her. “I haven’t had a chance to talk to you in the week that you’ve been back.” Renee laughed artificially. “It’s been so busy, what with some of our employees on vacation and such. How are you feeling?”

  Hallie turned to her. “Great, thanks for asking.” There was a fine line between rudeness and frankness. “But somehow I don’t think we were bosom buddies before my stroke, and I can’t help but wonder why you’re really here.”

  Renee swallowed loudly, forcing a smile. “Well, if you’re nothing else, you’re blunt.”

  “I like to get to the point when I feel I’m being sugarcoated.”

  “Actually, Jamie is the one I’m good friends with. I’m worried about him.”

  “Worried about him or my being here with him?”

  Renee smiled again. “Both. I care a lot about Jamie. We’re, well… you know.”

  “No, I don’t. Why don’t you elaborate?”

  “We’re…close.”

  Close to what? Making love? Marriage? She wanted to ask but kept her cool. “I see. And?”

  “Before your stroke, you asked him for a divorce. Now, all of a sudden, you want him back. I wonder if you’re staying here because you feel you have no other place to go.”

  “I’m here because I want to be here. With my husband.”

  Renee let out a huff of breath. “Jamie and I love each other, although I’m sure he’s too noble to tell you. He won’t send you away, but as soon as a bungalow comes available, he’s going to move you out. And move me in. I’m telling you this so you can save face by leaving now. I know how hard that kind of thing can be on a woman.”

  Hallie stood, forcing Renee to stand as well. “How very kind of you to think of the wife’s feelings as you try to steal her husband.”

  Renee turned and walked away. Hallie was too incensed to even laugh about the wet blotch on her behind. Then she dropped down to the sand and wrapped her hands across her shoulders. Yes, Jamie had told her that as soon as a bungalow became available that he would move her into it. Was that why he so politely tolerated her presence?

  No, she wouldn’t let that happen. Even if Jamie did have feelings for that woman, she knew he had feelings for her, too. What did they say? Desperate situations require desperate actions? She knew what she had to do, and it had to happen tonight. She was going to seduce her husband.

  CHAPTER 11

  Hallie fiddled with the lace-up front on one of the former Hallie’s red dresses. Through the lace, she could see skin clear down to her navel. The hemline stopped only a few inches below her buttocks. Perfectly for a seduction.

  She pulled up her hair, letting a few strands hang down around her face. For the first time in a week and a half, she put on make up, though only a smidgen. Even her confident image in the mirror couldn’t hide the fact that her hands were shaking. She walked out onto the lanai and talked to the only friend besides Juicy that she had on the island.

  “Greenpeace, how am I going to seduce a man who doesn’t want to be seduced?”

  The green lizard sat where he usually did, on a white post near the pool, his legs stretched back behind him. He offered no advice, only quiet consolation.

  “I’ve only made love to one man in my life, and that was right out of high school. I’ve never made love to Alan. Something just didn’t feel right when he touched me. I’ll bet the real Hallie was wild in bed.”

  She remembered those alliances with Greg many years before. She had not been wild. More like stumbling, awkward and unsure of herself. Just like she felt then. Insecurity washed over her like a sudden thunderstorm, prickling her with the electricity of doubt.

  She walked back inside, subconsciously pulling down the hem. The steaks were on the grill, the candles lit, and the baked potatoes in the oven. She could only hope that this dinner would bring him closer instead of pushing him away.

  Jamie walked in, took one look at the candlelit table in the formal dining room, and walked straight to the bedroom. She raised an eyebrow. Hm, maybe it was working already.

  When he emerged, he wore baggy black pants. “I wasn’t in the mood for anything elaborate,” he said, his expression soft.

  “I just made steaks and twice-baked potatoes.”

  “And mangos?”

  “No mangos. I couldn’t find any more.”

  Dinner was quiet, giving her nothing more to think about other than her planned seduction. After dinner, she followed Jamie into the family room. He flipped on a light and settled into an easy chair with a magazine.

  She sat on the couch directly across from him. “Jamie, can we talk?”

  He lifted his gaze. “About what?”

  “I don’t know, anything.”

  He laid the magazine down. “Okay, why does a stroke turn someone into a cover hog?”

  Her eyes widened. “What?”

  “You were a neat sleeper before, but now every night I have to tug the sheets from around you. You also try to take over the whole bed. I find you sprawled on my side most of the time.”

  This was not the kind of conversation she had planned on, although talking about beds was a start. She certainly couldn’t tell him she was used to having the whole bed to herself.

  She shrugged. “Maybe I like to sleep next to you…”

  “You never did before. You said you need space.”

  “I don’t want to argue with you about sheets and bed territory.” She walked over and sat on the floor beside him. “Can I ask you something? How long has it been since we… made love?”

  “Are we talking sex or actual lovemaking?”

  “The last time we really made love.”

  He looked up as he thought, calculating. “About a year and a half ago.”

  “How about the last time we had sex?”

  “Six months ago. It was more like a drunken booty call on both our parts.”

  She chewed her bottom lip. Unless he was bedding Renee, she had libido on her side. The more she thought about Renee’s words, the more they niggled at her.

  “Have you made love, or had sex, with anyone else??”

  He looked at her, and she wondered if he was weighing whether to tell her the truth. “No. Why are we talking about this?”

  “Because I wanted to know.” Warily she lifted her hand and traced a line down his arm. “I’m glad.”

  “I didn’t abstain for you, Hallie. I did it for me. Revenge is no reason to sleep with someone.”

  “I couldn’t agree with you more.”

  Her hand trailed down his fingers and dropped to his leg. From there they teased to his inner thigh. She hoped he couldn’t see her trembling.

  “What are you doing?”

  “Isn’t it kind of obvious?”

  She got up and, with both hands still moving along his leg, leaned over him.

  His gaze flickered away. “I wish you wouldn’t.”

  She summoned her huskiest voice. “Do you really?”

  “Yes.”

  He sounded convincing, but he didn’t move away. She saw physical evidence that at least his body was interested and trailed her hands dangerously close. It had been so long since she had touched a man, and the thought sent pine-needle prickles down her spine.

  She bent down and lifted his shirt to bare his hard stomach. Her hands trailed up over his chest beneath his shirt while she flicked her tongue against his neck between kisses. To finally feel the softness of his skin and the firmness of his muscles made her tingle.

  For several seconds his body tensed, as though he were fighting any reaction he was having. Then he released a harsh breath. His hands were suddenly in her hair, moving slowly through her curls. When she thought he might snatch her head up to stop her, a soft groan escaped from deep within his chest, causing her heart to pound harder. />
  Scrunching her eyes shut, she unsnapped the first button of his pants, then the next. When she started unzipping his pants, he pulled her up as he stood. With his fingers tangled in her hair, he yanked her against him. His mouth crushed hers in a brutal kiss. They fell back on the sofa, but not for a moment did their mouths part. When his tongue pushed into her mouth, the groan she heard emanated from somewhere in her soul. She pulled him closer, inviting him to crush her with his weight.

  Hallie was aware of every muscle and contour of his body as it pressed against hers. She felt his heat, his hands sliding down her arms. Her own heat rose and threatened to explode. He nipped her jawjaw line and down the sensitive skin of her neck, bringing her closer to the brink. She dragged her fingers up his back and through his soft hair. The fire threatened to consume her, the flames licking closer and closer. But this wasn’t what she wanted from him. Passion, yes. But more than passion; she wanted his soul.

  “Jamie,” she whispered between breaths. “Make love to me. Really make love to me.”

  He stopped and blinked, as though coming out of a trance. Still hovering over her, he took her chin firmly in his hand. “If you were anyone else but my wife, maybe I could pretend it was making love. I can’t pretend that with you.”

  Tears filled her eyes, but she quickly blinked them away. “Why not?”

  He got to his feet and buttoned his pants while adjusting his erection. “Because making love means giving you a part of myself I don’t want to give you anymore. I don’t even know if it exists.”

  “But it does, Jamie. Doesn’t what happened here prove that?”

  He glanced to where sheshe’d indicated with a nod. “Getting a guy who hasnhasn’t had sex in six months hard is no great feat. Especially when you’re dressed like that.” He touched the hem of her skirt. “That’s why you started touching me, asking how long it’s been. You were using lust to get to me, nothing new there…”

  Dammit, she’d messed up again. “Okay, maybe I did use sex to get you to come closer to me. But it wasn’t about lust…”

  “You always had lust and love confused. Maybe I did, too. Now I see the difference, and I don’t want lust anymore. Or love. Not with you.”

  He grabbed his magazine and walked outside, taking a seat on the lanai beneath a light. She watched him from the slider, fighting back tears of anger and rejection. Was it lust she had been feeling? She certainly was no expert on romantic love. No, she wanted to prove that she loved him. And, she realized with a slight smile, Jamie wasn’t nearly as unaffected as he seemed to be. That was, unless he could read upside down.

  Miguel sat at a solitary table in the courtyard where he and Jamie usually had their business meetings. He twirled his pencil, ducking when he tossed it up in the air and it came down point first.

  “You ought to be a comedian, Miguel.” Jamie laughed as he joined his brother. “You missed your calling.”

  Miguel studied Jamie for a moment, then glanced at his watch. With a raised eyebrow, and not a trace of humor, he said, “You’re fifteen minutes late, and you have a silly grin on your face. Since you’re always on time, dare I guess that you and your lovely wife made amends this morning?”

  Jamie dropped down into the white wicker chair. “Dare I say that it’s none of your business?”

  Miguel raised his hands. “Hey, just concerned for you, little brother.”

  Jamie knew that, and yet he’d felt defensive. He shook his head, remembering her seduction last night. If she had placed a gun to his head, he wouldn’t have been more surprised. Hallie was usually not the one to initiate lovemaking. The few times she had, her approach was verbal. Never had she wanted to make love anywhere but in bed. He wasn’t going to mention how she’d worn old sweats to bed, how she looked sexy in them despite her intentions. “Do you know she talks to lizards?”

  Miguel’s eyes widened. “The green anoles we have all over the place?”

  “Yep. Caught her having an animated conversation with one that hangs around the lanai. She’d freak every time one got in the house, called them creepy little things.”

  Miguel crossed large, hairy arms together and leaned back in his chair. “Did your amorous morning have anything to do with you wanting to soothe her after her conversation with Renee?”

  “What conversation?”

  “She didn’t tell you?”

  Jamie shook his head, his curiosity now piqued. Oh, brother. Hallie could get dramatic. “What did Hallie say to her?”

  Miguel leaned forward, rubbing his beard. “She didn’t tell you? Wow.”

  “Tell me what?”

  “It wasn’t what Hallie said to Renee, but what Renee said to Hallie. Now, don’t get mad at Renee. You know how she feels about you, and sometimes she doesn’t think things through. Promise you won’t tell her I told you. She confided in me, but I figured Hallie had told you.”

  “I promise already. Spill.”

  “Well.” Miguel leaned back and got comfortable, enjoying as he had always keeping Jamie in suspense. “Renee told Hallie that you and her were, well, she didn’t come right out and say lovers. More like ‘close.’ Then she told her that once a bungalow became available, you were going to move Hallie out and Renee in. Oh, and something about you and Renee loving each other.”

  Jamie dropped his head down on his hands.

  “Remember, you promised you wouldn’t tell Renee I told you, no matter how mad you are. You…”

  Miguel stopped when Jamie lifted his head and let the laughter on his face burst out.

  “So that explains it,” Jamie said between gales of laughter.

  “Explains what? What’s so funny?”

  Jamie shook his head, getting his laughter under control. “From what I gathered, Mom told Hallie that Renee and I were an item. Now Renee tells her we’re an item.”

  Miguel looked sheepishly down at his hands. “I kinda told her she didn’t have a chance against Renee, considering the water under your bridge. I didn’t want that witch with a capital B to get back under your skin.”

  Jamie leaned back, a grin still on his face. “And what did she say to that?”

  “Well, it was kinda weird. She said I didn’t know her or her chances with her husband, and she wouldn’t have me shoving her out the door. With a tally-ho, no less. She told me there are things I don’t understand, so I should leave it alone. She was downright feisty. Now will you tell me what’s so darn funny?”

  “Well, my wife comes out of a coma remembering nothing about her life, determined to save a marriage that she doesn’t even recall, and everyone has told her that I’m in love with a woman I haven’t even kissed. And still, she stays.”

  “Do you think she’s brain-damaged?”

  “She’s less neurotic now than she ever was. Okay, there are some weird things, like the lizard. Back in California, she got weepy when she saw a sheltie, saying how she missed her three dogs. I called her mother and asked; she’s never had a dog. She’s suddenly into nature. She spends hours exploring the uncultivated areas of Caterina and comes back glowing. She even cooks now. She made the most amazing dinner… from memory.”

  Miguel raised his eyebrow again. “Cooks? Hallie? The Hallie we know, cook?”

  “She’s not the Hallie we knew. I just don’t know how long it’ll be until she returns to her old self.” Jamie rolled a piece of paper from his notepad into a ball as another oddity clicked. “From memory. She made a complex dinner from memory. She forgets everything in her life but remembers how to make Chicken Carbonara.”

  “Woman’s an enigma. I’d say she’s faking the whole lost memory thing to get back in your good graces, but she’s acting completely different. Wish I knew what it meant. The one thing I’ve got to say is that the lady is determined to win back your heart, whatever her motives.”

  Maybe not after last night. Jamie stared at the rose bushes, remembering her hurt expression as she went for her walk that morning. She’d said she had to figure something out. S
uddenly the thought of her giving up on him tightened his chest. He didn’t want her to leave just yet. He had things to figure out himself.

  “Well, let’s get started on the budget plan…” Miguel stopped when Jamie stood up.

  “It’ll have to wait. I need to find Hallie.”

  Jamie followed her trail in the direction she had left from the house, using the shrinking weeds she’d told him about. He stepped over a rotted palm tree trunk and walked through a thicket of Australian pines. Less than an hour later, her cute derriere faced him as she leaned over a large rock. She was framed by the huge trunk of a wild fig tree, which looked like a magnificent grey elephant stretching its front legs up before her. All around, curtains of vines climbed up surrounding trees and made everything feel private and secluded.

  She stayed motionless for so long, he wondered if there was something wrong. He started walking toward her, feeling half worried and half silly for following her. She cupped her hands over something behind the rock and slowly lifted it to her face. His shoe broke a twig, and she turned with a start. Instead of anger or question on her face, he saw awe in her blue eyes. She held her cupped hands toward him. “Look inside. Can you see him?”

  She parted her fingers, and he bent to look inside the darkness. A tiny brown eye peered back, and he moved away. First she was talking to lizards, now she was capturing critters in her hands.

  “What is it?”

  She parted her fingers more to reveal the tiniest monkey he had ever seen. It was only five inches in length, with a striped tail just as long. Its brown eyes almost looked human as they darted from him to her and all around.

  “It’s a Tangoo Island monkey. They’re very rare and only live on some of the Caribbean islands. Juicy told me about them.”

  She let out a small yelp as it leaped from her hands toward her head. She looked at Jamie, her eyes filled with the wonder of a little girl.

  He couldn’t keep the stupid grin from his face. Her gaze followed his to the side, but what he was looking at was beyond her range of vision. The monkey was holding onto strands of her hair. Its heart pumped like an engine, its hands curled around a lock of blonde hair as if it were a lifeline.